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Previously on Rescue Me
Your heart's working at maybe 50% capacity.
So why don't you just say it?
I'm a dead man.
No, but you're gonna
have to give up working.
I'm with Mickey now.
And he is this close
to getting Damian to change
his mid about his life path.
We were thinking like a bike or
a jogging path in Pat's name.
Not every guy who meets an
untimely end on his gig
gets a public dedication, bro.
I don't accept your amends,
and I do not forgive you.
I want you to stay
away from me forever.
So, from now on, fresh start.
No ***, no grudges, and no Sheila.
Get a job where you know
almost for a fact
that you're gonna come home at night.
In your line of work, there's no guarantee
you're gonna be here in 2 days from now.
I don't know if I'm
really cut out for this.
I mean, you want to get
out, it's your decision.
You're saying you want me to stay?
You know, it's up to you.
I had a change of heart.
Told you he'd be back.
Listen, kid, this job is balls
out or no balls at all, all right?
Yes.
Balls to the wall.
Got it.
All right, go get 'em.
Lou! Come on!
Come on, guys, we gotta go!
I know, Dr.
Klein, I know.
But there's a huge canyon
between knowing something and
accepting it.
You know, it's
like as a living,
breathing human person, I know
what reality is.
But as a mother
As a mother, I think that
I still think I see him walking around
You know, in the
neighborhood or at the store.
I even sometimes think that I hear him
moving around the apartment.
Ha! I know.
I know, but I am getting better.
I'm keeping myself very busy.
So
How am I doing on the blame?
Ah, I still blame myself
And him.
Mostly him.
No, no, no, no, I'm kidding.
I'm joking.
Listen, is it cold outside?
Like, did you have to wear a
coat, or do I need a coat and a sweater?
No.
Dr.
Klein, I'm not avoiding the issue.
Damian chose to ride
the truck that night.
He chose to join the fire department,
so if I was to blame anybody, I
I'd blame that stupid baby that he saved
the week before the accident.
Saving that baby is what sent him
over the moon about the job, so
No.
I do not I do not blame anybody.
Right?
Ooh! I gotta go.
Yeah, OK, OK, OK.
What is the what's the
mantra for the day?
It's not my fault.
It's not my fault.
It's not my fault.
Ah, I can't believe how
well that works sometimes.
Ha! I know, yes.
Yes, same time tomorrow.
Dr.
Klein, thank you so much
for doing these phone sessions with me.
You're really, like
You're really saving my life.
Yes.
Ok.
Ok, bye.
Hello.
Sorry I'm late.
Traffic was a ***.
I could have walked here faster.
Hey, how was your, uh
Phone thing?
Ok, you have got to stop
Beating yourself up about this.
Jesus Christ, it's not your fault.
I know, I know, I know.
Ok, listen, I got you
Ok?
"It's not your fault.
"
Overcoming the blame game and
getting your life back on track.
What, stupid? I knew it.
I shouldn't have.
No.
You went to a bookstore?
What, it's impossible for
me to go into a book
You know, I read a lot of books.
About baseball.
No, no.
Not just baseball.
- Football, hockey
- Uh-huh.
Golf.
Don't even play golf.
Never played golf.
I've read, like, 6 books
about the Kennedys.
I read that giant Mickey Mantle biography,
which doesn't count as a baseball book
because it was mostly about drinking.
Ok, all right.
I'm sorry.
It was very nice
of you to get it for me.
It was actually in the
magazine aisle
at the supermarket, but I think it's a
pretty important book.
It's got a quote from Dr.
Oz on it, and I
think he's on "Oprah," right?
Yes, he is on "Oprah.
"
Ok.
So and I got the chicken
we were talking about, OK?
And I got the protein powder
that Franco was telling me about.
'Cause the protein thing's
working, right? The diet?
Oh.
You know, I've been so
frazzled, it's hard for me to tell,
but I have got to get
going because I really, really,
really want to catch that specialist.
Hey, but I really I want
you to read this book.
I will.
I promise you I'm
gonna read that book.
All right.
Has anybody heard from Mickey?
