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With some advice for the kids on avoiding playtime accidents,
here's "Live and Learn" with Mike Britt.
Boy: I'm gonna jump! Mike: White kids love to play in the pool.
Uh oh, that girl's telling Timmy to jump on that idiot.
And even at this age, boys will do any stupid stuff that girls want.
Well look at this *** here.
She's laughing, and Johnny is lying face down.
*** just Marco Polo'd him to death.
Luckily there was a weird doctor nearby to give the kid a massage and put an apple in his mouth.
But boys should remember that women are evil.
Pete: Guys, look at this! Mike: Back before video games and ***, boys had to play with fire.
Pete: Hmm... Mike: Ah, says Pete! This can't be good.
Pete: I'm gonna be right back fellas, hang out here for a second. Boy: Okay Mike: The psycho's going to get gas!
Look out, Pete's about to get crazy!
If you play with fire you gotta go to that same *** up doctor that's going to
make you look like a mummy.
Doctor: Nice and tight. Boy: Okay, you over there. Alright watch this. Mike: Oh *** it's getting real now.
Boy: Yes! Mike: Oh, Tommy got it right in the eye.
You see this? You play with guns, and you look like a ***' pirate.
And pirates can't see ***.
Now how can anything go wrong with these ***?
Billy: Hey, go on. Mike: Billy wants to play on the edge of the cliff.
Billy: Couple of chickens! Mike: This should go well. Oh!
Bye bye Billy. Let's look at that in slow motion.
The lesson here? Don't do dumb *** and you really shouldn't have no problem.
Live and learn, *** because health care sucks in this country. [music playing: end of the national anthem]
[swoosh]