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HI... CHUCK.
HEY, MR. B.
I BROUGHT YOU SOME MORE BEANS.
YEAH, THIS IS THE THIRD BUSHEL THIS WEEK.
YOU KNOW, I'VE COOKED EVERY GREEN BEAN RECIPE
I HAVE... TWICE.
WELL, THERE MUST BE SOMETHING YOU CAN DO WITH 'EM.
HEY, MY MOM--SHE USED TO MAKE THIS GREAT DISH
WITH GREEN BEANS AND MUSHROOMS AND THEN SHE PUT ONIONS ON TOP.
YOU MEAN GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE?
YEAH, EXACTLY!
ALTHOUGH, YOU KNOW, I DOUBT SHE'D GIVE UP THE RECIPE.
SHE'S PRETTY TIGHT WITH HER CREATIONS.
HMM, I BET SHE IS.
WELL, I'LL SEE IF I CAN'T FIGURE THAT ONE OUT MYSELF.
THANKS--THANKS A LOT.
BYE, MR. B.
SEE YA.
(sighs) WOW. GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE.
YOU KNOW, EVERY YEAR OF MY YOUTH,
MY AUNT GERT WOULD BRING GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE
TO THE BROWN FAMILY REUNION, AND MY MOM WOULD MAKE ME EAT IT.
AUNT GERT HAD A LOT OF MONEY.
UGH--LIMP BEANS, GREASY ONIONS,
GRAVY OUT OF AN H.P. LOVECRAFT STORY.
FINALLY, ONE YEAR I REFUSED,
CITING THE GENEVA CONVENTION.
SURE ENOUGH, AUNT GERT LEFT ME OUT OF THE WILL.
STILL, IT'S AN INTRIGUING PROPOSITION.
I SUPPOSE THAT WITH SOME SOUND SCIENCE,
THE RIGHT INGREDIENTS
AND A TRIED-AND-TRUE TECHNIQUE OR TWO,
EVEN GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE CAN BE...
Closed Captions provided by Scripps Networks, LLC.
Captioned by Closed Captioning Services, Inc.
ALTHOUGH CHUCK HAS SET ME UP
WITH ALL THE PRODUCT I NEED, MOST FOLKS BEGIN
THEIR GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE ODYSSEY HERE
AT THE MEGA MART.
NOW WITH THE EXCEPTION OF A FEW OLD-WORLD FAVORITES,
LIKE FAVA BEANS AND LENTILS,
MOST OF THE BEANS THAT WE KNOW AND LOVE
ARE MEMBERS OF THE SPECIES PHASEOLUS VULGARIS,
WHICH DESCENDED FROM ONE PROTO-BEAN
WHICH GREW IN THE SOUTHERN ANDES
THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO.
NOW HOW IS IT THAT ONE SPECIES EXHIBITS SO MUCH DIVERSITY?
THE ANSWER--MAIZE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
THE GRAIN THAT WE KNOW OF AS CORN
IS RESPONSIBLE FOR BRINGING US ALL OF OUR BEANS.
NOW MAIZE HAS BEEN A STAPLE
ACROSS MOST OF CENTRAL AND SOUTH AMERICA
FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS.
IT'S NUTRITIOUS, BUT LACKING CRUCIAL AMINO ACIDS LIKE LYSINE.
ADD BEANS TO THE POT,
AND SUDDENLY YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF A COMPLETE PROTEIN.
NOW ONCE THIS DIETARY MIRACLE BECAME KNOWN,
BEANS SPREAD, ADAPTING AND EVOLVING
AS IT MOVED ACROSS THE LANDSCAPE AND ACROSS CULTURES.
BEANS' VOYAGE TO THE OLD WORLD
AS PART OF THE COLUMBIAN EXCHANGE
FURTHER ADAPTED THE BEAN,
AND THEN IT CAME BACK TO THE NEW WORLD.
THE RESULT--WE GOT OURSELVES A BIG OL' HEAP OF BEANS.
CHUCK! WHY ARE YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOPPING FOR BEANS?
I'M LOOKING TO ADD A LITTLE DIVERSITY
TO MY BREEDING PROGRAM, BUT THERE ARE SO MANY.
WELL, MAYBE I CAN HELP YOU OUT.
