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[ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ]
>> WOW, WHAT AN OUTSTANDING
FIRST HALF OF THIS SUPER BOWL
XLVIII BETWEEN THE DENVER
BRONCOOS AND THE SEATTLE
SEAHAWKS.
>> ABSOLUTELY, JIMMY.
THAT ONE PLAY WITH THE ONE GUY
WHO DID THAT ONE THING,
INCREDIBLE.
>> THE BIG STORY OF THIS GAME IS
THE UNFORTUNATE NEWS OF BRUNO
MARS AND THE RED HOT CHILI
PEPPERS HAVING TO CANCEL THEIR
HALFTIME SHOW.
>> I GUESS THEIR FLIGHT HAD TO
BE REROUTED DUE TO THE POLAR
VORTEX.
>> OH, MAN, I REALLY WANTED TO
SEE BRUNO MARS.
THAT BILL FID ORA WEARING
JUMPING BEAN.
I LOVE HIM.
>> FORTUNATELY THE PRODUCERS
SCRAMBLED AND WERE ABLE TO FIND
A LAST SECOND REPLACEMENT JUST
ACROSS THE HUDSON RIVER.
>> YES, THIS YEAR'S HALFTIME
SHOW IS BEING PERFORMED BY THE
BEST AND BRIGHTEST OF BROADWAY.
>> THE SHOW IS ABOUT TO BEGIN,
SO LET'S HEAD DOWN TO THE FIELD.
>> WHOLLY, CON OLIE, GROWING UP
IN NEW JERSEY, I NEVER THOUGHT I
WOULD SEE A SUPER BOWL PLAYED IN
MY OWN BACKYARD.
HEY, APT -- AIN'T YOU PEYTON
MANNING?
>> IS IT THAT OBVIOUS.
>> TODAY IS THE BIG GAME.
AIN'T YOU NERVOUS?
>> NO.
AFTER ALL, IT IS THE
SUP-ER-BOWL.
>> THE SUPER BOWL.
SEATTLE, ANCIENT RIVALS LOCKED
IN BATTLE, THE PLAYERS ARE IN
THEIR KOCHT UMS AND NOW IT IS
TIME FOR THEM TO TRY.
♪ 100 YARDS OF GREEN.
>> I HOPE I SCORE.
A TACKLE FOR MY TEAM
♪ SO WHO WILL WIN THAT GORGEOUS
SUPER BOWL RING?
>> OH, MY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> WELL, IT WAS ONLY ONE YEAR
AGO I WAS DOWN ON MY LUCK.
A HAS-BEEN.
AND THEN SHE WALKED IN.
OH, FACE IT PEOPLE, YOU CAN'T
THROW WORTH A DONE.
>> NOT FROM WHERE I'M STANDING.
[ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ]
>> THE NAME IS MOMMA PASS AND
I'M THE BEST DANG QUARTERBACK
COACH THIS SIDE OF THE SOUTHERN
DYNAMO AND I CAN TELL ALL YOU
NEED IS A LITTLE WHOMP, WHOMP.
THROW IT WHERE YOU'RE GOING AND
MAKE SURE THEY'RE WEARING WHOMP,
WHOMP.
IF THEY CATCH YOU YOU'LL BE
WHOMP, WHOMP.
SCORING ALL THE TOUCHDOWNS, THAT
IS THE ONLY WAY TO WHOMP, WHOMP,
WIN ALL OF THE POINTS.
[ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ]
>> MOMMA PASS, YOU REALLY THINK
I COULD WIN THE SUP-ER-BOWL.
>> YOU BET YOUR HAND MUST HAVE.
NOTHING IS GOING TO STOP YOU.
>> WELL DON'T BE SO SURE OF
THAT.
>> OH, NO.
RICHARD SHERMAN?
>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MR. BEN
BERRINE.
>> HELLO, PEYTON.
IF YOU ARE NOT CAREFUL, I'M
GOING TO STEAL YOUR BALL.
HERE IS A TIP, DON'T THROW IT
WHERE YOU HEAR THE TAP.
A TAP LIKE THIS.
OR LIKE THIS TAP HERE
[ TAPPING ]
>> A TAPPETEDY TAP, TAP, TAP,
TAP AND THAT IS WHAT YOU CALL AN
INTERCEPTION.
>> WAIT A MINUTE.
KNOCK IT OFF SHERMAN.
SAVE IT FOR THE FIELD.
IT'S GAMETIME.
[ WHISTLE ].
>> GET THE BALL.
GET THE BALL, GET THE BALL.
>> YOU'RE TEARING ME APART.
♪
>> WHEN WE WIN THIS GAME.
[ WHISTLE ].
>> STOP.
PEYTON, HE'S HURT.
>> IT IS MY OLD INJURY.
I THOUGHT IT HEALED.
OH, SUCH A FOOL.
>> DON'T SPEAK.
JUST SING
♪ I GUESS THE GAME IS LOST.
>> ALL YOU NEED IS WHOMP WHOMP.
>> BECAUSE I GOT TOO OLD.
>> DON'T YOU SAY IT WHOMP,
WHOMP.
>> AT LEAST YOU'RE BY MY SIDE.
>> WHOMP, WHOMP.
>> TIME TO SAY GOODBYE.
>> THAT IS WHAT I WANTED.
>> WE'RE ALL JUST STRANGERS ON
THE GREEN BUT WE ALL WANT THE
SAME THING.
IN SEATTLE, THERE IS NO DENVER,
THERE'S JUST -- [ INAUDIBLE ].
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> OKAY.
TAYE TUNED FOR THE SECOND HALF
OF THE SUPER BOWL.
AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
SATURDAY NIGHT.
>> IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE,
WITH VANESSA BAYER
>> MUSICAL GUEST, IMAGINE
DRAGONS.
AND YOUR HOST, MELISSA McCARTHY.
>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MELISSA
McCARTHY.
[ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ]
>> THANK YOU, THANK SO MUCH.
I'M SO EXCITED TO BE HOSTING SNL
FOR THE THIRD TIME.
[ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ]
>> I WASN'T REALLY GOING TO COME
BACK SO SOON BUT I WAS ALREADY
IN TOWN YOU KNOW FOR THE SUPER
BOWL AND TO SUPPORT MY HUSBAND
RICHARD SHERMAN, SO -- WE FIGHT.
WE REALLY LIKE TO MIX IT UP.
BUT THE REAL REASON I KEEP
COMING BACK IS I JUST -- I LOVE
BEING HERE AND THE WHOLE CAST IS
SO GREAT AND THEY'RE SO
SUPPORTIVE --
>> MELISSA --
[ TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES ]
>> ARE YOU KIDDING ME, DO YOU
REMEMBER THE LAST TIME YOU
HOSTED?
>> NO, I HAVE NO IDEA -- WELL I
REMEMBER I HAD A GREAT TIME, I
REMEMBER THAT.
>> OH, YOU HAD A GREAT TIME.
OH, ROLL THE TAPE.
>> HEY, GOOD SHOW, MELISSA, SUCK
IT MOYNAHAN, I'M OUT OF HERE.
>> WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?
>> I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM.
I GOT MY CHECK AND I'M GOING
HOME.
>> MELISSA McCARTHY YOU ARE A
BAD PERSON.