Teddy said he saw him at a
meeting, which means, you know,
he's not drinking.
Couldn't happen to a nicer ***.
I'll be back in a couple of hours.
Hey.
Handsome.
I'm gonna go see a man about a
drug that's gonna help you walk again.
Uncle Tommy's right over there, OK?
All right, pal.
I'm gonna make
your favorite chicken tuna thing.
Gentlemen, I got the official word.
- You're a moron.
- Gonna ignore that.
Why, because you can't
think of a good comeback?
Oh, no, my friend, I
got a good comeback.
- Let's hear it.
- Well, no, it's too late now.
Oh, by all means, let
me cue you again.
You're a moron.
- Anyhow
- Ha ha!
Listen.
The official word is this.
Tomorrow, Central Park
will be the official unveiling of the
Patrick James Mahoney memorial pavilion.
- Sweet.
- Pat's mom She wants, like, a
sunset ceremony,
so I thought we'd head over there after
work, you know, show a sign of support.
Yeah.
***, yeah.
Hell, I hope I get a
pavilion when I burn up.
- A pavilion's the ***, man.
- A pavilion.
What is a pavilion?
I think it's some kind of building.
No, no, no.
I think it's sort
of like a Plaza, an open-air
walkway kind of thing, you know?
Nah, it's a building.
Fancy, big windows.
Well, I'm glad you guys are
as confused as I am.
'Cause when I first heard it, I thought
it was like a big number.
You know, after a jillion
comes a pavilion.
And with that, we have looped
all the way back to
"you're a moron.
"
First of all, young Einstein,
there's no such thing as a jillion.
Not true.
I went to High School
with a girl named Jillian.
Nasty.
Let you feel her up, blow your
socks off, just for a can of coke.
Geez, imagine what you can get
for a 12-can refrigerator pack.
Or if you had a pavilion cans.
Imagine that.
So many cans
Ok, why we talking about pavilions?
Well, because tomorrow after work,
Pat Mahoney is getting a pavilion
named for him in Central Park.
- We're all going down.
- Count me in.
Oh, and by the way, I think that
we should bring Damian with us.
- You think? - Yeah, but the kid's
in a chair, Sean like fresh in a chair.
But he's been in the house,
what, 2 months now?
What Tommy's been saying,
Sheila's been on the kid day and night.
Although, I gotta tell
you, I don't know how she's gonna feel
about having this
motley crew rolling her
not-so-bouncing baby boy into the
middle of *** Central Park.
Come on, Lou, what could go wrong?
Well, I mean, first thing, the
kid's sitting there like a statue.
Uh-huh.
- Pigeons.
- Oh!
- Oh, man!
- Come on! - What?
Seriously.
Hey, come on.
This is about not forgetting our heroes.
I mean, Damian's the hero as much
as the next guy.
Is he not?
- Right.
- I mean, we want to forget him? Come on.
Maybe you're not such a moron.
No, no, no, he's a moron,
but he makes a good point.
Hey, guys.
Unbelievable.
- Pat's memorial?
- Tomorrow.
I heard.
You guys are not gonna guess who I saw.
You'll never guess in a million years.
How about a pavilion years?
You beat me to it.
Mikey, who?
Ok, so I go to this little bodega, right?
And it's a bodega that
I don't actually usually go to, but
- I went today.
- Spit it out, Mikey.
- Get on with it.
And I'm going down the aisle, and
I'm thinking about what I'm gonna get.
Oh, my God.
What's with all the buildup, bro? Jesus!
- What, dude? I'm
- With a buildup like this,
you better be telling us you saw
Angelina Jolie doing a 1-handed
handstand in a short
skirt and no ***.
I saw Mickey.
Oh, ***, Mikey.
Where's Tommy?
He's gonna want to hear this.
He was in the bunk
room last time I saw.
- You sure it was him?
- Yeah.
- I mean, like, you talked to the guy?
- Yes.
- What did he say?
- "Hi, Mike.
"
- Oh, wow.
- Where was this?
Like, 2 blocks away, Lou.
