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(Music Playing, Ocean Wave Sounds) It's just a phase,
That is the impression I got, as fourteen year old teenager who just happened to have
crushes on girls "So, if it's just a phase...", I thought to
myself,"then I'd better pretend this never happened, I don't want anyone to think of
me that way! How terrible that would be!" And that is when I began to hide myself under
the feelings I was having, would try to prove that I was so called "straight" in many exhausting
ways that were really not worth my time. Homophobia lived in the hallways of my high school.
I was so deep in the closet, I couldn't even see the door to get out! Frozen. Completely
frozen. I couldn't even bare to look at a gay couple out on the town, or even in the
movies! My first semester of college, I became very close friends with Kenlyn and her girlfriend
Lauren. Kenlyn was a barista at a cafe I would frequent in Denver, and we were instantly
friends. I felt so myself with her and all of her *** friends, I wasn't sure why though...
That was, until I took a trip to visit my cousin Beth in Los Angeles one January. Surprisingly,
despite being January, the sun was shining through a clear blue sky the whole week! And
I spent most of my time at the beach and in the ocean in a t-shirt and shorts. One ordinary
day, I rode Beth's squeaky bike down to Venice beach, where I took a nice long walk by myself.
I turn my head, and there they were... Two beautiful women having a picnic on the beach,
sharing kisses and giggles with one another. So in love. "So beautiful, how wonderful that
they love each other, isn't love GREAT?!" I thought to myself... They reminded me of
Kenlyn and Lauren, then I realized... somehow... They reminded me of myself. When I returned
to Denver, it wasn't long until all the pieces finally came together. I lay on my bed one
day and burst into magnificent laughter! "I am ***! Ha ha! Of course of course!" That
continued on and off to myself the entire day. The next day, I told Kenlyn I had to
hang out that night, there was something important that I needed to talk about, we pick up a
bottle of wine, go into her room, and after many tears, laughs, and tremors of fear going
through my body, I finally say it... "I, I... I am ***!" I did it. It felt like it took
the most strength and courage inside of me to do it, and I did it. After that, it only
took me two weeks to tell all the people important to me; my family, my closest friends, and
my mentors. I decided that there was no going back. I couldn't hide from myself any longer.
And ultimately, I loved and love myself for who I am. I knew it was not going to be a
smooth ride, but it surely is much smoother than not being completely, and totally myself.
(Music continues)