IF YOU EVER COME BACK HERE I'M
GOING TO KICK YOUR ***.
>> I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THAT.
I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THAT.
MOVE LINCOLN.
YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M TAKING THIS.
I'M TAKING THE LLAMA.
I'M TAKING THE LLAMA.
[ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ]
>> OH, DOES THAT RING A BELL?
>> NO, BUT I'M GOING TO RING
YOURS.
>> LET'S SETTLE THIS.
>> AHHH!
>> ROUND ONE, BATTLE OF LOTUS.
BEGIN.
>> AHHH!
>> HMMM.
BOTH OF YOU SHOW GREAT PROMISE
BUT CAN YOU SURVIVE?
ROUND TWO, THROWING STARS.
>> HUH, YOU MISSED.
>> DID I?
>> AHHH!
>> HA HA HA.
>> HA HA HA, VERY SNEAKY.
NOW PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE
FINAL ROUND.
FIST TO FIST.
>> WAIT, WAIT, WHY DOES SHE HAVE
A BAT.
I DON'T HAVE A BAT.
AHHH!
>> OH, NO.
OKAY, MELISSA.
PLEASE STOP, I'M DEAD, I'M DEAD.
[ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ]
>> VICTORY.
>> YOU ARE THE TRUE WARRIOR.
>> THANK YOU.
WE GOT A GREAT SHOW.
IMAGINE DRAGONS ARE HERE.
SO STICK AROUND.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> OH, IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY?
>> CVS HAS ALL OF THE HEART-FELT
GIFTS YOUR LONG-TERM GIRLFRIEND
WANTS.
LIKE A SMALL BEAR DRESSED LIKE A
BEE WITH HEARTS THAT SAY BE
MINE.
>> OH, WHEN DID YOU GET THIS?
>> ONE MINUTE AGO.
>> EXQUISITE GIFTS SHE'LL
IT, AND EVEN WHEN YOU DON'T.
EVERY WOMAN LOVES JEWELRY.
LOOK NO FURTHER THAN AISLE
EIGHT, THE FRONT HALF.
THE BACK HALF IS DOG FOOD.
THERE YOU'LL FIND THIS BEAUTIFUL
HEART PENDANT NECKLACE FOR ONLY
$1.99.
RECOMMENDED BY OUR SEASONED
JEWELRY ASSOCIATE.
OR FOR A GIFT THAT SCREAMS HER.
A BOX OF CHOCOLATES WITH THE
TEENAGE MUTANT TURTLES.
THEY PUT A CHOCK IN CHOCOLATE.
FOR A NAUGHTY SURPRISE YOU KNOW
SHE'LL LOVE, PICK UP SOME G
RATED SEX GAME DICE.
>> OH, TICKLE FACE.
>> GUARANTEED TO GIVE HER THE
NIGHT OF HER DREAMS.
OR WHEN IN DOUBT, NOTHING SAYS
OR WHEN IN DOUBT, NOTHING SAYS
VALENTINES LIKE AN OLD CHRISTMAS
STOCKING.
>> YOU CAN PUT YOUR MAKEUP IN
IT.
>> YOU HAVE HURT ME TODAY.
>> SO SHOP CVS FOR ALL OF YOUR
>> SO SHOP CVS FOR ALL OF YOUR
VALENTINE'S DAY NEEDS -- AND
VALENTINE'S DAY NEEDS -- AND
SALSA.
[ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ]
>> THIS IS A DELAWARE ONE
SPECIAL REPORT.
THIS WEEK AFTER THE STATE OF THE
UNION, STATEN ISLAND CONGRESSMAN
MICHAEL GRIMM WAS CAUGHT ON
CAMERA THREATENING A NEW YORK
ONE REPORTER WHO ASKED HIM ABOUT
FUNDRAISING ALLEGATIONS.
>> LET ME BE CLEAR.
[ BLEEP ]
>> BUT GRIMM'S BEHAVIOR, WHILE
SHOCKING, SEEMS TAME IN
COMPARISON TO THIS WOMAN.
FRESHMAN CONGRESS WOMAN SHEILA
KELLY.
AFTER LEAVING A PLANNING
COMMITTEE MEETING ON THURSDAY
NIGHT, DELAWARE ONE'S OWN DAVID
McNALLY PRESSED KELLY ON RECENT
ALLEGATIONS OF ILLEGAL
FUNDRAISING AND THE
CONGRESSWOMAN LOST HER COOL.
>> AND WHAT ABOUT CLAIMS MADE BY
YOUR EX-CAMPAIGN MANAGER.
>> I'M HERE TO TALK ABOUT THE
PLANNING COMMITTEE AND NOTHING
ELSE.
I'M DONE HERE.
>> SO AS CAN YOU SEE, THE
CONGRESSWOMAN IS NOT INTERESTING
IN ANSWERING TO THESE NEW
DAMNING ALLEGATIONS.
>> DO YOU WANT TO GET THROWN OUT
OF A WINDOW, BRO?
I DON'T OPEN IT FIRST.
YOU GO DOWN WITH THE GLASS.
>> I WAS JUST -- [ INAUDIBLE ]
YOU'RE NOT A MAN, YOU'RE A
LITTLE BABY.
I'M GOING TO PUT NEW A STROLLER
AND BUCKLE YOU UP AND STROLL YOU
DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS.
THIS IS NOT THE UNTOUCHABLES,
THEY ARE NOT GOING TO SAVE YOU.
>> KELLY REALIZED THE WAS STILL
ON.
>> BUT A PASSERBY HAD STARTED
FILMING THE ALTERCATION WITH HIS
CELL PHONE AND WE CAN PICK IT UP
THERE.
>> IS THAT STILL ON?
IS THAT STILL ON?
YOU CAN'T [ BLEEP ] FILM ME.
YEAH, YOU BETTER RUN.
I'M FRESHMAN CONGRESSMAN KELLY
AND I'M INVINCIBLE.
>> SHE NOTICES THE FILMING AND
REACTS.
>> ONCE THE PASSERBY TRIED TO
MAKE HIS ESCAPE THE FOOTAGE IS
UNCLEAR BUT HE RAN INTO A
PARKING GARAGE AND A SECURITY
CAMERA PICKED UP THE ACTION.
>> STOP.
I SEE YOU.
YOU THINK YOU CAN RUN FROM ME?
YOU CAN'T RUN FROM ME.
[ SIRENS ]
>> BLOW YOUR EARDRUMS.
CAN I WAIT HERE ALL NIGHT.
I CAN WAIT HERE ALL NIGHT.
WATCH AS KELLY NOTICED THE
SECURITY CAMERAS AND TAKES
ACTION.
[ GUNFIRE ]
>> WITH THE SECURITY CAMERA
GONE, WE LOSE VISUAL.
BUT ONLY UNTIL A POLICE CAR
PULLS INTO THE GARAGE TO
INVESTIGATE THE ALARM.
>> COME ON.
>> DROP THE GUN!
>> HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD.
PUT YOUR HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD.
>> ALL RIGHT.
WE HAVE APPREHENDED THE SUSPECT.
WE'RE AT -- OHH!
>> HA HA HA.
I'M GOING TO LIVE FOREVER.
>> THREE DAYS LATER, AND
CONGRESS WOMAN KELLY IS STILL AT
LARGE.
