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MR. HOGAN, I CAN'T STRESS ENOUGH
HOW MUCH YOU GOTTA AVOID THE RED MEAT.
THE CIRRHOSIS OF YOUR LIVER IS PREVENTING IT
FROM FILTERING OUT ALL THE TOXINS,
AND IF THOSE GET TO YOUR BRAIN,
YOU'D BECOME ENCEPHALOPATHIC,
LEADING TO A MENTAL STATUS CHANGE.
SO, WHAT, AM I GOING TO START ACTING
ALL CRAZY OR SOMETHING?
WELL, YOU'LL NEED A TIN FOIL HAT
TO HOLD IN ALL YOUR THOUGHTS.
BUT I CAN STILL HAVE A TINY LITTLE BITE
OF MY WIFE'S CARNE ASADA, RIGHT?
WELL...
J.D.: THE GREATEST THING ABOUT CARLA IS
I ALWAYS KNOW I CAN COUNT ON HER TO BE THE BAD COP.
WHAT PART OF "NO MEAT" DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
I JUST THOUGHT THAT--OH!
CARLA!
[HIGH-PITCHED WHINE]
SO IF YOU DON'T LISTEN TO DR. DORIAN,
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO ANSWER TO ME.
OK. IX-NAY ON THE EAT-MAY.
THAT'S RIGHT.
J.D.: WE'RE A TEAM.
[GIGGLES]
WHAT?
"EAT-MAY" SOUNDS LIKE "EAT ME."
J.D.: OF COURSE, ON SOME TEAMS
THERE'S GONNA BE FRICTION.
ALL RIGHT, WE'RE DONE HERE.
BONNIE, YOU CLOSE.
DAMN.
AW, DON'T BE MAD.
JUST BE THE GOOD LITTLE BEE-ATCH YOU ARE
AND WIPE THE SWEAT OFF MY FOREHEAD.
LOOK, DON'T SAY "BEE-ATCH."
YOU CAN'T PULL IT OFF, WHICH IS INTERESTING,
BEING THAT YOU'RE THE QUEEN MOTHER OF ALL...
DR. WEN? MY FOREHEAD'S FEELING A LITTLE MISTY.
DR. TURK, ARE YOUR HANDS BROKEN?
NO.
[SWEETLY] HERE YOU GO.
MMM...THAT'S NICE...
BEE-ATCH.
J.D.: AND SOME TEAMS, WELL...
THEY NEVER REALLY SEEM TO GET TOGETHER.
DR. ***, I'M SO GLAD I CAUGHT YOU...
AND THERE IT IS AGAIN, THAT RINGING IN MY EARS.
IT'S KIND OF AN "AAH," BUT IT'S MORE PIERCING.
IT'S MORE OF AN "EEEEEEEEEEE..."
SHE'S TRYING TO ASK YOU A QUESTION.
NOW, YOU, YOU'RE MORE OF A LOW-PITCHED "OOOGA."
OOOGA, OOOGA.
IT'S MORE MASCULINE, WHICH, QUIET FRANKLY, IS SURPRISING,
CONSIDERING THE SOURCE. BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE.
OH, JUST EQUALLY ANNOYING.
LUCKILY, THOUGH, I KNOW HOW TO MAKE THE PAIN GO AWAY.
AHH...
MUCH BETTER.
DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?
I MEAN, EVERY TIME WE EVEN TRY TO TALK TO HIM,
HE STARTS GOING OFF ON ALL THESE RANDOM TANGENTS AND MONOLOGUES--
[THINKING] EEEEEEEEEEEE...
YOU KNOW?
CLEARLY, WE'RE ON THE SAME PAGE.
WE'RE RESIDENTS NOW.
WE SHOULD BE TREATED MORE LIKE COLLEAGUES,
AND I CAN'T EVEN GET HIM TO NOTICE ME.
OH--
SORRY. SORRY, SORRY.
[WHISTLING]
MAYBE IF YOU WORE YOUR HAIR UP.
♪ I CAN'T DO THIS ALL ON MY OWN ♪
♪ NO, I'M NO ♪
♪ I'M NO SUPERMAN ♪
♪ I'M NO SUPERMAN ♪
WHAT'S UP?
J.D., thinking: BE CAREFUL HERE.
DON'T GIVE HIM ANYTHING.
NOTHING. WHAT IS UP WITH YOU, MAN?
I ALWAYS GET THIS WAY IN THE FALL, YOU KNOW.
SUMMER'S GONE, THE DAYS ARE SHORTER.
