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ADAM: Now, on Top Gear.
We search for the perfect cars to recapture our youth.
Oh!
You guys look great!
And put them to the test on a road trip through Florida.
(YELLING) Oh!
ADAM: Naples, Florida, one of the richest cities in America.
And home to people trying to recapture their youth
through younger wives, year-long tans and flashy cars.
But what if you can't afford a 100-grand toy to help you turn back the clock?
Is there a less expensive solution for a midlife crisis?
We were told to pick our favorites and meet by the water.
And I had brought a time machine.
Zero to 60 is 5.5 seconds, top speed of 158.
Young, virile, fast, loud.
Prince was right. Little Red Corvette.
I'd chosen a 300 horse power, 1993 Corvette,
the 40th year of America's favorite sports car.
If you're looking for a cure for a midlife crisis, look no further.
That's a man's car.
(LOUD MUSIC BLASTING)
And that's not.
There's a hairdresser's convention in town.
It's not a hairdresser's car.
ADAM: Are you kidding?
This is a pure Porsche through and through.
1998 Boxster.
TANNER: Okay, it may not have been the manliest Porsche ever built
but with the perfect balance of a mid-engine,
rear-wheel drive and that all-important Porsche badge to turn heads,
it's exactly what a midlifer should be driving.
Tanner, the point of a midlife crisis
is to get women, not to turn into one.
Well, I will give you that the Corvette is a good midlife crisis car.
ADAM: You're damn right.
But everybody knows that if you drive one of these, you're definitely old.
It's like they don't even need to see who's driving.
They're like, "Ah, too old."
This one, you got a chance.
I knew you were gonna pick a Porsche.
I knew you were gonna pick a Corvette.
What do you think Rut picked?
-I didn't think he'd pick that. -I don't wanna look.
It looks like his wife told him to clean up the yard and he built something.
(LAUGHS)
Oh, good Lord!
At least it looks really slow.
(LAUGHS)
TANNER: Seriously? Wow.
RUTLEDGE: Is that you guys? I can't see that high.
ADAM: (LAUGHING) Look, it's ZZ crap.
RUTLEDGE: Wow. That is...
(THUDDING)
Look at...
TANNER: You want duct tape?
What do you think?
Have I nailed it or have I nailed it?
1933, Ford model-A pickup, rat rod.
What could scream "Look at me, I'm still virile" more than a homemade car?
Rat rods are made using parts from different vehicles
and are the most affordable version of a hot rod.
Mine had a Chevy 350 V8, and parts of at least 20 cars.
This, my friends, is the fountain of youth on four wheels.
This is what people get when they've given up,
not when they wanna go back for more.
No, now, this is gonna be a stretcher. I'm gonna just guess.
The yellow Porsche is yours.
(CHUCKLES) Come on.
Just... Just look. How old do I look right now?
Oddly, it...
Huh? Like, seven years, right? Seven to ten years off?
It make you look your age. That's the worst part of that car.
-(ADAM LAUGHING) -This? This is a midlife crisis car.
ADAM: Yeah, if you were born in 1896.
How's your shoulder doing?
It's... It's all right. It'll be fine.
The Stig is on his way.
I got news for you. The Stig's not coming.
-Hey, Mickey. -Mickey?
TANNER: If the Stig d rove for Adam again,
he'd have an unfair advantage.
So, we found somebody with Adam's skill levels.
Hey.
An aging movie stuntman with a habit of wrecking cars.
ADAM: I'm not getting behind the wheel with him.
The guy's a legend. He's been in the stunt industry for 52 years.
He was stunt coordinator for Butch Cassidy, for crying out loud.
There were no cars in that.
TANNER: Hey, how's it hanging, Mickey?
-Eh? -Hey, Mickey.
-How are you? -Good. How're you doing? This is Adam.
Hey, Mickey. How're you? Nice to see you.
-How're you doing, son? -Mick, I hope you don't mind me asking.
But how old are you?
Well, I just had lunch, so...
Perfect.
RUTLEDGE: To find out which of our cars
was the ultimate fountain of youth,
we were going to make 150-mile journey
across the Everglades, from Naples to Miami.
Our first challenge was 20 miles away.
Over in the Corvette, Adam and Mickey were getting acquainted.
So, Mickey.
(LOUDLY) Mickey!
Don't be alarmed. There's no horse in front of this carriage.
The accelerator is the one on the right.
Oh, there you go.
If you think about what a midlife crisis is, really, it's...
It's an attack of age.
It's a denial of really how old you are.
An unwillingness to accept the fact that you are,
in fact, getting old and soon will die.