IF YOU SEE HER CALL THE POLICE
IMMEDIATELY AND FOR YOUR OWN
SAFETY, DO NOT APPROACH HER.
FOR DELAWARE ONE, I'M DAVID LA
PIERRE.
[ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ]
>> OKAY, LADIES WELCOME TO THE
FIRST EVER MEETING OF WOMEN'S
GROUP.
I KNOW WE ARE BUSY WITH CAR
POOLS AND BIRTHDAY PARTIES BUT I
THINK IT IS GREAT WE'RE TAKING
TIME TO FOCUS ON OURSELVES AND
OUR GOALS.
>> I THOUGHT THIS WAS JUST AN
EXCUSE TO DRINK WHITE WINE IN
THE AFTERNOON.
>> CAROL -- YOU'RE BAD.
>> OKAY, I'LL GO FIRST.
MY GOAL IS TO FALL BACK IN LOVE
WITH MY HUSBAND.
I WANT US TO PLAY AND I WANT TO
BE WOOED.
>> CAROL?
>> OKAY, I GUESS -- OKAY, I JUST
WANT TO LIKE, SLOW DOWN.
YOU KNOW, I WANT TO COOK MORE
AND I WANT TO WORRY LESS.
>> I'LL GO.
I WANT TO START REALLY
CONSIDERING THE THINGS I PUT IN
MY BODY, AND I WANT TO TAKE MORE
PHOTOGRAPHS.
>> I'LL GO.
THIS YEAR, I WOULD LIKE TO
AVENGE THE DEATH OF MY FATHER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> HE WAS TAKEN FROM ME TEN
YEARS AGO AND KNEW I PLAN TO
EXACT MY REVENGE ON THE
INDIVIDUALS WHO CAUSED ME THIS
PAIN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> UM, I WANT TO LEARN HOW TO
SET UP MY KINDLE.
>> OKAY, THAT IS GREAT,
EVERYBODY.
NOW LET'S PULL OUT THE VISION
BOARDS THAT WE ALL MADE.
ALL RIGHT.
NOW, DENISE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO
GO FIRST?
>> THESE ARE SOME IMAGES THAT I
FIND INSPIRATIONAL.
THESE ARE FRESH CUT PEONIES.
THIS IS JENNIFER HUDSON, THIS IS
YOGURT.
AND THIS IS AN ANGEL.
>> OKAY, ON MINE, THIS IS MY
DAD, AND THIS IS ME OVER HIS
DEAD BODY SCREAMING "NO!
>> THIS IS THE BROTHER IMAGE AND
THIS IS AFTER.
>> ARE YOU HOLDING A HUMAN HEAD?
>> YEAH, I AM.
THIS IS THE HEAD OF RAUL STORMON
DIAMANTE.
HE IS THE MAN THAT KILLED MY
FATHER.
THIS IS THE ONLY KNOWN PHOTO OF
HIM AND I HOPE TO PLACE RED X'S
IN HIS OWN BLOOD OVER HIS EYES
WHEN I FIND HIM -- AND CO
INCIDENTALLY I ALSO HAVE YOGURT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> VERY GOOD JOB, P.J..
I CAN TELL YOU ARE SERIOUS ABOUT
YOUR GOALS.
SO WHO IS NEXT?
>> I WISH I HAD GONE BEFORE
P. -- P.J..
BUT THIS IS MINE.
THIS IS MY DREAM KITCHEN.
IT IS A HAMPTON STYLE WITH
COPPER DETAILS.
I JUST LIKE THE AIRINESS OF IT.
>> OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
ANYONE ELSE?
>> I GOT ANOTHER ONE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I JUST KIND OF GOT INTO IT.
IT MADE SENSE TO ME.
THIS VISION BOARD IS SHOWING EL
STORMONS -- SCORPIONS INNER
CIRCLE.
>> I'M SORRY, WHERE ARE YOU ON
THERE?
>> VERY ASTUTE.
THAT IS NICE.
I'VE BEEN ABLE TO INFILTRATE HIS
ORGANIZATION BY GAINING THEIR
TRUST MOSTLY THROUGH SEX.
I CONSIDER MY BODY A TOOL, NOT
UNLIKE A SWISS ARMY KNIFE.
AND I LOVE THAT SWEATER BY THE
WAY.
>> OH, THANK YOU, THAT IS A VERY
CUTE BLAZER.
>> OH, YEAH, I'VE HAD IT FOR A
-- WHILE, I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHERE I GOT IT.
OH, YEAH, ANN TAYLOR LINE.
>> NOW DID ANYONE AND EVERYONE
BRING AN OBJECT THAT INSPIRES
THEM?
>> YES.
OKAY, THIS IS MY OWN PERSONAL
COPY OF UNDER THE TUSCAN SUN
WITH DIANE LANE.
AND I DON'T KNOW, SHE JUST
REMINDS ME THAT WE AS WOMEN ARE
LIKE FINE WINES.
>> I WOULD LOVE TO BORROW THAT
FROM YOU.
I LOVE THE MESSAGE.
OKAY, I BROUGHT A BOX.
EACH TIME I HAVE ERASED AN
INDIVIDUAL AS PART OF MY
JOURNEY, I TAKE A TROPHY AND PUT
IT IN HERE.
BUT I WILL WARN YOU THAT THE
CONTENTS ONCE SEEN CANNOT BE
UNSEEN.
YOU GUYS SFLD.
>> NO.
>> I DON'T THINK SO.
>> IT WAS MOSTLY EARS AND ONE
***, SO --
>> P.J., I KNOW WE ALL JUST MET
YOU, BUT IT SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF
YOUR VISIONING IS LESS ABOUT
FINDING YOUR BEST SELF AND MORE
ABOUT ***.
>> THAT'S FAIR.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> BUT YOU KNOW, WOMEN'S GROUP
IS ABOUT LETTING GO OF THE PAST.
SO WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS, NOT
WHO WAS P.J., BUT WHO IS P.J.?
>> THAT'S A GREAT QUESTION.
WHO IS P.J.?
P.J. LIKES TO LAUGH.
P.J. CAN BE A BIT OF A DIVA.
P.J. SHOULD PROBABLY GIVE
HERSELF A BREAK BECAUSE SHE'S A
GOOD WOMAN.
>> I'M SORRY, WHAT IS THAT RED
DOT ON YOUR CHEST?
>> DOES IT FOLLOW ME WHEN I
MOVE?
>> YEAH.
>> OKAY.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT GUNFIRE IN
THE HOME?
>> WELL I ASKED YOU TO TAKE OFF
YOUR SHOES, SO --
>> OKAY.
I'M GOING TO PROBABLY GO.
I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR A LOVELY
SPREAD AND HAVING ME IN YOUR
HOME AND I'LL SEE YOU AT THE
NEXT WOMEN'S MEETING.
[ CRASHING SOUND ]
[ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ]
>>> IT'S TIME TO PUT THE PLAY IN
-- GUESS THAT PHRASE.
>> AND HERE IS YOUR HOST, TRINCK
FINDLAY.
>> HELLO, EVERYONE AND WELCOME
TO GUESS THAT PHRASE.