Guy's got some set of balls, showing
his face in this neighborhood again.
Yeah, guy's got some set of balls doing
what he did in the first place, you know?
Hey, Lou.
Somebody's here to see you.
- Maybe it's Mick.
- He ain't got balls that big.
This guy says he's your doctor?
Last time you were in my office,
didn't we talk about you retiring?
Look, um, we just lost a guy
on our crew a young kid.
So right now, it's kind of all
has on deck,
if you know what I mean.
For me to just walk away
Yeah, or crawl away,
which is more likely.
Look, maybe a couple of months?
I.
.
I.
.
I don't know.
You think I don't know
what you're up to?
You have a department
physical coming up, right?
A physical you are guaranteed not to pass.
And you want me to get you off the hook,
give you a clean bill of health,
lie to the FDNY.
- So you good with that?
- Oh, Christ.
This is all I know how to do, doc.
I don't fish.
I don't golf.
I fight fires.
And I eat cake.
So you take away the fires,
and I promise you,
I will be dead
due to cake-related injuries.
Can you live with that?
If I lie for you and you die
in a fire and some
or all of your beloved crew dies trying
to save you,
can you live with that?
Enjoy your cake.
- Hey!
- Shh!
Ok.
- Dad.
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
Can you help me with my essay?
Uh, sure, honey, just give me
Yeah, well, mom said you knew
a lot about the Vietnam war,
and that's what it's on
and it's due tomorrow.
Expert on the Vietnam war.
Yeah.
Hey!
You missed the meeting.
Last night, you said you'd take me
to the St.
Celia Tuesday night AA meeting?
- Oh!
- And I waited, and now it's too late.
Oh, ***! I totally forgot.
Really?
I never would have guessed.
Oh, boy.
She's pissed, huh?
Yeah? Well, we're all pissed,
except for Wyatt,
and that's only because he's a baby.
Although I'm sure his little
sponge brain is already
soaking up the disappointment, broken
promises,
and general A.
D.
D.
malaise
that is Tommy Gavin.
What's that supposed to mean?
- Dad.
- Yeah.
- Vietnam?
- Two minutes, honey.
Okay?
What? What is that what
was that thing you said?
The malaise? Oh, that's just a
fancy-*** way of saying ***.
Ok, no.
The other thing.
A.
D.
D.
You, Tommy, have emotional A.
D.
D.
Ok, you keep promising the world to your
children and to your wife,
and then you spend half of your
waking hours
spoon-feeding your brain-damaged godson
and giving emotional support to your
ex-girlfriend.
I mean, you missed 3 dinners this week.
And right now, you were supposed
to be at the St.
Celia CYC AA.
Ok, not to mention
the FDNY thing,
the P.
A.
L.
thing, and the PTA thing all
of which you missed last week.
Tommy, you promised me that you would
be focused here at home on us.
But no, you are so
busy trying to save
the *** world, rescuing people from
fires, from cars,
Sheila, Damian, every other *** soul
on this planet,
except your own *** family.
I mean, it's like you have OCD,
except instead of germs, you're
obsessed with saving strangers.
You know, when it comes to Sheila
Have you thought about
PTSD when it comes to her?
Honey, I told you, I got tested.
She got tested
PTSD post-traumatic
stress disorder, Tommy.
And thank you for that visual.
Ok.
I don't know.
Maybe I do have A.
D.
D.
and CBS and NHL,
the LPA.
I don't know.
I'm just one guy, you
know, with one family.
No.
With 2 families.
Ok.
2 families.
You know
Ok, has Mickey resurfaced yet?
A couple of the guys saw him,
but he's not helping out.
He's not involved.
He doesn't know
Ok, so Damian and your girlfriend
are now your responsibility.
Jesus Christ.
It's not my girlfriend.
This is not a girlfriend thing.
This is a family thing.
Listen, if I'd never slept with her
and this had happened to Damian,
wouldn't you expect me to be doing
exactly what I'm doing
just for Jimmy's sake?
- Yes, yes.
- Ok, see?
Yes, but you did sleep with her,
and that is the difference.
