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Do you want to get down to the pub and...
get a pint?
Sure man!
But I can't afford any pints...
SCREW YOU!!!
HEY YOU!!!
Who me?
Yeah you!!!
SANTA CLAUS?
No
But are you tired of being broke and depressed?
Yeah....
Then try this DVD: How to exploit UN for your own benefits.
This DVD includes your own personal trainer!
Hello. My name is Ban Ki-Moon.
And this is how to exploit UN for your own benefits.
Lesson one:
Step one:
Invest in cheap wind turbines in China. Best quality in the world.
Step two:
Bribe climate experts and convince UN that we are facing dangerous global climate changes.
Now let UN do the dirty work.
And they will convince nations to buy your cheap wind turbines for a ridiculously high price.
Warwerwouwa it's a Very nice.
Lesson two:
Do you like children?
Me neither.
Child labour is probably the most unexploited labor in all of Europe.
Look at Mali! Their economy grows every day because of child labor.
Step one:
Kidnap some children.
Make them work for you and make the media aware of the child labour.
Step two:
Create an organisation against child labour and then UN will economically support your organisation.
Step three:
Profit.
Warwerwouwa it's a Very nice.
Lesson 3:
We all know there is a lot of oil in the Middle East. But no one has claimed it.
So why don't you?
"Accidentally" convince the US that there are weapons of mass destruction in the Middle East
and Bush will take care of the rest.
Step two:
When the US attacks the Middle East, UN will try to persuade US to end the conflict, and make a diplomatic solution.
Step three:
It is now your time to shine!
While this conflict is going on, you just go to the Middle East.
Buy the oil for a very low price and sell it again for an absurdly high price!
Just like the Norwegians.
Those mother-***...
Warwerwouwa it's a Very nice.
If you follow all of these lessons, it should look a little something like this:
[***-bag walk]
Hey ***!
Do you want to grab a beer or something?
Yeah...
But not with you, you ***!
Thank you UN!
You guys and gals make the world a better place!