HERE IS HOW THE GAME WORKSCH WE
PUT A COMMON PHRASE ON THE BOARD
AND YOU PICK LETTERS UNTIL YOU
CAN GUESS THAT PHRASE.
EVERYBODY READY?
>> YOU BET.
YOU PET IT, TRINCK.
>> BORN READY AND VERY EARLY.
>> GREAT
LET'S SEE OUR FIRST PHRASE.
AND WE'LL START YOU OFF WITH THE
LETTER "P."
[ DING ]
>> OH, I WOULD LIKE TO GUESS
THAT PHRASE.
PASS THE MASH.
YES!
>> DID YOU SAY PASS THE MASH?
>> YEP.
I KNEW THE ANSWER SO I JUST HAD
TO -- I HAD TO JUMP ON IT.
THE PHRASE IS PASS THE MASH.
[ BUZZER ]
>> I'M SORRY, KATHLEEN, THAT'S
TWO SHORT AND ALSO NOT A COMMON
PHRASE.
TERRANCE, YOU'RE UP
>> WELL, I WOULD LIKE AN "O,"
PLEASE.
>> GOOD MAN.
THERE IS ONE "O."
[ DING ]
>> OOH, DON, I'D LIKE TO GUESS
GIVEN THE GOLDEN GOOSE A GANDER.
>> THAT DOESN'T START WITH A P.
AND ALSO IT IS NOT YOUR TURN AND
MY NAME IS NOT DON.
REBECCA, YOU'RE UP.
>>
MY DAUGHTER'S NAME IS ERICA SO
I'LL PICK "E."
SCREW MY DAUGHTER, "T."
>> EXCELLENT.
THERE ARE FOUR Ts.
[ DINGS ]
>> I'D LIKE TO GUESS THE PHRASE.
>> POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK.
>> POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK!
[ BELL RINGS ]
>> YAY, WE BOTH GOT IT!
WE'LL SHARE THE POINTS.
>> NO, YOU DIDN'T.
THAT'S TEN POINTS FOR REBECCA.
>> REBECCA, CAN I HAVE HALF OF
YOUR POINTS?
>> NO.
>> CAN I HAVE ONE POINT?
ONE?
>> NO.
>> ONE POINT?
>> NO.
>> YOU'RE A BAD PERSON.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> ALL RIGHT.
IT'S TIME TO LEARN A LITTLE BIT
ABOUT OUR CONTESTANTS.
TERRENCE IS FROM PHOENIX AND IS
STARRING IN A AN ALL MALE
VERSION OF LITTLE WOMEN.
>> I PLAY BETH.
>> REBECCA IS FROM DENVER AND IT
SAYS HERE SHE TEACHES DOG TO
DANCE.
>> THEY HATE IT.
>> AND FINALLY CONTESTANT THREE
IS KATHLEEN, WHO IS UNEMPLOYED
AND CURRENTLY LIVED AT THE UCLA
MEDICAL CENTER.
>> AND I'M EXCITED TO WIN THAT
BOAT.
>> TODAY'S PRIZE IS NOT A BOAT.
KATHLEEN, TODAY'S PRIZE IS A
VACUUM.
>> AND HERE IS THE NEXT PHRASE.
IT IS ONE WORD.
>> I WOULD LIKE TO GUESS THE
PHRASE.
THE BOAT AND THE BAYOU FLOATS
RIGHT BY YOU.
>> IT'S ONE WORD, KATHLEEN.
>> OKAY, I WOULD LIKE TO USE MY
GO-AGAIN.
>> THAT IS NOT A THING IN THIS
GAME.
>> OH, YEAH, THEN HOW DO I
HAPPEN TO HAVE ONE.
>> THAT'S AN AIR HOCKEY PUCK
THAT YOU WROTE "GO AGAIN" ON.
>> THAT'S JUST SO INSANE, I'M
GOING TO ACCEPT IT.
>> THANK YOU.
I WOULD LIKE TO SOLVE IT.
PASS THE MASH
[ BUZZER ]
>> AND KATHLEEN IS REACHING UP
FOR BALLOONS THAT ARE NOT COMING
BECAUSE SHE'S NOT RIGHT AND
BECAUSE WE DON'T EVER DO
BALLOONS.
>> THEY MUST BE STUCK IN THE
NET.
>> KATHLEEN, THAT WAS WRONG.
>> DON, MAY I APPROACH THE
BENCH?
>> NO, THIS IS NOT A COURTROOM.
>> DON, I LIKE YOUR STYLE.
WHY DON'T WE GO BACK TO MY PLACE
HAVE A FEW DRINKS AND MAYBE PASS
THAT MASH.
>> OKAY, WHAT DOES THAT EVEN
MEAN.
>> IT MEANS WHEN TWO PEOPLE --
[ WHISPERING ]
>> OH, MY GOD.
THAT IS THE MASH?
HOW DO YOU PASS IT IN.
>> ANY WAY YOU WANT IT, THAT'S
THE WAY YOU NEED IT.
[ SINGING ]
>> ALL RIGHT.
[ BUZZER ]
.
AND UNFORTUNATELY, THAT IS ALL
THE TIME WE HAVE.
THANK YOU FOR JOINING US AND --
OH, SHE HAS THE VACUUM.
SEE YOU NEXT TIME ON "GUESS THAT
PHRASE."
>> AND FEBRUARY IS BLACK HISTORY
MONTH AND WE HAVE A PRESENTATION
FROM KEVIN, TYRESE AND MICHELLE.
>> ROSA PARKS.
>> MARTIN LUTHER KING, HARRIETT
TUBMAN.
>> HOLD UP, IT IS THAT TIME OF
THE YEAR AGAIN, IT'S THE MONTH
TO SHINE.
EVERYBODY LEND YOUR EAR AGAIN.
WE ABOUT TO GET IT IN AND SET IT
OFF MENTALLY.
THEY DON'T FEATURE STUFF IN
SCHOOLS THAT A MYSTERY.
BLACK HISTORY, OUR FOREFATHERS
PAVED THE WAY.
HERE ARE REASONS TO HUG A BLACK
GUY TODAY.
TWO THROUGH 28 -- SLAVERY.
>> 28 REASONS SO MANY REASONS TO
GIVE A BLACK GUY A HUG.
SO MANY MOMENTS, SO MANY HEROES
SO SHOW OUR PEOPLE LOVE.
>> WHITE PEOPLE, WE AIN'T TRYING
TO BRAWL.
YOU KNOW WE AIN'T MAD AT ALL YOU
ALL.
WE LIKE MICHAEL McDONALD AND
DARYL HALL.
BUT YOUR HANDS UP IF YOUR DOWN
WITH THE CAUSE.
KEEP THEM UP IF YOUR ANCESTORS
OWNED US.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> 48 REASONS.
>> NUMBER THREE, SLAVERY, NUMBER
FOUR, SLAVERY, FUB FIVE,
SLAVERY, FUB SIX, SLAVERY,
NUMBER SEVEN SLAVERY, 22 --
JAZZ -- I'M KIDDING.
>> I HEAR WHAT YOU ARE SAYING
AND THAT IS REAL HIP, BUT ALLOW
ME TO PLAY DEVIL'S ADVOCATE.
>> SIT DOWN.
>> I'M SORRY.
