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dhīrādhīra-jana-priyau priya-karau nirmatsarau pūjitau
nānā-śāstra-vicāraṇaika-nipuṇau sad-dharma-saṁsthāpakau
And now, Chapter 38: Indifference and Separation.
lokānāṁ hita-kāriṇau tri-bhuvane mānyau śaraṇyākarau nānā-śāstra-vicāraṇaika-nipuṇau
The great devotee Uddhava once wrote a letter to Kṛṣṇa, "My dear Kṛṣṇa, I have just finished
the study of all kinds of philosophical books and Vedic verses about the goal of life, and
so now I have a little reputation for my studies. But still, in spite of my reputation, my knowledge
is condemned, because although enjoying the effulgence of Vedic knowledge, I could not
appreciate the effulgence emanating from the nails of Your toes. Therefore, the sooner
my pride and Vedic knowledge are finished, the better it will be!" This is an example
of indifference. Another devotee very anxiously expressed himself
thus: "My mind is very flickering, so I cannot concentrate it upon Your lotus feet. And seeing
this inefficiency in myself I become ashamed, and the whole night I am unable to sleep because
I am exasperated by my great inability." In the Kṛṣṇa-karṇāmṛta Bilvamaṅgala Ṭhākura
has explained his restlessness as follows: "My dear Lord, Your naughtiness in boyhood
is the most wonderful thing in the three worlds. And You Yourself know what this naughtiness
is. As such, You can very easily understand my flickering mind. This is known to You and
me. Therefore, I am simply yearning to know how I can fix my mind on Your lotus feet."
Another devotee expressed his impudence by saying, "My dear Lord, without considering
my lowly position, I must confess to You that my eyes are just like black wasps, desiring
to hover at Your lotus feet." In the Seventh Canto of Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam,
Fourth Chapter, verse 37, the great sage Nārada informs Mahārāja Yudhiṣṭhira about Prahlāda
Mahārāja, who was a devotee from the very beginning of his life. The proof of Prahlāda's
natural devotion is that even when he was a small child he did not play with his playmates,
but was always eager to preach the glories of the Lord. Instead of joining in their sportive
acrobatic feats, he remained an inactive child because he was always in trance, meditating
on Kṛṣṇa. As such, there was no possibility of his being touched by the external world.
The following statement is about a brāhmaṇa devotee: "This brāhmaṇa is very expert in
all kinds of activities, but I do not know why he is looking up without moving his eyes.
It appears that his body is fixed motionless just like a doll's. I can guess that in this
condition he has been captivated by the transcendental beauty of that expert flute-player, Śrī Kṛṣṇa,
and being attached to Him, he is simply staring at the black cloud, remembering the bodily
hue of Śrī Kṛṣṇa." This is an example of how a devotee can become inert due to ecstatic
love. In Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam, Seventh Canto, Fourth
Chapter, verse 40, Prahlāda Mahārāja says that even in his childhood, when he was loudly
speaking the glories of the Lord, he used to dance just like a shameless madman. And
sometimes, being fully absorbed in thought on the pastimes of the Lord, he used to imitate
such pastimes. This is an instance of a devotee's being almost like a madman. Similarly, it
is said that the great sage Nārada was so ecstatically in love with Kṛṣṇa that he would
sometimes dance naked, and sometimes his whole body would become stunned. Sometimes he would
laugh very loudly, sometimes he would cry very loudly, sometimes he would remain silent,
and sometimes he would appear to be suffering from some disease, although he had no disease.
This is another instance of becoming like a madman in the ecstasy of devotion.
In the Hari-bhakti-sudhodaya it is stated that when Prahlāda Mahārāja was thinking himself
unfit to approach the Supreme Personality of Godhead, he immersed himself in great distress,
in an ocean of unhappiness. As such, he used to shed tears and lie down on the floor as
though unconscious. The students of a great devotee once talked
among themselves in this way: "My dear Godbrothers, our spiritual master, after seeing the lotus
feet of the Lord, has thrown himself into the fire of lamentation, and because of this
fire the water of his life has almost dried away. Let us now pour the nectar of the holy
name through his ears, and by our doing so the swan of his life may again show signs
of life." When Lord Kṛṣṇa went to the city of Śoṇitapura
to fight with Bali's son Bāṇa and to cut off all his hands, Uddhava, being separated from
Kṛṣṇa and thinking of His fight, was almost completely stunned into unconsciousness.