And that is why every midlifer needs a Boxster.
Let's be honest. It's not about looking young,
or tricking people into being young.
It's about feeling young.
And driving this car makes you feel like a kid.
If my Boxster was like going on spring break,
Adam's Corvette was like a swinger's party.
The Corvette is the quintessential midlife crisis car.
Why? Because it recaptures your youth.
Someone painted this one red to say, "Hi, I'm here."
And look at the shape of this thing.
All I'm saying is if you own this car,
your garage door should be a zipper.
RUTLEDGE: To me, this is the perfect midlife crisis car.
It's not something you would think, "Oh, I should drive one of these every day,"
unless you're a little bit crazy.
And who does crazy things? Young people.
I would propose that there are probably multiple stages to the midlife crisis.
Well, there's the crazy haircut, you know, maybe bleaching your hair.
Maybe a tattoo.
Possibly an earring.
RUTLEDGE: You know, just as many women
go through a midlife crisis, too, you know.
That's why it's perfect you guys picked cars
that a woman would pick if she was having a midlife crisis.
TANNER: We arrived at our first challenge.
A test to find which of our cars' speed and handling was the most youthful.
(SIGHS) How was that ride?
Oh, I've got to get one of these.
-(TANNER LAUGHS) -That is awesome.
ADAM: We'd race around a one-mile course marked with flags.
For each flag hit, there would be a five second penalty.
The two slowest times would be saddled with the midlife crisis gear.
TANNER: Nice jacket.
Wow. Look at all this. What is that?
RUTLEDGE: Ooh. That looks like self-tanner.
-This is an Olympic merkin. -Ooh, a mullet.
(ENGINE STARTING)
ADAM: First up was Rat in the Rut rod.
This thing only weighs 2,700 pounds.
So, I'm fine with it going in a straight line.
It's when you have to turn that that's when my concerns start.
-(ENGINE REVVING) -ADAM: All right.
TANNER: That's reverse.
On your mark, get set...
BOTH: Go!
(WHIRRING LOUDLY)
Ooh! That sounds terrible.
Oh, here we go. Oh, boy!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(LAUGHS)
It is not meant to turn any direction except straight.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
TANNER: You think the engine is gonna go first?
I think the entire front end is gonna pop off.
-RUTLEDGE: Oh! Oh! -ADAM: Oh!
TANNER: Okay, he almost hit the church.
RUTLEDGE: Oh, oh, oh, oh! There's no suspension there.
I'm gonna get thrown out of this thing.
(LAUGHS) He's terrified. Look at him.
Okay. Back over. No! Not gonna make that. Okay.
TANNER: Oh, there's a flag there.
-Flag down. That's five seconds. -(LAUGHS)
ADAM: Oh, he hit another one.
RUTLEDGE: Real sharp left here.
Hey, there's the curb.
-ADAM: Ooh. -TANNER: Yeah, he couldn't make the turn.
RUTLEDGE: Oh, come on!
I've never worked so hard in a car before in my life.
ADAM: There we go.
-Oh, he's on the move again. Unbelievable. -There he goes.
RUTLEDGE: Okay!
TANNER: And he hit another flag.
Here we go. Oh! Back up on the street.
ADAM: There he comes.
TANNER: Oh, he's on it now.
-Stopping the clock. -(ADAM LAUGHS)
ADAM: Oh! That's good!
That thing should come with an anchor.
RUTLEDGE: I'm alive!
-(ENGINE REVVING) -TANNER: Oh, shut it down.
-Shut it down. -Shut it down.
(BACKFIRING)
TANNER: I think we found your problem.
How're you feeling?
-My face hurts. -(ADAM LAUGHS)
That was so terrifying!
How'd I do?
-3.11. -3.11?
That's 311 days.
That's a great band.
-TANNER: And three flags. -Ooh.
-So add 15 to that. -You do it.
3.26.
(BLOWS RASPBERRIES)
-This thing sucks! It's terrible! -Yeah!
Do you feel younger?
I feel so much younger. I feel alive right now.
All right. 3.26 is time to beat.
I've got full confidence in Mickey.
I think.
This was my chance to see if Mickey could drive better than he could hear.
You ready, Mick?
(LOUDER) You ready, Mick?
Mickey!
Okay, go. That'll work.
-Push the button. -TANNER: I did.
ADAM: Get on it, Mick.
There you go!
I don't know. I felt like I was going a lot faster.
That is absolutely not the truth. Here he goes into the dirt.
RUTLEDGE: Oh, oh. Yeah. Sketchy right there. Oh.