♪
>> 28 REASONS FOR THE SEASON.
POWER TO THE PEOPLE.
YEAH, PUT YOUR HANDS UP.
SO MANY MOMENTS, SO MANY HEROES.
SO SHOW OUR PEOPLE LOVE.
YOU WANTED MONEY REASONS.
DID A LOT OF RESEARCH AND
SLAVERY KEPT COMING UP.
WHEN I SAY SLAVERY, YOU SAY
SORRY.
SLAVERY.
>> SORRY.
>> SLAVERY.
>> SORRY.
>> VERY COOL.
VERY SORRY, AND VERY COOL.
[ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Announcer: "WEEKEND UPDATE,"
WITH SETH MEYERS AND
CECILY STRONG.
[ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ]
>> GOOD EVENING.
I'M SETH MEYERS.
>> I'M CECILY STRONG.
>> HERE'S TONIGHT'S TOP STORIES.
>>> THIS WEEK PRESIDENT OBAMA
DELIVERED THE STATE OF THE UNION
ADDRESS WHILE JOE BIDEN JUST
DELIVERED.
>>> WILLIE ROBERTSON, ONE OF THE
STARS OF "DUCK DYNASTY,"
ATTENDED THE STATE OF THE UNION
AS A GUEST OF REPRESENTATIVE
VANCE McALLISTER.
AND NO ONE WAS MORE UPSET ABOUT
IT THAN SENATOR
BILL QUACKENBUSH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>>> A FORMER SPEECH WRITER FOR
PRESIDENT BUSH ACCUSED PRESIDENT
OBAMA OF PLAGIARIZING PARTS OF
THIS WEEK'S STATE OF THE UNION
ADDRESS FROM BUSH'S
2007 ADDRESS.
I HAVE TO ADMIT, IT WAS A LITTLE
ODD WHEN OBAMA SUDDENLY SAID,
"MAN, I'M SUPER BAD AT BEING
PRESIDENT."
>>> THIS SUNDAY THE SUPER BOWL
WILL BE PLAYED IN METLIFE
STADIUM IN NEW JERSEY, JUST AS
SOON AS THEY FINALLY CONVINCE
ELI TO COME ON OFF THE FIELD,
BUDDY.
SEASON IS OVER.
OKAY.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
COME ON, WE HAVE ROLLS.
>>> A RARE WINTER STORM THIS
WEEK PARALYZED ATLANTA LEAVING
DRIVERS STANDED ON SNOWY ROADS
FOR HOURS DESPITE ONLY TWO
INCHES OF ACCUMULATION.
HERE TO COMMENT IS A SURVIVOR OF
THE STORM, ATLANTA BUSINESSMAN
BUFORD CALAWAY.
>> SALUTATIONS MR. MEYERS.
THANK YOU KINDLY FOR HAVING ME.
>> SO BUFORD, TELL US ABOUT THE
STORM.
>> OH, CECILY, IT WAS HORRIBLE.
YOU COPT IMAGINE SUCH A STORM.
LORD, I WILL NEVER FORGET WHEN I
SAW THOSE FIRST FLAKES OF
DEVILLED DANDRUFF.
>> DEVILS DANDRUFF, YOU MEAN
SNOW?
>> I DO, CECILY.
CONNECTICUT CONFETTI, NEW
ENGLAND CLAM POWDER, OBAMA'S
WHITE FRIEND.
IT WAS SOMETHING AWFUL.
>> IT WAS ONLY TWO INCHES.
>> WELL, THIS IS THE SOUTH,
CECILY, WE ARE NOT QUICK TO DEAL
WITH SNOW.
AND I'M WILLING TO ADMIT I MAY
HAVE OVERREACTED, FOR EXAMPLE
WHEN THE SALT STORM STARTED, I
SHOT MY NEIGHBORS SO THEY
WOULDN'T RAID ANY COSCO RASH.
I TOLD YOU, CECILY, WE DON'T
KNOW HOW TO HANDLE SNOW.
I'M NOT FROM ONE OF THOSE
NORTHERN STATES LIKE VERMONT OR
SOUTH CAROLINA.
>> SO WHAT HAPPENED NEXT.
>> WELL, SIR, I CLAIMED INTO MY
WHITE ESCALADE AND I WENT TO THE
SAFEST PLACE I COULD THINK OF.
THE INTERSTATE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> AND THAT, CECILY, IS WHERE MY
NIGHTMARE TRULY BEGAN.
MY VEHICLE SLIDING HITHER AND
CONTINUALER, HIGGLEDY,
WIGGLEDDY.
GOING CATTYWHOMPUS.
AND THERE I WAS TRAPPED, WITH
NOTHING TO DRINK BUT DEEP
WHISKEY CHAMPAGNE.
>> I'M REFERRING TO COCA-COLA.
>> THAT DOESN'T SOUND THAT BAD.
>> HOW DARE YOU, SIR.
I STARED INTO THE EYES OF THE
POLAR VORTEX, CECILY, AND I
FACED DOWN TWO ENTIRE INCHES OF
NEW HAMPSHIRE PAIN.
>> SO HOW DID YOU FINALLY GET
OUT THEREFORE.
>> I WAS RESCUED.
>> BY WHO?
>> THE SUN.
CECILY, THE CLOUDS PARTED AND
THE FAIR LADY SHOWN HER GOLDEN
RADIANCE DOWN UPON THE YANKEE
SLUSH.
AND I KNEW IN THAT MOMENT THAT
THE SUN WILL RISE AGAIN.
>> BUFORD CALAWAY, EVERYBODY.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>>> THE ARIZONA REPUBLICAN PARTY
THIS WEEK FORMALLY CENSURED
SENATOR JOHN McCAIN SAYING THAT
HIS VOTING RECORD IS TOO
LIBERAL.
SAID McCAIN, "OH, I'VE BEEN
THROUGH MUCH WORSE."
OH, NO, NOT THAT.
OH, THERE IT IS.
>>> DURING THE CEREMONY THIS
WEEK AT THE VATICAN IN WHICH TWO
DOVES WERE RELEASED BY CHILDREN
IN THE NAME OF WORLD PEACE, A
SEA GULL AND CROW SWOOPED DOWN
AND ATTACKED THE DOVES.
SAID FORMER POPE BENEDICT,
EXCELLENT MY PETS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>>> GOOGLE THIS WEEK UNVEILED
NEW DESIGNS FOR ITS GLASSWARABLE
DEVICE THAT LOOKED MORE LIKE
TRADITIONAL GLASSES BECAUSE YOU
DON'T WANT TO LOOK SILLY WHEN
YOU ARE WEARING A COMPUTER ON
YOUR FACE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>>> A PERSONAL TRAINER IN NEW
YORK CITY HAS DEVELOPED A NEW
WORKOUT REGIME CALLED SEXERCISE
THAT USES VARIOUS SPOTS AND
LUNGES TO HELP PEOPLE INCREASE
THEIR STAMINA DURING SEX.
SAID THE TRAINER, I'M REQUIRED
BY LAW TO NOTIFY YOU I'M LIVING
IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD.
>> NEW NEW ZEALAND MAN ATTACKED
BY A SHARK STITCHED UP HIS OWN
WOUNDS ON SHORE AND WENT TO A
PUB FOR A BEER BEFORE HEADING TO
THE HOSPITAL.
