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His name is Ham. He is the most spoiled chimp in history.
For months the scientists have awarded him with banana flawoured pills,
so he would learn to pull the rigt leaver in his space capsule.
Three chimps have trained for this mission.
But Ham is the one that got selected.
The goverment has billions of dollars invested in Ham.
*** ***...
Ouch!
I used to be a hormonal 7 year old.
And until this summer I didn't ***.
I didn't even have a hormonal basis
for any kind of *** act.
On the other hand, my internal organs were stapled like this,
and any kind of intercourse would look like
raping a 7 year old child.
Although I did have... My libido was still on,
and I had my Jelly Bunny... Oh, well...
And all theese changes were happening kinda gradually,
like: click - one day one thing goes away,
another day something else
and like that till the end,
when I became completely asexual.
And all the worrying has made me even more determined
to continue with the whole deal.
It wasn't untill I started finding
strands of my hair on my pillow,
not being able to get up,
my muscles atrophied,
and my heart skipped beats every time I took a walk,
that I got a little bit worried, but just a bit.
BRATLjEVO VILLAGE, 1977
Did you three ever watch television?
No. -No. -No.
They told me about how they watched
the Un-Dissmissed, and a cartoon...
What else did you hear about the television?
In the old days days, there are those who remember,
television, TV set, it was all a true sensation.
The day the reciever was obtained was holiday for all the family.
Horse-drawn carriages were used for transport,
And people were mostly buying sets using credit loans.
Did they describe how it looks like?
-Yes, they did! -What do they tell?
They tell how 16 Germans... Ughh...
Wht are you laughin'about?
I was watching a cartoon "Un-Dissmissed" where 16 Germans...
I lost my period when I wheighed 45kg,
and at first I thought I was pregnant,
and so I went to gynecologyst to get examined a bit,
And he "advised" me that I should, in fact, have something to eat.
And... At first it was pretty cool not having any
of those cramps or various kinds of PMS,
But then I realised that the proces is draining calcium from my bones,
and that I have been afflicted by osteoporosis.
I used to be a hormonal 7 year old.
And, until this summer, I didn't ***.
I was being plagued by tourments of a 12 year old girl all over again,
I was secretly in love, crying my days and nights
because of the most unfortunate love affair...
...a cartoon, "Un-Dissmissed", where 16 Germans
were hitting on two men.
One they killed, and one they didn't.
The changes in approving the personal loans
are bound to have impact on the TV set market.
Since the television sets are not just a symbol of social comodity,
but also a highly efficient source of information,
we find that the loans for their purchase should be authorized
under current conditions.
When I was telling them about my "funny" relationship with a hairdrier,
Like: "There's me, sitting in my bathroom all day long, drying like this"...
Like: "What's up with you, girl?"
Like: "Yeah, I'm staring at one spot,"
"and just not thinking about anything in the while".
That was really like...
You want me to talk about something?
C'mon, lets like we're doin something else now?
My name is Sredoye Parezanovic from Bratlievo.
I am the student of the fifth grade.
Of the elementary school Milan Vucicevic AKA 'The Beast'.
From Bratljevo.
And you have never watched television?
Never have.
Hey, but I haven't said that the hormones are discharged
from the fat cells, so that is the reason my hormones died out.
Tell me, how is the life without television like?
Unusual.
I was under a threat of various sinister deseases,
like tuberculosis and... And alike...
Leprosy!
But, but... I wasn't afflicted by those.
I made gangrene out of a bunion.
In the course of 5 hours my leg had swolen like a keg
and they had to operate on me on the spot.
Additionaly, they didn't use any anesthetics.
So, they took the scalpel nicely and butchered me on the spot like that.
And I videotaped myself.
Today I'll decide what to buy from my first salary.
I've got an idea!
Buy in three minutes, pay in 30 months,
30 monthly installments withouth participation
in our vast sale network until 30 September.
Electronic Industries television sets!
I would love to watch television,
Those who have watched it are telling me
About the matches of Red Star and Partizan,
I would love to watch it, too,
But, alas, we don't have it in our village.
I imagine the pain like some art performance,
and when I distance myself like that, I don't feel it at all.
That's why they were looking at me like am some sort of a freak
while I was videotaping myself screaming.
Afterwords they told me that giving birth will be nothing in comparison.
Whait, I have my wheelchair photo somwhere around here!
Wait, they are among these...
Do they tell you how the television set looks like?
They don't.
Me, me, me, me... Egomaniac me...
Hey, my head is swolen here from the painkiller tabs...
And, for the first time in the hospital I didn't have any makeup on.
It's the only day that I didn't have any makeup on.
Although I do have some glitter around the eyes.
Aaah... Here's my little foot! But this is a while after the surgery.
He ripped out this whole piece here becouse the gangrene had spread
making my hole leg black, all the way up to tigh.
I was thinking weather they might cut it off, but they didn't.
The series of photos that I started at that time
were those from the bathtub, black and white,
Which I called 'Fashion Auschwitz'.
When they are neatly arranged various swastika formes emerge:
left and right swastika, and I think that Fashion Auschwitz
will make me famous.
What else did the children watch on television?
They watched the match between Partizan and Red Star.
Everything started all over again: my first period, loosing my virginity,
the rerun of my whole youth.