WHAT YOU'RE HOLDING THERE IS BASICALLY THE PURPLE BEAN,
THE PURPLE VERSION
OF THE STANDARD CAPRICE GREEN BEAN.
OH, RIGHT.
I BROUGHT A BUNCH OF THOSE TO YOU THIS MORNING...
YEAH.
BUT THEY'RE TOO SHORT.
OH, WELL, IT'S A GREAT ALL-PURPOSE BEAN.
HERE WE HAVE A COUPLE OF FLAT VARIETIES--
THE DRAGON AND THE ROMANO.
THEY CAN STAND UP TO LONG COOKING,
BUT BECAUSE THEY'RE FLAT,
THEY'RE EASIER TO LAY ON THE COUNTER AND CUT,
SO THEY'RE GOOD IN FRESH SALADS AND THINGS LIKE THAT.
BUT DO THEY GROW TALL?
TALL--NOT PARTICULARLY.
TOO SHORT!
TOO SHORT--OKAY.
WELL, HERE! OH, THESE ARE LOVELY LITTLE HARICOTS VERTS,
LITTLE FRENCH BEANS USED IN THINGS LIKE SALADE NIçOISE--
VERY TASTY, VERY TENDER.
BUT DO THOSE GROW TALL?
NOT PARTICULARLY.
TOO SHORT! TOO SHORT.
OKAY, WELL, YOU KNOW ABOUT THESE GUYS--
OH, HERE-- HUNGARIAN WAX BEANS,
VERY KIND OF TOUGH BEANS-- THEY'RE USED OFTEN IN PICKLING,
BUT THEY DON'T GROW PARTICULARLY...
DO THOSE GROW TALL?
NO, NOT TERRIBLY.
TOO SHORT!
WELL, THAT JUST LEAVES US
WITH THE GOOD OL' AMERICAN POLE BEAN.
THIS CAN STAND UP TO A LOT OF COOKING--
GOOD IN SOUPS, STEWS, THINGS LIKE THAT.
WHY DO THEY CALL THEM POLE BEANS?
POLES? WELL, THE VINES ARE REAL GROWERS,
SO THEY GROW THEM UP POLES, TRELLISES, THINGS LIKE THAT.
THAT'S PERFECT! IT SHOULD GIVE ME THAT FEW EXTRA FEET.
(whispers) I GOT IT. THANK YOU.
YOU NEED TO--
THANKS, MR. BROWN.
UM, REGARDLESS OF THE GREEN BEANS
THAT YOU SEEK,
YOU ALWAYS WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT THEY ARE UNIFORM IN COLOR,
LIKE THIS.
YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE ANY BLEMISHES, ANY DARK SPOTS.
AND WHEN YOU BEND THEM, THEY SHOULD SNAP CRISPLY
AT ABOUT 90 DEGREES.
IF THEY DON'T, THEY'RE OLD.
AND IF THEY'RE OLD, YOU DON'T WANT THEM!
HE GIVES ME THE SPOOKS!
MODERN GREEN BEANS HAVE BEEN BRED
WITH A LITTLE EXTRA FIBER IN THEM TO HELP THEM SURVIVE
SHIPPING AND HANDLING,
BUT THEY STILL DON'T BEAR UP IN THE REFRIGERATOR TOO WELL,
BECAUSE THEIR METABOLISM KEEPS TICKING
EVEN AFTER PICKING.
SO I WOULDN'T GIVE THEM MORE THAN FIVE DAYS IN HERE.
AND THE TRICK IS TO SEAL THEM IN AN AIRTIGHT CONTAINER.
I LIKE ZIP-TOP BAGS, BUT CONDENSATION
UP AGAINST THE BEANS IS A BAD THING.
SO I GENERALLY LEAVE THE BAG OPEN,
PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE, LET THEM CHILL DOWN
AND SUCK OUT THE AIR BEFORE STORAGE.
I'LL BE BACK.
ONCE UPON A TIME, A TOUGH BUNDLE OF FIBERS,
KIND OF LIKE GREEN DENTAL FLOSS,
RAN UP THE SPINE OF MOST GREEN BEANS.
OF COURSE, THEY HAD TO BE STRIPPED OFF
BEFORE SAID BEAN COULD BE SNAPPED.