EVEN MORE IMPRESSIVE, THE SHARK
BOUGHT THE FIRST ROUND.
>>> FLORIDA REPRESENTATIVE
TREY RADDLE WHO IS CONVICTED OF
*** POSSESSION ANNOUNCED
THIS WEEK HE WILL RESIGN FROM
CONGRESS SO THAT HE CAN SPEND
MORE TIME WITH WHOEVER'S STILL
AWAKE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>>> THE FOUR MEMBERS OF MOTLEY
CREW HAVE SIGN AID PACT TO
DISSOLVE THE GROUP AFTER THEY
COMPLETE THE FINAL TOUR WHILE
FANS OF THE PACT WILL DISSOLVE A
PACK EVER SOMETHING IN YOUR
DRINK WHILE YOU'RE NOT LOOKING.
>>> A MONTANA MAN WHO WAS
WEARING A HAT WITH THE WORD WEED
ON IT WAS ARRESTED AFTER POLICE
FOUND SIX POUNDS OF MARIJUANA IN
HIS CAR.
POLICE KNEW WHERE TO LOOK FOR
THE DRUGS BECAUSE HIS SHIRT
"IT'S IN THE TRUNK.
>> WAIT, WAS THAT YOUR LAST
JOKE?
>> YEAH, IT WAS.
>> AWW.
>> WELL IT HAS BEEN SO FUN
WORKING WITH YOU.
AND YOU'RE SUCH A WONDERFUL
PERSON AND -- I'M SORRY.
A COUPLE OF FRIENDS WANTED TO
STOP BY AND SAY SOMETHING.
[ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ]
>> HI, WE'RE SO SORRY WE'RE
LATE.
STEPHAN TOOK ME TO HIS FAVORITE
CLUBS.
>> ONCE, TWICE, SLICE.
>> SUCH, PUSH AND WHAT WAS THE
LAST ONE?
>> OH, KEVIN?
>> YEAH.
>> SWEET, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
DOING HERE?
>> SETH, WE ARE HERE TO TAKE YOU
TO THE OTHER SIDE.
>> WE'RE LIKE A GATEAWAY DRUG
LIKE BATH SALTS AND MEOW.
>> WE ARE SO PROUD OF YOU.
YOU HAVE BEEN THE HEART OF THE
SHOW FOR DECADES.
>> WE LIKE THE -- YOU ARE LIKE
THE STING OF SNL.
>> WHY AM I THE STING OF SNL?
>> BECAUSE IT TAKES YOU 12 YEARS
TO SAY GOODBYE.
>> AND WE'RE GOING TO MESS YOU
SO MUCH, SETH.
>> YOU BARELY KNOW HIM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> CECILY, I'M SORRY, THIS IS
AMY AND THIS IS STEPHAN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I JUST WANT TO SAY, CECILY,
YOU'RE DOING SUCH A GREAT JOB.
>> THANK YOU.
[ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ]
>> AND STEPHAN?
SETH HAS TOLD ME SO MUCH ABOUT
YOU.
>> KEEP MY MAN'S NAME OUT YOUR
MOUTH.
>> CAN ASK YOU SOMETHING, WHAT
IS LIKE OUT THERE?
>> OH, THE WORLD OUTSIDE OF SNL,
OH, SETH, MY FRIEND, IT IS SO
WEIRD AND COOL.
GOD, HOW CAN I PUT THIS --
>> THAT PLACE HAS EVERYTHING!
>> EVERYTHING.
OPPORTUNITIES, AND NEW
ADVENTURES.
>> HOMELESS WEIGHT LIFTERS WHO
LOOK LIKE THE CRUDE.
>> NEW FRIENDS AND NEW SHOWS.
>> JAPANESE DAREDEVIL YO LO
ONNO.
HUMAN DRV'S.
>> WHAT ARE HUMAN DVR'S.
>> IT IS THAT THING WHERE A
IMAGINITY SITS ON -- A MYTHITY
SITS ON YOUR TV AND TELLS BUT
SCANDAL.
AND LIKE A REGULAR CABLE BOX, IT
GOES DOWN ALL OF THE TIME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ]
>> HEEE.
>> THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY
LAST SHOW.
>> IT'S YOUR LAST SHOW?
>> IT IS MY LAST SHOW AND I JUT
WANT TO SAY BEING OUT HERE WITH
MY CO-ANCHORS AND MY DEAR FRIEND
AND MY HUSBAND IS PERFECTLY A
GREAT WAY TO END.
I HAD THE BEST TIME AND I MET
THE BEST PEOPLE AND I WANT TO
THANK THE CREW AND THE CAST AND
THE WRITERS AND LORN, THANK YOU
SO MUCH.
>> "WEEKEND UPDATE," I'M CECILY
STRONG.
>> I'M AMY POHLER.
>> I'M STEPHAN.
>> AND I'M SETH MEYERS.
GOOD NIGHT.
>>> OKAY, FOLKS, THE NEXT STOP
ON OUR WALKING TOUR IS THE
LIVING PICTURES EXHIBITION.
THIS TRULY IS A UNIQUE
EXPERIENCE HERE AT THE
SAN FRANCISCO MUSEUM OF MODERN
ART.
IT FEATURES ACTORS POSING IN
METICULOUSLY ACCURATE
RECREATIONS OF ICONIC PAINTINGS.
OUR FIRST IS BY FRIDA KAHLO.
IT'S CALLED "SELF PORTRAIT WITH
NEIGHBOR CHILD AND TRICYCLE."
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> I'M GOING TO NEED MORE SLACK,
YOU'RE KILLING ME.
GIVE ME SLACK.
I CAN'T EVEN GET AROUND THE
CORNER, TOM.
>> HEY.
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
HEY, DID DANCY TRANSCALL -- OH,
YOU HAVE A THING.
DID DANNY TRANCE CALL YOU?
>> I DON'T KNOW WHO THAT IS, BUT
YOU'RE STANDING IN A LIVE ART
EXHIBIT CURRENTLY IN PROGRESS.
>> WELL THE WIRELESS IS DOWN AND
WE HAVE TO GET HARD WIRED UP,
EXCUSE ME, I'M SORRY, TO THE
INTERNET SOMEWHERE AND THEY MUST
HAVE PAINTED OVER.
IT IS A MESS OVER THERE.
THE ETHERNET PORT IN THIS ROOM.
>> CAN IT WAIT?
>> DANNY TRANCE TOLD ME TO COME
IN HERE AND GET IT DONE.
HE'S MY BOSS.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING
HERE.
BUT WHEN HE SAYS GO IN THERE AND
GET THIS CORD GOING WITH JUICE
TO THE OTHER ROOM WHERE THERE IS
AN INTERACTIVE COMPUTER EXHIBIT
THAT NEEDS JUICE FROM THE
INTERNET, BECAUSE YOU HAVE 11
PEOPLE STARING AT A SCREEN WITH
DONGS IN THEIR HANDS.
I WANT TO APOLOGIZE FOR SAYING
DONGS, BECAUSE THINK YOU'RE A
REAL BOY.
>> I FEEL LIKE NOW ISN'T THE
RIGHT TIME TO DO THIS.
