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- PREVIOUSLY ON VANDERPUMP RULES...
- THANK GOD YOU'RE FINALLY HERE, BY THE WAY.
EVERY OTHER GIRL IS INTIMIDATED
BY THE BLONDE WITH THE GREAT ***.
GO TO WORK. - OW.
- HEY. - HELLO.
- WELCOME TO SUR.
KRISTEN HAS BEEN JEALOUS AND INSECURE
OF ARIANA IN THE PAST.
- DON'T SPREAD RUMORS ABOUT MY [bleep] BOYFRIEND.
- ALL I SAID WAS-- - THEY'RE HOOKING UP.
- YOU'RE HERE, BUT YOU'RE STILL ON THEIR TERRITORY.
YOU CAME FROM VILLA BLANCA-- - OH, IT'S MINE TOO.
- WELL, MAKE IT YOURS, THEN.
- WOULD YOU DARE ME TO GET HER NAME ON THERE?
- SHE IS YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND.
- I DON'T KNOW WHEN I'M GONNA SHOW HER.
- LET ME SEE THE INSIDE OF YOUR ARM.
- WE NEED TO TALK.
YOU'RE JUST SO DISRESPECTFUL TO ME.
KRISTEN HAS NO PROBLEM BRINGING HER NONSENSE
AND HER BULL[bleep] TO MY RESTAURANT.
YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES.
- A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO, I FOUND A LUMP NEAR MY CHEST.
- IT'S PROBABLY NOTHING.
- I TAKE SUPPLEMENTS. I'M HOPING THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
- THIS IS ANNOYING. DUDE, YOU'RE AN IDIOT.
- IT TAKES A SPECIAL PERSON TO TAKE A HEALTH SCARE
AND THEN TURN IT AROUND.
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY ALL THAT IS?
THIS RELATIONSHIP WITH STASSI IS NOT WHAT I WANT.
AND NOW I JUST GIVE UP.
[pop music]
- ♪ YOU KNOW ♪
♪ THAT IT'S OUR TIME ♪
♪ THESE ARE THE BEST DAYS ♪
♪ OF OUR LIVES ♪
♪ JUST RAISE YOUR GLASSES HIGH ♪
♪ THIS ONE'S FOR YOU TONIGHT ♪
- THAT CAN'T BE GOOD FOR YOUR ANKLE.
- IT FEELS A LOT BETTER.
I'M JUST KEEPING IT WRAPPED SO I'M, LIKE, AWARE OF IT.
- HAVE YOU HEARD ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT THE PARADE'S--
THE THEME WILL BE THIS YEAR?
- I JUST HEARD SOMETHING ABOUT IT BEING WHITE.
- I CAN GET DOWN WITH THAT. - YEAH.
- NICE OF YOU TO SHOW.
- IT'S SO HARD TO FIND, LIKE, DIRECTIONS UP HERE.
- WHAT DO WE GOT TO DO NOW? - I DON'T KNOW.
I'M SURE IT'S GONNA HAVE A LOT TO DO WITH PINK, THOUGH.
- YEAH, AGREED.
- OKAY, YOU GUYS. COME ON, WE GOT TO DO IT.
THIS YEAR, WE'RE DOING ANOTHER FLOAT FOR GAY PRIDE,
AND SUR'S LOCATED RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF BOYS' TOWN.
SO LET'S GO, GAYS.
- HEY, GUYS.
HOW YOU DOING? - HI.
HI, YOU. - GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- YOU TOO. - ANOTHER YEAR, ANOTHER PARADE.
I THINK IT'S GONNA BE FABULOUS.
I LOVE IT. - OKAY, SO WE'RE GONNA HAVE FUN.
I JUST THOUGHT I'D TALK TO YOU GUYS
BECAUSE YOU'RE THE MORE RESPONSIBLE ONES.
WE'RE GONNA DO IT TOTALLY DIFFERENT TO LAST YEAR.
ARE WE GONNA HAVE ANY DANCE?
- YOU AND STASSI CAN DO A BURLESQUE DANCE.
- WHY DON'T YOU DO YOUR, UM...
- MY SONG? - WHY DON'T YOU DO YOUR SONG?
- THAT WOULD BE FUN.
LAST YEAR THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL
YOU COULD'VE GOT ME ON THAT FLOAT WITH A MICROPHONE,
BUT THIS YEAR I'M SO EXCITED TO DO IT.
I'M IN A WAY BETTER PLACE AT SUR,
AND I CAN'T WAIT TO GET UP THERE
AND HAVE EVERYONE HEAR MY SONG.
MY SONG'S HUGE IN THAT GAY COMMUNITY.
THEY LOVE IT.
"THE GIRL I WANT TO BE," ALL THE GUYS ARE LIKE, "YEAH."
- SCHEANA, YOU PERFORMED AT A GAY CLUB IN CHICAGO ONE TIME.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE LADY GAGA.
- SHE WANT IT ALL IN WHITE, WHITE WINGS.
HOW ABOUT THAT?
- MY GIFT TO THE GAY COMMUNITY
IS MUSCLEMEN DRESSED UP AS LITTLE, WHITE, FURRY ANGELS.
SO, HEY, GUYS, THIS IS MY GIFT TO YOU.
- LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING, THOUGH.
IS IT GONNA BE HARD WITH ALL THESE PEOPLE
ON A MOVING FLOAT, LIKE, BUMPING INTO EACH OTHER
WITH, LIKE, WINGS ON?
- IT'S GONNA BE TOUGH. ANYWAY, GET ON WITH IT.
RIGHT? [laughter]
YOU'RE WEARING WINGS. COME ON.
- WELL, YOU'LL LOVE IT. - [sighs]
- YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S GONNA BE FABULOUS.
- IT'S KIND OF IRONIC THAT TOM SANDOVAL,
WHO SPENDS ALL HIS TIME DOING HIS HAIR
OR WAXING HIS GOD-KNOWS-WHAT--
YOU KNOW, SUDDENLY, HE DOESN'T WANT
TO PUT A PAIR OF ANGEL WINGS ON.
I MEAN, GO FIGURE.
- OH, WOW. - WHOO!
YAY, WINGS!
- OH, I LIKE THE LITTLE ONES. - HERE YOU GO.
I FOUND TWO LITTLE ONES.
- THIS IS GONNA BE SICK. - THIS IS GONNA BE INTERESTING.
- WHY ARE YOU SAYING, "THIS IS GONNA BE SICK"?
- THIS IS GONNA BE AMAZING. - YOU'RE COMPLAINING SO MUCH.
THE BIGGEST ONES-- YOU SHOULD GET ONE.
- PETER GOT THE BIG-BOY ONES.
- ARE THEY THAT HEAVY? - NO, THEY'RE FINE.
- LET ME PUT THEM ON. - ARE YOU SURE?
- I WANT TO SEE WHAT THEY'RE WHINING ABOUT.
- ANGEL LISA. - I LIKE IT.
- YOU SHOULD WEAR ONE. - IT'S CUTE, RIGHT?
- YEAH, YOU LOOK GREAT.
- I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE WORRIED
ABOUT BUMPING INTO PEOPLE. [laughter]
- SEE?
- AND THEN, LISA, WHEN I'M PERFORMING MY SONG,
I CAN ***-POP.
- I KNOW YOU CAN. OF COURSE YOU CAN.
*** POPPING--
I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW, BUT WHERE I COME FROM,
*** POPPING SOUNDS LIKE FARTING.
- MOVE, MOVE, BABY. MOVE, MOVE, MOVE.
YEAH.
[bell dinging]
[man chuckles]
- DUDE, WHAT A GREAT DAY.
- IT IS A GOOD DAY. SO WHAT'S UP WITH THE LUMP?
- WELL, THERE'S A REASON WHY MY SHIRT'S NOT OFF RIGHT NOW.
I KNEW YOU GUYS WERE WONDERING. - I WAS GONNA SAY--
"SOMETHING MUST BE OFF 'CAUSE THE SHIRT IS NOT."
- JAX NEVER MISSES AN OPPORTUNITY
TO TAKE HIS SHIRT OFF. - THAT WAS A GOOD ONE, RIGHT?
- THAT WAS GOOD.
SERIOUSLY, WHAT HAPPENED?
- NO, IT'S SWOLLEN.
- SO IT'S JUST A CYST, AND IT'S NOT DANGEROUS?
- YEAH, IT'S JUST A CYST.
- I NEVER BELIEVED THAT JAX MIGHT POSSIBLY HAVE CANCER.
JAX LIES SO MUCH, IT'S JUST REALLY HARD
TO BELIEVE ANYTHING HE SAYS.
BUT, REALLY, WHAT IT COMES DOWN TO
IS HE'S GONNA BE FINE.