ADAM: There you go, Mick. Yeah!
ALL: Whoa!
ADAM: That's right, Mick. You keep going.
TANNER: Adam, he drives just like you.
What's the penalty for a tree?
ADAM: He didn't hit the tree yet.
That flag went still five seconds.
ADAM: Mick's all right. Look at him.
-TANNER: He's back on track. -ADAM: Go get 'em, Mick.
ADAM: He's driving like it's 3:30, he's got to get to Denny's by 4:00.
RUTLEDGE: All right, now. This is where it gets hairy.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
ADAM: Ooh.
-ADAM: Oh, he popped a tire. -Oh, he popped a tire. This is awesome.
ADAM: It's all right. Still finish, Mick.
RUTLEDGE: Here's a good jump.
-TANNER: He's on the rim. -ADAM: There you go!
He's on the rim and he's still going. That's it, Mick.
What's the penalty for a curb?
ADAM: Come on, Mick. Let's go. Hammer down.
Come on, Mick. Come on, Mick!
There you go. Stop the clock.
TANNER: Stop the clock.
(RUTLEDGE LAUGHING)
Great job, Mick.
Damn, the torpedo was full speed ahead.
Oh, goodness gracious. That'll buff out. It's fine, it's fine.
More importantly, we got the time here. How many flags?
BOTH: Two.
Okay, so 10 seconds added on to 2.10, makes two minutes, 20 seconds.
Time to beat. No sweat.
2.20, time to beat, Mick. Good job, Mick!
Oh, man. (CHUCKLES)
All right. There's no denying that the Porsche is quick and nimble,
but fast it is not.
The Corvette probably has it beat there.
And Mickey hustled a little bit.
He made a bit of a mistake, but I'm gonna have to push it to beat the Corvette.
All right, you pansies, push the button.
ADAM: Count him down.
Here we go, in three, two, one, go!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
ADAM: Coming up. We find new ways to recapture out youth.
-RUTLEDGE: Let's go faster! -(SQUEALS)
ADAM: We were in Florida on a journey to find
the perfect car for a midlife crisis.
ALL: Whoa!
ADAM: Our first challenge was an obstacle course.
Lose and we'd have to take on a pile of midlife accessories.
So far, my designated driver, Mickey, had somehow beaten Rut
with a time of two minutes and 20 seconds.
Now, it was tiny dancer's turn.
TANNER: And we're on.
Do I feel 12 again?
Yes, I kind of do.
Ooh, clutch is a little bit hurty. Let me take it easy on it.
Oh, man. She's a nimble one. That's for sure.
Whoo!
ADAM: Oh, I hate him.
TANNER: Into the gravel we go.
Yeah, this feels like I'm sneaking through the church parking lot when I was 10.
That is true.
Almost hitting that flag.
-RUTLEDGE: Oh, this is where Mickey lost it. -ADAM: No, he's good.
TANNER: Where do we go?
I think I'm about even with Mickey at this point.
This is where Mickey caught the curb.
Not gonna do that. Not gonna do that.
Whoa! Little bit of a jump.
-Whoa. -Ooh. (LAUGHING)
TANNER: All right, desperate times call for desperate measures.
Short cut time.
Come on. Oh, the door opened.
No, no, no.
(EXCLAIMING)
-(ENGINE STUTTERING) -Nope.
RUTLEDGE: (CHUCKLES) Oh.
What did you do?
You know you hit a flag, right?
It was a bad idea, okay?
It was a terrible idea.
I got in the moment. I can't pass a puddle up. You know that.
You know what's gonna be helpful is when you're towing that jet ski around,
you could get out and play in the puddle.
ADAM: Glasses, tan and a jet ski.
(GIGGLES)
ADAM: After a few quick fixes, we headed east toward Miami and toward our next challenge.
Just for the record, you guys look great.
I realize that I look silly.
I'm riding in a rat rod that has basically no suspension,
no tachometer, no spinometer.
So, do I really feel worse that I look like an idiot?
Not much.
I am really glad I'm not pulling the jet ski.
That would be stupid.
Dude, if you met Snooki right now, she would love you.
Tanner, in your midlife crisis, you're gonna be going to those clubs
and everyone's gonna be like, "Dude, someone's father's here looking for her."
What did you tell me the clue to dating a younger woman was?
You take half your age...
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
Hey, don't do that.
Were you slamming on the brakes on purpose? That's not funny.
(CHUCKLES)
RUTLEDGE: After just 20 miles of looking like he was heading to a bachelorette party,
Tanner had a crisis of his own.
This stuff is just dumb. I'm losing this.