>> HEY, GARFUNKLE, I ONLY ANSWER
TO DANNY TRANCE.
THAT IS WHO I LISTEN TO.
NOW YOU LET ME DO YOUR JOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE ARE THE
PUPPETS, YOU'RE ALL -- THERE YOU
GO.
STRAIGHT BACK.
AND STARING AT THIS GUY AND HIS
LITTLE BOY.
>> OKAY.
DID DANCY TRANSCOME IN HERE?
>> WHY CAN I PHYSICALLY FIND
DANNY TRANCE?
>> EVERYWHERE.
EVERYWHERE AND NOWHERE.
YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO -- TRY THE
FIFTH FLOOR, I.T. OFFICE.
YOU WON'T FIND HIM.
IF YOU SEE SOMETHING BACK THERE
WITH A CORD, GIVE A YANK.
>> I THINK THEY MAY HAVE PAINTED
OVER A WALL JACK.
>> HEY, SHUT UP.
>> I'M SORRY, WHAT DID YOU SAY
TO ME?
>> THERE ARE PEOPLE HERE WHO
PAID TO SEE THIS EXHIBIT SO SHUT
UP AND GET OUT OF THE PAINTING.
>> YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE NASTY TO
ME.
BECAUSE I'M DOING MY JOB.
I DON'T CRITICIZE YOU FOR
SITTING HERE BEING SOME LATINO
BIRD FROM SESAME STREET.
>> LATINO BIRD.
YOU THINK I'M LATINO BURT AND
THIS IS ERNIE?
>> YES, LATINO ERNIE, YES, I DO.
>> I'M FRIDA COLLO, YOU IDIOT.
>> I DON'T CARE IF YOUR BRYAN
CRANSTON, YOU'RE AN IDIOT.
YOU'RE NOT AN ACTOR.
BECAUSE MY COUSIN IS AN ACTOR.
HE WORKED ON A LITTLE MOVIE
CALLED AVATAR.
>> OH, COOL.
>> YEAH, YOU'RE SO FAR BEHIND MY
COUSIN.
>> GOOD FOR YOUR KIZIN.
I'M NOT IN COMPETITION WITH YOUR
COUSIN.
>> NO YOUR NOT.
BECAUSE YOU'RE BELOW HIM.
HE WORKED ON AVATAR.
>> WHAT DID HE DO?
>> HE AVATARED.
>> HE WORKED ON IT.
>> WHAT WAS HE?
>> HE WAS AN AVATAR.
>> THE MAIN AVATAR, YOUR COUSIN
WAS SAM MORGON?
>> HE WAS RUFUS.
>> THERE IS NO AVATAR NAMED
RUFUS.
>> I DON'T KNOW THE DETAILS
BECAUSE MY COUSIN DOESN'T SPEAK
TO ME ANY MORE BECAUSE SOMEONE
ALLEGEDLY SOLD HIS DOGS.
>> DON'T TOUCH HIM.
>> I CAN TOUCH HIM IF I WANT YOU
LITTLE LATINO BABY.
>> AFTER THIS I'M GOING TO FIND
WHOEVER THIS DANNY TRANCE IS AND
MAKE HIM FIRE YOU SO HARD.
>> IF YOU MESS WITH MY JOB, I'M
GOING TO MESS WITH YOU HARD.
>> YOU READY TO GO.
>> DON'T DO THAT.
DON'T PUNCH MY BREAST.
>> NOW I DID.
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> HERE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
STOP IT.
>> OW.
>> FRIDA COLLO WILL JACK YOU UP.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> THAT WAS BRILLIANT.
OF COURSE WE'RE MADE TO SUFFER
THROUGH FRIDA'S TORTURE AND SHE
NEVER FOUND JOY IN LIVING.
MY GOD!
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> I WISH DANNY TRANCE COULD SEE
THIS.
>> YO, THE WI-FI'S BACK.
DANNY TRANCE FIXED IT HIMSELF SO
BE WARNED, HE IS PISSED.
>> SORRY.
ALL RIGHT.
WATCH YOUR BACK LATINO BIRD.
>> I'M NOT LATINO BURT.
>> GIRLFRIENDS TALKING ABOUT
GUYS AND STUFF.
GIRLFRIENDS TALKING, GIRLFRIENDS
TALK SHOW.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> HI.
I'M HASHTAG KIRA.
>> AND I'M MORGON AT NOT ALLOWED
TO USE TWITTER COOL.
>> THIS WEEK I LET MORGAN INVITE
A GUEST AND SHE INVITED THE
DIVORCED LADY SHE HANGS OUT
WITH.
>> I'M HER BEST FRIEND SINCE HER
HUSBAND WALKED OUT ON HER.
PLEASE WELCOME DONNA BAKER.
>> HELLO.
WHAT IS UP INSIDE OF THIS HOUSE?
>> DONNA, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO
YOUR HAIR?
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR BEAUTIFUL
THICK GRAY BRAID.
>> THAT BRAID IS GONE.
JUST LIKE THE OLD DONNA.
>> I TOOK DONNA TO CREATIVE CUTS
AT TWO RIVERS MALL AND WE MADE
HER LOOK A LOT MORROW KAY.
>> WHY WASN'T I INVITED.
>> YOU WERE AT YOUR SWIMMING
LESSON.
>> I FINALLY LEARNED HOW TO
FLOAT IF I HOLD ON TO THE SIDE
OF THE POOL.
>> AWESOME.
FIRST TOPIC --
>> DOLL CLOTHES.
>> HOOKUPS.
>> DONNA AND I CHANGED IT.
HOOKUPS.
>> I GUESS I THOUGHT DONNA WAS
MY GUEST.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE FROM
ME NEXT, MY ANDERSON COOPER
POSTER?
THAT GAY SILVER FOX IS MINE.
>> OKAY.
SO DONNA, HOW ARE THING GOING
WITH SPEED DATING.
>> THEIR GOING.
THEY'RE GOING HARD.
I DOVE INTO THAT DATING POOL
JUST FACE FIRST AND CAME UP WITH
JUST A MOUTHFUL OF HAWAIIAN MAN
MEAT.
HIS NAME IS PUAH.
>> PUAH?
PUAH IS NEW-A TO ME.
>> WELL PUAH HAS STRAIGHT
HAWAIIAN SOFT HAIR EVERYWHERE
AND HE'S VERY HOT.
AND HE'S A PEPSI MAN.
YEAH.
DON'T EVEN MENTION COKE AROUND
HIM BECAUSE HE JUST SHUTS DOWN.
I JUST BRING HIM A PEPSI AND SAY
THAT'S MY PUAH.
JUST LIKE THIS.
SERPENTINE.
>> DONNA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> WELL DOLPHIN MOVES.
THIS IS WHAT PUAH TAUGHT ME.
YOU JUST FLUCTUATE.
FLUCTUATE.
IT IS A LOT OF ARCHING.
>> SOUNDS INTERESTING.
PUAH SOUNDS LIKE A BAD BOY.
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT
HIM.
>> I DIDN'T THINK TO TELL YOU,
KIDDO, BECAUSE YOU ARE ALWAYS
SAYING YOU AROT INTO DATING.
>> WELL THAT IS BECAUSE I'M
DATING THE WOMAN I'M BECOMING
AND I LOVE EVERY MOMENT WITH
HER.