JUST MAKES ME FEEL SO...WHAT'S THE WORD?
SAD?
YES. THAT'S IT.
I'M A JANITOR, SO I COULDN'T THINK OF THE WORD "SAD."
I WAS GONNA SAY, "IT MAKES ME FEEL SO MOP."
LET ME EXPLAIN. I--
GO AHEAD, I'M MOPPING.
MAYBE I SHOULDN'T BOTHER.
MAYBE YOU MOPN'T.
J.D.: I GUESS AFTER A WHILE
YOU JUST STOP BEING SURPRISED BY PEOPLE.
YEAH, I'M GOING TO BE NEEDING A ROOM.
SO, WHO CAN SAY NO TO 49-CENT CHEESEBURGERS?
SURE, BUT TACK ON THE COST OF MEDICINE,
YOUR ROOM, AND PUMPING YOUR STOMACH,
AND THAT 49-CENT CHEESEBURGER
IS GONNA RUN YOU IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD OF $1,300.
SEE, THAT'S HOW THEY GET YOU.
THAT'S RIGHT.
CARLA, YOUR BROTHER CALLED.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD A BROTHER.
THAT'S MY PET NAME FOR TURK.
YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE HE'S MINE
AND HE'S A BLACK MAN.
MY BROTHER.
THAT IS ADORABLE.
DO YOU THINK HE'D MIND IF I CALL HIM THAT, TOO?
J.D., I WAS KIDDING.
I KNOW.
I'M STILL GONNA ASK.
HOW COME I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR FAMILY?
I DON'T KNOW. I'M JUST NOT BIG
ON SHARING MY PERSONAL LIFE WITH PEOPLE.
BUT YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT ME.
YOU EVEN KNOW I HAVE THEM SWITCH LAUREN'S SHIFTS
SO WE ALWAYS END UP WORKING TOGETHER.
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
WELL YOU DO NOW BECAUSE I'M SHARING WITH YOU.
AND I'M LEAVING NOW.
WOW.
ANOTHER FRIDAY NIGHT?! THAT'S 3 IN A ROW.
I KNOW. IT'S SO UNFAIR.
I'M MAD ABOUT IT.
BONNIE IS KILLING ME. I'M TELLING YOU,
I CANNOT BEAT THIS WOMAN NO MATTER WHAT I TRY.
SHE'S LIKE A NINJA, BUT WORSE.
NOTHING'S WORSE THAN A NINJA.
THEY'RE MASTERS OF EVERY STYLE OF COMBAT.
CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN BONNIE?
I THINK YOU SHOULD GIVE BONNIE A BREAK.
YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY HARD
BEING A WOMAN AROUND HERE.
YOU CAN WALK THROUGH WALLS
AND NOBODY NOTICES YOU.
NOT ENTIRELY UNLIKE...A NINJA.
CATCH YOU LATER, MY BROTHER!
I'LL HOLLER.
HE SAID "HOLLER."
MR. TILLMAN'S RESULTS ARE BACK.
IT'S BAD.
DAMN IT, LAVERNE.
WHY CAN'T I EVER BE THE ONE DYING?
I DON'T KNOW.
IT WAS RHETORICAL.
IF YOU'D TELL MRS. TILLMAN THAT I'LL BE RIGHT OUT,
THAT WOULD BE JUST TERRIFIC.
DR. ***, UM, MR. TILLMAN IS
MY PATIENT, TOO, YOU KNOW.
HE IS?
YEAH, I WAS IN HIS ROOM WITH YOU THIS MORNING. REMEMBER?
UH...NO.
WELL, I WAS.
ANYWAY, UM, I-- IF YOU WANT, I--
I COULD TALK TO HIS WIFE
BECAUSE I JUST REALLY ENJOY THAT KIND OF STUFF.
WAIT A MINUTE.
ARE YOU ACTUALLY SAYING YOU ENJOY TELLING PEOPLE
THEIR SPOUSES ARE GOING TO DIE?
YEP. I MEAN, I KNOW THAT SOUNDS A LITTLE BIT WEIRD,
BUT I--I JUST REALLY LIKE BEING THERE FOR PEOPLE.
IT'S KIND OF WHY I BECAME A DOCTOR IN THE FIRST PLACE.
WELL, IT'S NICE TO KNOW WHERE THE MAGIC BEGAN.
THERE YOU GO.
SO, HOW ARE MY GIRLS TODAY?
FANTASTIC. LISTEN--
Carla: DR. KELSO...