Look, Katy has a dance recital
tomorrow night,
and Colleen has her 50th meeting in 50 days.
You need to be there for both.
Jesus Christ.
- Dad.
- Vietnam, right.
What have you got so far?
Ok, I have that once we got
in, we couldn't get out.
And both sides dug their heels in
and neither one would let up any ground.
And that's basically
the main idea, right?
- Don't I know it.
- What?
We're talking American history here.
So you're gonna be with him at
this pavilion hoosie-whatsie, right?
Yeah.
Then I shouldn't worry.
I mean, I would go.
It's just that I really
want to catch this specialist, you know.
It's like he's only here one week out of
every year.
Yeah.
Listen, it'll do him some good to be out
of the house.
You know what I mean?
I guess.
Besides, you know what,
you've gotta drive the van.
It's not that I don't trust the guys.
It's just that honestly,
that van cost more than
all of them put together.
Ok, I am the only person who will be driving
the van.
I guarantee you that.
Ok?
So this specialist, he has got
a clinic in Zurich.
And he is into this whole alternative
form of therapy.
And it's wicked expensive, but he says
that the proteins are great.
He just wants to add some injectable
steroids and then
a series of blood supplements.
And it's 25 grand a month.
But he has got a
patient in Sweden who's getting
the circulation feeling back in his legs.
Yeah, 'cause he's sitting
on an empty wallet.
A lot of money.
I don't care what it costs.
- No, I know.
I know.
- I want Damian to walk again.
Right.
Right.
Hey, you're reading
this, huh?
What? Oh, yeah.
I have.
You know, I really love those
self-help books.
I feel like no matter what they have
to offer with, like, either,
you know, weight or
quit smoking or grief,
they do have something
to offer that's worth it.
And I think that's why they sell so well.
Yeah.
To chicks.
You've never read a self-help book?
I read "How to Throw a Football"
by Johnny Unitas when I was, like, 12.
And then again
when I was, like, 35
when Damian and I joined that
flag football league.
Jimmy used to call it
"*** football" league.
It was pretty faggy, which is
why I threw, like, 48
touchdown passes when I was playing
quarterback that year.
Listen, I really appreciate you've been
doing for the both of us.
It's been
Don't mention it.
You don't have to say anything
about that.
Jimmy's definitely looking down
and he sees what a good
- man and friend best friend
- You don't have to say it.
You are being, unlike Mickey.
- ***.
- Mm-hmm.
What did he say, exactly?
He said some very hurtful things.
He couldn't handle it.
No.
You know what, just don't
get me started, all right?
What I want to say is that I really
Those things I said to you
about hating you, I just was
No, no, no, no, listen.
Forget about that.
I know.
You don't hate me.
You don't blame me.
I blame myself.
No, you shouldn't.
It was me.
I was the one that talked him
into being a firefighter.
Did he want to do it, yeah.
But you know, I
pushed him in that direction,
you know, so
Yes, but I should have
done more of the, like, reverse
psychology thing and kept
telling him that I wanted
him to be a firefighter.
The reverse psychology
thing is ridiculous.
That was never gonna work, no.
It was
You know, he wanted to go back on the rig,
but I urged him.
I shouldn't have done it, you know.
Yeah, and you shouldn't have
shown him his father's badge.
Are you talking about the
badge that you gave me
specifically to save and keep for him?
The one to keep the hell
out of my house? Yes.
The house you suffocated him in.
What is it, honey?
Are you OK?
What? Give him a drink.
- Here, here.
- See if you can get it, Damian.
Come on.
- Yeah, a little more.
- Whoa!
Ha ha ha!
Wow!
Yeah!
Look at that.
*** Mickey.
Rat ***.
You want to blame somebody
He's the guy to point the finger at!
Scumbag.
Hello.
I'm gonna start drinking again.
Coll, where are you?
Hey.
You didn't start
drinking again, did you?
Not yet.
Good.
Thank God.
Look at this cart.
I mean, this would only work for our
family if we were midgets.
Yeah, or normal.
What's the story?
I'm just picking out
all my old favorites.