LUCKILY, THE STRING HAS BEEN BRED OUT OF MOST MODERN PODS,
THOUGH YOU MAY STILL ENCOUNTER THEM
IN HEIRLOOM VARIETIES.
SO AFTER A GOOD RINSE,
I LIKE TO JUST GET A KIND OF A BUNDLE IN ONE HAND,
AND THEN I USE MY THUMB AND FOREFINGER
TO BREAK OFF THE STEM END, THEN TRANSFER TO THIS HAND
TO SNAP THE LONG BEANS IN HALF.
SHORT ONES YOU CAN LEAVE INTACT.
NOW AS FAR AS COOKING GOES,
I THINK OF BEANS THE WAY I DO PASTA.
IN OTHER WORDS, I DON'T EVER PUT THESE
INTO A POT OF WATER WITHOUT HAVING
AT LEAST A GALLON OF WATER AT A BOIL,
LIBERALLY SEASONED WITH NOT 1, BUT 2 TABLESPOONS OF SALT.
NOW I PROBABLY COULD PACK THESE BEANS
INTO A SMALLER VESSEL,
BUT ALL THIS WATER DOES TWO THINGS.
FIRST, IT'LL BOUNCE BACK QUICKLY TO A BOIL,
WHICH WILL SHORTEN THE OVERALL COOKING TIME.
AND THAT IS GOOD, BECAUSE IT'LL HELP
PREVENT THESE BEANS FROM TURNING BROWN.
WHY? HOLD ON.
WHEN BEANS GO INTO BOILING WATER,
SOMETHING WONDERFUL HAPPENS.
WITHIN A COUPLE OF MOMENTS, THE GREEN BRIGHTENS
AS OXYGEN MASKING THE CHLOROPHYLL PIGMENT
IS RELEASED INTO THE WATER. AW, IT'S PRETTY.
NOW AS THE COOKING CONTINUES,
CELL WALLS WITHIN THE BEANS SOFTEN,
WHICH IS ALSO A GOOD THING, 'CAUSE IT MEANS
THAT IT'S GONNA BE EASIER FOR US TO GET TO GOOD STUFF,
LIKE MINERALS AND VITAMINS C AND K.
BUT THERE'S ALSO A DOWNSIDE HERE.
YOU SEE, AS THE COOKING CONTINUES,
WE ALSO START TO RELEASE ACIDS,
WHICH, IF THEY LEAK INTO THE WATER,
WILL ATTACK THE CHLOROPHYLL,
TURNING THE BEAN KIND OF BROWN-GRAY.
NOW BY COOKING IN PLENTY OF WATER,
THESE ACIDS CAN BE DILUTED, WHICH IS GOOD.
BUT IT WOULD BE BETTER TO NOT LET THEM OUT
IN THE FIRST PLACE,
SO CHECK YOUR BEANS OFTEN DURING COOKING.
AND BE READY TO PULL THEM.
DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU.
AS SOON AS THE BEANS ARE TENDER TO THE TOOTH--
MMM--WHAT THEY CALL BEAN AL DENTE--HOT--
YOU WANT TO DRAIN THEM INTO A COLANDER
AND THEN MOVE THEM INTO AN ICE WATER BATH
TO SHUT DOWN THE COOKING PROCESS.
ONCE THE BEANS ARE SAFELY CHILLED,
WE CAN MOVE ON TO THE NEXT CASSEROLE COMPONENT.
UNLIKE THE CLASSIC DISHES OF MOST CULTURES,
MUCH OF THE AMERICAN CULINARY CANON WAS BORN
OF THE INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION.
YOU SEE, BY THE TURN OF THE LAST CENTURY,
PANTRIES WERE FLOODING WITH NEW POSSIBILITIES--
PROCESSED FOODS IN BOXES, TINS, JARS, BOTTLES AND ENVELOPES.
ALL PROMISED VARIETY AND A NEW WORD--CONVENIENCE.
NOW ONE OF THE COMPANIES THAT SPRANG UP DURING THIS TIME
WAS A COLLABORATION
BETWEEN AN ICEBOX MANUFACTURER--ABRAHAM ANDERSON--
AND A FRUIT MERCHANT NAMED JOSEPH CAMPBELL.
THEIR JOSEPH CAMPBELL PRESERVE COMPANY
SOLD CANNED TOMATOES, VEGETABLE SOUPS,
MINCED MEATS, THINGS LIKE THAT.