And I'm losing this damn trailer, too.
Forget this thing.
-Oh! Oh! -Oh, my God.
(LAUGHS)
She's free! She's a Porsche again.
You're a little orange moron.
RUTLEDGE: You know what? If he's lost the jet ski...
-ADAM: What? All right. -I think this jacket goes with it.
That's fair.
I'm sure that was a total accident. You didn't mean to throw it off.
-You idiot. -It's just an unsafe idea.
As opposed to that, which is a good idea?
This doesn't just wash off.
-No, don't lose it. Leave the mullet forever. -No, you keep that.
-You keep that. -I can't.
Sorry, bros.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
(TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
ADAM: With the ladies bailing early on their punishment,
we headed deep into the Everglades for our next challenge.
Wow. Look at that.
(GROANS)
(EXHALES)
This place is out there, isn't it?
ADAM: This is out there and around the bend.
TANNER: Well, no way. Check out the gators.
RUTLEDGE: I can see three gators which is three more than I like to see.
It's the ones you can't see that's gonna kill you.
Make sure they're not right here.
-Right there! -Okay.
I've seen Crocodile Dundee. I know. What're we doing here?
RUTLEDGE: Our next challenge was a game of automotive chicken.
We each had to drive towards the swamp
and get to 50 miles per hour before we could hit the brakes.
Whoever got closest to the water without going in would win.
It's all about how much gusto you have.
Gusto.
-We get it. -I got it.
-TANNER: Virility. -You know what? You should go first.
-No. You should go first. -Yeah.
-Why don't you go first? -No, your car's right there. You go first.
It would just work better...
Oh, for God's sake. I'll go first.
Mickey will go first.
Yeah, appreciate that.
-Turmoil there for about three seconds. -That was brave.
-ADAM: Let's be honest. -Brave.
How long has he got left anyway?
Oh, gosh.
ADAM: Mickey had survived a 50-year stunt career working alongside legends.
Hopefully, this wouldn't be the gig that killed him.
Are you ready, Mick? You ready, Mick?
MICKEY OVER RADIO: Here we go.
I can't believe you're actually not riding in there with him.
I can't. Doctor says I can't ride.
-TANNER: Get ready to jump. -He's gonna be fine.
He drives like you.
ALL: Oh, gosh. Oh.
RUTLEDGE: You're right. TANNER: Oh, he's flying.
-ADAM: he does. -(RUTLEDGE CHUCKLES)
He does drive like me.
-RUTLEDGE: Oh, she's flying... -ADAM: And...
ADAM: Yes! TANNER: What?
Yes! My man! Mickey, my man!
And he knew Steve McQueen.
-(LAUGHS) -(STUTTERS)
You know, I never saw, like, a doctor's note or anything. Did you?
Mickey!
That's great, baby. (LAUGHS)
Huh? Look at that, fellas!
The hairdresser was up next.
Why are we doing this?
Why are we playing with alligators?
All right, gentlemen, you ready?
We're ready. You ready?
Hell yes, I'm ready.
Do it.
Here I come.
20, 30, 40.
-ADAM: Here he comes. -Oh, he is flying.
Fifty... Oh, no, too fast!
Oh, oh!
No!
He's in... (LAUGHS) He's in.
TANNER: Just a bit too far.
This is not the time when you want ABS.
RUTLEDGE: Nailed it!
That's fine right there!
I'm just gonna back up a little bit.
ADAM: There you go.
RUTLEDGE: No way he pulled that out.
-Now, see, that's impressive. -Yeah.
Oh, washed off the front.
TANNER: I'm gonna say that my nose got
about the same amount of water as the Corvette.
-Notice that rear wheel's wet. -Yeah.
That's cause you had all four in.
That couldn't be true.
-You lost. -Yeah.
I didn't actually lose.
-Yet. -You're right. He hasn't gone.
You can't even say the words "I lost", can you?
Well, technically...
ADAM: You did.
You're next.
Give me the radio.
Give him the radio.
Ow.
-He can't say it. -He can't say it.
(EXHALES) I do not have antilock brakes.
Because this has hardly any brakes at all.
And I know what you're thinking.
"Why are you taking your shoes and socks off?"
Well, I really like these sneakers, and frankly,
if something goes wrong, I do not want to get them wet.
Rut, how you doing?
I'm as ready as I'll ever be.
Hope you got your anti-alligator bite kit and wetsuit on. You ready to go?
Dear Lord, please let me get through this.
I do not want to get hurt in this.
I'm ready!
In three...
-Oh, just go. -(LAUGHS)
Oh, my gosh. This is a bad idea. Oh!