IF YOU'RE HERE TO DO ONE OF YOUR
HOW-ARE-MY-GIRLS-TODAY,
NOW-LET-ME-TELL-YOU SOME-THINGS
YOU-DON'T-WANT TO-HEAR ROUTINES,
I SHOULD WARN YOU, I'M IN A MOOD.
SO IT'S PROBABLY IN YOUR BEST INTEREST
TO MAKE UP SOME LAME EXCUSE,
TURN AROUND, AND LEAVE.
YOUNG LADY, I WILL NOT BE SPOKEN TO LIKE THAT.
LUCKILY FOR YOU, I HAVE TO GO SEE MISS [MUMBLES]
DOWN IN [MUMBLES GIBBERISH]
ATTA BOY.
J.D.: ROUGH DAY, HUH?
WELL, MAYBE IT WOULD HELP
TO SHARE WITH SOMEONE.
OK. YOU WANT IN?
YOU WANT ME TO OPEN UP?
I THINK I CAN HANDLE IT.
FINE!
I DON'T LIKE THE WAY I LOOK.
I DON'T LIKE THE WAY I THINK.
I DON'T LIKE THE WAY I FEEL
ABOUT HOW I LOOK AND THINK.
I HAVE TOO MUCH HAIR, MY *** ARE TOO LOW,
MY BUTT IS TOO BIG, AND I'M TOO SHORT.
PLUS, WHEN I WOKE UP THIS MORNING,
I CRIED FOR, LIKE, HALF AN HOUR
BECAUSE I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING WRINKLES,
BUT IT TURNS OUT I JUST FELL ASLEEP ON TURK'S CORDUROY PANTS.
WOW.
THERE. NOW YOU THINK I'M THE CRAZIEST WOMAN HERE.
DR. *** LET ME TELL A WOMAN THAT HER HUSBAND'S DYING.
NO, I DON'T.
HUH. SO I'M DOING A NISSEN GASTRIC FUNDOPLICATION
AND YOU'RE DOING... YET ANOTHER APPENDECTOMY.
HOW FUN FOR YOU!
PLEASE. YOU CALL THAT SMACK TALK?
YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED ME HOW IT FEELS
TO BE SO FAR BELOW YOU
I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO READ "SUCK IT, TURK"
IF YOU WROTE IT ON THE BOTTOM OF YOUR SHOE.
OK, HOW DOES THAT FEEL?
DAMN.
Dr. Kelso: DOCTORS...
SOMETHING I'VE TAKEN GREAT PRIDE IN OVER THE YEARS
IS SACRED HEART'S INVOLVEMENT
IN THE ESTEEMED "DOCTORS WITHOUT BORDERS" PROGRAM.
NOW, EVERY YEAR I SINGLE OUT
THE MOST QUALIFIED SURGICAL RESIDENT
TO ACCOMPANY ME TO MEXICO FOR A WEEKEND.
ANYWAY, I'VE MADE MY DECISION.
THANK YOU, SIR.
YOU HAVEN'T LIVED UNTIL YOU'VE TASTED EL TODD'S GUAC.
DR. TURK, PACK YOUR BAG.
DANG!
NYAAAAH!
HA HA HA HA!
SHOVE IT, TURK!
OH, I'M GONNA SHOVE IT
♪ AND LOVE IT AND DANCE AROUND ABOVE IT ♪
♪ HEY, SHOVE IT AND LOVE IT ♪
♪ AND DANCE AROUND ABOVE IT, COME ON ♪
YOU SEE, THAT'S WHAT'S REALLY BOTHERING ME.
WHAT, TURK AND BONNIE? THEY HATE EACH OTHER.
THEN WHY IS HE DOING HIS YOU'RE-SO-GETTING A-PIECE-OF-THIS DANCE?
HE'S NOT. THAT'S HIS IN-YOUR-FACE DANCE.
OR IT'S HIS THERE'S-A-SALE ON-LOTION DANCE.
I DON'T KNOW. HE'S GOT SO MANY DANCES.
PLEASE. THEY MIGHT AS WELL BE NAKED.
LITTLE ***.
[CHUCKLES] CARLA.
TRUST ME, THERE'S NO WAY
THAT HE'S CHEATING ON YOU.
YEAH, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
WAIT, THAT'S IT?
YOU WERE JUST FREAKING OUT.
HEY, YOU WANTED IN.
[THINKING] CRAZY!
BARBIE.
YESSIE?
HOW'D IT GO WITH MRS. TILLMAN?
IT...WAS...AWESOME!