NOW IN 1897, A CHEMIST NAMED DR. JOHN T. DORRANCE
JOINED THE COMPANY AND FIGURED OUT A WAY
TO REMOVE MUCH OF THE WATER FROM SOUP,
WHICH MEANT THAT A 32-OUNCE, YOU KNOW, CAN OF SOUP
COULD BASICALLY GO IN A 10-OUNCE CAN.
SUCH CONDENSED SOUPS BECAME SO POPULAR
THAT PRETTY SOON,
THE JOSEPH CAMPBELL PRESERVE COMPANY
JUST BECAME CAMPBELL'S SOUP, OKAY?
LIKE MANY MANUFACTURERS OF THE PERIOD,
CAMPBELL'S GOT INTO A NEW THING CALLED MARKETING.
TATE, I'M NOT TO SURE ABOUT THIS YUM-YUM STUFF.
WHAT ELSE YA GOT?
WELL, DARREN?
WELL, THERE IS ONE MORE, MR. BAILEY.
(laughs nervously) WE PUBLISH A BOOKLET
CALLED "HINTS FOR HOSTESSES,"
FULL OF RECIPES FOR DISHES
BUILT AROUND YOUR PRODUCTS--
PRODUCTS NO ONE ELSE MAKES.
WHAT KIND OF RECIPES?
YEAH, DARREN, WHAT KIND?
WELL, HOW ABOUT SOMETHING CHEAP
LIKE GREEN BEANS?
AND?
AND?
AND CREAM OF MUSHROOM SOUP!
AND?
AND?
AND FRIED ONIONS?
THAT...
IS BRILLIANT!
IT IS BRILLIANT!
I'LL HAVE MY SECRETARY SEND OVER THE PAPERS.
(man) BRILLIANT, AND HOW!
AMERICANS JUST COULDN'T GET ENOUGH
OF THIS NEW STYLE OF HOME COOKING.
(Alton) OF ALL THE DISHES BORN IN THIS AGE,
NONE REACHED GREATER POPULARITY THAN THE GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE,
WHICH ORIGINALLY CALLED
FOR 4 CUPS OF COOKED, CUT GREEN BEANS,
ONE CAN OF CREAM OF MUSHROOM SOUP,
SOME MILK, SOME SOY SAUCE, A DASH OF PEPPER
AND CANNED FRENCH FRIED ONIONS.
WAS IT GOOD? SURE, IT WAS, BUT IT COULD BE GOOD EATS.
(knock on door)
WHAT THE DEVIL?
OH, MY.
HI, UH, CHUCK.
UM, YOU KNOW, HUGGY BEAR JUST CALLED,
AND HE WANTS HIS HAT BACK.
GOOD ONE, MR. B.
I'M JUST TRYING TO KEEP IT REAL.
YEAH.
I BROUGHT YOU SOME MORE BEANS.
OH, OKAY.
YEAH, THESE ARE A LITTLE SMALLER THAN THE LAST BATCH.
I'M NOT INTO BIG BEANS ANYMORE.
I'VE INVESTED IN A HIGHER CALLING.
IT'S BEEN A HARD CLIMB, BUT IT'S BEEN VERY REWARDING.
YOU MIGHT EVEN SAY THAT I STOLE A POT OF GOLD
FROM A GIANT--NO! DON'T SAY THAT.
PEACE, MR. B.
YEAH.
PEACE...
WHERE WERE WE?
OH, YEAH! ONIONS.
STEP ONE--GET YOURSELF A GIGANTIC MIXING BOWL.
THIS ONE USED TO BE A SATELLITE DISH,
BUT HEY, WHO NEEDS ALL THOSE CHANNELS?
NOW INTO THAT GOES 1/4 OF A CUP OF ALL-PURPOSE FLOUR,
1 TEASPOON OF SALT-- KOSHER, OF COURSE--
AND 2 TABLESPOONS
OF JAPANESE OR PANKO BREADCRUMBS,
WHICH ARE MY PERSONAL FAVORITE.
WHY? WELL...
COME HERE.
HERE WE HAVE REGULAR STORE-BOUGHT BREADCRUMBS.
OKAY? PLEASE NOTE THE SHAPE AND TEXTURE.
