Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
CATHERINE (OFF-SCREEN): I don't think of you like that.
CATHERINE (OFF-SCREEN): I'm sorry.
CATHERINE (OFF-SCREEN): Alex... (clears throat)
CATHERINE (OFF-SCREEN): You're so nice to me. You teach me how to swim and everything and...
CATHERINE (OFF-SCREEN): I'm really sorry... I just --
ALEX: It looked like you gave me this look. I mean, you know...
CATHERINE (OFF-SCREEN): No.
ALEX: I was just kidding. If I made it sound like a big deal, it's not. I'm sorry.
ALEX: No, seriously. I'm totally joking.
ALEX: [crying] God damn it...
ALEX: [slaps himself] Okay.
BIKRAM (OFF-CAMERA): She's a tease, you know.
BIKRAM: In her own country, she'd have never led you on like this.
BIKRAM: People come here, that's the way they operate. Everyone's *** two-faced.
BIKRAM: Oh, thank you.
ALEX: Man, you're more angry about it than I am. I'll get over it.
ALEX: It wouldn't've worked anyway.
BIKRAM: You know that Lindsay? ALEX: Uh huh.
BIKRAM: She's another one of those. She doesn't care about me.
ALEX: Yeah? BIKRAM: Yeah.
BIKRAM: But I have something that will make them wanna swoon over us.
ALEX: Spoon over us? BIKRAM: *** you, man. You never understand anything I'm saying. Swoon. Like fall for us.
ALEX: Pickup games. BIKRAM: *** pickup games. You know Cordisa?
ALEX: Cordisa? BIKRAM: It's a pill.
BIKRAM: You give it to... You know what I mean? Put it into a drink. Give it to your tease. She'll never know.
ALEX: I'm not into any of that ***, dude. BIKRAM: Look this is no scam, alright?
BIKRAM: I'm gonna email the guy, set up an appointment. It's totally professional.
JOAN (INTERCOM): Yeah? Hello? BIKRAM: Hi. Hello. Hi, is Marcus there?
ALEX: This is ridiculous.
BIKRAM: Dude, I had this hot dog this morning. Feeling completely...
JOAN (INTERCOM): Sorry. Hello? BIKRAM: ... feeling totally screwed.
ALEX: What do you expect? If you eat like crap, you're going to feel like crap. Every time. I'm tired of saying it.
ALEX: Alright, relax.
JAMIE: [humming] JAMIE'S MOTHER: Next week, same time. In two weeks, I have to reschedule, so we'll see you next week, okay?
JOAN (OFF-CAMERA): Marcus, this place is a mess!
MARCUS: Bye, Jamie. Remember those lyrics for next week, okay?
MARCUS: What what what what! This is my space! We've discussed this!
JOAN: Oh. How are you guys doing? Do you want a drink?
ALEX / BIKRAM: No thank you.
MARCUS: Babe, put your clothes on.
JOAN: I'm sorry. Someone left the stove on. Someone who is not me was supposed to turn it off and he never did.
MARCUS: I can get you each a bottle -- BIKRAM: Cordisa is a pill, I thought.
MARCUS: Can you let me talk or not, Mr. Expert?
JOAN: Grow up! He has a question! Why don't you give them good information so they'll actually want to place an order?
MARCUS: Did you guys hear that buzzing? JOAN: Scumbag. Oh my God!
MARCUS: Liquid Cordisa. It's also known as Cupid-9.
[door knock]
JAMIE'S MOTHER: Hi. Jamie forgot her cell phone. I'm really sorry. Do you mind? JOAN: Sure sure sure.
JAMIE'S MOTHER: You know where it is? JAMIE: Yeah.
JAMIE: Hi. MARCUS: Hey. Back for another lesson?
JAMIE: Nope.
JAMIE: (humming)
MARCUS: I'll see you in two weeks. JAMIE'S MOTHER: Okay, thanks, Marcus. Buh-bye.
[door locks]
MARCUS: So I can get you a good price, since you're... Are you looking at something?
BIKRAM: (laughs) No... No... I... I...
JOAN: Are you badgering them again? MARCUS: This ***'s slobbering all over you.
BIKRAM: No I didn't -- JOAN: Excuse me, could you not use that word?
JOAN: Talk like a good boy please! Show your clients some respect!
MARCUS: You've got to be joking. JOAN: I am not joking, you.
BIKRAM: How much is one bottle?
ALEX: Hold on one second. Look, guys, we're not here because we want to pick up random women, okay?
ALEX: We both have someone we're interested in -- JOAN: Oh that's nice --
ALEX: Yeah, thanks, but this is ridiculous. It's causing unnecessary problems, and we're certainly not going to make an order on account of it anyway.
JOAN: But I'm not dressed like this for them. I'm dressed like this for you. MARCUS: Put your clothes on.
BIKRAM: I'm still interested. How much is one bottle?
MARCUS: Three hundred.
BIKRAM: And that would be for how many doses?
MARCUS: Six doses per bottle.
BIKRAM: That should be good for about six months?
MARCUS: Two weeks.
BIKRAM: Two weeks? That doesn't sound right -- MARCUS: Oh no, I keep forgetting. You're that *** Mr. Expert.
JOAN: Wow! You must really think I am deaf!
JOAN: If the next thing I hear or don't hear is an apology -- MARCUS: Every time. Seriously --
[door knock]
MARCUS: Did you buzz someone in?
JOAN: What, you want to find another flaw in my character? It's Loraine. Probably downstairs door was open.
MARCUS: You gotta get the door.
JOAN: Would you shut up? You should really check yourself at the door.
[door unlocks]
LORAINE: How soon can you get it to me? JOAN: This is enough for two weeks.
LORAINE: No no no. I need a whole thing. Immediately.
LORAINE: I can pay you the rest next week. Give me two days even.
JOAN: Take it or leave it.
JOAN: Come on. Let's go.
JOAN: I'll call you when it's ready.
[door closes] [door locks]
BIKRAM: We need to think about this some more.
MARCUS: Alright. Let me tell you guys a story. Once --
JOAN: Marcus.
MARCUS: -- upon a time, there was this beautiful Caucasian woman who lived in the suburbs with her daughter and her husband...
MARCUS: ... who's now appropriately her ex-husband.
JOAN: I had a gorgeous house, and my husband was handsome!
MARCUS: One day, she decided to sign her daughter up for voice lessons...
MARCUS: ... and she met the teacher, this Chinese guy who looked remarkably like me.
MARCUS: This *** wasn't very Chinese. You see, in America, everything turns American. Boundaries collapse.
JOAN: Yeah, I was stupid enough to drink the green tea he gave me!
MARCUS: Joan didn't want to break these boundaries for this Chinese guy, even though she was so sad with her husband.
JOAN: I got to see my daughter all the time! I had a car! I had friends! I had a life!
MARCUS: She had no passion.
MARCUS: Like so many girls, she was too scared to do anything about it.
JOAN: He made me get a divorce!
MARCUS: What Cupid-9 did was show her the truth. That deep down, everyone has the capacity to love anyone...
MARCUS: ... even a jerk-face like me who she constantly argues with.
JOAN: I hate him.
JOAN: I hate his hippie guts.
[buzzer]
MARCUS: After a long time, I told her that I was drugging her...
MARCUS: ... and to my surprise, I woke up with my ***.
MARCUS: So if your lover finds out, it might not be the end of the world.
JOAN: Feels too good. It feels too real.
BIKRAM: We appreciate your time, but we have to get going. We have to be somewhere.
MARCUS: Here's my card. BIKRAM: That's alright.
MARCUS: Just call me for anything. BIKRAM: Okay.