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Welcome to "Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?" I'm your host, Jory Caron.
Jory: (in racecar announcer voice) And we're down at the speedway right now, as the races are preparing to start. (makes engine sound)
Jory: That one's edging forward! It's trying to get a head start! The checkers go down, the cars go off! (makes screeching tire sound)
Jory: And they're Tokyo drifting around the Play-Doh. The nitrous kicks in! Crash! Right into the dog! And they both flipped, and it's dead.
And to the winner goes the spoils of my microwave. I'm gonna microwave all of 'em, actually. They're ALL winners in my book!
Jory: Is it a good idea to microwave this?
Let's find out! Here at the Jory Caron Laboratory, safety is our number-one concern. That's why we hide behind this giant tin foil shield. It's to protect our nuts, because nobody...
Riley: Hey, hey! Wait a minute- where are my Hot Wheels?
These were actually donated by Robert, so I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah... Let's go inside.
Jon: (to Riley) You're always interrupting him!
*car speeds by*
We also have these fans, to circulate the air, and, as always, the Sharp carousel microwave. I just love pushing her buttons, you know? Have you ever had a woman like that? You can just push her buttons?
Jon: Dude, that's gross, dude!
Okay, so we open her up. In go the Hot Wheels.
Jon: Aw, nice, dude! Check it out!
Jory: And that way, they're racing in a continual race.
Riley: It looks like NASCAR.
Jon: That's sweet, dude!
Jory: Okay, so how long should I put those in there for? Hot Wheels, Hot Wheels...
Riley: (in exaggerated Boston accent) What was Jeff Gordon's number? 24?
Jory: Let's go with two minutes and forty seconds.
Riley: That's what I'm sayin'!
Jon: Yeah, man! Right on!
Jory: Let's do this!
Jon: Right there, man, right there! Go, NASCAR!
Riley: Oh! Sparking! It looks like NASCAR!
Jory: (in announcer voice) That one's in the lead, already on fire!
Jon: Wow! Look out! Holy [beep]! That thing is on flames!
Jory: It's on fire! (laughs) "On flames"! (in Boston accent) There's fire on it!
Riley: (in exaggerated Boston accent) FIRE!
Jon: That guy has already crashed, and he's burning.
Jory: Oh, and the third one...
Riley: Well, that's pretty much why we watch NASCAR- it's to watch them die!
Jon: So, this is better than watching NASCAR, 'cause you're guaranteed a burn!
Jon: You get your car racing and a crash-and-burn!
Jory: You know, I always knew they were fast, but forty seconds into it, they're already a ball of flame.
Riley: Let's stop it!
Jon: We can stop it. I mean, that was it! These cars? They're Hot Wheels. They're the fastest thing to burn!
Jon: I'm pretty sure these things burn faster than anything else! Wow!
Riley: Oh, my God! Oh, Jesus! Oh, boy!
Jory: Okay, this one I don't think ever caught fire.
Riley: Nice! The blue car is the winner!
Jon: Blue car wins! The only one not on fire!
Jory: All the wheels work, too.
Jon: How did that guy NOT burn?
Jory: I don't know. It's a Hot Wheels, though.
Riley: Now they're ALL Hot Wheels!
Jory: This is a cheap imitator, cheap imitator, and that, my friends, is another Hot Wheels. Oh! It's sticky! You know it's done when it just sticks to the wall.
Jory: Okay, you may be wondering, is it a good idea to microwave Hot Wheels cars? It's a good idea to microwave this specific one right here! This is a winner. To think, only if Dale would... Never mind...
Riley: That's messed up!
Jory: So, you may be wondering, is it a good idea to microwave these? Only if it's this one! (laughs) So, that's it for "Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?" I'm your host, Jory Caron, signing off! Signing off? What?
Jon: Finishing up? I don't know...
Riley: This isn't AOL!
*end credits play*
Jory: (makes engine sounds) And then, they kick in the nitrous! Which doesn't make any sense at all! And then, they keep going... (makes screeching tire noise) Oh! That one flipped! And it's dead...