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I was a bouncer in a suburban district.
I was full with steroids, and looked like a rotten sausage.
I stood at one entrances and my job was to keep the gypsies outside (the bar).
The manager of the shop was a man from Israel blessed with a very good sense for business.
He knew how to make money.
I learned a lot of good and bad things from him.
So I earned money with violence from age 34 till 40.
And I tell you my dear brothers, sisters, friends, fellow-beings...
that sin pays its price highly.
The one who makes his living from violence do not need to look at the back of a product at the supermarket,
what is written there, he can just put it into the shopping cart.
My friends, my life came to point, when I left my family, my daughter, my wife for a young girl.
I had a plenty of money so I could purchase a Honda and stop using my old car.
I hang a huge and beautiful golden necklace into my neck, I became bald,
I let some tattoo be put on me, because I thought they will make me different.
When I felt I am on the top now, suddenly six tumors appeared on my groin.
Suddenly I had to appear at a police station.
They said you need to come, to ask me what I did at a certain time.
I went home, and men in yellow robes were searching through my stuff.
They were looking for something.
I went more to the police station and to trials than you go to the doctors.
Meanwhile the tumors were growing on my groin and I was afraid that these family jewelries will dry off first.
At that point I was really scared.
My life was fallen apart, into thousand pieces.
One time when I was sitting at a room at a sublet and I thought my life over,
a thought came and I couldn't get rid of it.
It said: "Say goodbye to your daughter." And I called my daughter.
I decided to make an end to my life.
I didn't want to go to prison with cancer,
because as big bald-headed man I didn't want to wash the socks of a gipsy.
I didn't want to wash a dirty underwear, I didn't want to be a slave of anyone.
I knew I will weight 40 kilos and I will be prisoned for many years.
And I started to say goodbye.
I worked at the health care at that time and a took home an infusion.
I was planning to put this infusion into my arm and put three ampules of morphine...
and several sedatives in it, so that whan someone finds my I will smell and look purple.
And a thought came: "Say goodbye to your daughter for it is not her fault that his father is an insane...
to whom the only things matter are money, power, girls, alcohol and drugs.
So I called my daughter whom I did not see for five years than.
For five years I did not see her.
When she answered the phone I had to introduce myself, because the great bouncer did not visit his family.
I said: "Dori, it is daddy."
She said: "How are you daddy?"
I said "I would like to say goodbye, because I'm going for a long trip."
"All right daddy let's meet. Come to my school."
"All right, but which school is you attending?"
She explained where her school was I drove there with my big car with an open top.
I had huge muscles.
And I was full with fear.
When a door was smashing at my home I jumped out of the bath,
for I thought someone is coming for me.
And I went to see my daughter at her school.
And this girl, my daughter whom I didn't see for five years sat into my car and we drove to a first class restaurant.
There for all the missed birthdays, Christmases and celebrations,
my men brought to her these expensive presents, like gold and beautiful flowers.
And this girl said,: "Daddy aren't you happy?"
I said: "Am I not happy? My life is in destruction."
She said: Let's get out of here."
I said: "Don't say to get out of here...
from a first class restaurant women don't want to get out, they want to get in."
But she said: "Let's get out of here daddy."
"But where shall we go?"
"Let's go to our home, and I will bake you a cake." she said.
I said: "I will not go there to meet your mother."
Because I pushed her up to the wall when I was feeling that way.
When she said she will cook some bean soup, I pulled down the walls of the house with anger.
Because Jesus did not live in me, but the devil. Do you get it?
And then I went to their home and my daughter baked me a cake.
She had this strange smile on her face, and I asked: "Why are you laughing at me?"
She said she doesn't laugh at me. "Than why are you laughing?" "I am happy, daddy."
"And why are you so happy?"
"When you left us and the gas and electricity were turned off...
people with the same smile came and in Jesus name they paid the bills and in Jesus name the brought us food.
And I am happy because when you left me, people came in Jesus name and loved us."
I said: "What a cool guy is this Jesus, He just comes and turns around things in my family?!
He just goes and pays the bills? He just feeds my child?"
So I finished my cake and I was terribly pissed off with Jesus and with everybody.
I thought I was not replaceable. But Jesus showed me that I was replaceable.
