Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
Why does my husband always get mad at me?
One possibility is that he’s angry and frustrated over other things, like a bad work environment,
and he blows up at you when he can find an excuse. You’re not the cause, you’re the
punching bag.
That’s not fair. I didn’t cause it.
In this case, you’re right. But he’s expressing the anger that’s been pent up all day in
a safer environment, where he won’t suffer serious consequences like job loss.
He’s risking serious consequences like me leaving him. I’m afraid of him when he blows
up.
There are guys who like the power they feel when someone else cowers in fear. Why negotiate,
when you can yell and get what you want faster and without any argument.
Just run over and make the stupid sandwich and drink, while he’s barking at me.
For some guys, the angry attitude is a bad habit. It is how their fathers or step-fathers
talked to their moms, so they assume this is how they are supposed to react.
And if I cry about it, he yells at me more.
Tell him that his yelling hurts you. And that treating you like this is unacceptable.
He’ll just get angrier.
You have to wait until you are both calm to have a discussion about his temper. And you
might want to have a witness.
An intervention.
You have to have a calm discussion first about him getting angry over little things before
you can demand an intervention. And if the witness sees him blow up at any criticism
while you’re calm, now you have help on your side.
What if I apologize?
Only apologize over things that are your fault. Don’t apologize if you can’t meet unreasonable
demands or be yourself.
Should I tell him to get therapy?
Only if a calm discussion doesn’t work.
Then it’s on to marital therapy or the divorce counseling.
If you really want to have an impact, calmly say so when you confront him about his anger.
The fear of losing you may make him change.