Oh, this is my favorite.
Oh, my gosh.
It goes down so clean and smooth.
But, I don't have to tell you that.
Hello, you.
Oh, you and I were best friends once.
Good-bye.
Don't kiss the bottle.
***, what's up?
Here's the deal.
You were supposed to be my sponsor,
which was a stupid idea to begin with
and even more idiotic
now that I realize that in trying to do 90
meetings in 90 days,
out of the 49 I've hit so far, you've only
been with me for 10 of them.
No.
One-zero.
Ok, and every time
I try to call you
to talk about *** or an urge to drink or
something about recovery
that I desperately need to know, you
not only don't pick up,
you don't even call me back or text me.
Honey, I can't text.
My fingers are too big.
I tried
typing in "what's going on,"
and it sends out a text saying
"who's blowing Juan?"
I can't do it.
Here's the thing.
I don't even want to drink
this stuff right now.
That's good, honey.
I just wanted to see how fast
you'd get down here
if I lit a fire under your ***.
You know I have a lot of stuff
going on, OK?
I'm trying to juggle everything
at work and at home.
Meaning Damian.
He's crippled.
So am I, by a disease
I inherited from you!
Shh! Keep it down.
My 50th meeting is tonight.
Ok? And I'd really like my
sponsor to be there.
On time!
Hey, sorry, man.
I got so much
Been here about 20 minutes.
Hi, Chief.
Hi, Tom.
Can you guys give Tom and me a
minute or two here, please?
Sure, yeah, no problem.
I brought these for you.
"Cam Neely's Greatest Hockey Hits"
And "Friends of Eddie Coyle.
"
I should have gotten them back
to you a long time ago, you know
I know how crazy you are
about your Robert Mitchum collection.
And?
That's it? He's leaving?
Oh, I had a sawbuck on
him kicking your ***.
Go back into the kitchen.
Hey!
You got something you want
to say to me, tough guy?
Get in there!
You heard me!
Get the hell back in there!
All right.
We can stand here all morning knocking
the snot out of each other,
or you can shut your *** yap for 2
seconds and listen to what I gotta say.
Unless you're gonna say you're
a gutless, spineless,
no balls ***, I don't want to hear it.
I'd rather just keep doing this.
At least I get some satisfaction out of it.
All right.
Is that what you want to hear?
Yeah.
All right.
I'm a no-good,
gutless, spineless ***, OK,
who abandoned his girlfriend and
a paralyzed kid
because I'm just a self-centered
*** ***!
Does that about cover it?
Yeah.
Did you guys hear that?
Yep! Actually, that last
part was a little garbled.
The trouble is, fellas,
we only bet the physical
confrontation, so there's some
money kind of hanging in the balance.
Come here.
I want you guys to hear this.
You want to know why I left Sheila?
It's not because I'm a coward or I'm a
*** or I suck like this guy's telling you.
It's because I couldn't take it anymore.
All right, she's wasting her whole life,
all her energy, her time, her money, her
hope on a string of quacks!
Endless.
Pills, protein powders,
injections, aqua acupuncture.
What is that? I don't know.
She's going for every bit of
it hook, line, and sinker.
So I try to tell her.
You know, I was just
trying to tell her the truth
What this guy should
be telling her and everybody else,
which is Damian
ain't ever walking again.
He is as is.
Done.
So she told me to take a hike.
I didn't come down here to tell
you guys
that it took a lot of balls
to tell her that the truth.
But I'm here to say it took
a little bit of balls.
And if any of yous had any,
you'd tell her the same thing
Soon.
Be safe.
Well, always good to see Mick.
It's a ***.
What?
What are you talking about?
The Patrick James Mahoney
memorial pavilion is a comfort station.
- In other words
- A crapper?
- Yeah.
- How the hell did this happen?
Hey.
Didn't start yet, right?
Sorry.
Couldn't get the ramp
back in the van.
The van cost an arm and a leg
and it didn't have an automatic
Ramp Um
What's wrong?
Well, they decided to honor
Patrick James Mahoney,
- our fallen brother
- A hero.