- LAST NIGHT I KIND OF GOT BACK OUT THERE A LITTLE BIT.
I'M A LITTLE RUSTY, BUT I DEFINITELY
WASN'T SHY FLIRTING WITH THE LADIES LAST NIGHT.
- YOU DOVE BACK IN? YOU?
- I KNOW WHERE THINGS WERE GONNA GO WITH STASSI,
'CAUSE I MEAN, AFTER THAT WHOLE, LIKE, HER COMING OVER
AND YELLING, LIKE, I HAD THIS EPIPHANY.
WHAT I'M DOING RIGHT NOW IS CHASING SOMETHING
THAT IS, LIKE, JUST NOT THERE, AND IT'S JUST LIKE--
I JUST DON'T WANT TO DO IT ANYMORE.
I DON'T. LIKE, I'M NOT HAPPY.
LIFE'S TOO SHORT, LITERALLY.
I ALMOST THOUGHT I HAD FRICKIN' CANCER.
- DO A WHEELIE OR SOMETHING. THIS IS GOOD.
YOU'RE MAKING PROGRESS, TRYING NEW THINGS, YOU KNOW?
- YEAH. - TRY NEW GIRLS.
MAYBE IT'S SOMETHING THAT'S COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
THAN STASSI, YOU KNOW?
- WELL, ANYTHING'S COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
HAVING THIS CANCER SCARE MADE ME REALIZE LIFE CAN BE SHORT
AND I WAS WASTING MY TIME WITH STASSI.
SO NOW I GET TO PUT ALL MY ENERGY
INTO DATING ALL OF LOS ANGELES.
[laughs]
- ALL RIGHT, WE'RE BREAKING.
SCHWARTZ, GET OVER HERE. I GOT A SURPRISE.
- A SURPRISE?
- ONE FOR YOU. - WHAT?
- DUDE. - BREWSKIS?
YEAH, WE'RE BROWN-BAGGING IT.
- THIS COULD BE A SODA.
LET'S MAKE A TOAST. - WHOA!
- I'D LIKE TO MAKE A TOAST TO NEW BEGINNINGS FOR JAX.
- I GOT SOMETHING TO ADD TO THAT.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU GUYS ARE GONNA WANT TO CHEERS TO IT
OR NOT, BUT...
SO WE'RE OVER TALKING ABOUT THE GAY-PRIDE THING.
YOU KNOW, KEVIN'S THERE. HE SAYS--
- OH, NO, AGAIN? - YEAH.
GOOD NEWS AND MORE GOOD NEWS--
KEVIN REVEALED TO US,
"AH, I THINK IT WOULD BE GREAT TO HAVE THE BOYS IN WINGS."
NOT JUST LITTLE WINGS,
BUT BIG, HUGE, VICTORIA'S SECRET SHOW WINGS.
- I'M SORRY, BUT I'M GONNA HAVE TO VETO THIS.
- HERE'S THE BEST NEWS. SCHEANA--
- OH, GOD, SHE'S NOT SINGING HER SONG.
- NOT ONLY DO WE HAVE TO BE IN ANGEL WINGS,
BUT WE HAVE TO LISTEN TO CAN YOU FREAK, ***?,
LIKE, [bleep] 40 TIMES IN A ROW.
- NO, I'M NOT DOING THIS. - YES.
- I'M NOT DOING THIS. - COME ON, DUDE.
WE CAN'T DO THIS. DUDE, PLEASE.
PLEASE STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. WE GOT TO SAY NO.
IF I'M GONNA BE UP THERE WEARING ANGEL WINGS
AND LISTENING TO SCHEANA'S SONG ON A LOOP,
YOU BETTER BET YOUR ***
I'M GONNA BE DRUNK THE WHOLE TIME.
- TOM DOES A GREAT IMPRESSION OF THE GO-GO MOVE SHE DOES.
DO IT. DO IT.
- SHE'S GONNA BE GOING...
- ♪ CAN YOU FREAK, ***? ♪
[laughter]
- THERE IT IS. YEAH, I'VE SEEN HER DO THAT.
OH!
- OH, GOD.
- ♪ NOW GO ON ♪
- YOU NEED A BOW TIE ON TOP OF YOUR HEAD WHEN YOU DO THAT.
- [laughs]
- HELLO. - HEY.
- HI.
- WHEN LISA CALLS A STAFF MEETING,
THAT GENERALLY MEANS THAT SOMEONE'S IN TROUBLE.
SO I'M LOOKING AROUND THE ROOM RIGHT NOW,
THINKING, "WHO SCREWED UP?"
[indistinct chatter]
- CAN I SIT HERE? [laughs]
OH. HI.
- HAVING ARIANA AT THE STAFF MEETING WAS SUCH A GOOD FEELING.
I FINALLY HAVE AN ALLY. I HAVE MY BEST FRIEND.
EVERYONE ELSE, SHUT THE [bleep] UP.
- THIS LOOKS LIKE AN A.A. MEETING OR SOMETHING.
- I KNOW, RIGHT? - OKAY, GUYS.
PARTY'S OVER. - HI, LISA.
- HELLO. - HELLO.
- [singsong voice] OH, YOU LOOK NERVOUS.
DON'T WORRY. YOU'RE NOT IN TROUBLE.
- YEAH, SEE? I TOLD YOU GUYS.
- WELL, SOME OF YOU ARE.
OKAY, MOST OF YOU KNOW ARIANA.
ARIANA'S WORKED FOR ME FOR TWO YEARS AT VILLA BLANCA.
- TWO, MAYBE THREE ALMOST.
- EXCELLENT BARTENDER.
I KNOW, TOM, OBVIOUSLY, YOU'VE WORKED WITH ARIANA MANY TIMES.
SHE'S REALLY, REALLY GOOD, AND I HOPE SHE FITS IN.
- SHE'S OKAY.
- FOR MONTHS, THERE HAVE BEEN RUMORS
THAT MY BOYFRIEND HOOKED UP WITH ARIANA
WHEN THEY WORKED TOGETHER AT VILLA BLANCA.
- TOM IS CLAIMING THAT IT'S ALL BULL[bleep],
AND I'M TRYING TO BELIEVE HIM.
- NONE OF YOU-- DON'T LOOK AT EACH OTHER.
I SAW THAT LOOK. SHE'S GONNA WORK HERE.
AND SHE'S GONNA WORK IN THE GARDEN AS WELL.
THERE'S A HISTORY BETWEEN ARIANA AND KRISTEN,
BUT ARIANA'S WORKED FOR ME TWO YEARS,
AND I CAN DEFINITELY DEPEND ON HER.
HOPEFULLY SHE WON'T GET CAUGHT UP
IN ALL THE NONSENSE THAT'S GOING ON HERE.
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE'VE GOT THE GAY PARADE COMING UP THIS WEEKEND.
WE SUPPORT THIS COMMUNITY WHOLEHEARTEDLY,
AND I DON'T WANT ANY OF YOUR NONSENSE OF LAST YEAR.
WE'RE NOT DRINKING ALCOHOL.
WE ARE NOT DRINKING ALCOHOL NOW.
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
- WAIT. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
NO, THIS IS A JOKE.
- SO INAPPROPRIATE.
- OKAY, SO I NEED SOMEBODY TO STAY HERE
AND NOT BE ON THE FLOAT AND HOLD FORT.
I NEED YOU ON THE FLOAT. - DAMN IT.
- I NEED AS MANY MEN AS POSSIBLE.
I NEED A GIRL TO STAY HOME AND NOT BE ON THE FLOAT.
IF I DON'T GET A VOLUNTEER,
THEN I WILL CHOOSE THE LAST ONE
WHO'S BEEN IN THE MOST TROUBLE.
- IF IT'S ME, LISA,
I PUT MY HANDS UP AND SAID WHATEVER YOU WANT.
I'M LISTENING NOW. I'M NOT FIGHTING.
AT OUR LAST CONVERSATION-- - OKAY.
OKAY.
ACTUALLY, SHOW ME NOW, JUST THAT TOTAL CHANGE.
[laughter]
I'M ACTUALLY GLAD THAT KRISTEN
HAS VOLUNTEERED TO HOLD DOWN THE FORT
BECAUSE SHE WAS GONNA BE HOLDING DOWN THE FORT ANYWAY.
DOES ANYBODY HAVE ANY QUESTIONS?
I WANT GREAT ENERGY ON THIS FLOAT.
IT'S THE BIGGEST EVENT IN WEST HOLLYWOOD,
AND YOU'RE ALL WEARING ANGEL WINGS.
SO, BEFORE YOU GET SUPER EXCITED,
YOU ARE WEARING A NICE PAIR OF FLUFFY, WHITE ANGEL WINGS.
OKAY? - LISA, WE GOT TO HAVE
A DISCUSSION ABOUT THIS. - NO, NO, NO.