NOW HERE WE HAVE PLAYGROUND SAND.
NOTICE THE SIMILARITY.
THE MAIN DIFFERENCE IS IS THAT THIS,
WELL, PROBABLY TASTES BETTER.
NOW CHECK OUT PANKO BREADCRUMBS, OKAY?
THIS JAGGED TEXTURE MAKES FOR A CRUNCHY YET LIGHT CRUST.
HOW DO THEY DO IT, YOU ASK?
I'LL TELL YA.
UNLIKE MOST BREADCRUMBS MADE ON PLANET EARTH,
THE MAKERS OF PANKO
DO NOT JUST CRUMBLE UP DRY PIECES OF BREAD.
NO, NO, NO, NO--
THEY'RE VERY SECRETIVE ABOUT HOW THEY DO IT,
BUT I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO PURCHASE SOME PLANS
FOR MY HOMEMADE PANKO MACHINE ON THE INTERNET.
WHAT YOU NEED
IS YOU GET YOURSELF A VERY, VERY FINE MESH METAL SCREEN.
AND YOU'VE GOT YOUR PATENTED BATTER HERE,
AND YOU JUST ROLL THAT OUT
ALL OVER YOUR SCREEN, LIKE THIS.
SEE, WE'VE GOT PLENTY OF COVERAGE.
THERE WE GO. THAT LOOKS GOOD.
NOW ALL WE HAVE TO DO
IS APPLY THE CORRECT AMOUNT OF CURRENT.
(laughs maniacally)
(mechanical noise rises)
(electricity crackles)
PANKO BREADCRUMBS, HERE WE COME!
(laughs maniacally)
(coughing)
AND THAT IS WHY YOU SHOULD ALWAYS BUY
YOUR JAPANESE-STYLE BREADCRUMBS.
WITH OUR BREADING SAFELY ASSEMBLED,
WE ARE READY TO CUT TWO MEDIUM ONIONS
(French accent) WAFER THIN.
(normal voice) ALTHOUGH I COULD DO THIS
WITH A KNIFE IF I FELT LIKE IT, I'D RATHER USE A MANDOLINE.
THE SHOW'S STARTING TO RUN A LITTLE THICK ON GAGS,
DON'T YOU THINK?
I SPEAK, OF COURSE,
OF THE SECOND MOST FAMOUS CUTTING DEVICE
TO EVER COME OUT OF FRANCE, THE FIRST BEING...
ALTHOUGH FULL-SIZE STAND-MODEL MANDOLINES
ARE CONVENIENT FOR TACKLING 50-POUND SACKS OF POTATOES,
I FIND THAT A SMALL HANDHELD UNIT LIKE THIS
IS FAR BETTER FOR MOST JOBS.
BUT DO YOURSELF A FAVOR-- ALWAYS USE THE HAND GUARD.
A LOT OF CHEFS THROW THESE AWAY, WHICH IS WHY THEY HAVE NICKNAMES
LIKE "STUBBS" AND "BLEEDY."
OKAY, HERE--WE CUT.
I'M JUST GONNA SET THAT RIGHT INTO THE BOWL--
NO REASON TO GET OTHER DEVICES INVOLVED.
AND WE CUT.
THERE'S ONE.
NOW JUST BREAK ALL THE RINGS UP WITH YOUR FINGERS,
BUT TRY TO KEEP YOUR FINGERS OUT OF THE BREADING,
BECAUSE THEY'RE GONNA BE PRETTY WET.
AND THAT IS WHY WE HAVE SUCH A BIG BOWL--
BECAUSE WE CAN TOSS.
FETCH DOWN A SHEET PAN LIKE THIS,
LUBE IT UP WITH A LITTLE NO-STICK SPRAY,
AND PILE ON THE ONIONS.
YOU WANT TO EVENLY DISTRIBUTE THESE,
SO THAT THEY WILL COOK EVENLY.
STASH THESE IN A 475-DEGREE OVEN
FOR 30 MINUTES,
AND MAKE SURE THAT YOU TOSS THEM THOROUGHLY AT LEAST TWO TIMES
DURING THE COOKING PROCESS.
IF YOU DON'T, YOU'LL BE SORRY.
WHILE THE ONIONS COOK,
WE TURN OUR ATTENTION TO A SAUCE.
