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( elevator bell rings )
Woman: The Administration's warning to Beijing
was particularly forceful
since it was presented by the Defense Secretary himself.
UNB has learned the Secretary's public warning...
FEEL BETTER?
THAT WAS MY COCONUT CREAM
YOU SACRIFICED TO YOUR RAGE.
THEY WANT A LOOK, SALLY, NOT A JOURNALIST.
HERE, LOOK AT THESE CHANGES.
AMY MIGHT HAVE A LOOK
BUT I THINK YOU'RE MORE APPEALING
ANY DAY OF THE WEEK
AND A WHOLE HECK OF A LOT SEXIER... REALLY
I'M NOT JUST SAYING THAT AS A FRIEND...
I NEED SKIRTS TO HIDE MY HIPS
SLACKS TO CAMOUFLAGE MY THIGHS
AND I CAN'T EXPOSE
THESE FLABBY ARMS.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SUPPOSED
TO WEIGH? 116 POUNDS.
KNOW WHAT I WEIGHED TODAY?
151 POUNDS!
THAT'S WHY I TURN THE MONITORS AWAY FROM ME DURING BROADCAST
BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE PORKY PIG.
I SHOULD DO THE FARM NEWS.
( snorting )
( laughing )
TV announcer: Tired of that grapefruit diet food?
al food?
T THAT GUY.
Well, with Forever Slender
you can eat the kind of food you really love.
DOESN'T HE LOOK LIKE OUR OLD BROADCAST PROFESSOR?
WHO, MR. MENLO?
WELL, HE DOESN'T HAVE THE SAME NOSE
BUT YEAH... YEAH.
( watch alarm beeps )
OOH, GOT TO GO.
Mmm.
TEN SECONDS!
FIVE...
four... three...
Shh, concentrate.
GOOD EVENING. I'M PHIL SLATER.
THANKING YOU FOR MAKING WPKV'S 6:00 NEWSBEAT
number one in Syracuse.
THE MONITOR GOT TURNED BACK TOWARDS SALLY.
...here's Sally with an update.
Sally?
WELL, WITH THE COMBINATION OF SNOW MELTING
AND THE POSSIBILITY OF RAIN
FOR THE THIRD DAY, AUTHORITIES ISSUED A FLOOD WARNING
AND HERE'S OUR WEATHER WATCHER WITH THE LATEST DETAILS.
WENDY, WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF ACTUAL FLOODING OCCURRING?
THERE'S ONLY A 30% POSSIBILITY OF RAIN NOW
WHICH HAS BEEN DOWNGRADED FROM 50%
JUST YESTERDAY.
AND IF THERE'S NO RAIN
THERE'LL BE NO FLOODING.
So things look pretty good right now, but...
I'M READY.
IT WAS DON LOWELL'S IDEA.
HELLO!
( grunts acknowledgement )
WELL, DON'T YOU Y?
( groans softly )
OUR A.P. TELETYPE BROKE DOWN.
THERE ANYTHING IN THE TIMES WE CAN USE?
WHY DO YOU BRING THESE?
( chuckles again )
IT'S HOT, AHH.
YOU'RE NOT STILL UPSET
ABOUT THE NETWORK
NO! NO, I LIKE DOING STORIES ABOUT...
NINGS
AND COUNTY FROG JUMPING CONTESTS.
IS THIS YOUR NIECE AND NEPHEW?
MM-HMM.
WOW! THEY SURE GROW UP FAST, DON'T THEY?
SHE'S CUTE, SHE'S GOT YOUR NOSE.
YEAH?
WHEN I'M READY
I WANT TO HAVE TWO LITTLE GIRLS.
YEAH? NOT A BOY AND A GIRL?
MM... IT'S TOO TRADITIONAL.
AND BESIDES, I GREW UP IN A FAMILY OF GIRLS.
I'M GOING TO MAKE SURE MY DAUGHTERS
DON'T MISS OUT ON LITTLE LEAGUE
AND ALL THE THINGS THAT MY SISTERS AND I DID.
WE HAVE A NICE LITTLE LEAGUE HERE.
OOH...
NOT UNTIL I AM GETTING A 25 SHARE AT A NETWORK.
OR AT LEAST A MAJOR MARKET.
UM, SALLY, I GOT A CALL
FROM WPOI CHICAGO.
