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[theme music]
♪ It's time for Animaniacs ♪
♪ And we're zany to the max ♪
♪ So just sit back and relax ♪
♪ You'll laugh till you collapse ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ Come join the Warner brothers ♪
♪ And the Warner sister Dot ♪
♪ Just for fun we run around ♪
♪ The Warner movie lot
♪ They lock us in the tower ♪
♪ Whenever we get caught ♪
♪ But we break loose and then vamoose ♪
♪ And now you know the plot ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ Dot is cute and Yakko yaks ♪
♪ Wakko packs away the snacks ♪
♪ While Bill Clinton plays the sax ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ Meet Pinky and the Brain Who want to rule the universe ♪
♪ Goodfeathers flock together ♪
♪ Slappy whacks 'em with her purse ♪
♪ Buttons chases Mindy ♪
♪ While Rita sings a verse ♪
♪ The writers flipped we have no script ♪
♪ Why bother to rehearse ♪
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
♪ We have pay-for-play contracts ♪
♪ We're zany to the max ♪
♪ There's baloney in our slacks ♪
♪ We're animanee totally insane-y ♪
♪ Pinky and the Brainy ♪
♪ Animaniacs ♪
♪ Those are the facts ♪♪
(Pinky) 'Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight?'
The same thing we do every night, Pinky.
Try to take over the world.
♪ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪
♪ Yes Pinky and the Brain ♪
♪ One is a genius ♪
♪ The other's insane ♪
♪ They're laboratory mice ♪
♪ Their genes have been spliced ♪
♪ They're dinky ♪
♪ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪
♪ Brain brain brain brain ♪♪
thud
[theme music]
(narrator) At the dawn of the 20th century
Russian scientist Ivan Pavlov
trained animals through his technique
of conditioned reflex.
Time to earn your dinner, my little mousey friends.
gong
♪ I'm a little teapot short and stout ♪
♪ This is my handle this is my spout ♪
♪ When I get all steamed up hear me shout ♪
♪ Tip me over and pour me out ♪♪
(Ivan) 'Excellent! Splendid!'
ha ha ha ha
Wonderful, ha ha.
God, Brain, I could watch you do that dance all day.
Ha ha! Narf!
You have watched it all day, Pinky.
Sixty one times to be exact.
It's a conditioned reflex to that infernal gong.
I'm powerless to stop it.
Next!
ding ding ding
[folk music]
Narf!
Narf!
(Ivan) 'Wonderful!'
'Really keen!'
munch munch
What you doing over there, Brain?
Contemplating your afterlife, Pinky.
Well, goodnight, my little friends.
I hope you dream of cheese.
thud
At last. He's gone.
Now we can begin our conquest of the world.
Behold my latest creation, Pinky.
The vacuum-o-nater!
It uses reverse air pressure to vacuum everything toward it.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Pinky?
Uh, yeah, Brain.
But where are we gonna find rubber pants our size?
***
No, Pinky.
We're going to use the vacuum-o-nater
to steal Russia's crown jewels.
Narf! Genius, Brain.
click
Turn it off, Pinky!
Oh. Right-o!
Zort! Ooh! Wild hair-do, Brain.
Ha ha! I like it.
***
Now I feel cleansed.
But, brain, aren't the crown jewels
always guarded by giant cossacks?
Don't worry about the guards.
For tonight, Pinky, at precisely 1:00 am..
...there's a total lunar eclipse.
The earth's shadow will completely cover the moon
blacking out all of St. Petersburg
for a period of 30 seconds.
In that brief time we will sneak past the czar's guards
into the cover of darknings and steal the crown jewels.
For he who controls the jewels..
...controls Mother Russia.
But I thought your mother's name was Desiree.
splash
Soon, Pinky, I will rule Russia.
So from now on, call me czar.
Right-o, Brain.
Eek! Czar Brain.
Come along, Pinky.
Conquest awaits.
snap
splat
thud
gong
♪ I'm a little teapot short and stout ♪
♪ This is my handle this is my spout ♪
♪ When I get all steamed up hear me shout ♪
♪ Tip me over and pour me out ♪♪
Ha, oh that was fun, Czar Brain.