ALTHOUGH I'M NOT A HUGE FAN OF CREAM OF MUSHROOM SOUP,
THOSE OLD AD MEN WERE ON TO SOMETHING,
BECAUSE MUSHROOMS DO WORK AND PLAY WELL WITH BEANS,
ESPECIALLY WHEN BATHED IN A FRESH CREAM SAUCE.
NOW LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE 16 TO 17 MUSHROOMS HERE.
THAT'S ABOUT 12 OUNCES, WHICH WILL BE JUST RIGHT.
AND THEY SEEM TO BE PRETTY CLEAN,
SO NO WASHING NECESSARY.
NOW WHEN IT COMES TO SLICING MUSHROOMS,
MANDOLINES AREN'T...
VERY EFFECTIVE, BUT NO MATTER.
WE'VE GOT OLDER TECHNOLOGY AVAILABLE.
WE'RE NOT LOOKING FOR SLICES HERE, JUST KIND OF CHUNKS,
SO I'M JUST GONNA KIND OF ROLL THEM AROUND
ON THE BOARD TO GET THOSE CHUNKS.
NOW IF YOU HAPPEN TO FIND ONE THAT HAS
A REALLY *** BOTTOM TO THE STEM,
JUST SLICE THAT OFF, BECAUSE IT WILL NOT GET BETTER
DURING COOKING.
PLACE YOUR FAVORITE 12-INCH CAST-IRON SKILLET
OVER MEDIUM-HIGH HEAT
AND ADD 2 TABLESPOONS OF UNSALTED BUTTER.
ONCE MELTED,
ADD YOUR MUSHROOM CHUNKS
ALONG WITH 1 TEASPOON OF KOSHER SALT
AND 1/2 TEASPOON OF FRESHLY GROUND BLACK PEPPER.
COOK, STIRRING OCCASIONALLY, UNTIL THE MUSHROOMS
BEGIN TO GIVE UP SOME OF THEIR LIQUIDS.
IT'S GONNA TAKE ABOUT FOUR TO FIVE MINUTES.
NOW TIME TO ADD MORE FLAVORS TO THE PARTY--
TWO CLOVES OF GARLIC, MINCED,
AND 1/4 TEASPOON OF NUTMEG--
FRESHLY GRATED NUTMEG, ALWAYS.
OKAY, TIME TO BRING THE THICKENER TO THE PARTY.
JUST SPRINKLE 2 TABLESPOONS OF ALL-PURPOSE FLOUR
OVER THE MIXTURE,
AND I LIKE TO DO THIS WITH A LITTLE HAND SIEVE,
TO KEEP IT EVENLY DISPERSED AND LUMP-FREE.
THERE.
NOW WE'RE LOOKING TO THE STARCH TO SWELL
AND THICKEN THE SAUCE,
BUT FIRST WE'RE GONNA USE
THE RELATIVELY HIGH HEAT OF THE PAN
TO COOK THE RAW CEREAL FLAVOR OUT OF THE FLOUR.
THAT'LL TAKE ABOUT A MINUTE,
BUT KEEP IT MOVING THE ENTIRE TIME.
THAT LOOKS GOOD. AND YOU NOTICE, THE PAN LOOKS COMPLETELY DRY.
THAT'S THE WAY IT OUGHT TO BE.
NOW WE BEGIN WITH THE LIQUIDS-- A CUP OF CHICKEN BROTH.
STIR THIS CONSTANTLY FOR 60 SECONDS,
AS THE BROTH, WHICH IS, OF COURSE, MOSTLY WATER--
IT'S GONNA HEAT, HYDRATE THE FLOUR GRANULES,
AND THAT'LL ALLOW THE STARCH TO SWELL, WHICH IS WHAT WE WANT.
NEXT UP, HALF-AND-HALF-- 1 CUP.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE HEAT CURDLING THIS.
IT'S GOT PLENTY OF FAT INSIDE OF IT.
BESIDES, THERE ARE ALL THESE SWOLLEN STARCH MOLECULES
FLOATING AROUND NOW
THAT WILL KEEP THE DAIRY PROTEINS APART.
LOWER THE HEAT AND MAINTAIN A LOW SIMMER,
STIRRING OCCASIONALLY, UNTIL THE SAUCE REACHES
ITS FULL THICKENING POTENTIAL.