THEY'RE LOOKING FOR A NEW PRODUCER.
NOW, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LEAVE WPKV
ARE YOU, ANDY?
ANDY, I NEED YOU.
THEY ARE ALSO LOOKING FOR AN ANCHORWOMAN
AND I SENT THEM YOUR AUDITION TAPE.
I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU.
OH.
KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING?
I WANT TO TURN THE MONITORS BACK TOWARDS ME DURING BROADCAST
BECAUSE THE ONLY WAY I'LL EVER LOSE WEIGHT
IS IF I HAVE TO LOOK AT MYSELF.
...MORE THAN FROM ANY NEWS COMING OUT OF WASHINGTON.
OLE
OF BOATWRIGHT, STEVENS AND COLE, SAYS HE DOESN'T FORESEE
A CORRECTION SOON.
THE FEDERAL RESERVE IS CURRENTLY ACCOMMODATING THE STOCK MARKET.
THE BOND MARKET, SURPRISINGLY
IS NOT RESPONDING NEGATIVELY
TO THE ACTIONS BY THE FEDS.
DID YOU HAPPEN TO LOOK AT SALLY McCORMICK'S TAPE?
Man: She's fabulous!
I can see why you're so excited by her, but, uh, well...
we've got a 57% male audience
and our consulting firm tells us they like, uh, a different look.
Hey, I've got an idea.
Would she do the weather?
WOULD SHE DO THE WEATHER?
SO, SALLY, PHIL, ALTHOUGH IT CONTINUES TO LOOK BLEAK HERE
IN CALIFORNIA, IT'LL CONTINUE TO BE THE TYPE OF WEATHER
THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO... TAKE IT ALL OFF!
JUST LET A SMILE BE YOUR BEACH UMBRELLA, HUH, WENDY?
ONE MAN WHO ISN'T SMILING IS OUR MAYOR.
MY EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH HIS HONOR RIGHT AFTER THIS MESSAGE.
( music playing )
Man: WE'RE CLEAR.
Do you know that you could look exactly like her?
No fasti
COULD SOMEBODY HELP ME WITH THIS, PLEASE?
No tedious time-consuming exercise...
Tired of being ignored?
Tired of her getting all the attention?
Wendy: IT WAS LIKE
KILLING ME AND STUFF, AND SO...
u
from getting what you deserve?
Wendy: THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THAT'S REALLY SWEET OF YOU.
GET RID OF ALL THIS STUFF...
WOW...
( sighs )
( sighs )
OH, I'D SELL MY SOUL TO THE DEVIL TO BE THIN.
HELLO.
I'M SEYMOUR KECKER, I...
OH, YOUR, YOUR NEWS DIRECTOR
WAS JUST SHOWING ME AROUND.
WHERE THE HECK DID HE GO?
( chuckling )
OH, EX-EXCUSE ME FOR STARING, IT'S
IT'S JUS
MY FAVORITE PROFESSOR.
REALLY? YEAH?
HE PASSED AWAY LAST YEAR.
OH, I'M SORRY. OH.
WELL... I SEEM TO RESEMBLE
A LOT OF PEOPLE, ACTUALLY.
Man outside: HELLO? WHERE ARE YOU?
WELL, I, UH...
I AM A BIG FAN OF YOURS.
YO
OH. THERE YOU ARE.
WOW. ONE SECOND YOU'RE STANDING NEXT TO ME
YOU'RE GONE, JUST LIKE MY FOUR-YEAR-OLD.
YEAH. ( chuckling )
WELL, I SEE YOU'VE MET
SYRACUSE'S NUMBER-ONE ANCHORWOMAN.
RIGHT, RIGHT.
UH, SALLY, MR. KECKER IS A NEW WPKV SPONSOR.
HE'S, UH, OWNER, PRESIDENT
AND SPOKESPERSON OF FOREVER...
FOREVER... THIN?
SLENDER, FOREVER SLENDER.
AND WE WOULD BE HONORED
TO HAVE YOU IN THE PROGRAM.
OH, I'M SORRY
I DIDN'T MEAN TO OFFEND YOU...
NO, NO, I'M BEYOND BEING OFFENDED
BY NOW, MR. KECKER.
IT'S JUST THAT I CAN'T TAKE ANOTHER PROGRAM.