IT'S NOT POSSESSED! IT'S FOR SITTING.
EXCUSE ME?
FOR GOD'S SAKE YOU MUST PARK IT.
OF COURSE, WHAT WE GENERALLY DO NOW
IS EAT.
I CAN'T. I'M TOO NERVOUS.
HEH HEH HEH...
CHRISTOPHER.
SORRY, SIR. I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE
KELSO CHOSE ME.
YEAH, ME, NEITHER.
I TOLD HIM TO TAKE BONNIE.
SO THEN WHY DID HE PICK ME?
AMONG ALL THE SURGERY RESIDENTS,
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU, BONNIE,
TODD, STEVE, ERIC, AND VIJAY.
FIRST OF ALL, SHE'S A--
THERE IT IS.
WAIT, BECAUSE SHE--
YEP.
SHE--
EXACTLY.
HUH?
J.D.: IT'S BECAUSE SHE'S A SHE.
DAMN!
FORK!
ME CAN'T EAT SOUP.
[FRUSTRATED WHINE]
LOOK, I DON'T THINK YOU'RE STUPID, OK?
YOUR JOB REQUIRES A LOT OF KNOW-HOW.
I MEAN, COME ON, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE
LADLING OUT SLOPPY JOES OR SOMETHING.
Y-YOU--MY UNCLE WAS A JOE-ER.
TROY, LET ME FILL YOU IN ON THIS GUY.
Carla: J.D.
OH, THANK GOD.
J.D.: A LOT HAPPENS IN THE CAFETERIA.
WHETHER YOU'VE ACCIDENTALLY JUST STOLEN YOUR LUNCH...
OR YOU'VE FINALLY GOTTEN SOMEONE TO NOTICE YOU...
OR YOU'VE CONNECTED WITH A FRIEND ON A LEVEL
YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD.
THE CAFETERIA IS JUST A HAPPY PLACE.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?
THE ONLY REASON WHY I'M GOING TO MEXICO
IS BECAUSE BONNIE'S NOT A GUY.
I'M SORRY, BABY.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU THINK I GOT A THING FOR HER.
[THINKING] OH, NO.
WHO TOLD YOU THAT?
J.D. TOLD YOU THAT?
WHEN DID YOU GUYS LEARN SIGN LANGUAGE?
NIGHT CLASSES?
WAIT, WHEN DID I LEARN SIGN LANGUAGE?
J.D. SAID YOU'RE A BIG OL' CAN OF CRAZY.
A LITTLE CAN.
A VERY TINY, SMALL CAN.
NO, YOU SAID A BIG CAN.
MR. HOGAN, I'VE COME UP WITH A LITTLE MANTRA FOR YOU.
HIT ME.
IF MEAT IS YOUR TREAT,
YOUR ESOPHAGEAL VARICHES WILL BLEED INTO YOUR INTESTINES,
CAUSING YOU TO DIGEST YOUR OWN BLOOD,
LEADING TO A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE DEATH.
CATCHY.
JUST SAY IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE DEATH.
HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE DEATH.
[THINKING] OK, YOU CAN FIX THIS.
CARLA, LOOK, I MESSED UP, AND I'M SO SORRY.
BAMBI, WE'RE GOOD, OK? WE'RE PALS.
THANK YOU.
SO YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY TO SWITCH PEOPLE'S SHIFTS, HUH?
BYE, PAL.
I MISSED MY BABY'S FIRST STEPS.
I'M SO SORRY.
DOES THIS MEAN YOU'RE MARRIED?
[SIGHS]
DR. KELSO, CAN I BOTHER YOU FOR A SECOND?
BASED ON HISTORY, I'D SAY YES.
I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT DR. WEN RECOMMENDED BONNIE.
DR. TURK, I CHOSE YOU OVER THAT NICE YOUNG LADY
BECAUSE WE'RE GOING TO BE MOVING AROUND A LOT,
AND I CAN'T BE PULLING OVER EVERY 2 MINUTES
FOR PEE PEE STOPS AND THOSE NYLONS
THAT COME IN PLASTIC EGGS.
DR. KELSO, DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S A LITTLE SEXIST?
I DON'T KNOW, SPORT.
IS IT SEXIST TO HOLD THE DOOR FOR A WOMAN?
IS IT SEXIST TO KEEP THE PRETTY NURSES
AND UNLOAD A FEW UGGOS?
THE RULES HAVE CHANGED SO MUCH,
I JUST CAN'T KEEP UP.
TELL YOU WHAT...
