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(Voice-made robot sound effects)
(Voice-made robot sound effects)
STEFANIE: Sir, your 3:00 is here.
MICHAEL BAY: Yes, yes, thank you. ...don’t you ever knock?
STEFANIE: Yes sir. Sorry sir.
STEFANIE (CONT'D): ...may I put on some pants?
MICHAEL BAY: We’ve talked about this!
MICHAEL BAY: You’re late.
DANIEL RADCLIFFE: It’s... 3 o’clock.
MICHAEL BAY: I’ll be filming this audition today. Stand up and say your name to the camera.
Daniel Radcliffe: Hi, my name is Daniel Radcliffe, and I-
MICHAEL BAY: (cutting him off) Do you have any experience?
DANIEL RADCLIFFE (confused): In... acting?
MICHAEL BAY: Yes.
DANIEL RADCLIFFE: Well... I’ve been starring in theater and films for over ten years, the largest of course being the Harry Potter series.
MICHAEL BAY: Oh, you were in those, ah, wizard movies? Who did you play?
DANIEL RADCLIFFE (baffled): I was, uh, Harry Potter sir.
MICHAEL BAY: You may not know this about me son, but I don’t appreciate people lying to me, and I don’t have a sense of humor.
DANIEL RADCLIFFE (Very confused): Ah, no sir, I was Harry Potter. I’m Daniel Radcliffe and I played Harry Potter.
MICHAEL BAY: I don’t see it.
DANIEL sighs
MICHAEL BAY: Oh heeey, you’re Harry Potter! (yelling) Stefanie, why didn’t you tell me Harry Potter was coming today!
STEFANIE (from other room): Sorry Sir!
DANIEL RADCLIFFE: It’s... Daniel, sir...
MICHAEL BAY: I guess Harry here threw us both off since he showed up late.
DANIEL RADCLIFFE: My name’s not Harry.
MICHAEL BAY: Anyway Harry, there aren’t any wizard or sorcery-related parts in this script, so it may not work out for us on this one. Harry.
DANIEL RADCLIFFE: It’s Daniel, and I’ve played other characters before. I’m not Harry Potter, I just played him in the movies. I can play other roles as well, I’m a trained actor and I’ve performed a lot of different roles in theater and film, I've...
MICHAEL BAY: Here, hold these.
(MICHAEL BAY makes explosion sound effects with his mouth as actual explosions happen)
DANIEL RADCLIFFE: Are you out of your mind???
MICHAEL BAY: That’s good. Perfect, Harry!
DANIEL RADCLIFFE (angry): My. Name. Is. DANIEL!
DANIEL RADCLIFFE (angry): My. Name. Is. DANIEL!
(DANIEL RADCLIFFE storms off with angry British ramblings)
MICHAEL BAY: Next!
MICHAEL BAY (CONT’D): ...and who are you?
MODEL: I’m a lingerie model.
MICHAEL BAY: Your *** will look great in 3-D.
MODEL: Oh-my-god they totally would...