WE DON'T DISCUSS ANYTHING. - JAX...
I THINK I KNOW WHY YOU DON'T WANT TO WEAR THE WINGS.
- WHY? - YOU PROBABLY DON'T WANT
TO SHOW OFF YOUR NEW INK.
- WHOA! - YEAH, LET'S SEE IT.
- YOU'RE GONNA BE BARE-CHESTED ON SUNDAY.
- WHAT IS IT THAT HE'S HIDING?
- I DON'T THINK THAT'S WHY, BUT...
- THAT'S NOT WHY. - OKAY, LET'S SEE THE TATTOO.
COME ON. - OKAY, YEAH, SURE.
- INSTIGATOR. INSTIGATOR.
- SO I GOT A TATTOO.
- YOU'RE GONNA SHOW IT TO EVERYBODY?
- LET'S HAVE A LOOK. BRING IT OVER HERE.
- AND THEN, LISA-- - HEY, YOUR SON HAS ONE.
- I KNOW, BUT HIS IS, LIKE, A HOMEMADE JOB.
- [laughs] - THAT'S A--WELL, OKAY.
I DON'T SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
- WHAT ABOUT UNDERNEATH? RAISE YOUR HAND.
- WELL, OKAY. OKAY, RAISE YOUR ARM.
- DOES IT SAY "LISA"? - OH.
- IT SAYS "LISA."
- OH, HOW SWEET. - YEAH.
- WE'RE NOT EVEN TOGETHER. - I THINK YOU ARE.
- NO, WE'RE NOT. - HE CAN COVER IT UP.
- HOW COULD ANYBODY JUDGE ME?
IF JAX WANTS TO BE A MORON AND GET HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND'S NAME
TATTOOED ON HIS ARM,
HE CAN DEAL WITH OUR BOSS ABOUT IT.
- SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND WHATSOEVER--
- YOU GUYS, IT'S JAX'S BODY.
HE CAN DO WHATEVER HE WANTS WITH IT.
- YOU WOULD NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS GET HER NAME TATTOOED.
YOU'VE BEEN DATING YOUR GIRLFRIEND
FOR FIVE [bleep] YEARS.
I'M NOT EVEN DATING HER, AND I GOT HER NAME TATTOOED.
- NO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. SAVE IT.
GAY PRIDE, I WANT YOU TO HAVE FUN.
I WANT A GREAT ATTITUDE.
COMING UP...
- SAY HI TO JAX.
- ALL RIGHT, I'M JUST GONNA KISS YOU.
- HAVE WE GOT ANOTHER ONE?
MATT, WHY DON'T YOU GET ON THERE WITH THE OTHER ONE?
START AT THAT END AND DO IT COMING BACK THIS WAY.
THIS YEAR FOR GAY PRIDE,
I WANT SOMETHING VISUALLY DIFFERENT.
LAST YEAR IT WAS PINK.
AND THIS YEAR IT'S GOING TO BE WHITE,
AND MY LITTLE DEVILS ARE GONNA BE CHANGED
INTO ANGELS FOR THE DAY.
WELL, WE CAN BUT TRY.
KEVIN, I NEED YOU ON THE SIDE HERE.
- WHAT CAN ME AND STASSI DO WHILE THE BOYS ARE STAPLING?
- I WANT TO TRY, ACTUALLY.
HOW DO I GET UP ON THIS THING?
- READY? YOU GOT TO JUST HOP.
GRAB HER. - GOT IT.
- DON'T POINT IT AT ANYBODY, STASS.
- WHOO! - UH-OH.
- I'M GOOD AT THIS. - YOU'RE PRETTY GOOD.
YEAH.
- I THINK THIS THEME IS AMAZING.
IT'S LIKE A FALLEN-ANGELS THEME.
TAKE THE ***, DRUNKEST, CRAZIEST GROUP OF KIDS,
SLAP SOME ANGEL WINGS ON THEM.
WHY NOT? - KEN, I REALLY NEED TO KNOW.
DID YOU REALLY GET ME AN OUTFIT?
- I'VE GOT AN OUTFIT FOR YOU. - YEAH, OKAY.
SO I DON'T NEED TO BRING ANYTHING.
- WHAT HAVE YOU GOT FOR HER? - NOTHING.
AN OLD-FASHIONED ***'S OUTFIT.
- I AM OFFENDED.
I CONSIDER MYSELF TO BE A THOROUGHLY MODERN ***.
- HAS ANYBODY GOT ANY DISAGREEMENT WITH ARIANA?
- WHAT IS THIS?
- YEAH, THERE WAS AN ISSUE, LIKE, THREE YEARS AGO.
- ARIANA HAS AN ISSUE WITH KRISTEN, THOUGH.
- TOM GETS, LIKE, CLOSE TO GIRLS AND, LIKE, HAS GIRLFRIENDS,
AND KRISTEN FELT UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THAT,
GOT ALL WEIRDED OUT ABOUT IT.
SHE DIDN'T KNOW ARIANA,
AND SHE WAS INTIMIDATED BY THEIR FRIENDSHIP.
- "WHY DO YOU KEEP HANGING OUT WITH THIS GIRL?"
BUT SHE LITERALLY WENT THROUGH HIS PHONE,
ASKED, LIKE, PEOPLE TO SPY AT VILLA BLANCA,
AND THEY NEVER FOUND ANYTHING OUT.
- NO, BECAUSE EVERYONE ALWAYS TALKS ABOUT,
YOU KNOW, ARIANA AND TOM, ARIANA AND TOM.
I'M JUST LIKE, "WHAT HAPPENED?" - NO ONE KNOWS.
- I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE TALKING,
BUT YOU NEED TO STAPLE AT THE SAME TIME.
- THE RUMORS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN PRETTY DICEY,
AND THEY WERE FROM A LONG TIME AGO,
BUT WITH ARIANA COMING AND WORKING AT SUR,
IT'S SPIRALING OUT OF CONTROL.
- THERE ARE SO MANY STAPLES ON THIS FLOAT,
LIKE, THIS [bleep]'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
- WHOA.
- DAMAGING THE STREET.
OH, [bleep].
JUST GO FOR IT.
KEEP GOING. KEEP GOING.
[tires spinning loudly] - OH, [bleep]. IT'S STUCK.
- IT'S STUCK?
- YEAH, IT IS. - OH, IT IS?
OH, MY GOD. WHAT HAPPENED?
- MADE A HUGE HOLE. - OH, MY GOD.
- STASSI, MOVE OUT OF THE WAY.
- DO YOU SEE THAT HOLE?
THIS ISN'T JUST PAVEMENT.
THIS IS BEVERLY HILLS PAYMENT.
THIS [bleep]'S LIKE GOLD.
- I'M GONNA HAVE A CUP OF TEA. THESE GUYS BETTER GO TO WORK.
SEE YOU LATER. SORT IT OUT, BABY.
- SORRY, KEN.
- WE MIGHT SEE YOU TOMORROW. - KEN, WE NEED HER.
ARE YOU LEAVING ME?
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
- HI. - OH, HELLO.
- HOW ARE YOU? - HOW ARE YOU?
I'M MIKE. - GOOD. SCHEANA.
- NICE TO MEET YOU. - YOU TOO.
- I HAVE THIS BIG GIG PERFORMING AT GAY PRIDE COMING UP.
I MEAN, THAT'S A HUGE HONOR.
SO IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT THAT I BUILD OFF THE MOMENTUM
AND MAKE THIS NEXT SINGLE EVEN BETTER THAN WHAT I LIKE.
- WHAT I DID WAS I PUT TOGETHER, YOU KNOW, SOME TRACKS
THAT ARE KIND OF IDEAS.. - MM-HMM.
- AND SEE IF THERE'S ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR
THAT YOU REALLY ARE FEELING.
WHY DON'T WE START OFF WITH...
[electronic music]
- YEAH.
IN MY HEAD, I WAS DOING THE ICONA POP LYRICS TO THAT,
AND I'M LIKE, "IT'S SO COOL." - YEAH.
- I'VE NEVER HAD VOCAL TRAINING.
I CAN'T PLAY ANYTHING PAST YANKEE DOODLE ON THE PIANO,
BUT I WAS A CHEERLEADER UP UNTIL COLLEGE,
AND A CHEERLEADER BASICALLY HAS THE SAME JOB AS A POP STAR.
YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE EVERY SINGLE PERSON
IN THE AUDIENCE IS ENGAGED AT ALL TIMES.
[electronic music]
- IT'S VERY... - YEAH.
- [laughs]
- I MEAN, I THINK THAT'S KIND OF WHAT YOU'RE GOING FOR,
SOMETHING THAT'S KIND OF DRIVING.