TANNER: Here he comes.
-Oh, my gosh. -Oh, my God, he's bringing it!
TANNER: We were on a journey to Miami to see which of us had chosen
the best four-wheeled fountain of youth.
The Corvette had won the handling challenge.
ADAM: Oh! (LAUGHING)
TANNER: And now we were in the middle of a game of chicken.
We had to reach 50 miles per hour, then slam on the brakes
without going into the water.
It was not looking good for Rut.
Oh, my gosh. This is a bad idea. Oh!
-TANNER: Oh, my gosh. -Oh, my God, he's bringing it!
Oh! Oh! (BLEEP)
Oh, Rut!
(YELLING)
Oh, you are kidding!
Oh, I hit it. I'm pretty sure I hit the water.
(LAUGHING)
That was awesome!
I'm just gonna swim to shore. Oh, that's...
Oh, what's in... Oh! Something's touching me!
ADAM: There you go.
Now, Tanner, the difference between you and I
is I am fairly certain I lost.
Yes, you did.
And I can say it.
Also, the open windshield...
Bad, bad design.
(LAUGHING)
TANNER: All righty, then.
ADAM: Come on, wring out your pants and let's go.
ADAM: After a night of drying Rut's pants with a hairdryer,
we continued our trip and met up for our next challenge
at Homestead Speedway just outside Miami.
(EXHALES) Thanks, Mick.
TANNER: How awesome is this place?
RUTLEDGE: Nice to be back in a NASCAR track.
TANNER: Isn't this where they have the last race of the season?
-Yeah. Every year. -Very cool.
What are we doing here?
RUTLEDGE: The best midlife crisis car
should be irresistible to the opposite sex.
So for this challenge we had to impress three women.
So how's this gonna work? Mickey's gonna do all the impressing for you?
It's all right. Don't you worry about me. I have a plan, okay?
Where are these girls anyway?
Right there.
RUTLEDGE: Great googly moogly.
-ADAM: Hello, ladies. -WOMEN: Hi.
RUTLEDGE: We take each of the girls for two laps of the track,
and they'd award scores based on our vehicles' sex appeal.
Have you ever been in a machine like this before?
Now, this is gonna be a different experience than the other two.
Because you are gonna drive the Corvette.
-I actually get to drive? -Yes, you do.
All right!
Oh, sorry.
-WOMAN: It's okay. -RUTLEDGE: Oh, my. Here we go.
Feel that? That is power, my dear.
And I want you to enjoy it. Go ahead.
Stomp on it. Get some, girl.
While my passenger was experiencing empowerment,
Rut's passenger was working on her fake smile.
Weird, they call this a rat rod 'cause it's pieced together.
But I think it's great. You know, sort of, the whole...
The sum of its parts is better than,
you know, whatever they say.
ADAM: Over in the nail salon, Tanner was busy talking about
what he thought was the Boxster's best feature, himself.
For eight years I was a driving instructor in an ice driving school.
Okay.
And that's where I really learned car control,
and about sliding and drifting and for a number of years I did drifting.
Which is actually a very Asian sport.
ADAM: Back in the Corvette it was time to play my ace.
So what happened to your arm?
Uh, took a bullet in a drive-by.
You know, saved a baby.
It's not important.
Oh, my gosh! Okay!
Well, there went Tanner. Let's go faster!
(WOMAN SQUEALING)
TANNER: All right, here's my two laps.
So you're into the zodiac?
Oh, my goodness, hold on. Hold on. Don't be scared.
(SCREECHING)
That's perfect there.
Oh, there's Rutledge.
RUTLEDGE: Hold on.
-(CHUCKLES) Okay. -Got it.
Okay.
TANNER: We'd completed two laps.
And in true midlife crisis style,
it was time to swap girls.
Yeah, right? That's nice.
ADAM: Get on it, you can do better than that.
How did you injure your arm?
Oh, Tanner's a race car driver.
He was in a wreck, and they didn't have the jaws of life,
so I had to hop the fence and rip him out.
-Really? -But he's fine now.
ADAM: I was keeping my strategy simple.
But not quite as simple as Tanner.
I got into a sport called drifting.
Which is like driving sideways kind of a thing.
You probably know the start of hot rodding
was really the SCTA, the Southern California Timing Association.
That was really, like their first start, all the guys coming back from the war.
TANNER: Did Rutledge tell you about his tattoo?
He has a little bunny rabbit and he calls it "Thumper".
-I don't believe you. -Yeah, it's very strange, isn't it?
Adam has one, too. They got them together.