With a *** pavilion.
I don't know.
Looks pretty good to me.
Not in form, in function.
They got his name on a plaque.
Go ahead.
Go look behind that blue curtain.
It's a crapatorium, Tom.
- A *** temple.
A boo-boo barn.
- A fudge hole.
Yeah, you know, we need a
guy in a suit right now.
- Excuse me, sir?
- Yeah, can I help you?
Yeah, we're FDNY.
Listen, we're just trying to figure out
why the city decided to honor
our brother with a restroom.
Yeah, the guy gets cancer working
down at ground zero,
and you guys think that this
is a that this is fits?
- That this is
- Appropriate?
No.
That ain't it, dude.
Are any of you members
of the Mahoney family?
- Not technically, no, but, Jesus
- Look, the family was given a
list of possible naming options.
This is the one they chose.
They wanted a Central Park pavilion.
Well, were they made aware the
pavilion in this case means outhouse?
Look, guys, your friend is
being honored here today,
whether you believe it or not.
Just go with the flow.
Hey, problem is, the flow
is full of feces, pal.
You know, this is a slap in the
*** face is what it is.
Pat Mahoney was no different than the men
who died when those towers came down.
He's dead because he was working
such long hours on that
cancerous pile of ***.
So, what, you didn't have a urinal
to offer the guy?
Something smaller, more insignificant?
You want to make a scene, tough guys?
How about I bring
Mr.
Mahoney's mother over here so you can
ruin this day for her?
Would that make you happy?
Thanks for nothing, pal.
We appreciate it.
- Thanks, buddy.
- Have a good day, ***.
What a ***.
What's going on?
What's the ruckus?
Hey, where the hell you been?
I had a long walk from the car.
I had to take a leak.
Well, you didn't do
it in there, did you?
What? What? No, I whipped my
*** out in front of the crowd
and did a little *** dance.
What are you talking about?
Lou, you just took a
leak in Pat's pavilion.
No, I took a leak at Pat's pavilion.
No, dude, in.
Pat Mahoney's pavilion
is a public ***.
- You're kidding me.
- Nah.
Jesus Christ.
I thought the
pavilion was this whole kind of
area out here, therefore, the
*** was pavilion-adjacent.
Oh, Christ.
I gotta talk to the family.
- The family doesn't need to know.
- No, I really gotta talk to them.
In other words
You didn't don't tell me that you
Oh, Jesus.
Lou dropped the
deuce in Pat's memorial.
Come on, Lou!
Guys, I had a huge lunch,
and it had to be tacos.
Ohh!
- You know, I gotta get out of here.
- Why? Where you going?
I'm not gonna stand here and
watch a good man be insulted this way.
Franc, I'm sorry, it was tacos.
It wasn't me.
And I'm not talking about you, Lou.
I just, I refuse to believe
that a man gives his life doing his job,
doing it well
And this is the way he's remembered.
You know, it ain't right.
Pat deserves better, much better.
You know what, you're right.
He does.
How do you mean?
All right, I tell you what.
Here, take my keys.
You and Mikey go to my car.
In the back,
in the trunk there's a toolbox.
Get it, bring it over here, pronto.
- I like the sound of that.
- Yeah, yeah, you know what?
It sounds great.
Pulling it off is not
gonna be so easy.
Yeah.
Where are you?
The meeting's in 15 minutes.
I'm at an FDNY thing in the
middle of Central Park.
You know what, just forget it.
- Are you home?
- No, I'm at the church.
And mom is home waiting for you
to pick her up at the house
- for Katy's dancing.
- Which is when?
You've got to be at the
school in an hour and a half.
Well, you know what, maybe I'll
swing by the meeting
- on way over to the
- You know what? Don't sweat it.
I've already found
another sponsor.
Who?
Me, ***!
You might have baptized her
back into sobriety, but I'll be
in charge of her confirmation.
Now get your no-good *** home and
take my other favorite niece
to her dance ***! Now!
Hey, I gotta take off.
Here's the keys to the van.
I need you to watch it and Damian, OK?