- I'M TRYING TO, LIKE, ENVISION, LIKE, MY DANCE AND STUFF,
AND THAT ONE ISN'T AS ***-POPPING.
[electronic music] OH, I LIKE THIS--
VERY ***-POPPING.
MAKES ME WANT TO GET UP AND TWERK.
- AND SO ON AND SO FORTH. - THAT'S PRETTY SICK.
- I LOVE BEING THE CENTER OF ATTENTION.
WHEN I HAVE A SPOTLIGHT ON ME,
A MICROPHONE IN MY HAND,
AND EVERYONE'S LOOKING AT ME SINGING MY SONG,
IT'S THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD.
THE FIRST ONE'S STILL MY FAVORITE.
- OKAY, I MEAN, I THINK YOUR NEXT STEPS
IS FIGURING OUT WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY.
YOU KNOW, DO YOU HAVE A MESSAGE?
- SEXY, PARTY, DRINKING, HOT, FUN.
I KNOW MY SONG RIGHT NOW-- WHENEVER THEY PLAY IT AT SUR,
ALL THE BARTENDERS FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT,
THEY'RE LIKE, "OH, MY GOD, THIS SONG WON'T GET OUT OF MY HEAD."
I'M LIKE, "GOOD."
I'M SORRY IF I'M ANNOYING YOU
'CAUSE MY SONG IS STILL IN YOUR HEAD,
BUT YOU'RE STILL SINGING IT.
- I GUESS IT'S A WRAP TILL NEXT TIME.
WE'LL JUST GET THIS STUFF TIDIED UP, AND WE'LL GET BACK TO YOU.
- SWEET. - SOUNDS GOOD.
IF I COME OUT OF THE STUDIO WITH A SONG
THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO WORK, TWERK,
DRINK, [bleep], MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
- NICE TO MEET YOU. - YOU TOO.
- MWAH.
- BEN AND DAVE ARE HERE ALREADY?
- BEN AND DAVE--YEAH, THEY TOLD ME THEY WERE HERE ALREADY.
THANKS. - HI.
- WHAT'S UP, GUYS?
- HEY, WHAT'S UP, MAN? - HOW YOU DOING?
- DAVE AND BEN HAVE BEEN MY GOOD FRIENDS FOR ABOUT EIGHT YEARS.
NOW THAT I'M SINGLE AGAIN, I'VE BEEN CALLING THEM
A LOT MORE-- GOING OUT, MEETING GIRLS.
THEY'RE GREAT GUYS FOR THAT.
IT'S A FRIDAY NIGHT. - UH-OH.
- IT'S A GUYS' NIGHT. - THEY STARTED BEFORE US, DUDE.
THEY'RE, LIKE, TWO DRINKS AHEAD OF US.
- LET'S GET DRINKS.
I HAVEN'T BEEN SINGLE IN A LONG TIME.
I MEAN, EVEN THE YEAR AND A HALF
THAT I WAS TRYING TO GET STASSI BACK,
I DIDN'T TECHNICALLY THINK OF MYSELF AS SINGLE.
SO NOW THE DOORS ARE OPEN.
I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING.
THIS IS FUN.
WHAT HAVE WE GOT OVER HERE? - WHAT?
- BEN, TELL THEM TO COME OVER HERE.
- YOU GUYS READY? - OH, HERE WE GO.
YOU KNOW, LIKE, BASEBALL PLAYERS HAVE PRESEASON?
THIS IS MY PRESEASON. I WARM UP WITH THIS.
YOU GET WARMED UP. - HI.
- HI. - HEY, HOW YOU DOING?
- GOOD. - CHEERS.
WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING? - OH, GOD.
GOOD QUESTION.
- BEN, HE'S ON A ROLL ALREADY.
- SAY HI TO JAX. - I DIDN'T CATCH YOUR NAME.
ONE MORE-- - DINA.
- DINA? NICE TO MEET YOU. JAX.
I HAVE MY ROLE WHEN I'M WITH THEM.
LIKE, I'LL LIKE, "LISTEN, YOU GUYS GO UP FIRST.
I'LL WALK IN ABOUT TWO MINUTES LATER."
AND THEN THAT'S MY SMOOTH TRANSITION.
- YOU'RE BELLY DANCERS. - BALLET DANCERS.
- DO A LITTLE TWIRL.
NO ONE'S GONNA BELIEVE YOU UNLESS YOU DO, LIKE, A LITTLE...
- I'VE HAD RELATIONS WITH WAITRESSES,
*** STARS, CELEBRITIES--
NEVER A BALLERINA.
I GUESS THERE'S A FIRST FOR EVERYTHING.
- SO STAND LIKE THIS.
EXCELLENT. - CAN WE GET MORE SHOTS?
- WHOO!
- YOU KNOW, I'M A BARTENDER,
SO I HEAR ALL THE MOST TERRIBLE ONE-LINERS
YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE, AND I'M JUST LIKE,
"I NEVER WANT TO BE THAT GUY."
NO MATTER HOW HARD A GUY TRIES, IT ALWAYS COMES OFF CHEESY.
IT'S PAINFUL TO WATCH.
SO WE HIT IT OFF, BUT I'M KIND OF, LIKE,
REMINDING MYSELF THAT, "OH, YEAH, GIRLS DO LIKE ME.
THEY ALL DON'T HAVE TO HATE ME."
LET'S GO FIND YOUR FRIEND.
- SHE RAN AWAY. I'M NOT SURE WHERE SHE WENT.
- WHAT'S GOING ON THERE?
- SO WHAT WAS IT?
- I JUST THINK YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, SO I WAS LIKE, "OOH."
- THANK YOU.
- GUYS, LET'S ROLL?
WHAT HAPPENED TO DAVE AND BEN?
- I DON'T KNOW, AND I DON'T CARE RIGHT NOW.
- COMING UP... - LET'S GO.
- YOU BROUGHT A 21-YEAR-OLD HOME?
- WE MADE OUT AT THE BAR. - IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU GUYS TODAY.
STAND UP, SHAKE YOUR ***, AND DO YOUR THING.
- YOU ARE DISGUSTING.
- IT'S YOUR SONG.
YOU WANT IT, LIKE, ON A ROTATE THING, OR, YOU KNOW--
- THAT'S THE THING-- WE HAVE IT ON A LOOP,
BUT IT'S, LIKE, 44 TIMES THAT IT PLAYS.
- I DON'T THINK 44 TIMES WILL BE ENOUGH FOR THESE KIDS.
- WELL, THEN IT'LL START OVER. [laughs]
THIS IS A DAY THAT MEANS A LOT TO ME.
I HAVE SEVERAL GAY FRIENDS,
AND I'M SO HAPPY THAT I CAN BE
A PART OF THIS DAY SING MY SONG,
AND MAKE ALL THESE GUYS THE GIRL THEY WANT TO BE.
- HEY, GIRL, YOU LOOK HOT.
OOH! I LOVE IT.
- THAT'S CUTE, BUT DID YOU TRY ON THE PINK ONE?
- TRY THIS ONE.
- OH, MY GOD, THAT'S AMAZING.
- YEAH, PUT THAT ON.
- OH, MY GOD. YES. - THAT'S GORGEOUS.
- GORGEOUS. - OH, MY GOD, I WANT THAT.
GIVE THAT TO ME. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
- OH, COME ON. COME ON. - IT'S SO MUCH FUN!
- WHOO! - IT'S SO MUCH FUN!
- OH, IT'S SO CUTE.
STASSI-- - WAIT. I WANT TO WEAR THAT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT IT'S ALREADY GAY PRIDE AGAIN.
THAT MEANS THAT IT'S ACTUALLY BEEN A YEAR
SINCE I STARTED WORKING WITH SCHEANA.
SO MUCH FUN. - IT'S, LIKE, SO CUTE.
- PROBABLY PUT IT OVER-- - BUT THEN--YEAH.
- YEAH? THAT'S PERFECT.
THAT'S PERFECT.
- KEN PICKED OUT A GREAT OUTFIT--
PINK SPARKLES, CORSET.
I GOT A JEWELED HEADPIECE.
YOU DON'T [bleep] WITH THE CHAMPAGNE QUEEN.
- [laughs] - OH, MY GOD.
- GOD, IT'S SO FIERCE...
- YES, I NEEDED THIS. - SO FIERCE.
I'M ACTUALLY KIND OF GLAD KRISTEN'S NOT HERE
BECAUSE SHE'S A TICKING TIME BOMB
WHEN IT COMES TO ALL THESE RUMORS
ABOUT ME AND ARIANA.
BUT I'M GOING TO KEEP MY DISTANCE TODAY.
I DON'T KNOW. I'M JUST TRYING TO BE SAFE.
- YEAH, IT HAS TO GLISTEN IN THE SUN.