But let's give it another go. Right.
Only this time with feeling.
bash
[upbeat music]
[horse trotting]
[bells ringing]
No, Pinky. Not now!
Narf!
Narf!
Narf!
[groans]
That was unpleasant.
(Brain) 'There it is, Pinky.'
The Czar's winter palace where the crown jewels await.
We're off!
We made it inside, Brain.
Czar Brain.
Czar Brain.
Yes, Pinky.
There are fleeting moments when I even amaze myself.
[laughter]
Who else but me, the Czar..
...would think to have an eclipse party?
In just a few minutes, it'll be totally dark and scary.
Oooooh!
But don't anyone touch me.
I have cooties.
[laughter]
Behold the crown jewels of Mother Russia, Pinky.
World conquest will soon be ours.
Now, Brain?
'Not yet.'
Wait for the total eclipse.
[all gasping]
Complete darkness, Pinky.
Start the vacuum-o-nater. Now!
swoosh
[gong]
[ding-a-ling]
♪ I'm a little teapot short and stout ♪
♪ This is my handle this is my spout ♪
♪ When I get all steamed up hear me shout ♪
boing
♪ Tip me over and pour me out ♪♪
Narf!
'Narf!'
[dramatic music]
Thus ends my total eclipse of the moon.
[triumphant music]
[all applauding]
What? The eclipse is over?
Narf! What happened, Brain?
- Zort, I mean, Czar Brain. - We failed again, Pinky.
But just wait until tomorrow night.
Why? What're we going to do tomorrow night, Brain?
What else, Pinky? Try to take over the world.
[folk music]
♪ They're Pinky they're Pinky and the Brain ♪
♪ Narf ♪♪
♪ Chicken Boo what's the matter with you ♪
♪ You don't act like the other chickens do ♪
♪ You wear a disguise to look like human guys ♪
♪ But you're not a man you're a chicken Boo ♪♪
[upbeat music]
[instrumental music]
knock knock
(male #1) 'Are you decent?'
Boo-Ryshnikov, what's it like to be
the toast of New York city?
Boo-Ryshnikov, rumor has it you defected from your country
to join the NYC ballet, is it true?
Rumor also has it you're a giant chicken.
Is that true?
How dare you insult the great Boo-Ryshnikov before his ballet?
Away or I will leap into the air
and kick you with my bony toes.
You, a giant chicken. Oh, that's a good one.
You are the best dancer I have ever seen.
cluck cluck
[performing "Swan Lake"]
[all applauding]
[music continues]
Oh-h!
[all gasping]
He's a chicken, a chicken. Ah-h-h-h!
Ah-h-h-h!
[audience gasps]
It's true. He is a giant chicken.
[all booing]
Please, please control yourselves
I did not know he was poultry.
[indistinct chatter]
[indistinct chatter]
cluck cluck
You are the worst dancer I have ever seen.
cluck cluck
♪ You wear a disguise to look like human guys ♪
♪ But you're not a man you're a chicken Boo ♪♪
[music continues]
[soft music]
(male narrator) In 1916 the Russian empire was ruled by czar Nicholas II.
The last in line of the great leaders.
And not so great leaders.
But behind the scenes the evil monk, Rasputin
was controlling the czar with hypnotism.
Rasputin forced the czar to do whatever he wanted
even the most vile of acts.
♪ I really like Rasputin cause I don't realize ♪
♪ I only like Rasputin 'cause I am hypnotized ♪♪
[guffawing]
Why, Rasputin, what are you doing here?
We were discussing my raise, your highness.
We were?
But I just gave you a raise yesterday.
You want to give me another raise and a party.
Yes. Yes.
Huh? Why, Rasputin, there you are.
I've been looking all over for you.
I want to give you another raise and a puppy.
If you insist, kind czar.
(narrator) By controlling the czar, Rasputin had absolute authority
over all decisions affecting the Russian government.
[panting]
I appoint you secretary of cheese.
And you keeper of the lint.
And as for you, kiss my puppy.
[comical music]
[growling]
He likes you. Now, take him potty.
Bye-bye. La la la la.
Well, he's insane.