THAT'LL TAKE ABOUT 6 1/2 MINUTES,
DEPENDING ON THE HEAT
AND THE EXACT AMOUNT OF FAT IN YOUR HALF-AND-HALF.
THE ONIONS ARE DONE. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE.
WE'LL LET THESE COOL AND TURN THE OVEN DOWN TO 400.
ALL RIGHT, WE HAVE ALL THE COMPONENTS
NECESSARY TO CONSTRUCT OUR CASSEROLE.
WE WILL BEGIN BY ADDING ABOUT A QUARTER OF THE ONIONS.
STIR THAT IN A LITTLE BIT AND ADD ALL OF THE BEANS.
KIND OF FOLD THEM INTO THE SAUCE.
I DON'T WANT TO STIR REAL AGGRESSIVELY,
'CAUSE THEY MIGHT BREAK APART. I'D LIKE TO KEEP THEM WHOLE,
SO JUST KIND OF MOVE AROUND THE SIDES OF THE PAN, FOLDING.
AT THIS POINT, THE SAUCE SHOULD BE THICK ENOUGH
TO WHERE IT'S NOT GONNA SPLATTER AROUND ON YOU.
THERE. NOW KIND OF SMOOTH OUT THE TOP A BIT,
AND BRING ON THE REST OF THE ONIONS.
JUST SCATTER THEM ACROSS,
NICE AND EVENLY.
AHH, 400 DEGREES, 15 MINUTES
OR UNTIL NICE AND BUBBLY.
NOW FOR THE BEST PART-- NO PATIENCE NECESSARY--
THIS CAN GO STRAIGHT FROM THE OVEN TO THE TABLE,
NO REST NEEDED.
HEY, CHUCK, ARE YOU OKAY?
YEAH, FINE. I'M JUST OUT FOR A LEISURELY CLIMB--
STROLL! I WASN'T CLIMBING ANYTHING. WHO SAID CLIMBING?
HEY, JUST CALM DOWN. CALM DOWN. HEY, LOOK.
I'VE GOT GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE JUST LIKE YOUR MOM USED TO MAKE.
WHAT?!
WHAT? OH, SIDE DISH, RIGHT. YOU'RE GONNA NEED A MAIN COURSE.
HERE.
IS THIS A CHICKEN?
NO, IT'S A HEN.
LOOK, TAKE IT. I'M GONNA BE OUT OF TOWN FOR A FEW DAYS.
YOU CAN TAKE ALL THE BEANS YOU WANT.
YOU'RE GONNA NEED THIS.
WHY?
PEACE OUT!
WAIT.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT-- NO, I DON'T WANT--
DOES SOMETHING ABOUT THIS SCENARIO
SEEM ODDLY FAMILIAR?
(breaking metal and glass)
(man growling) FEE-FI-FO-FUM!
(loud thud and more crashing)
YES, INDEED IT DOES.
I SMELL THE-- (snorts)
GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE! (snorts again)
WHERE IS IT?
OW, OW, HOT, HOT, HOT, HOT.
IT'S DOWN HERE, MISTER GIANT,
IF YOU WANT TO TRY SOME.
LAY SOME ON ME, LITTLE MAN.
HERE YOU GO.
OW! KINDA HOT.
HOPE YOU LIKE IT!
MMM, SMELLS GOOD, BETTER THAN THE WIFE'S.
SHE GETS HERS FROM THE BACK OF A CAN.
(woman) HONEY, YOU GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!
UM, GOTTA GO.
YOU SEE THAT MAN THAT STOLE MY HEN, YOU LET ME KNOW.
YEAH, I'LL BE SURE TO DO THAT.
YEAH, ALL RIGHT.
YOU HAVE A NICE DAY NOW.
HONEY!
I'M COMING, HONEY BUN!
PEACE OUT, LITTLE DUDE.
(heavy thuds and breaking glass)
WELL, TODAY DIDN'T EXACTLY WORK OUT
THE WAY THAT I THOUGHT IT WOULD,
BUT, YOU KNOW, AS THEY SAY OF FAIRY TALES,
THEY ALSO SAY OF GREEN BEANS.
ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS GOOD...
EATS, THAT IS!
OF COURSE, I WISH HE'D LEFT ME A BITE.
OH, WELL.