I was just leaving, when my daughter said: "Won't you look at your presence?"
I found a box at the edge of the table and I opened it. There was a Bible in it.
I was screaming: "What is this?
Leave me alone with this stupid thing! I never read such a big book in my life and I never will.
What shall I do with it?"
She said: "Daddy you are 40, please read Psalm 40."
I said: "My daughter, open it for me, for I will sure not find it easily."
And she opened Psalm 40 for me and pushed it in front of me and I read it:
"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;" "Blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,
who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods" "He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in him."
Then I went home with a broken heart. I cried on my mattress and read the Psalm.
I said: "Who is this that sees into my life like this?
I did everything in dark, when I smashed the heads of people with a baseball bat...
when I hit someone with a hacker these I all did at night.
But there is a big great someone who saw everything I did.
I went back and I said: "Who is this?" Before I end my life I want to meet Him.
They said: "He is the living Jesus who died for all needy wretches like you."
I said: "Really? And where is He? I want to meet Him!"
My daughter said: "He is so close to you that you can't see Him. Just one honest prayer away."
I said: "How should I pray?"
"Lord Jesus, please come into my heart, forgive all my sins I have done in my heart, I need you Lord, I am a miserable person, I stretch my hands to You Lord I hold onto You, I am afraid Lord, I show that I am strong, but I am afraid."
But He says. "Do not be afraid, "You are my son; today I have become your father." (Psalm 2:7)
"You are my son, I lifted you out of the slimy pit." This happened eleven years ago.
From eleven years wherever I go, if they spit on me,
if they hit me, from Ukraine to Serbia I tell everywhere to pride and arrogant hard *** kids:
"The Lord knows you are soft from inside, He wants to be your Father, understand this!"
Once I heard a story that changed my whole life.
God sent one of my brothers to Korea together with his wife, where Korea was divided into two.
Don't know why, but people started to kill one another.
In Serbia massgraves are full as well, do you know why?
Because they did not hear the Word: "Love your neighbor as yourself." (Mark 12:31)
If you have two garments (coats) give one of the to someone who doesn't have any.
And "love your enemies" (Matthew 5:44)
Don't you hear this? That's why the massgraves are full nowadays.
My brother went to Korea and people were killing one another.
North-Korea and South-Korea were separated.
And the wife of my missionary brother said: "Pull over daddy, I hear a child crying."
He said: "In this crowd and rush, in this snowfall, you hear a child crying?"
She said: "Pull over daddy, I can hear it."
They get out of the car, and go under a bridge.
There they find a woman, 23 years old, totally naked, she wrapped up her baby into her own clothes...
because she gave birth there, under the bridge in 20 degrees below zero while snowing.
And then my brother and sister who heard the voice of God, found her under that bridge.
They took the baby with them and buried the mother.
Sixteen years later this child stood before his father and asked:
"Father, how comes that I am an Asian and you are a European? How comes I am with you?"
"God told me to go to Korea, because people are killing one another, and tell them how much He loves them.
And when we went, we found you under the bridge.
Your mother protected you with her body, but she froze to death.
She is died so that you can live."
"Father, I want to go there. I want to see the place where my mother died."
His father took him to that place. It was 20 degrees below zero and snowing.
The boy went there and he said: You were born here, and your mother died here."
"Where is my mother?" "Here."
In 20 degrees below zero this boy took his clothes off and covered the tomb of his mother with them.
"My mother, when you were cold, you died, so that I can live.
Thank you that you had such a love in your heart."
What do you think, what made her to give her life for her son? What was the reason?
Was she running away from the soldiers? Was she afraid? No!
Jesus was in her heart.
Love is here. Look at the Cross! There He loved you, don't you get it?
The same way you were loved on the Cross. Jesus died for you!
This Love bowed over you, died for you, that much He loved you, but you don't know it, you ignore this love.
The Blood of God poured into the world.
Love is much more powerful than hate. I declare to you in the name of Jesus.
Whoever wants to meet this Love, come forward. Come forward who wants to met this Love.
In Jesus name I ask you. Come boldly.
Is there no one who wants to met this love? All right, then I will pray for you.
"Father I am very thankful that I can hold in my hand those royal jewelry you wore in your joints. Thank you that I can hold on to them Lord. I am very grateful, Lord."