>> AWESOME.
NEXT TOPIC.
>> SAND.
>> DONNA, GROSS?
>> SO, DONNA, HOW HAS PUAH
AWOKEN YOUR BODY?
>> WELL I DON'T KNOW IF EITHER
OF YOU GALS HAS -- I'M THINKING
ABOUT PUAH AND I'M GETTING ALL
JAZZED UP.
I DON'T KNOW IF EITHER ONE OF
YOU GALS HAS EVER BEEN WITH A
HAWAIIAN MAN AND NOW I
UNDERSTAND WHAT HAWAII 5-0 IS,
BECAUSE PUAH HAS GIVEN ME FIVE
O'S SO FAR.
>> DONNA, THIS IS TOO MUCH.
YOUR OUT OF CONTROL.
DOUBLE O.J.
>> MORGON DOESN'T LIKE TO TALK
ABOUT THIS STUFF.
IT MAKES HER NERVOUS AND HER RED
GETS HOT.
SHE'S NEVER BEEN TO FIRST BASE.
>> AS IF.
I'VE BEEN TO ALL OF THE BASES
WITH ALL OF THE BOYS AND I'LL
EVEN GO IN THE DUGOUT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> OKAY.
JUST DON'T WORRY, MORGAN, I CAN
TELL YOU FEEL BAD RIGHT NOW, BUT
BCHDS ARE A LOT OF WORK.
ONE TIME MY BOYFRIEND BOUGHT ME
A SINGLE SEAT AT A HOCKEY GAME
AND AFTER THE FIRST PERIOD HE
ARRANGED FOR 34E TO BE -- FOR ME
TO BE ON THE JUMBO-TRON AND MY
BOYFRIEND WATCHES FROM THE
STEAKHOUSE ACROSS THE STREET.
MY BOYFRIEND IS CRAZY.
>> NOT AS CRAZY AS PUAH.
WHEN I WENT TO VISIT HIM IN
HAWAII HE GAVE ME THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL LAY, AND I'M NOT
TALKING ABOUT THE STRING OF
FLOWERS.
THAT IS MY PUAH, THAT IS MY
PUAH, THAT IS HOW I DO-A.
>> I LIKE YOU SO MUCH BETTER
WHEN YOU WERE BROKEN AND SAD.
>> AWESOME.
OKAY, SEE YOU LATER, BYE.
>> BYE.
>> GIRLFRIENDS TALK SHOW.
>>> WHAT WAS THE BEST SUMMER OF
MY LIFE?
THAT WOULD HAVE TO BE THE SUMMER
OF -- DIANE.
DIANE.
EVERYONE NOTICED DIANE.
HOW COULDN'T YOU.
SHE WAS SO ALIVE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
FATE BROUGHT US TOGETHER AND
FROM THE FIRST MOMENT IT WAS
ELECTRIC.
WE HAD SO MUCH IN COMMON.
AS SOON AS DIANE ENTERED MY
LIFE, I KNEW HI TO TAKE CARE OF
HER.
I SHOWERED HER WITH GIFTS, BUT
DIANE WAS NOT FOR SALE.
GOD, SHE COULD DANCE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SHE TAUGHT ME HOW PRECIOUS LIFE
WAS BECAUSE THAT WAS THE SUMMER
I ALMOST LOST HER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
DIANE.
I'LL NEVER FORGET HER LAST WORDS
TO ME.
>> WATCH MY STUFF.
I GOTTA PEE.
>> IS THAT YOURS?
THINGS WERE NEVER THE SAME AFTER
THAT.
TOO MUCH HAPPENED.
I COULDN'T BE THE MAN DIANE
DESERVED.
EVEN NOW, YEARS LATER, I THINK
OF THAT SUMMER AND --
>> HEY, JACK ***.
>> OH, DIANE!
[ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ]
>>> WE'RE HERE LIVE AT TIME
WHERE THEY ARE -- WHERE
EVERYBODY IS READY FOR FOOTBALL.
AND IN FACT IT IS -- LET'S TALK
TO SUPER BOWL FANS AND SEE WHAT
THEY LOVE ABOUT THE BIG GAME.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PART OF
IT?
>> OH, DUDE, I'M IN THE MIDDLE
OF A WORK TEXT.
I DIDN'T EVEN HEAR YOUR
QUESTION, DUDE.
>> OKAY, SO LET'S GO TALK TO
THEM.
>> HEY.
>> WHAT'S UP?
>> UM, ARE YOU GOING TO ROOT FOR
THE GAME OR STAY LONGER.
>> FOR FIVE DAYS AND ENJOY THE
CITY AND IT WILL BE GREAT.
>> THANK YOU.
>> I WANT TO BE RUSSELL WILSON.
BRING ON THE YOUNG GUYS
>> THEY HAVE A TIGHT END NAMED
ZACK BENNETT NOT SO BAD.
>> AND T.J. MILNER.
>> AND MARSHAWN LYNCH.
[ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER ]
>> THERE'S A LOT OF PLAYERS THEY
DON'T EVEN TALK ABOUT.
>> RIGHTON, RIGHTON.
>> AMERICA SUCKS TOO, BY THE
WAY, JUST LIKE FOOTBALL, ALL
RIGHT.
THAT IS WHY I'M HERE TO TELL YOU
THAT, IDIOTS.
IT'S A BUNCH OF STUPID JOCKS AND
KNUCKLEHEADS, THAT IS THE ONLY
PEOPLE THAT LIKE THIS CRAP.
>> WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO FOR
FUN?
>> WHAT DO I FOR FUN?
WELL, YOU KNOW, I WATCH ***.
♪♪
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> TRYING TO FIND THE RIGHT WAY?
♪♪
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> THE ONLY THING IS, HE DOESN'T
REMEMBER THAT ONE OF THOSE SUPER
BOWLS CAME FROM THE FOOTBALL
GETTING STUCK IN SOMEBODY'S
HELMET.
>> IT IS ALL PART OF THE GAME,
BABY.
IT'S ALL PART OF THE GAME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> OH, YEAH.
>> [ INAUDIBLE ].
>> I LOVE THOSE GUYS.
>> ACTUALLY, I JUST GO TO THE
GYM, THAT'S ABOUT IT.
IT'S GO TO BE ABOUT 13 FEET
UNDER THE GROUND.
PROBABLY WON'T BE ABLE TO
[ MUMBLING ]
AND WE'LL SEE IF HE WAKES UP THE
NEXT DAY AND THEY DON'T EVEN
KNOW IF THEY SAW THEM BEFORE.
>> IT'S 15 DEGREES.
>> DEGREES.
>> ARE YOU READY FOR THE GAME?
>> YEAH, I'M READY.
[ MUMBLING ]
>> HEY, FOOTBALL AND SEEING ALL
OF THEIR FRIENDS AND FAMILY.
SEE YOU GUYS ON SUNDAY, AND
DON'T FORGET, TRUST THE GAME.
[ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ]
>>> THANK YOU, IMAGINE DRAGONS,
AMY POHLER, BILL HADER, ANDY
SAMBERG, THANK YOU TO THE CAST
AND THE CREW, THANK YOU, THANK
YOU, NEW YORK!