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MERCHANT: Therefore give out you are of Epidamnum, lest that your goods too soon be confiscate.
This very day a Syracusian merchant Is apprehended for arrival here,
And not being able to buy out his life, according to the statute of the town, DIES ere the weary sun set in the west.
There is your money that I had to keep.
ANTIPHOLUS S: Go bear it to the Centaur, where we host, and stay there, Dromio, till I come to thee.
Within this hour it will be dinner-time: till that, I’ll view the manners of the town
Peruse the traders, gaze upon the buildings, and then return and rest within mine inn,
For with long travel I am stiff and weary. Get thee away.
DROMIO S: Many a man would take you at your word, and go indeed, having so good a mean.
ANTIPH S: A trusty villain, sir, that very oft, when I am dull with care and melancholy lightens my humor with his merry jests.
What, wilt thou walk with me about the town, and then return and dine with me?
MERCHANT: I am invited, sir, to certain merchants, of whom I hope to make much benefit.
Soon at five o’clock, please you, I’ll meet with you upon the mart, and afterward consort you till bed-time.
My present business calls me from you now.
ANTIPHOLUS S: Farewell till then: I will go lose myself, and walk up and down to view the city.
MERCHANT: Sir, I commend you to your own content.
ANTIPHOLUS S: He that commends me to mine own content, commends me to the thing I cannot get.
I to the world am like a drop of water that in the ocean seeks another drop.
So I, to find a mother and a brother, and in doing so, unhappy, lose myself.
Here comes the almanac of my true date. How comes it thou art returned so soon?
DROMIO of EPHESUS: Returned so soon? Rather approached too late!
The capon burns, the pig falls from the spit.
The clock hath strucken twelve upon the bell; my mistress gave me one upon my cheek!
She is so hot because the meat is cold; the meat is cold, because you come not home.
ANTIPHOLUS S: Stop in your wind, sir: tell me this, I pray: where is the money I left with you?
DROMIO E: Oh, sixpence, that I had Wednesday last, to pay the saddler for my mistress’ crupper?
The saddler had it, sir; I kept it not.
ANTIPHOLUS S: I am not in a sportive humour now: tell me, and dally not, where is the money?
We being strangers here, how darest thou trust so great a charge from thine own custody?
DROMIO E: I pray you jest sir as you sit at dinner: I from my mistress come to you in post;
If I return, I shall be post indeed, for she will score your fault upon my pate.
ANTIPHOLUS S: Come Dromio, come, these jests are out of season;
Reserve them till a merrier hour than this. Where is the gold I gave in charge to thee?
DROMIO E: To me, sir? Why you gave no gold to me.
ANTIPHOLUS S: Come on sir knave, have done your foolishness, and tell me how thou hast disposed thy charge.
DROMIO E: My charge was but to fetch you from the mart home to your house, the Phoenix sir, to dinner.
My mistress and her sister stays for you.
ANTIPHOLUS S: Now as I am a Christian answer me, where is the thousand marks thou hadst of me?
DROMIO E: I have some marks of yours upon my pate, some of my mistress’ marks upon my shoulders.
But not a thousand marks between you both.
ANTIPHOLUS S: What, wilt thou flout me in my face, being forbid? Here, take thou that, and that!
DROMIO E: What mean you, sir? For God’s sake, hold your hands: nay, and you will not sir, I’ll take my heels.
ANTIPHOLUS S: Upon my life, by some device or other, the villain is o'er-raught of all my money.
They say this town is full of cozenage, as nimble jugglers that deceive the eye; dark-working sorcerers that change the mind.
If it prove so, I will be gone the sooner. I’ll to the Centaur to go seek this slave; I greatly fear my money is not safe.