I'm gonna get your keys from the morons,
and I'm gonna borrow your car, all right?
All right, all right.
And after we're done here,
I'll bring him home.
No, no.
I gotta take him home.
Ok, so, I'll call and
check in with you later to find
out where you are, come pick him up.
- What am I supposed to do with him?
- I don't know.
Take him dancing.
And so, it's with great pride
and with the great appreciation
of the city of New York for his
many years of service
that we dedicate the Patrick
James Mahoney pavilion.
Ah
Hmm.
Ahem.
Yes.
Now, this this is a *** pavilion.
Yeah? You gonna take
a *** here, too?
Yeah, this looks good, Lou.
But you know it ain't gonna last.
They're gonna take this down, bro.
I'd like to see 'em try.
I used my homemade ninja glue to
put this thing up.
They want to
take it down,
they're gonna have to knock
the whole *** wall down.
Yeah, well, apparently you
never heard that old saying
"you can't beat City Hall.
"
What's the point of doing this
if nobody knows it's here?
Hey, we know it's here.
And Pat knows, wherever he is.
It's good enough for me.
Guys!
I think security's coming!
All right, gentlemen, let's celebrate.
- Yeah.
- Where's my son?
- What?
- I come home and my son
is nowhere to be found.
How long was the thing in the park?
Just got out.
Just got out.
So then, you're on your way home?
Yeah, yeah, but there's a
shitload of traffic
so it's gonna take a while.
Ok, well, listen
There's this,
like, seminar thing
where this expert is
gonna talk about paralysis and
regenerative movement, and I
really, really want to go.
You go.
You need to go to that.
Thank you.
Ooh!
Let me say hi to Damian.
Well, the thing is, I'm
driving, so it's not it's
against the law now to talk
on a cell phone while you're driving.
I shouldn't be talking to you right now.
Yeah, I would like him to hear my voice.
Alright, here we go, here he is.
Hey, sweetie! Did you have fun
with the guys in the park?
Did you miss your old ma?
Happy now?
I think he answered me.
Did you hear that?
He's never done that before.
That must be the protein.
I think that the
protein's working.
Do you think it's protein?
Nah.
I wouldn't put too much
on the protein.
Look, there's a cop up ahead.
I gotta go.
Ok?
*** it.
Hey, ***, where the hell are you?
Hey.
Well, Damian didn't want to
go dancing, so we took him to the bar.
Oh, my God.
Jesus Christ!
Hey, just relax, will you?
We're not feeding him drinks.
We're feeding him beer nuts, and
we're feeding him pretzels, but no drinks.
Don't put anything in his mouth!
*** it!
All right, all right, hold on a second.
He's trying to
He wants to tell you something.
Spit it out, Damian.
Uh, yeah, he says you're an ***.
Yeah, you're a regular riot.
I'm gonna be there in
You're looking good, buddy.
Ah, Dame.
What do you think he's thinking, Matt?
I don't know.
Nothing?
Or maybe he's having a great time.
How would you know?
Yeah, I don't know.
I just thought maybe one brain-damaged
individual might give us some
insight into the thoughts of another.
Ha ha ha!
Another what?
Check, please!
Guys, I'm sorry.
Like, I don't mean to sound mean or
insensitive or anything, but I
think it's really weird that we
have him hanging around like this.
Look at him.
he's fine.
He likes it.
Is he OK?
Well, actually, he's paralyzed,
and he's got a little
bit of brain damage, too.
- That's so sad.
- Yeah.
Was he in a car accident or something?
No.
He was a firefighter.
We're all firefighters.
He was on our crew.
It happened on a call, a big fire.
- Do you guys still hang out with him?
- Yeah.
Oh, that's sweet.
Yeah, well, you know, hey, once a brother,
always a brother, right?
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude.
I'm Franco, by the way.
- This is Sean.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Black Shawn here.
And this right here is Damey-Dame.
Damian, actually.
And this one whatever.
Mike.
So you guys take care of him and everything?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I feed him.
Oh, that's so great.
I'm gonna go outside and wait for Tom
And maybe puke.
