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[ Music ]
[ Coughing ]
Did you go
see the doctor Friday?
Yup.
What did he say?
You know, the old good news,
bad news routine.
Give me the bad news first.
I got to quit smoking.
And the good?
I did.
You quit smoking?
Yep.
Get out of here.
I quit.
Holy--you really quit.
Yeah.
I got the patch and I got
this fake cigarette thing here.
This time it's for real, man.
Oh, be strong, brother.
Be strong.
Thanks.
So that's Friday,
the weekend.
So it's been like what,
three days?
Hell no.
Three hours.
I quit this morning
after breakfast.
You son of a ***.
I don't know why
I listen to you.
Hey, isn't that riggi?
Yeah.
Damn, I can't pull over.
It's all right.
Just leave it here.
Come on.
You believe this guy?
Hey, riggi.
Yeah, yeah, let's get it
over with.
Hey!
Whoa, whoa.
Officers, before we get started,
let me just say
that these is not my pants.
All right.
Let's go.
Whose pants are they?
My pants was in the cleaners.
Yeah.
So I borrowed these
from Ramon.
Oh, so Ramon owns the pants
and the doo rag, all right.
Just take it easy
for me here, okay.
[Car horns blaring]
Hey, hey, Nypd.
What's the deal, yakov?
I have fair.
Yeah, I have badge,
I have bad guy, okay.
I have fair, very important.
Oh, yeah.
Well, this particular suspect
happens to have a rap sheet
that includes robbing guys
like you, okay.
So instead of honking your horn,
maybe you should be
thanking my ***
for making the streets safer
so you can go on
soaking tourists by taking them
from laguardia to downtown
by way of jersey city.
What do you say to that?
[Honk]
Wrong answer.
Get out of the car.
Get out of the car!
I have fair.
Stay down.
Is he crazy?
No, just quit smoking.
[ Music ]
? This is modern day America ?
what's going on?
[Jan]
Did you hear about Ruben?
Nope.
[Frank]
He shot a guy.
[Pip]
Really?
Yeah, he's pretty torn up
about it too.
He kill him?
[Frank]
No.
What happened?
Well, the guy is a suspect
in a couple of robberies.
They went over to pick him up,
he pulled a knife,
when after Al with it,
Ruben shot him.
Self-defense.
Yeah, no problem with that.
You might want to talk
to Ruben, mike.
He's feeling pretty bad
about it.
First shooting
is the toughest, kid.
But, you know,
you did the right thing.
It happened so fast.
This guy got by me
and I turned around
and I saw the knife.
I shot him.
I didn't want to, but he
was inches away from Al.
You had no choice.
Okay.
There was blood everywhere.
Guy was screaming,
holding his butt.
He was inches away from Al.
He almost stabbed him.
His butt?
Yeah, you should have
seen the face on Al.
He was up against the wall.
You shot him in the ***?
Yeah.
You shot him in the ***.
Yeah.
I feel bad.
Well, I wouldn't feel too bad
'cause unless his head
was up there at the time,
I think he's gonna be okay.
Come on.
All right, guys, listen up.
Ruben's feeling better but,
you know, this has been
a tough thing for him and he'd
appreciate a little support.
McNEIL.
Yeah.
Bring your *** in here.
Better hurry up before Ruben
takes a shot at it.
[Laughter]
Sorry.
Get out of the car!
I have fare!
You want to explain that?
Well, we--we were making
an arrest
and he was honking his horn
a lot.
Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know.
Let me call the mayor's office
and see if I can get you
a medal.
Look, sir--
look, I don't care!
You can't be doing that
kind of stuff, McNEIL.
You know how many people
taped your little act?
Three.
I can make a short film
with all the angles I got.
Well, look, sir,
I can promise you
it's never gonna happen again.
That ain't gonna cut it, son.
You see, your good friend,
the mayor,
he has urged me very strongly
to take a proactive stance
on this before it all
hits the fan.
So, you got two choices,
two weeks unpaid suspension
or eight weeks
of anger management classes
starting today.
You're kidding?
Hey, Ruben, you got
a special visitor.
Mom.
Yeah, it's your mommy.
Gaymunch.
Mom, what are you doing here?
I have to talk to you.
You could have called.
No, you come with me.
Ruben, how could you?
How could I what?
Did you shoot Miguel Alvarez?
How did you hear about that?
Has it been on the news?
I can never go back
to st.
Michael's.
What am I gonna do?
The church was my whole life.
I don't understand.
Miguel's mother
is the choir director.
I was gonna sing my solo
this Sunday
and now I can never
show my face there again.
Ma, he came at us
with a knife.
I didn't have a choice.
I want you to go to the hospital
and tell Miguel you're sorry.
What?
You have to apologize,
it's the only way I can go back.
Ma, he's a criminal.
You want me to apologize to him?
