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A Russian performer by the name of Pytor Pavlensky has broken the record for the longest ***!
His finely tuned butt muscles have slowly been squeezing out a 350 cm long piece of
human fecal matter over the course of 6 days, all the while under the close watch of Guinness
World Record personnel to ensure that he isn't cheating in any way.
He isn't stopping there, however. He's going to slowly edge around the kremlin in the next
year butt naked and create the world's longest ***-ring. We wish him all the best. Straight
Talking News out.