YAY. THANK YOU.
- I'M JUST REALLY CONCERNED THAT I'M GONNA HAVE
TO LISTEN TO SCHEANA'S SONG ON REPEAT THE WHOLE ENTIRE TIME.
- WELL, THAT'S BEEN MY CONCERN FOR, LIKE, THE LAST WEEK.
- I FEEL LIKE WE SHOULD GO AND ASK HER
AND JUST PUT US OUT OF OUR MISERY.
WE NEED TO KNOW RIGHT NOW.
- HOW MANY TIMES ARE WE GONNA HEAR YOUR SONG?
- IT'S 44 TIMES LOOPED,
AND THEN WE'LL PROBABLY PLAY IT TWICE.
SO 88? - GO [bleep] YOURSELF.
- GO KILL YOURSELF. [laughs]
- HER SONG IS GONNA REPEAT FOR 44 TIMES ON THAT FLOAT.
THAT'S LIKE 44 DONKEY KICKS TO MY EARS.
- PUT YOUR WINGS ON. - OH, GOD, HERE WE GO.
- YEAH.
- I'M GONNA NEED A SHOT.
- OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE, JUST PUT THEM ON.
YOU'LL GET A SHOT, AND YOU'LL GET A SHOT IN YOUR ***
IN A MINUTE.
- I'M NEVER GONNA LIVE THIS DOWN.
- AH, YOU LOOK FABULOUS.
- LET'S HAVE A LOOK?
LET'S HAVE A LOOK. - YOU LOOK GREAT.
- BAM! [laughs] - YOU LOOK FABULOUS.
- MY BOYS IN THEIR WINGS-- THEY LOOK ALMOST CHERUBIC.
YOU KNOW, I THINK THE BOYS
ARE GONNA LOVE MY BOYS IN THEIR WINGS.
- THIS WAY. THERE SHE GOES.
- TIERNEY! COME HERE.
- DO YOU WANT TO BE A PART... - YOU'RE WITH US.
YOU'RE NOT WITH THEM. - OF "A" CREW?
- "A" CREW... both: OR "B" CREW?
- I'M JUST A DANCER.
- TIERNEY, WHY DO WANT TO BE WITH THEM?
- THEY SAID, "DO YOU WANT TO DANCE ON THE FLOAT?"
- SO DANCE WITH US. WE NEED A DANCER.
I NEED TO SEE A GIRL SPLIT HER LEGS BACK HERE WITH US.
- SPLIT HER LEGS. OH, MY GOSH.
- WHO'S THE NEW GIRL, AND WHY IS SHE PART OF THEIR GROUP?
DOES SHE NOT KNOW THAT OUR-- - SHE'S A DANCER TOO.
- OH, SHE IS? - OH, OKAY, SO ALL THE DANCERS--
THAT'S FINE. YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE'RE ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE BACK HERE.
- WE'RE TEAM FUN.
WE HAVE TWO TEAMS.
WE'RE OBVIOUSLY THE "A" TEAM.
I WOULD SAY IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW,
GOOD VERSUS EVIL, BUT I'M NOT SO SURE
THAT WE'RE NOT THE EVIL ONE.
- DO WE GOT ANY BEER?
- [whistling]
CHEERS.
- OH, THESE ARE DELICIOUS. CHEERS, FELLAS.
- CHEERS, GUYS.
TO WEARING WINGS AND GETTING BUTTERFLY TATTOOS.
- THIS IS DEFINITELY GONNA TAKE THE EDGE OFF
OF LISTENING TO SCHEANA'S SONG.
- I GREW UP IN THE SUBURBS OF THE MIDWEST.
I DIDN'T EVEN TRULY KNOW WHAT THE WHOLE GAY THING WAS
UNTIL I LEFT MICHIGAN.
AND ESPECIALLY BEING IN THE MODELING WORLD,
THERE IS A LOT, YOU KNOW, OF GAY PEOPLE.
AND I'M ALL FOR IT, YOU KNOW?
LET 'EM GET MARRIED, YOU KNOW?
LET 'EM BE MISERABLE LIKE STRAIGHT PEOPLE.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
GIVE THAT TO ME.
THAT REALLY PISSES ME OFF. - [groans]
- GET UP THERE.
AND, YOU...
YOU'RE A MANAGER, PETER.
GET UP THERE.
- ALL I WANT THEM TO DO
IS WAVE TO THE CROWD FOR TWO HOURS.
IT IS NOT THAT DIFFICULT.
- [grunts] - WHAT? I CAN'T DO THIS.
I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GONNA DO IT.
LIKE--YEAH. [groans]
- KIND OF LIKE LIFT HER UP IN THERE.
- CAREFUL, EVERYBODY. - I LOVE YOU.
- [groans] AH.
- STASSI? JEALOUS?
- ALL MY LITTLE ANGELS, BOW DOWN.
- TEAM "A" AND TEAM "B."
- TEAM "A"? - TEAM "A," TEAM "B."
IF YOU MISBEHAVE, I'M SENDING YOU
TO THE OTHER GROUP.
- I KNOW YOU WEREN'T HERE LAST YEAR,
BUT IT'S LIKE LAST YEAR ALL OVER AGAIN.
IT'S, LIKE, US AND THEM.
OVER THE LAST YEAR, I HAVE BUILT MY OWN TEAM,
SO TO SAY, SO I'VE GOT MY PEOPLE.
STASSI'S GOT HER PEOPLE.
PLAYING FIELDS ARE PRETTY EVEN RIGHT NOW.
- LISTEN, I WANT YOU TO HAVE FUN.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU.
IT'S ABOUT WISHING EVERYBODY,
ALL THE GAY COMMUNITY, HAPPY PRIDE.
- SHE CAN'T BE STANDING THE WHOLE TIME.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO ABOUT THIS?
SHOULD I STAND ON THE SPEAKERS?
- CAN YOU JUST SIT YOUR BUTT ON TOP?
- SHE CAN'T BE BIGGER THAN ME. I'M GONNA BE REALLY ANNOYED.
STASSI CAN HAVE HER CUTE LITTLE HALLOWEEN COSTUME
AND HER LITTLE CUP IN THE BACK,
BUT I'M THE ONE WITH THE P.A. SYSTEM,
THE MICROPHONE, THE SPEAKERS, AND THE BACKUP DANCERS.
LET'S BE HONEST--
EVERYONE'S GONNA BE LOOKING AT ME.
- SO I WENT ON A DATE THE OTHER DAY.
I WENT--NOT A DATE. PETER AND I WENT OUT.
- WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW?
- OH, YEAH, THE BALLERINA THING? - OOH.
- AH, IT WAS AWESOME.
- BUT, YEAH, BUT YOU DO THAT,
BUT YOU CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT AROUND HER.
- I KNOW, BUT REMEMBER THAT RESPECT THING THAT WE HAD?
- I FEEL LIKE STASSI KEEPS ME IN THIS, LIKE, GLASS BOX.
THERE'S THIS LITTLE HAMMER NEXT TO IT.
LIKE, IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, SHE CAN SMASH IT OPEN,
AND THEN SHE CAN USE ME.
IF STASSI SEES ME DATING OTHER PEOPLE,
SHE'S AFRAID THAT SHE'S GONNA LOSE HER EMERGENCY BOYFRIEND.
- DON'T OPEN UP YOUR MOUTH,
'CAUSE I KNOW ABOUT THE OTHER NIGHT.
- TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED. I DIDN'T HEAR THE WHOLE STORY.
NO.
YOU ARE DISGUSTING.
- WHAT? - YOU'RE DISGUSTING.
- I TOLD YOU ABOUT IT.
- YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU BROUGHT A 21-YEAR-OLD HOME?
- WE MADE OUT AT THE BAR. - THAT'S WEIRD.
- I HEARD THAT YOU TOOK HER HOME.
- HE TOOK A 21-YEAR-OLD GIRL HOME LAST NIGHT.
YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GO TO TEAM "B."
- WHY?
- 'CAUSE NO ONE LIKES YOU OVER HERE.
JAX DOES THIS-- JUST HIT ON ANY GIRL
IN FRONT OF ME, TALK ABOUT WHO HE BANGED LAST NIGHT
BECAUSE HE WANTS TO GET A REACTION.
AND SOMETIMES I FAIL, AND I GIVE HIM THAT REACTION.
- CAN YOU PUT YOUR HAT ON, STASSI?
- SHE WANTED TO DATE,
BUT I WASN'T REALLY INTERESTED IN DATING.
- WAIT. ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?
ARE YOU STILL CONTINUING--
BUT YOU'RE CONTINUING TO TALK ABOUT...
- I CAN DO IT. I'M SINGLE.
YOU LEFT ME.
TODAY'S GONNA BE A LONG [bleep] DAY.
- RIGHT.