Want me to look like a fool,
is that what you want?
No.
But if you don't apologize,
you will deny me my salvation
at the right hand of the lord.
Is that what you want?
Okay, I think
we should start.
Hi, welcome
to anger management.
My name is peter.
Don't call me Pete,
it really ticks me off.
Why don't we go around the room
and introduce ourselves.
Hi.
Yeah!
I'm mark.
I have a lot of problems
with rage.
Hi, mark.
You wrote on your card that you
consider yourself a rageaholic.
That's right.
Okay, next.
[Clearing throat]
I'm sue,
and I hate everybody.
Sorry, I didn't hear you.
I hate everybody.
I'm sue.
And what do you do, sue?
I, um, work
with handicapped children.
I'm Paulie and I
hate my hair.
Okay--yes.
I'm--I'm actually just here.
I'm doing research.
I'm a writer and I'm writing
a book, fictional book.
Hey, I saw you on the news.
No.
He's a cop.
He pulled this guy out
of the window of a cab.
I hate cab drivers.
So do I.
If you're in this country,
you learn English
or you get the hell out.
I mean, they should all die.
They should all bathe
is what they should do.
They should die, all of them.
Yeah, I would pull them out
of the car
and I would just start wailing.
And I would punch him
in the neck!
Punch him in the head!
Oh, god.
Naw, I know.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I need help.
Somebody help me, please.
What mark is doing here
is very brave.
He's recognized the power
his anger holds over him
and he's expressing the desire
to purge it from his system.
This is great, mark.
Let's give him a hand.
Thank you, mark.
Thank you, mark.
God.
[Applause]
[Knocking]
Lupe, this
is my son, Ruben.
This is Mrs.
Alvarez.
Hello.
You know my son.
I can't say that I know him.
We've met.
When you shot him.
Yes.
Let's leave these two
young men alone
to make their peace.
I'm gonna be right outside,
okay, if you need anything.
Okay.
[ Music ]
What are you doing here?
My mother wants me to apologize
for shooting you.
You gotta cut
the apron strings, man.
You're sorry you shot me, cop?
No.
Yeah, you are.
A real cop would have put
a bullet in my spine,
paralyzed me.
You aimed low, Suzie.
Look, man, I didn't
want to kill you.
I don't hear you apologizing.
I'm sorry you forced me
to shoot you.
I didn't want to do it,
but you threatened my partner
and if it happened again,
I'd do the same thing.
I'll take you up on that.
I'm gonna come looking for you
when I get out.
Fine.
Next time, I won't aim low.
I'm playing with you, man,
it's cool.
Come on, it's cool.
[ Music ]
[Fighting]
It's all set.
Nice meeting you.
Okay, this
is your anger pie.
Each slice represents
one major area of your life
that you've damaged
with your anger.
Now, what names can we
give these slices?
Family.
Excellent.
Personality, peter.
Mike.
[Clearing throat]
Boysenberry.
Funny.
Tell me a part of your life
your anger
has negatively affected.
You know,
I'm not really here to talk.
I'm just here to listen
and roll my eyes
every couple minutes.
Can everyone hear the hostility
in mike's voice?
I can't.
News bulletin, mike,
nobody wants to be here.
Good.
Can we go back
to the pie now?
No, no--not yet.
Your problem, mike, is you
can't control your anger.
Yes, I can.
No, you can't.
Yes, I can.
No.
Yes.
See, for instance, right now,
I want to kick you
in the balls so hard,
you'll have to part your hair
different just to hide 'em.
But I'm not.
Hey, Mr.
Attitude.
If you don't want to be here,
just get the hell out.
You're not gonna cry again,
are you?
Huh?
What did you say?
Don't let him provoke you.
What did you say?
Get up! Get up!
Come on, wise ***,
get up!
Don't give in to anger.
Time out.
No!
Time out.
Could we talk
about my hair now?
You don't have any hair, moron.
I beg your pardon.
Open your eyes, ***.
This is your fault.
Are you happy?
No, I'm not happy.
[ Music ]
[Crying]
Now I'm happy.
Hey.
Hey, how was the class?
Ugh, awful.
Grown men crying.
About what?
I don't know.
There were women there too,
none of them were crying.
Were the men gay?
I don't think so.
Besides, where's it written
that if you're a gay guy
you get to cry
whenever you want.
Well, you know, gay men
are more in touch
with their feminine side.
Maybe you should get
more in touch
with your feminine side.
Honey, I don't have
a feminine side, okay.
I have a masculine side
and then another masculine side.
Come on, you don't ever
feel soft or emotional?
All right.
This is beginning to sound
a little bit too much
like a *** commercial
for my taste.
God, never mind.
What?
Nothing.
What?
You never talk to me
about your feelings.
[Sigh]
My feelings.
Yes.
You want to talk
about my feelings?