LET'S STOP JINGLING EACH OTHERS MARBLES.
YOU DECIDE WHO SHOULD GO.
THAT WAY WHEN YOU CHOOSE YOURSELF,
I WON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH ALL THIS HORRIBLE GUILT.
DR. ***.
[A LA ARCHIE BUNKER] OH, JEEZ, EDITH...
HI.
THIS CHAIR WON'T PULL OUT.
OH...
MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE MY ANKLES ARE WRAPPED AROUND IT.
LOOK IT, I ACTUALLY NEED SOME ME TIME.
OH.
YEAH.
OK.
I--I JUST WANTED TO SAY
THAT IF YOU HAVE ANY OTHER BAD NEWS SITUATIONS,
I WOULD GLADLY HANDLE THEM FOR YOU.
REALLY?
GLADLY.
WELCOME ABOARD.
DUDE, WHY WOULD YOU GET TURKEY
WHEN THERE'S EGG SALAD?
DUDE, THERE'S NO EGG SALAD TODAY.
YOU MISSED A SPOT.
SO WE'RE EVEN, RIGHT?
EVEN?
I TOLD A NURSE YOU SWITCHED HER SHIFT.
YOU BABBLED ALL MY CRAZY
TO THE PERSON I PLAN ON SPENDING
THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH.
I COULD HAVE SPENT THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH LAUREN.
OR AT LEAST WITH HER TUSHIE.
I JUST WANNA WASH IT. IS THAT WEIRD?
YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
COME ON, NOW.
I TOLD YOU HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME
TO LET MY GUARD DOWN,
AND THAT QUICK, YOU BURN ME.
NEVER AGAIN.
DON'T WALK AWAY. CARLA.
BONNIE, I FOUND OUT DR. WEN ACTUALLY RECOMMENDED YOU
FOR THAT TRIP TO MEXICO.
I'M SURE THAT YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME
TO STAND HERE AND ADMIT THAT TO YOU,
SO I WAS HOPING THAT WE CAN USE THIS AS AN OPPORTUNITY
TO REPAIR OUR RELATIONSHIP.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
NYAAAAAAH...
OK, FINE! LOOK, YOU GO TO MEXICO, OK?
AND BY THE WAY, DOLOR EN AL ASNO MEANS PAIN IN THE ***.
I THOUGHT IT WOULD HELP YOU
WHEN YOU INTRODUCED YOURSELF.
I DON'T WANT YOUR CHARITY.
YOU GO.
AND EVERY SECOND YOU'RE DOWN THERE,
I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT HOW I KICK YOUR ***
UP AND DOWN THESE HALLS ALL DAY LONG.
NOW, WHERE WAS I?
"NYAH."
OH, YEAH.
THERE YOU GO, PROM QUEEN.
THERE'S SOME REALLY TRAGIC STUFF IN THERE,
SO, YOU KNOW... GO NUTS.
ALL--ALL OF THESE ARE YOUR PATIENTS?
NO. BUT WHEN WORD GOT OUT ABOUT YOUR LITTLE OFFER,
A BUNCH OF OTHER DOCS WANTED IN.
OH, GREAT!
MORE FOR ME! [CHUCKLES]
I'M AFRAID YOU HAVE HEPATITIS.
MENINGITIS.
ESOPHAGEO-GASTRO- DUODENO-COLITIS.
YES, IT--IT'S LIKE BEING BLIND IN ONE EYE...
EXCEPT YOU'LL BE BLIND IN BOTH.
I'M REALLY SORRY. UM...
THERE'S NOTHING MORE WE CAN DO.
[RING]
HELLO?!
WE CAN HEAR YOU!
HELLO!
WHY WON'T IT STOP RINGING?!
HELLO!
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HELLO!
ALL RIGHT, LOOK. OK, I NEVER MEANT TO INSINUATE
YOU GUYS WERE STUPID. ALL RIGHT?
EVERYONE KNOWS YOU'RE A HUNDRED TIMES SMARTER
THAN THE JACKASSES THAT RUN THIS PLACE.
IS THAT SO, SPORT?
NO, SIR,
IT'S NOT SO.
[RING]
WOULD YOU JUST GO AHEAD AND ANSWER IT ALREADY?! HELLO!
[AFFECTED ACCENT] HELLO.
[GIGGLING]
HEY, TAKE THAT,
SMART GUY.
TROY. THAT'S NOT HOW WE DO IT.
MR. HOGAN, WHAT THE HELL?