I have to stay and see how low
the crowded elevator's gonna go.
And you know, I dress him.
- And I wash him, and I
bathe him, as it were.
- Seriously?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I mean, most of him.
I do his torso, arms,
legs, face.
Try to avoid the groin.
That's a little gay.
- We'll leave that to Mike.
- Ha ha! - He's kidding.
So, you don't help take care of him?
Yeah, yeah, sure, I do.
What do you do?
Uh, I change his diaper, actually.
Eww!
Eww!
Yeah, so, ladies, you think we
might be able to interest you
in a couple of drinks over by the bar?
Yeah, yeah, I think we'd like that.
All right, I know we would.
It's just so nice to meet
men that are socaring.
- Thanks for that, Shawn.
- Thank you, buddy.
Thanks.
Whoa.
Got it.
- Yeah, nice work.
- Thank you.
So why don't you guys just go grab a couple
of stools over there.
We'll be right over.
- All right.
- Nice to meet you guys.
See you in a second.
- Right.
- Fantastic.
Oh, my God.
How easy was that?
What the hell was happening?
I don't understand.
Jesus, we just made 3 chicks
in under 45 seconds.
That's gotta be some kind of land ***
speed record or something, even for me.
You know what it is?
It's not us.
It's him.
You know what, you're right, bro.
I mean, he is, without a doubt
the ultimate wingman.
You know, he attracts
chicks.
He doesn't mess with your game.
He won't dominate the
conversation, that's for sure,
and he can't ***-block you.
It's unbelievable.
He's like a paralyzed *** magnet.
You know what, I'm taking him
with me on Saturday.
Ok, all right, well, I want him on Friday,
and I want Saturday next weekend.
No, no, we'll switch off every
other weekend, back and forth.
You know what, that's perfect, bro.
- Yeah.
- Guys, when do I get him?
Why don't you go wash
your hands, diaper boy?
That's ***.
If you guys are gonna
That's enough! I cannot believe you!
I'm just sitting over there listening to you
balloonheads actually using our
paralyzed probie for you
guys picking up ***.
- You know, you're right.
- Sorry, chief.
- Yeah, sorry.
- Terrible, man.
Shameless action.
- AhhBut look at that ***.
- I know.
We don't want it getting cold.
Let's go.
Let's hurry.
Go, go, go, go, go.
Who are these guys?
I know.
You gotta start hanging out
with a better class of people,
Hey, what happened to your friend?
He's a firefighter.
- Are you a firefighter?
- Nah
Nah.
I'm the chief.
What's your name?
- Abby.
- Abby?
- Yeah.
- That's lovely.
Thanks.
Shameful.
Oh, God, come on!
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Yeah.
You missed it.
I already talked to
Colleen, all right?
You missed Colleen's meeting, too?
I didn't know that.
I was talking about Katy's
dance recital.
Honey, something came up, OK?
Yeah, something involving Damian.
Pat Mahoney's pavilion dedication.
You know,
things are running behind.
You know, what do you want me to do?
Ok, look, Tommy, I don't want to sound cold
here, but Pat Mahoney is dead and gone.
Ok, and for all intents and
purposes, so is Damian.
But your daughter, on the other
hand, she is here,
and she still needs her father.
And more amazingly,
she still wants her father.
How long do you think that's gonna last
if you keep neglecting her?
How did she do?
She was
Words don't do it justice.
You had to be there.
Yeah.
Anything else you want to tell me?
What, about tonight?
In general.
Anything, uhOn your mind?
Yeah.
If you want to rescue the
world, start with your children.
Ahh!
I'm gonna start upstairs.
You stay in here and finish
the Pat Mahoney pavilion.
The what?
Who the hell is Pat Mahoney?
Some important dead mick.
I gotta know everything?
Is this new?
I been working for City Hall
for 6 years, I never seen it before.
Man, that's your problem, man.
You're not very observant.
How else you gonna have success in life?
Maybe that's why he has a pavilion and you don't.
Yeah, well, maybe I
don't want a pavilion.
I gotta clean the *** thing.
Oh
You did this to me, Tommy.