LET'S GO.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO!
- ♪ 'CAUSE YOU GOT WHAT I LIKE ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME GOIN' OUT OF MY MIND ♪
- THAT'S DISGUSTING, AND IT SHOWS YOUR CHARACTER,
THAT YOU'RE GONNA SIT HERE
AND TALK ABOUT THAT KIND OF STUFF IN FRONT OF ME,
RIGHT AFTER YOU JUST WENT TO MY FAMILY
AND, LIKE, MY LITTLE BROTHERS, MY MOM.
- I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS. - YOU DON'T TALK--
THAT'S DISGUSTING.
YOU DON'T-- DO YOU NOT REALIZE
HOW INAPPROPRIATE IT IS?
♪ ♪
YOU JUST [bleep] WITH MY FAMILY.
- WHAT? I JUST TRIED TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT.
- "I'M GONNA SPEND THE NEXT YEAR OF MY LIFE
TRYING TO WIN YOUR DAUGHTER BACK."
- TIME-OUT. LET'S JUST HAVE FUN.
IT'S BEEN A YEAR. IT'S BEEN A YEAR.
- YOU JUST GOT MY NAME TATTOOED ON YOUR ARM, YOU FREAK!
- SO WHAT? - YOU'RE A FREAK.
- ♪ THE GIRL I WANT TO BE ♪
♪ BE, BE... ♪
- IF YOU WERE NOT UPSET AND YOU WERE THAT OVER ME,
THEN WHY ARE YOU UPSET? - I'M NOT.
IT'S, LIKE--IT'S GROSS.
IT'S JUST BASIC ETIQUETTE BETWEEN TWO EXES.
YOU DON'T DISCUSS WHO YOU'RE DATING
OR HOOKING UP WITH IN FRONT OF EACH OTHER.
- YOU KEEP SAYING TO HER, "YOU LEFT ME."
SHE LEFT YOU BECAUSE YOU CHEATED ON HER.
- I GET IT. I TRIED A YEAR TO GET HER BACK.
SHE DIDN'T COME BACK. - GO [bleep] YOURSELF.
- GUYS, JUST CALM DOWN! - HEY, GUYS!
- IT'S GAY PRIDE DAY.
IS IT ASKING TOO MUCH?
I MEAN, WE'RE TAKING A SHORT TRIP.
IT NEVER STOPS.
- LIKE, DO YOU WANT TO *** ME OFF?
- DOESN'T MATTER. I'VE PISSED YOU OFF SINCE DAY ONE.
- OH, SO YOU'RE JUST GONNA DO IT TO *** ME OFF?
- YOU'RE AUTOMATICALLY MAD AT ME NO MATTER WHAT I DO.
- CALM DOWN. LEAVE IT.
IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU GUYS TODAY.
IT'S ABOUT GAY PRIDE, OKAY?
- REALLY? 'CAUSE I'M WEARING A CROWN.
- STAND UP, SHAKE YOUR ***, AND DO YOUR THING.
- IT'S ALL ABOUT SCHEANA TODAY.
THIS IS MY WORST FREAKING NIGHTMARE.
I HAVE JAX BRAGGING ABOUT HOW HE'S BANGING 21-YEAR-OLDS.
AND THEN ON THE OTHER SIDE, SCHEANA IS SINGING HER SONG.
LIKE, THIS COULD NOT GET ANY WORSE.
- ♪ 'CAUSE YOU GOT WHAT I LIKE ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME GOIN' OUT OF MY MIND ♪
♪ I'M NOT MYSELF TONIGHT ♪
- ALL THESE GUYS--THEY'RE ALL GONNA BUY YOUR RECORD.
- ♪ THE GIRL I WANNA BE ♪
- IF I HAVE TO HEAR THIS F-ING SONG
ONE MORE TIME, I'M GONNA IMPALE MYSELF.
- ♪ ...TONIGHT ♪
♪ THE GIRL I WANNA BE ♪
- YES, I'M IMPALING MYSELF BECAUSE I HATE THIS SONG.
IF NOTHING ELSE WAS ACCOMPLISHED TODAY,
I NOW BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF AUTO-TUNE.
- [bleep] YOU. LOOK.
- [bleep] SUCK MY "D"!
- THERE'S, LIKE, HALF A DOZEN
OF THE IDIOTS OVER IN THE CORNER.
WE JUST PASS THEM BY, SHOOT THEM THE FINGER,
AND OFF WE GO.
[all booing and jeering]
- WHOO!
YEAH!
- WHOO!
- EVERYONE IS OUT THERE TO CELEBRATE SOMETHING
THAT'S SO IMPORTANT,
AND LISA IS LIKE AN ICON IN THE GAY COMMUNITY.
IT FELT LIKE LISA WAS THE GRAND MARSHAL.
- WHOO!
- WHOO! [laughs]
- COMING UP... - WHAT AM I?
I'M NOT ASHAMED OF ANYTHING.
DID I HOOK UP WITH A GIRL? YEP, I DID.
- YOU'RE SUCH A BAD PERSON. YOU'RE SUCH A BAD PERSON.
- HAPPY PRIDE! - I'M SO TIRED.
- AH, SHOCKING. I FEEL SO BAD FOR YOU.
I'VE BEEN HERE ALL DAY. - HAVE YOU BEEN BUSY?
- YEAH, ACTUALLY, THE PATIO'S BUSY.
- WE ALWAYS HAVE A BIG PARTY AFTER GAY PRIDE.
THIS IS A DAY TO CELEBRATE.
- GAY PRIDE IS THE BUSIEST DAY OF THE YEAR
FOR BARTENDERS IN WEST HOLLYWOOD,
SO IT'S A EIGHT-HOUR SHIFT NONSTOP FOR TOM AND I,
BUT THOSE GUYS DON'T EAT ANYTHING.
SO FOR KATIE AND STASSI,
THIS IS BASICALLY, LIKE, AN EIGHT-HOUR BREAK,
WHICH IS PRETTY MUCH LIKE A REGULAR DAY AT SUR.
- HOW ARE YOU? - YEAH, GOOD.
- THANK YOU FOR THIS. - EVERYBODY IS LOVING IT.
- I'M WILSON CRUZ.
I'M THE NATIONAL SPOKESPERSON FOR GLAAD.
WHATEVER IT IS THAT YOU WANT TO ADDRESS,
WE ARE SO PROUD AND SO GRATEFUL FOR EVERYTHING.
- LISTEN, EQUAL RIGHTS FOR EVERYBODY.
I'M GONNA KEEP FIGHTING, OKAY? - THANK YOU.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
- ALL RIGHT, THAT'S SUPER EASY.
- AND CUT. - OH.
- FINALLY. - FINALLY.
DUDE, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO BE ON THE FLOAT FOR HOW MANY HOURS?
- SO YOU GUYS DON'T HAVE TO WORK.
YOU JUST GET TO, LIKE, HANG OUT WITH ME AND DRINK.
- IT REALLY WASN'T THAT EASY. - ARIANA'S INSIDE.
THE RESTAURANT BAR IS, LIKE, DEAD.
SO THEN WE CAN, LIKE, HAVE A DRINK.
- NO, LIKE, YOU'RE GONNA CONFRONT HER.
- AFTER THE TEXT I SAW LAST NIGHT?
- I KNOW.
- I'VE BEEN TRYING SO HARD FOR SO LONG
TO JUST IGNORE ALL THESE RUMORS,
BUT I FIND MYSELF GOING THROUGH
TOM'S PHONE PRETTY OFTEN WHEN HE'S NOT AROUND.
AND THIS TIME AROUND,
I SEE THAT HE'S TEXTING WITH ARIANA,
AND IT MAKES ME THINK.
- JUST GOING FACE-TO-FACE
AND JUST BEING LIKE, "LISTEN..."
FACE-TO-FACE, JUST BE LIKE, "BE STRAIGHT WITH ME."
- EVERYONE KEEPS TALKING [bleep].
BUT THEN IT'S LIKE, "OKAY, WHY IS EVERYONE TALKING [bleep]?"
LIKE, WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP TALKING [bleep]?
- I FEEL LIKE AT LEAST IF YOU SAY SOMETHING TO HER,
IT WILL AT LEAST MAKE IT DIE. YOU KNOW, IT WILL--
- LET THE DUST SETTLE. - YEAH.
BECAUSE ONCE YOU TALK TO HER, WHAT IS ANYBODY ELSE GONNA SAY?
- ARIANA SAYS, "I JUST WANT IT TO BE COACHELLA AGAIN."
AND TOM REPLIES, "YEAH, ME TOO," ABOUT COACHELLA.
"WE WILL JUST HAVE OUR OWN IN MY YARD WITH A BOOM BOX."
REALLY?
WHAT THE [bleep] AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK?