When a devotee is fully in love with the Supreme Personality of Godhead, there may be the following
symptoms due to his feelings of separation from the Lord: a feverish condition of the
body, withering of the body, lack of sleep, nonattachment, inertness, appearing diseased,
madness, unconsciousness and sometimes death. As far as the feverish condition of the body
is concerned, Uddhava once told Nārada, "My dear great sage, the lotus flower that is
a friend of the sun may be a cause of distress for us, the fire in the ocean may cause us
some burning sensation, and Indīvara, the friend of a demon, may distress us in various
ways—we do not mind. But the most regrettable factor is that all of them remind us of Kṛṣṇa,
and this is giving us too much distress!" This is an instance of the feverish condition
which is due to being separated from Kṛṣṇa. Some of the devotees who went to see Kṛṣṇa
at Dvārakā and were detained at the door said, "My dear Kṛṣṇa, O friend of the Pāṇḍus, as
the swan loves to dive into the water among the lily flowers and would die if taken from
the water, so we wish only to be with You. Our limbs are shrinking and fading because
You have been taken away from us." The King of Bahula, although very comfortably
situated in his palace, began to think the nights very long and distressing because of
his separation from Kṛṣṇa. King Yudhiṣṭhira once said, "Kṛṣṇa, the chariot
driver of Arjuna, is the only relative of mine within the three worlds. Therefore, my
mind is becoming maddened day and night with separation from His lotus feet, and I do not
know how to situate myself or where I shall go to attain any steadiness of mind." This
is another example of lack of sleep. Some of the cowherd friends of Kṛṣṇa said,
"Dear Kṛṣṇa, O enemy of the Mura demon, just think of Your personal servant Raktaka. Simply
because he saw a peacock feather, he is now closing his eyes and is no longer attentive
to pasturing the cows. Rather, he has left them in a faraway pasture and has not even
bothered to use his stick to control them." This is an instance of mental imbalance due
to separation from Kṛṣṇa. When Lord Kṛṣṇa went to the capital of King
Yudhiṣṭhira, Uddhava was so afflicted by the fire of separation from Śrī Kṛṣṇa that the
perspiration from his inflamed body and the tears from his eyes poured from him, and in
this way he became completely stunned. When Śrī Kṛṣṇa left the city of Dvārakā to
seek out the Syamantaka jewel and He was late returning home, Uddhava became so afflicted
that the symptoms of disease became manifest on his body. Actually, due to his excessive
ecstatic love for Kṛṣṇa, Uddhava became known in Dvārakā as crazy. To his great fortune,
on that day Uddhava's reputation as a crazy fellow was firmly established. Uddhava's craziness
was practically proved when he went to Raivataka Hill to minutely observe the congested black
clouds. In his disturbed condition, he began to pray to these clouds, and he expressed
his jubilation by bowing down before them. Uddhava informed Kṛṣṇa, "My dear leader of
the Yadu dynasty, Your servants in Vṛndāvana cannot sleep at night thinking of You, so
now they are all lying down on the bank of the Yamunā almost paralyzed. And it appears
that they are almost dead, because their breathing is very slow." This is an instance of becoming
unconscious due to separation from Kṛṣṇa. Kṛṣṇa was once informed, "You are the life
and soul of all the inhabitants of Vṛndāvana. So because You have left Vṛndāvana, all of
the servitors of Your lotus feet there are suffering. It is as if the lakes filled with
lotus flowers have dried up from the scorching heat of separation from You." In the example
given here, the inhabitants of Vṛndāvana are compared to lakes filled with lotus flowers,
and because of the scorching heat of separation from Kṛṣṇa, the lakes—along with the lotus
flowers of their lives—are being burned up. And the swans in the lakes, who are compared
to the vitality of the inhabitants of Vṛndāvana, are no longer desiring to live there. In other
words, because of the scorching heat, the swans are leaving the lakes. This metaphor
is used to describe the condition of the devotees separated from Kṛṣṇa.