Yeah. Safety first.
Look at that smile! Am I right?
I like it. It's cool.
TANNER: Isn't this thing fun?
-I'm glad I've got my seatbelt on. -Yes.
You know, you're not living if you don't need a seatbelt.
Listen, I apologize so much for the rat rod and the Boxster.
And I'm sorry you had to go through that.
-That's why I'm glad... -I'm glad I get to be in control.
See? Now you're in control. And you get to drive the Corvette.
Oh! Sorry! Sorry!
Real nice!
RUTLEDGE: Coming up... We find out which one of us most impressed the ladies.
"I didn't feel safe at all."
And later, we drag race for our cars' survival.
Come on, baby, go, go, go!
ADAM: We were in Florida competing over who'd chosen
the best affordable car for a midlife crisis.
Despite my injury, my driver Mickey and I had won two challenges.
We'd just tested our cars' sex appeal
and we're about to find out what our passengers thought,
starting with the Corvette.
TANNER: "Smelled old and not very clean."
Oh, that... No, that was the car, that wasn't you.
"I like that I got to drive the car."
"Adam is a hero." Says it right there.
Cause you saved babies, puppies, and me out of a burning car.
What am I gonna do, let you die?
Why did you tell them I got a tattoo?
-Yeah. -What?
We have matching tattoos?
Uh, rat rod. "He seemed more interested in the car than me."
Rat rod. "I didn't feel safe at all."
Three exclamation points. And she underlined it.
That's serious.
Let's see. Porsche. "Outdated.
"Guy seems to be graying but not comfortable about it."
"He should probably use one of those five minute things."
That's what it says.
"Those five minute things" it doesn't say anything...
It says, "Outdated. He talks a lot about himself."
-That's cause she was asking. -RUTLEDGE: Oh, yeah. Come on.
ADAM: It was time to see who got closest to the maximum score of 30.
I got five for the Corvette.
Five for the 'Vette here.
-Four for the 'Vette so that's 14, yes. -Fourteen!
-Porsche, I got six. -Got six over here, that's 12.
-What do you got? -Three. Fifteen!
Oh! Get more excited.
Which would be more than the Corvette.
Let's find out for the rat rod.
I got two.
-That's it? -Yeah?
-What'd you get? -I got three.
-Zero. -Doughnut!
-Yeah! What's next? -(LAUGHING)
Chicks dig it!
Okay.
ADAM: As we neared our journey's end in Miami,
our thoughts turned to how to escape the inevitable.
Hey, fellows, do you think you can avoid a midlife crisis?
TANNER: Yes, I do.
Driving fast cars, dating young women, and being super tanned.
Perfect. Tanner, you're never gonna be in a midlife crisis
because you've never left one.
RUTLEDGE: I think I can avoid a midlife crisis
by just doing the same thing.
Have lots of fun, and have lots of cars that I don't need to have.
That's it!
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
"Honey, I don't want to go through a midlife crisis.
"That's why I brought home this '67 GTO.
"I'm doing this for you, baby."
RUTLEDGE: As we enter Miami for our final challenge
we're reminded of what a midlife crisis car looks like
when you're not on a budget.
You guys see this? It's Bentley, then a Ferrari,
then a Jaguar, then a Mercedes. It's everywhere.
And a lot younger people than I thought.
This is the land of Lamborghini brashness,
crazy Skittle-colored cars like the Porsche.
I think this car could be a little more gaudy and it would fit right in.
Man, I think we might be slightly outclassed, gentlemen.
TANNER: The perfect midlife crisis car should stand out from the crowd.
So in traditional Miami style,
we needed to make a few nips and tucks
before meeting up the following morning for our final challenge.
(GROANING)
I like that, Mick.
RUTLEDGE: Oh, what did you do?
ADAM: I made it better!
You going to a dirt track later?
What, are you kidding me? Look at those monster wheels.
-Deck stripes. -That is so fantastically redneck.
(LAUGHS) Yeah, baby!
Have you seen any rednecks in South Beach?
I've seen one.
It's just... It's the sun. It's different.
I... Wow. Look at you.
RUTLEDGE: Huh? Look at that.
This is young, it's bright, it's loud.
How about those stacks, huh?
-Yeah. -The flames.
ADAM: I don't know why you put flames on it.
That thing's gonna burst into flames any second.
You'll get real ones.
I went younger, you went toddler.
It's not that bad.
Speaking of toddler, where's Tanner?
Awesome. Oh, come on.
ADAM: Yeah, there it is.
-That's nice. That's nice. Thank you. -ADAM: Good.
