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Hi. I'm Tom, and I want to talk about easy and hard conversations, and the role these
kinds of conversations play in building relationships. So, why am I tossing a tennis ball? Because
easy conversations are like tossing a tennis ball back and forth.
Easy conversations mean one minute you're sending the message and the next you're receiving
the message - easy communication flows back and forth. And as with tossing a tennis ball,
there's little stress -- nothing too hard or controversial. The ball is soft, and if
you drop it, no big deal -- you just pick it up and start tossing -- or talking again.
Tennis Ball conversations. These types of conversations help foster relationships
and help you learn each other's communication style and preferences.
Now, what about hard conversations? There are very different emotions that surround
hard conversations -- more emotionally sensitive topics that are more difficult to toss and
catch. These conversations are more like tossing
a raw egg. Suddenly, there is more at stake. You want to be more careful as you toss it
and more careful as you catch it. And if it drops, it breaks and you have to start all
over again with a new egg. Relationships need to start with tennis ball
messages, not egg messages. The more you practice tossing and catching a tennis ball with someone,
the more prepared you will be to handle an egg.
And for the really sensitive conversations, well, imagine the egg coated with oil -- a
very slippery egg. Here you go.
When you understand the emotions behind each different kind of conversation, you can see
how hard it would be to begin a relationship with a slippery egg -- talking with a parent
about problems their child is having, or a staff person who is not doing their job appropriately.
That's going to be very hard for them to receive. If you start off building the relationship
with some easy to catch and easy to throw messages -- back and forth, you build a rapport
with that person. Then it's much easier later on if have to get to a difficult and challenging
message. We encourage you to try this exercise. It
really is a great way to get a good understanding of the emotions behind easy and hard conversations.
To be successful in keeping these slippery egg conversations going, it's important to
have lots of practice using good communication skills and starting relationships with tennis
ball conversations. If we do this, when the "slippery eggs" appear, we will be more confident
in handling them.