I CAN'T EVEN STAY ON THIS GRAPEFRUIT DIET, SO...
EXCUSE ME.
LAST WEEK'S RATINGS AME IN, DON.
I'VE MARKED ALL THE...
UH, THAT'S GREAT, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
The new nominee for Secretary of Housing and Development
is ready to pull his name off the list for consideration.
White House spokesmen expressed disappointment...
SALLY, I CAN'T HELP WHAT THE DEMOGRAPHICS SAY.
CARRIE SATTLER OF WECA
CUT INTO OUR MALE AUDIENCE.
OH, COME ON, DON.
WE HAVE WOMEN OUT THERE, TOO.
YEAH, AND THEY'RE LOYAL TO PHIL SLATER, THANK YOU.
HOO-HOO, THANK YOU!
WELL, MAYBE IF WPKV INVESTED
A LITTLE BIT MORE MONEY
IN ITS NEWSGATHERING ABILITIES
LIKE TELETYPE MACHINES THAT DIDN'T BREAK DOWN
OR RADIO PHONES THAT WORKED...
A NEW COFFEE MACHINE, PERHAPS...
SO YOUR ANSWER IS TO MAKE WENDY TANNER AN ANCHOR?
HER.
EXCUSE ME, I BELIEVE SHE KEPT SOME CLOTHES ON.
AND SHE WAS PUTTING HERSELF THROUGH JUNIOR COLLEGE.
SALLY, WOULD YOU PLEASE PUT THOSE DARTS DOWN?
YOU'RE MAKING ME NERVOUS.
I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE I'M FIRING YOU.
H OF YOU.
KIND OF LIKE A MENAGE A... TROIS...
( weakly ): THING.
I AM NOT GOING TO CO-ANCHOR THE NEWS
WITH SOME FORMER GO-GO DANCER WHO DROPPED OUT
OF JUNIOR COLLEGE.
SHE SHOULD BE FLIPPING CARDS
ON SOME SYNDICATED GAME SHOW
NOT ANCHORING THE NEWS.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, DON.
I'M JUST GOING TO JUST GO BACK OUT IN THE FIELD AGAIN, OKAY?
YOU KNOW, IT SHOULDN'T BE A...
MISS AMERICA CONTEST.
CARRIE SATTLER--
YOU KIDDING ME?
SHE CAN'T HOLD A CANDLE TO YOU
AS A NEWSWOMAN.
NOW, YOU, ON THE OTHER HAND...
WHEN YOU SPEAK
YOU COME RIGHT THROUGH THAT SCREEN LIKE A...
( snorting, abashed laugh )
LISTEN TO ME.
I'M SORRY.
I TOLD YOU I WAS A BIG FAN.
( laughs gently )
WHAT ARE YOU HAVING THERE?
( sighs )
STRAWBERRIES AND NONFAT YOGURT.
MMM, DEVIL'S FOOD.
MMM. HMM.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.,
UM, WAITRESS!
COULD YOU BRING THE LITTLE LADY HERE
L'S FOOD,
NO, NO, NO.
I-I CAN'T, NO.
REALLY?
NO, REALLY, REALLY.
REALLY? THAT'S TOO BAD.
SEE, ON MY PROGRAM, YOU EAT WHATEVER YOU WANT
STILL GET DOWN TO YOUR BEST WEIGHT.
I'D SAY, UM...
ABOUT 116?
YEAH.
HOW DID YOU...?
IS THIS ONE OF THOSE HIGH-PROTEIN, HIGH-FAT DIETS?
I TRIED THAT ONE.
I LOST TEN POUNDS ON IT.
IT'S A SHORT-TERM DIET.
OH. WELL, MINE'S A LONG-TERM.
THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT "FOREVER SLENDER."
JUST EAT WHATEVER YOU WANT
WHEN YOU WANT IT, HOWEVER MUCH YOU WANT
AND STAY, UH...
FOREVER SLENDER.
( laughing )
RIGHT.
AND ALL I HAVE TO DO IS SELL MY SOUL.
( both laughing )
EXACTLY.
MATTER OF FACT, UM...
Y OF, UH
FILLING IN A FEW OF THE DETAILS ON THIS AGREEMENT HERE.
YOU MIGHT WANT TO LOOK AT IT.
NOW DON'T, UH...
DON'T FEEL OBLIGATED OR ANYTHING.