- THEN WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO DIRECTLY TO HER
AND JUST BE LIKE, "BE STRAIGHT WITH ME, LIKE..."
- I FEEL LIKE I'M NOT GONNA GET ANY SORT OF ANYTHING OUT OF HER.
SHE'S JUST GONNA BE LIKE, "NO."
- OKAY, YOU'RE RIGHT.
THAT'S EXACTLY HOW THE CONVERSATION--
THAT'S HOW THE CONVERSATION IS GONNA GO,
BUT I THINK THAT YOU NEED TO PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN
AND SAY, "I'VE READ THE TEXT MESSAGES
"BETWEEN YOU AND MY BOYFRIEND.
THAT NEEDS TO NOT HAPPEN ANYMORE."
- THERE'S NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT.
- YOU SHOULD JUST, HONESTLY, RIP THE BAND-AID, GET IT OVER WITH.
SHE'S IN THE LOUNGE.
- I LOVE YOU. - OKAY.
- IT'S NOT BUSY. - LOVE YOU.
- LOVE YOU.
[indistinct chatter]
- YEAH, I KNOW, RIGHT?
- THANKS FOR INVITING US TO DO THIS.
- OH, YOU'RE WELCOME.
- UH...
ALL RIGHT, GIRL, LET'S CHAT.
- WHAT'S UP? - ALL RIGHT, BE STRAIGHT.
HAVE YOU EVER HOOKED UP WITH MY BOYFRIEND?
- NO. - AND BE HONEST.
LIKE, I'M JUST SAYING-- I'M LITERALLY, LIKE--
- NO. - WHETHER WE WERE TOGETHER,
WE WERE ON A BREAK, LIKE, WE WERE WHATEVER,
HAVE YOU EVER HOOKED UP WITH TOM?
HAVE YOU EVER KISSED HIM? HAVE YOU EVER [bleep] HIM?
- NO. - FOR SURE, NO?
- NO. - 100% NO?
- 100% NO. - OKAY.
- NEVER. - ROCK AND ROLL, LOVE THAT.
ARIANA'S REACTION-- IT'S KIND OF WEIRD.
I FEEL LIKE SHE SHOULD BE A LITTLE BIT DEFENSIVE
IF SHE DIDN'T HOOK UP WITH TOM,
BUT SHE'S JUST SO CHILL AND CONVINCING.
BUT IT'S LIKE, I'M A COMPLETE [bleep],
AND I WENT THROUGH HIS PHONE LAST NIGHT.
- YES, KRISTEN, YOU'VE TOTALLY NAILED ME.
I HAVE BEEN TEXTING WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND.
FOR MANY YEARS NOW, TOM AND I HAVE BEEN FRIENDS.
AND SOMETIMES FRIENDS COMMUNICATE.
AND SOMETIMES THE WAY THEY CHOOSE TO COMMUNICATE
IS VIA TEXT MESSAGE.
SO I GUESS I'M GUILTY.
- TEXT MESSAGES MAKE ME FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE.
HE WAS TEXTING YOU AROUND, LIKE, 2:00 A.M.
YOU TEXTED HIM LIKE, "ARE YOU MAD AT ME?"
AND HE WAS LIKE, "NO, NOT AT ALL."
AND I'M JUST LIKE, "THAT'S SO WEIRD."
- TO REALLY BE READING ANYTHING INTO THESE TEXT MESSAGES,
I THINK KRISTEN IS COMING FROM A PLACE
THAT NEEDS MEDICATION.
- AND THEN IT WAS LIKE, "I WISH WE WERE STILL AT COACHELLA."
AND HE WAS LIKE, "I WISH WE WERE TOO."
AND YOU WERE LIKE, "WELL, WE CAN GO
TO MY BACKYARD WITH, LIKE, A BOOM BOX."
- NOT, LIKE, BY OURSELVES. - THAT'S KIND OF WHAT IT SAID.
- I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW. I UNDERSTAND READING--
- I'M REALLY [bleep] INSECURE ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.
LIKE, [bleep] SUCKS.
[voice breaking] WE WERE TOGETHER FOR FIVE YEARS,
AND THEN HE GOES AND [bleep] SOME CHICK IN VEGAS
IN A HOTEL ROOM
IN THE SHOWER WITH NO *** ON.
AWESOME, TOM. THANK YOU.
- JUST BECAUSE TOM SCREWED AROUND
WITH SOME *** IN VEGAS,
WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO GET MAD AT ME?
I'M NOT HER.
- IT'S JUST THESE RUMORS ABOUT YOU AND TOM
FOR THE LAST, LIKE, THREE YEARS, LIKE, I WAS [bleep] JEALOUS.
I WAS INSECURE.
I WAS, LIKE, TOTALLY PETRIFIED THAT HE WASN'T, LIKE, INTO ME.
LIKE, HE WAS, LIKE, INTO YOU, AND I'M LIKE,
"[bleep], I'M NOT A FUN GIRLFRIEND ANYMORE.
"LIKE--LIKE, SHE'S FUN,
"AND, LIKE, SHE'S SO CHILL,
AND SHE'S WHAT I WAS FIVE YEARS AGO."
LIKE, THAT'S WHAT I'M SO AFRAID OF.
- HERE'S THIS THEORY THAT I HAVE ABOUT THE RUMORS.
I THINK THAT THEY WERE ALL STARTED BY KRISTEN.
YEARS AGO, SHE SAID SOME JEALOUS STUFF,
AS USUAL, TO SOMEBODY,
AND TWO YEARS LATER, IT'S GONE THROUGH EVERY SINGLE PERSON.
AND NOW, IN THE GAME OF TELEPHONE,
IT'S COME BACK TO HER, AND IT'S DRIVING HER CRAZY,
BUT IT'S ALL HER FAULT, AND SHE'S THE ONE WHO STARTED IT.
- LIKE, IF YOU GUYS [bleep], LIKE, SAY IT.
MAKE IT-- - WELL, I'M NOT GONNA SAY
I DID SOMETHING THAT I NEVER DID.
- IT REALLY [bleep] SUCKS.
IT'S REALLY HARD.
[normal voice] I FEEL STUPID ACCUSING THIS GIRL
OF HOOKING UP WITH MY BOYFRIEND
WHEN SHE'S JUST SO COOL, CALM, AND COLLECTED
ABOUT THE WHOLE SITUATION.
BUT I JUST CAN'T-- I JUST CAN'T LET IT GO.
- NO, I'M MAKING THEM NOW. SORRY.
- YEAH. - ALL RIGHT.
BYE.
- THESE ARE MY BROTHERS.
I'M SO DRUNK. WHAT ARE YOU ASKING ME?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU. I'M SO DRUNK.
- THIS IS THE TIME FOR YOU TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET.
- I'M DRUNK, BABY! I'M DRUNK!
- BUT YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA COME OUT OF THE CLOSET TODAY.
- I'M ALREADY OUT.
I'M ALREADY OUT. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
- JAX. - I'M ON MY BREAK.
AND I DON'T WANT TO SPEAK. - JAX.
- I DON'T WANT TO TALK.
- GO TAKE YOUR BREAK SOMEWHERE ELSE, THEN,
THAT'S NOT AROUND US. - THIS IS THE AREA--
I'M NOT SPEAKING TO YOU. I'M RIGHT HERE.
- YOU'RE SUCH A BAD PERSON. YOU'RE SUCH A BAD PERSON.
- WHAT AM I-- I'M NOT ASHAMED OF ANYTHING.
DID I HOOK UP WITH A GIRL? YEP, I DID.
SORRY.
- NO ONE'S ASKING YOU TO BE SORRY ABOUT IT, JAX.
IT WASN'T THE FACT THAT YOU DID IT.
IT'S THE WAY THAT YOU GO ABOUT IT.
- HEY, LISTEN, YOU WIN.
I KNOW. I'M NOT SMART. I'M A LOSER.
I KNOW. I HEAR THIS EVERY DAY.
IT'S LIKE AN INSECURITY WITH YOU.
- YOU STARTED THIS. - SO WHAT YOU DO IS YOU BASH ME
BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF.
- JAX, YOU STARTED THIS.
- WHAT DID I TEXT YOU THIS MORNING?
"BY THE WAY, DO YOU REMEMBER
THIS HAS BEEN A YEAR SINCE TODAY?"
DON'T ACT LIKE I DON'T OUTREACH TO YOU.
YOU REMEMBER IT'S A YEAR SINCE TODAY THAT WE'VE BEEN BROKEN UP.
- I DON'T WANT YOU TO, LIKE-- DON'T DO THAT.
- DON'T WHAT? DON'T TEXT YOU?
DON'T DO THAT?
- IF YOU ACTUALLY HAVE MOVED ON,
STOP TEXTING ME THAT YOU LOVE ME.