-Feel better about yourself? -(COUGHING)
RUTLEDGE: How did you make this terrible car worse?
ADAM: Wow!
Look, I'm not happy about it.
There was a little miscommunication. I...
(LAUGHING)
TANNER: Don't touch that.
Wait. What air conditioning company
did you go to to get this done?
I... You know what, I thought that they spoke English.
They were smiling and nodding the whole time.
The number is obviously...
-ADAM: Creepy. -TANNER: I said "34".
-ADAM: Not even close. -(SCOFFS)
I don't know in what language "34" sounds like "69".
Now that we've made these a little younger,
what are we gonna do with them?
(CLEARS THROAT) Let's find out.
"The ultimate show of the bravado of youth
"is street racing for pink slips.
ADAM: Yeah!
"To prove which of your midlife crisis vehicles
"best transports you back to your youth,
"you'll now each race a young person on a drag strip.
"Lose, and you lose your car."
You know what? That whole idea
came from hot rodding.
When you would race someone else,
for pink slips, the titles of the car...
ADAM: Let's go. TANNER: Yeah.
...that was serious. You were laying down the law.
You said, "I believe in this thing."
Grandpa's rambling again.
-Yeah. -Get in there.
It's like it's just made for me. It's not even a challenge.
RUTLEDGE: The drag strip was on the outskirts of Miami.
Despite its rattles, poor steering and lack of any brakes,
there was something special about my rat rod.
See that? I knew it. People love this thing.
I have created the ultimate midlife crisis mobile.
Which is also why I don't want to lose this car in a drag race.
Tanner's motivation was a bit different.
With these modifications, anything remotely charismatic
about this car is completely gone.
But I'm still not gonna let the other guys beat me.
Oh, it's a little Porsche on Porsche action.
One's a Porsche and one should be ashamed of itself.
TANNER: Countyline Dragway. Here we are, gentlemen. Turning right.
ADAM: Here we go. Get out your pink slips, fellows.
ADAM: The signs weren't good.
Most of the competition looked like they had
a lot more to spend on their cars than we had.
Hey, fellows, do you see what I see?
I see a lot of cars.
ADAM: A lot of cool cars.
There's a Raptor.
About 12 Honda Civics. Rutledge, you should love that.
You know I do.
TANNER: My God, is this Fast and Furious?
ADAM: There's a Viper.
Thank you. He likes my wing.
Okay, there's two GTR's here. Two.
RUTLEDGE: A GT3. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. What's up, man?
ADAM: And an R8.
This isn't good. I think we're in trouble, fellows.
(ADAM GRUNTING)
Ooh!
(SIGHS) It's a little toasty with that roof off.
RUTLEDGE: Don't go there.
-Oh, it's hot! -Watch out for that guy.
TANNER: I see a lot of fast cars.
(ENGINE ROARING)
ADAM: Uh, did you guys count on all this horsepower being here?
-TANNER: No. -Yeah, there are some hot cars down here for sure.
ADAM: All right, here's a rule.
Can't race against the same car.
All right? So we got to beat individual cars.
TANNER: So we're gonna pick three cars.
ADAM: Three cars to race against us.
-I already know which one I want. -What do you want?
Chevy S10, baby.
Oh, you dirty...
You're gonna pick the one 4-cylinder S10 here and run that?
TANNER: I know you were thinking about it.
ADAM: I'm gonna take the Honda Civic.
-TANNER: Which one? There's like nine of them. -That one.
RUTLEDGE: I'll take the Ford Focus.
TANNER: All right, let's go.
Watch out for the wing. Don't touch it. Damn it!
RUTLEDGE: I chose to go first.
I was having a hard time deciding which was worse,
losing the rat rod or dying trying to keep it.
This...
This is where it gets real.
TANNER: He chose a Focus ST.
I don't think he realizes how quick those things are.
RUTLEDGE: Oh, man.
I just hope I survive this.
(ENGINE REVVING)
Oh, it's getting real.
(REVVING ENGINE)
RUTLEDGE: Yeah. You feel that over there?
Now, I picked that Focus for one reason.
It is a front-wheel drive turbo.
I'm hoping he gets a lot of wheel spin.
In that time I dig out of this hole
and I'll be gone, hopefully, before he can catch me.
If I say it enough, I'll start to believe that.
-TANNER: Here we go. -All right.
(ENGINE REVVING)
This is it.
I really don't want to lose this car.
Here we go.
Oh! Oh, my God! I'm out of the hole. Come on, baby. Go, go, go!
RUTLEDGE: We were just outside Miami
on a journey to find the perfect car to restore our youth.