WELL, WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR 5-YEAR-OLD SON
BEGGED YOU TO HAVE A BITE OF HIS DINNER?
YOU HAD 2 DOZEN RIBS.
I KNOW. I DON'T EVEN HAVE A KID.
THAT'S IT. I'VE HAD ENOUGH. THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
WOULD YOU LAY OFF MR. HOGAN? SO HE MADE A MISTAKE.
ALL RIGHT? PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES,
AND WHEN THEY DO, IT WOULDN'T HURT YOU
TO CUT 'EM SOME SLACK ONCE IN A WHILE.
THANKS, MAN.
QUIET! THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU. DON'T EAT MEAT.
CARLA.
LOOK, EVERY TIME YOU SCREWED UP WITH ME,
I'VE TOTALLY LET YOU OFF THE HOOK.
WHEN HAVE I EVER SCREWED UP WITH YOU?
OK, NEVER. BUT WE BOTH KNOW
IF YOU EVER DID, I WOULD GIVE YOU A BREAK.
NOW, LET'S SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT
WHEN I WALK AWAY FROM YOU.
ACTUALLY, I NEED TO GO THIS WAY.
I WAS RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.
[SOBS SOFTLY, SNIFFLES]
AWESOME!
AW...
[LAUGHS] YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS ONE.
25-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. DANCER, ACTUALLY.
WELL...NOT ANYMORE. I'M AFRAID WE HAD TO TAKE BOTH OF HER LEGS.
BILATERAL GANGRENE. AND SEEING AS HER HUSBAND RECENTLY PASSED AWAY
AND HER INSURANCE AT THE DANCERS' UNION
PROBABLY IS NOT GONNA COVER IT,
YOU SHOULD GO AHEAD AND TELL HER
SHE WON'T BE ABLE TO STAY HERE WITH US FOR HER REHAB.
UM, WHAT...
ROOM IS SHE IN?
THERE IS NO...ROOM.
IN FACT, IN THE HISTORY OF MEDICINE,
THERE'S NEVER ACTUALLY BEEN A PATIENT THAT DEPRESSING.
I MADE HER UP.
COME ON, NOW, BARBIE, YOU KEEP GOIN' DOWN THIS ROAD,
YOU'RE GONNA GO UP TO THE ROOF OF THIS HOSPITAL
AND JUMP THE HELL OFF.
WELL, MIND YOU, IT'S ONLY 5 STORIES HIGH,
SO THAT MEANS YOU'LL JUST WIND UP BACK DOWN HERE,
WHERE I, OF COURSE, WILL BE THE ONE WHO HAS TO TREAT YOU,
AND THEN I'LL BE FORCED TO JUMP
OFF THE ROOF OF THIS HOSPITAL,
WHICH, AS I WAS SUGGESTING TO YOU, IS ONLY 5 STORIES HIGH,
AND ARE YOU STARTING TO SEE A PATTERN FORMING HERE?
I JUST WANTED TO BE COLLEAGUES.
BARBIE...
AS LONG AS YOU STAY AND WORK AT THIS HOSPITAL,
I'M ALWAYS GONNA BE YOUR SUPERIOR.
THAT'S...JUST THE WAY IT GOES.
DON'T GET ME WRONG. YOU CAN KEEP TRYING TO CONNECT WITH ME.
I MEAN, HELL, YOU'RE... [CHUCKLES]
YOU'RE SO DAMN ENTERTAINING, YOU JUST MIGHT MAKE SOME HEADWAY.
BUT STILL, YOU MIGHT BE BETTER SERVED--
AND THIS IS A CRAZY NOTION--
IF YOU COULD STOP WORRYING SO MUCH
ABOUT WHO DOES AND DOESN'T NOTICE YOU.
EVEN FOR A SECOND.
THAT'D BE REAL GOOD.
J.D.: I THINK EVERY DAY
IS MADE UP OF TINY LITTLE TESTS.
SOME ARE TESTS OF CHARACTER.
[HORN HONKS]
SOME ARE TESTS OF FORTITUDE.
OTHERS ARE TESTS OF FRIENDSHIP.
I SPOKE TO MY BROTHER TODAY.
REALLY?
MM-HMM.
HE'S HAVING SOME PROBLEMS.
J.D.: AND IF YOU'RE LUCKY, WHEN IT REALLY MATTERS,
YOU'LL PASS WITH FLYING COLORS.
♪ I AM GOING ♪
HOLA, K-DOG!
YEAH-HA-EAH!
FULL BAR!
TAKE US TO MEXICO! HA HA HA!