I MEAN, LOOK AT THESE.
"I LOVE YOU.
"I'M NOT READY TO DATE.
"MY HEAD IS STILL WRAPPED AROUND YOU.
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
"I GO OUT WITH ALL OF THESE OTHER GIRLS,
AND ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS YOU."
I DON'T RESPOND TO ANY OF THESE,
SO IT'S JUST REALLY FRUSTRATING.
IT JUST COMES ONE AFTER THE OTH--
JUST DUH, DUH, DUH, DUH, DUH, DUH, DUH.
YOU TRY AND TEXT ME AND LOOK LIKE THE VICTIM,
AND YOU VICTIMIZE YOURSELF... - I'M NOT A VICTIM.
- AND YOU'RE LIKE, "I REACH OUT TO YOU.
I DO THIS FOR YOU. I DID THIS FOR YOU."
AND THEN YOU GO AND *** SOMEONE AND THEN TRY TALKING ABOUT IT
RIGHT BEHIND MY BACK IN FRONT OF ME.
- STASSI DID SAY SOME VICIOUS THINGS TO ME TODAY,
BUT I'VE LEARNED HOW STASSI WORKS.
LIKE, IT'S A DEFENSE MECHANISM FOR HER.
I THINK DEEP DOWN, SHE STILL LOVES ME.
- WHAT DID I EVEN DO? I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING.
- HE'S LIKE, "I'M NOT SORRY. THIS IS WHAT YOU ASKED FOR."
LIKE, YOU ASKED FOR THIS? - OKAY.
BUT YOU CAN GO AND HOOK UP WITH WHOEVER YOU WANT.
THE POINT IS, LIKE, BE RESPECTFUL.
YOU JUST DON'T DO THAT WITH, LIKE--
I DON'T KNOW, WITH EXES.
IT'S JUST-- THAT'S WHAT I ASK.
I'M LIKE, "JUST BE RESPECTFUL OF ME."
I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M GETTING SO PISSED OFF.
I GET MY REVENGE EVERY SINGLE TIME
JAX IS WITH ONE OF THESE GIRLS AND HE TAKES HIS SHIRT OFF.
BUT I'M THE BAD GUY.
LIKE, I'M THE BAD GUY.
- COMING UP...
- THAT'S OKAY WITH YOU? - YES.
- THEN WE'RE NOT IN THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP.
I'M SORRY. WE'RE NOT.
- AH! - AH!
- SOME MEN ARE SO KIND OF UPTIGHT
ABOUT OTHER MEN TOUCHING THEM.
KEN'S JUST, YOU KNOW, VERY RELAXED IN THE GAY CROWD.
HE WEARS HIS PINK SHIRTS. HE'S GOT LOTS OF GAY FRIENDS.
- RIGHT HERE. [indistinct chatter]
- HOW ARE YOU, BUDDY? - I'M GOOD. SUPPORTING YOU.
- KEN IS THAT MAN.
- OH, YEAH. HOW ARE YOU?
- HE'S JUST GOOD WITH IT.
- I LOVE YOU, DARLING.
OH, MY GOD, KEN. - CALM DOWN.
- I LOVE IT. - I LOVE IT.
[indistinct chatter]
[woman laughs]
- OKAY, SHE DIDN'T TELL ME ANYTHING,
BUT I'M THINKING IF I TELL TOM
THAT SHE TOLD ME A LITTLE BIT MORE,
HE'LL SPILL IT.
- WHAT'S WRONG, BABE?
YEAH? HOW'D IT GO?
WHAT?
- NO. - NOTHING?
- NO, BABE. - FOR REAL?
- NO, THERE'S NOTHING I WANT TO TELL YOU.
WHAT?
WHAT DOES THAT SAY?
- "ARE YOU MAD AT ME?" - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- "NO, NOT AT ALL, JUST A ROUGH DAY."
- I'M SHOWING YOU YOUR SCREENSHOTS FROM YOUR PHONE.
- OKAY, FINE. - THESE ARE FROM YOUR PHONE.
- FINE.
I DON'T GET UPSET WHEN KRISTEN GOES THROUGH MY PHONE
BECAUSE THAT'S JUST THE WORLD I LIVE IN.
I MEAN, IT'S JUST KIND OF EXPECTED.
- SHE WAS LIKE, "ARE YOU MAD AT ME?"
YOU'RE LIKE, "NO, NOT AT ALL, JUST A ROUGH DAY."
- NO, WHO CARES? - THAT'S NOT WEIRD AT ALL.
THIS IS 1:50 A.M.
WHEN I TEXT YOU AT 2:08
AND YOU SAID, "JUST GETTING DONE"...
YET YOU'RE TEXTING HER 20 MINUTES BEFORE THAT.
- WAIT. WHAT?
BABE, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE [bleep] IS GOING ON HERE.
- I HAD BEEN TEXTING YOU ALL NIGHT.
DON'T SAY, "I DON'T KNOW."
- OKAY, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?
I DON'T KNOW. I WAS, LIKE, TEXTING HER?
[bleep], WHO CARES?
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU READ THAT BETWEEN ME AND ANOTHER GUY?
- OH, MY GOD. - NO, THAT'S FINE, RIGHT?
IS THAT OKAY? - YEAH.
- THAT'S OKAY WITH YOU? - YES.
- THEN WE'RE NOT IN THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP.
I'M SORRY. WE'RE NOT.
TOM'S WRONG. I AM NOT BEING RIDICULOUS.
ANYONE WHO SAW TEXT MESSAGES LIKE THIS
WOULD THINK THE SAME THING THAT I DO.
I DON'T HANG OUT WITH GUYS THAT AREN'T FRIENDS WITH YOU.
- I DON'T HANG OUT WITH ARIANA.
I'M NOT. IT'S JUST ANNOYING.
- REALLY? YOU'RE NOT?
YOU SAID, "I'M NOT. IT'S JUST ANNOYING."
REALLY? - YOU ARE SEARCHING.
- [bleep], YEAH, I'M SEARCHING.
WHEN I SEARCH, I FIND THINGS,
LIKE YOU [bleep] A GIRL IN VEGAS.
THAT'S HOW I FOUND IT, BECAUSE I SEARCHED,
AND I [bleep] FIGURED IT OUT, AND YOU LIED TO ME.
I FIGURED IT OUT. - OKAY.
- YOU LIED.
- SO THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT SOMETHING IS--
- YOU LIED.
- IS THIS ABOUT VEGAS OR-- - LIED AND LIED AND LIED.
- KRISTEN, IS THIS ABOUT VEGAS RIGHT NOW?
- IT'S ABOUT THE WAY YOU ARE IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
YOU [bleep] ME OVER.
AND YOU ALWAYS [bleep] LIE TO ME.
- LIE TO YOU ABOUT WHAT? - EVERYTHING!
- LIKE, HONESTLY-- - AND I'M NOT OVER IT.
AND IT'S REALLY [bleep] HARD FOR ME EVERY DAY.
EVERY DAY I [bleep]-- - I UNDERSTAND.
- NO, YOU DON'T.
TRUST ME, LIKE, I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO TO A BAR.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO OUT OF TOWN.
LIKE, I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO ANYTHING WITHOUT ME
BECAUSE I'M, LIKE, SCARED.
YOU USED TO CHEAT ON ME.
ALTHOUGH I DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE IT'S TRUE,
WHEN I THINK ABOUT WHAT HE DID IN VEGAS,
I KNOW HE'S CAPABLE OF LYING STRAIGHT TO MY FACE.
- WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS IN THE MIDDLE OF [bleep] WEHO
IF YOU'RE NOT TRYING TO MAKE ME LOOK BAD?
- NEXT TIME ON VANDERPUMP RULES...
- WE WANT TO GET OUR WHOLE VAGINAS WAXED.
OW! [groans]
- I MIGHT HAVE ENDED UP SLEEPING SOMEWHERE
THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO END UP SLEEPING.
- IT'S "REVENGE DATING." I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
- JAX THINKS IT'S GONNA MAKE STASSI COME BACK TO HIM.
- YOU TOLD ME TO DATE OTHER PEOPLE.
- IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT, BUDDY.
- I WILL QUIT MY JOB TO GET AWAY FROM YOU.
- I AM ACTUALLY TURNING 30. - 30.
- I WAS THE ONLY ONE THERE FOR STASSI WHEN YOU WEREN'T.
- YOU ARE SINGLE WHITE FEMALE FOR HER ***.
- I'M BETTER THAN THIS, AND I'M BETTER THAN YOU.
- THAT GIRL NEEDS TO, LIKE, [bleep] GO TO REHAB.
SHE'S GARBAGE.
- TO SEE MORE OF VANDERPUMP RULES,
GO TO BRAVOTV.COM.