Czar, Rasputin is mad. He's ruining the country.
- You must fire him. - I like him.
You have a puppy on your nose.
[upbeat music]
(narrator) Yes, it seemed everyone was powerless against Rasputin.
Until one day..
(Rasputin) 'Oh, my tooth, my tooth.'
Oh, what is taking the royal dentist so long?
knock knock knock
At last.
♪ If your little toot is aching ♪
♪ And you're low on dough ♪
♪ Use the friendly credit dentist ♪
♪ Called Doctor Yakko ♪♪
Se habla espanol.
Oh-h-h, please, the pain, you must help me.
Now, you just relax. Don't worry about a thing.
Wakko, prep the patient.
[upbeat music]
Now, that's pretty.
Maybe, I'll get another dentist.
Don't be nervous, kid.
Doctor Yakko is the most gentle dentist
in the whole wide world.
It's just the drill that hurts.
[gasps] Are you sure you're real dentists?
To be honest with you, dentistry is just a hobby.
We're actually professional shriners.
[upbeat music]
Whoa! Slow down!
Why? Everyone else is Russian around here.
Hey, I don't write 'em, I just say 'em.
[tries screeching]
Shriners, halt.
[Rasputin screaming]
There. We're ready, Doctor Yakko.
Open. Oh, my.
- Oh, my, my. - Eww!
(all) Oh, the humanity.
Go away!
- Rasputin. - I changed my mind.
I'm fine. See, it doesn't hurt at all.
I'm sorry, pumpkin, but that tooth has to come out.
(Yakko and Wakko) 'We're ready.'
[dramatic music]
Come on, Mister Scardey Monk.
No, no, really, I feel good, honest.
The toothache's all gone.
Ow!
We're gonna have to deaden the pain with a little Anastasia.
Obscure joke, talk to your parents.
Wakko, my dental instrument, please.
Hm, flat.
Ah, here we go.
I require the aid of my assistants.
[dramatic music]
- That tooth is really in there. - Let's try the string.
Old-fashioned, but it just might work.
On the count of three pull. Four.
[all groaning]
[mumbling]
- I better get the dynamite. - Dynamite?
Ah-h-h!
Was it something I said?
Ah-h-h.
- Wait up, Mister Monk Man. - We just wanna help you.
[upbeat music]
I'll have the czar arrest those dentists.
And get me another raise.
Czar?
- There's the string. - Hold on, I'm going in.
(Yakko) 'I got it.'
Shriners, halt.
[tires screeching]
It's a few more than I wanted. But I'm pleased.
What happened?
Rasputin, what are you doing here?
The last thing I remember was you asking for a raise.
I'm sorry, Rasputin, no raise, that's final.
[mumbling] Look into my eyes.
- What? - I said..
[mumbling] Look into my eyes.
- I don't understand you. - I said..
[mumbling] Look into my eyes.
- Don't take that tone with me. - Listen to me, you stupid czar.
How dare you? You're fired.
I'll never understand why I kept you around so long.
(Czar) 'Get out.'
(narrator) No longer capable of hypnotizing the czar.
Rasputin was banished forever.
And the czar was free to rule Russia as he darn well pleased.
I can't thank you enough.
All of Russia owes you a great debt.
- Goodbye. - Bye-bye, czar.
[instrumental music]
What a nice man.
I see nothing but good things in his future.
Of course, I could be wrong.
[suspenseful music]
I will give you bones. Bones, bones.
I may be ugly, but I am smart.
[upbeat music]
- It's that time again. - To make bizarre faces.
To encourage children and to send us candy.
No, it's time to learn today's lesson.
And to find out what it is, we turn to the wheel of morality.
Wheel of morality, turn, turn, turn.
'Tell us the lesson that we should learn.'
'Moral number one.'
'And the moral of today's story is..'
...brush your teeth after every meal.
This moral brought to you by
the American Dental Association.
That makes me feel all kinds of warm and squishy.
Either that or I need to wear diapers.
[whistle blowing]
(all) Yipe!
[upbeat music]
[music continues]
[theme music]
[music continues]
- Lather. - Rinse.
Repeat.