Adam's Corvette had won two challenges, and Tanner had won one.
And now we were trying to hang on to our cars in a drag race for pink slips.
Oh! Oh, my God! I'm out of the hole. Come on, baby. Go, go, go!
Come on, get him, Rut!
RUTLEDGE: Go, go, go, go, go!
TANNER: Yeah, it's gonna be close.
The Focus is catching up.
Oh, my God!
I did it!
I did it!
TANNER: Son of a... (BLEEP)
Oh, the bearded lady brings it home!
Oh, that is a miracle!
That is a miracle!
Oh, I did it. That is so cool!
Whoo!
TANNER: What's up there, Speed Racer?
RUTLEDGE: Did you see that?
(LAUGHING) Yes!
You know that the Focus blew the start.
Yeah. You didn't win as much as he lost.
Down the rest of the track he was pulling you like crazy.
Did he blow the start or did I just have an incredible start?
Maybe his start was great. Mine was just better.
No, he blew the start.
I don't know about you guys but I feel alive.
I feel young again. Who's going next?
That's me.
Good. Hurry up before he bursts into song.
Go get me an S10.
(EXHALES) I feel alive. You want to go skydiving sometime?
-No! -Me either!
TANNER: I decided to race against the S10
with a 15 mile per hour rolling start.
But as I sat the gate it became obvious I was in trouble.
(ENGINE REVVING)
-You hear that? -Yeah.
That is not a 4-cylinder S10.
Awesome.
(ENGINE REVVING)
-(ADAM LAUGHING) -Oh! There it goes.
(ENGINE REVVING)
I just got hustled.
I choose poorly.
I'm gonna lose my car in three seconds.
Here we go, big daddy.
Here we go.
RUTLEDGE: Oh, that truck is fast.
(ADAM LAUGHING)
Go, go, it's so close.
It's almost hanging with him.
-And... -It's gone.
No!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
-RUTLEDGE: Ah, well it had a good run. -Yeah.
I just lost my car.
ADAM: He's miserable right now, you know that.
He's thinking of any excuse to tell us right now.
(BEEPING)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Phew!
(ADAM LAUGHING)
What happened?
The clutch went completely out. Pedal stuck to the floor, done.
He blames the machine.
-Whatever. He beat me. -ADAM: All right.
Gentlemen, I'm gonna go wake up Mickey.
I've chosen to run the Corvette against the Honda Civic
with a classic standing start.
RUTLEDGE: Oh, boy!
All right, gentlemen, it all comes down to this.
If the 'Vette wins this, it wins everything.
TANNER: How do you figure?
ADAM: Well, it won the braking test in the swamp,
it won the obstacle course.
You won this, you lost your car entirely.
All right, fair enough. If you win this...
Corvette is the best midlife crisis car.
So, what's your plan?
Wait till you see my secret weapon.
This is designed to intimidate your opponent.
Mickey!
Mickey!
Unleash the dragon.
(ALL GASPING)
TANNER: So, okay, I'm confused.
That supposed to psyche him out?
Yeah, look at him, he's terrified.
I think that might be on fire.
-Seriously, it's catching fire. -ADAM: Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Mickey, I don't want you to worry but the car is on fire...
Oh, there you go, that was good. Thank you, sir.
Mick, don't get up.
Boy, this is going great so far.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Well, the Corvette looks hungry, look at Mickey.
ADAM: (LAUGHING) Go get him, Mick.
(ENGINE REVVING)
RUTLEDGE: You got it, man. You got it. TANNER: You got it.
RUTLEDGE: You don't have a chance.
Here we go.
(ENGINE ROARING)
ADAM: Go, Mickey!
RUTLEDGE: Go Mickey, go get him.
He's gone, he's gone!
Porsche wins, Porsche wins.
You lost, I win.
-The rat rod wins. -Sorry, I tried to go for it there.
Look, I may have lost the Corvette.
But I won more than you did.
It doesn't matter what you won,
neither of you have a car anymore.
Of course it matters, I won the only one that really counts.
And that is, that chicks dig it.
'Cause that's really what all of these fancy car stuff is about. Right?
No!
I hate that face.
Yeah. Well, guess what?
You guys need to admit that I won
or you can just stay here forever. Your choice.
Okay...
What do you think, Mick?
(CHUCKLES) I love it.
-You know what I've decided? -What?
I am never going to have a midlife crisis.
I'm just not gonna do it. I'm gonna fight it at every single turn.
Good for you.
TANNER: Have fun with the Porsche!
ADAM: Define "fun".
TANNER: Good luck with that thing.