The fantasy can become a reality, the proof of that is Milivoj Jugin.
We will show you what Milivoj Jugin, our famous - what shall we call it?
Astronaut? You are not an astronaut.
Astronaut that has never flown...
Here's what he plays with in his spare time.
We called on Milivoj Jugin today to tell us about the plans
that are being made in those huge space centres of the world,
and it is known who has them, in the year of 1981?
There are many plans, could you tell us about them?
That thing that you're holding is the newest product that is
due to fly this year. It is a so-called 'rocketplane',
and we will see it fly to cosmos 50 times a year.
- If it succedes for the first time? -If it succedes, but since it is prepared
for 10 years now, I am covinced that it will manage.
Comrad Jugin, do you agree for us to show some of the films we prepared?
Without further ado.
And if you could comment, I like them very much,
but I don't know anything about them.
My *** impulses are back!
One can observe a yo-yo effect there, too, so these days
I'm gaping at men on the street.
I append and append, no wonder I have leprosy.
- And here's rocketplane! -Your toy...
In order for it to land just like this, overlay is specialy made
from a material that is very wierd.
It is a special material based on silicon dioxide.
We are watching how these special overlay shields are being made.
They are extremely precicely handeled so they could fit perfectly.
And it can be handeled with bare hands after just 10 seconds,
although it has been under 1200C.
I just want to say that that too will help in order for us to get new dishware
that we will be able to take right from the heat without burning oneself.
Namely women.
-Men cook, too, don't they? - I don't.
-You don't. Tell us... -Here, right now...!
The rocketplane has already been tested.
It has simply been released so it's landing qualities could be determined.
It is found to be superb, and it is expected to have it's first flight soon.
This is the landing.
Comrad Jugin, let's tell our viewers that you are on the list of passangers.
When are you due ty fly?
To be honest, I do have a ticket, but it seems to me that I won't be using it.
-Why? -Maybe my son will sell it like an extra ticket.
And do you think that he will have to cook in space?
-I do not think so. -You don't.
-No. Because they take everything with them.
Thank you, comrad Jugin, and now let's take a look
at one insert, Sheila will sing something about a thing called
travel into Moon, travel to Moon and something that really does not
depend on any kind of date. You can really fly off with Sheila to space.
In front of a butcher's window little piggy gets all ready,
as he looks on the sausages he calls them: mommy, daddy.
At the same time it was a true tragedy when a TV set got broken.
Luckily, for the owners were few, and the repair shops were just begining
building their reputation, probobly much better than today,
causing general satisfaction and joy.
Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy...
In the while you're dying of depression.
Mm... My name is Djokovic Bosko. I am a 5th grade student in Bratljevo.
School's not too far from my house, maybe 2km.
I think that the trigger for my anorexia is that I'm too ambitious,
and I impose on myself some abnormal goals,
and when I realize that I cannot reach them,
I get numb and just curl up and think about food
so I wouldn't have to think how I haven't done anything worthwile in my life.
I watched television set 3-4 times. And the most first time I watched
in Ivanjica "Desant na Drvar".
Tell me the date it happened.
It was in the fall of 1977.
I used to get tortured by hunger costantly at first,
but eventually I stopped feeling hungry.
And then I got hooked on being hungry, and then I wanted to feel it,
so I starved myself even more, but I couldn't feel it
because my neurotransmitters were blocked.
I was hoocked on hunger.
First, we closed the door and drew darker curtains on windows.
And then we turned some button and pushed it afterwords.
Then it started buzzing a bit, and images started to show up.
She is one really retarded chick, true pudding head.
My psychologyst tried to treat her, but he had to send
both her and her mother to neuropsychiatrist.
She, like, really deserved to die.
In whose house was it?
Vuk Jelic. It was in the house of Vuk Jelic.
How are you related to Vuk Jelic?
He's my Grandfather.
I asked her a 100 times: He, girl, you wanna die?
Like, Kristina, whazz up wit' you? And she was like:
Uggh... I don't wanna eat...
She, like, should die, for that is her decision,
and that is simply a form of a suicide.
No, I was hoping all the time that I will finally get a 'companion'
for eating, so I wouldn't eat with nutricionist alone.
And so I was longing for her, and she showed up,
and I just couldn't wait for our first meal,
I came with my whole setup of favourite dishware,
just to find her carying the smallest bottle of juice of 250mg,
made from, i don't know, pineaple, which like induces weight loss...
It happened in such a way that everybody left the hospital room for the weekend.
The two of us were hanging around, but I ate alone.
And she was looking at me, just looking and looking.
They begged her for hours and hours to take just one little sip,
and she took it, and spit it out and started screaming at dietetician.
If i had a television set in my house, I would give anything
If there was electricity they would surely bring one.
All in all, I'm glad I have... I've had anorexia, and I really
bug people a lot about anorexia. I just cannot let the sicness go.
I am emotionally tied to my illness.
It seems so ridicilous today, but believe me, there used to be TV watchers fan clubs.
There they discussed, asked and everything was interesting.
And for picture to arrive to your home many obstacles had to be suppressed...
The law is it again when the carts on wheels appear.
Many children are on the roads and too many car accidants.
Many cities forbid them, at least until the next craze strikes.