Yes.
Okay.
What are your feelings?
My feelings.
My feelings,
in no particular order:
love, there's that, ***,
anger, rage,
total absolute rage
with a side order of hostility,
and then--I already
mentioned ***, so--
forget it, okay.
Forget I said anything.
You know, I've never
seen you cry.
Because I'm not gay.
Do you cry?
Oh, boy.
Honey--you know,
what the hell happened here?
You know, this was supposed
to be a fun thing.
You know, supposed to be like
a little, you know, *** oasis
where the two of us get together
and we have a good time,
we have our laughs
and enjoy ourselves.
And now it's turned
into this thing where you're,
you know, asking about
my feelings and do I cry.
It's like I'm talking to my wife
and I already have a wife,
so I don't need another one.
You know what I mean?
What's wrong?
*** oasis?
I didn't say that.
And if I did--
did I say that?
Power and control,
avoiding responsibility,
poor communication skills.
Mike.
Hey, do you mind if I
address the class
before we get started?
We started 10 minutes ago.
Oh, okay.
Well, I just realized that I
said some things about mark
that were negative last time
and I'm sorry about that.
And I apologize.
Thanks, mike.
There might be hope
for you yet.
Yup.
Oh, you bet.
Okay.
We were talking about
the six main reasons
people stay angry.
They are--
yeah, mike.
Yeah, remember when I
said the thing last time
about I could
control my anger.
Yeah.
I was wrong.
I can't control it.
That's great, mike.
Wow.
You are really
making a breakthrough here.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
All right.
As I was saying--
mike.
Yeah.
I--see, I wish I could
control it but I just can't.
I can't.
It's weird, it's like I wish
I wasn't about to say what
I'm about to say to you,
which is this,
you suck.
You guys all suck
and this class sucks.
And you can all
kiss my white Irish ***.
Okay.
Look, you know, I think we--
I also wish I wasn't about
to say this, but shut up.
Hey, hang on--
you shut up too, okay,
you hairless one.
You know what the problem
is with the people
in this class, okay,
you're all a bunch
of self indulgent,
whining airbags and you
think that coming in here
three times a week
is gonna make you change.
I got news for you,
I ain't changing, okay.
I came in pissed off
and I'm leaving pissed off.
Just like you, you came in bald,
you're leaving bald,
okay, fatso?
Hey, ouch.
It does hurt.
Oh, that's too bad.
All right.
All right.
You can disrespect me
in this room
but I won't have you--
you have an amazing ability
to just keep talking.
Can I--can I say--
not now.
And if you want to talk
about self indulgence--
yeah?
--Mister, this here is
the height of self indulgence.
Oh, really.
Oh, really.
Yes, please.
This is not mike
management class now, all right.
Just shut up!
Wow.
[ Music ]
Wait a minute, back off.
Somebody want
to help me here?
I don't think so.
What, are you scared
of a little girl?
Hey, at least I'm not bald.
Come here, chumley.
Pip? Yeah, it's me.
I need some back up.
I'm at the class.
Yeah, the anger management
class, yeah.
Sweetheart, I'm warning you.
All right, let's go.
Hand off of me, cop.
I'll kick your *** too.
I work with handicapped kids.
Yeah, as if they don't
have enough problems already.
Come on.
The class is called
"anger management.
"
Yeah, why?
Just asking.
Now look, here's what
we're gonna do, okay,
you're gonna sign a form
saying I completed the course,
then you and I are never
gonna see each other again.
No way,
I'm not signing anything.
All right, markie.
I guess I'll be seeing you
next week.
I'll sign.
That a boy, Pete.
I've often wondered how a man
who knew he was gonna die
could stand here and say
that he was the luckiest man
in the world,
but now I think I know
how Lou Gehrig felt.
[Sniffling]
You okay, mike?
Yeah, I'm fine.
I meant the drink.
Yeah.
Hey, what's happening.
Hey.
You look like you've been
pounding them
pretty hard there, pal?
Yeah, I had a rough day.
Yeah.
There's a lot of sickness
in the world, mike.
A lot of it.
People we have to deal with,
they don't care.
That guy with the knife,
he would have killed Al
and never given it
another thought.
Probably right.
And look at me,
I shot the guy
and I can't stop
thinking about it.
What's wrong with me?
Maybe I shouldn't be a cop.
No, no, no, man.
No, that's exactly why you
should be a cop, you know.
'Cause, I mean, if you
didn't think twice about it,
you'd be no better than the guy
that you shotin the ***.
I don't want you
to forget that part.
There's so much darkness,
where's the light in the world?
Where's the joy?
There's gotta be joy
out there somewhere.
I just wonder where.
Yeah.
See you later.
I'll be right back.
Okay.
[ Music ]
[ Singing "ave maria" ]
Wow.
Wow.
Should have been doing this
all along.