Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
>>> WELCOME TO "RED EYE."
I'M ANDY LEVY FILLING IN FOR
GREG GUTFELD WHO WILL BE BACK
ON MONDAY AS LONG AS CUSTOMS
DOESN'T CHECK HIS LUGGAGE TOO
CLOSELY.
LET'S GO TO PAUL WITH OUR TOP
STORY.
>> OUR TOP STORY, OBAMA
SUPPORTER AND STAR OF "SHORT
CIRCUIT" CRITICIZES THE
PRESIDENT FOR TAKING TOO MANY
VACATIONS.
OR AS LONG PERIODS OF TIME NOT
WORKING OR CALLED,
GUTENBERG'S.
AND HE IS HERE AND YEAR AND
THE MISS CAL PROTECTOR OF THE
UNIVERSE.
THE SUPER COMIC THE GREEN
LANTERN IS COMING OUT AS
OPENLY GAY.
ROBIN SAYS, HOLY DUH BAD MAN.
AND BEARS ARE THREATENED AND
BEATEN AND FORCED TO SKATE.
FIGURE SKATING PARENTS
EVERYWHERE SAY, SO?
>> IT IS ABOUT TIME YOU SAID
THAT.
>> LET'S WELCOME OUR GUEST.
SHE IS REFERRED TO AS THE
PRIDE OF LONG ISLAND BY HER
MOTHER.
I AM HERE WITH LAUREN SIVAN,
THE REPORTER FOR KTTV IN LOS
ANGELES.
AND SHE HAS BEEN CALLED ONE OF
THE MOST TALENTED FEMALE
COMEDIANS OF HER GENERAL
RAIRKS BUT WHITNEY CUMMINGS
COULDN'T BE WITH US.
AND BILL SCHULZ WHO JUST TOOK
BATH SALTS.
AND NEXT TO ME IS MICHIGAN
CONGRESSMAN THADIUS McCODER.
AND WE HAVE PINCH.
HOW ARE YOU PINCH?
>> WHICH OF THE HEADLINES
BELONG TO THE PAPER OF RECORD?
JOHN EDWARDS ACQUITTED ON ONE
COUNT.
MISTRIAL ON FIVE OTHERS.
AND THE SECOND, STILL GUILTY
OF BEING A CHEATING, LYING,
DISGRACEFUL HUSBAND, FATHER
AND HUMAN BEING.
WHICH BANNER GOES TO THE BROAD
SHEET AND WHICH TO THE
TABLOID?
IF YOU HAVE TO ASK, YOU DON'T
KNOW HOW TO READ.
>> M WHY PRETTY SURE YOU DON'T
KNOW HOW TO READ.
>>> IT IS A SET BAYING FOR
BAGRAM.
HE LOST STEVE GUTENBERG.
HE EXPRESSED DISAPPOINTMENT
WITH OBAMA NOTING, QUOTE, IT
IS HARD TO BELIEVE IN THE
PRESIDENCY ANYMORE.
THE GUT WAS ASKED ABOUT THE
BANKING CRISIS SAYING, QUOTE,
I VOTED FOR OBAMA, BUT I DON'T
WANT TO SEE OBAMA ON "THE
VIEW" AND PLAYING FIRSBIE AND
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW IT IS
$40,000 AT GEORGE CLOONEY'S
HOUSE.
AND I LOVE CLONEY INTO.
THAT WAS GUTENBERG.
AND I THINK HE SHOULD BE AT
HIS DESK ALL DAY.
MITT ROMNEY WAS ASKED ABOUT A
BUNCH OF HECKLERS WHO SHOWED
UP TO SHOUT DOWN OBAMA'S
SENIOR ADVISOR AT A CAMPAIGN
EVENT.
>> MOST OF THE EVENTS I GO TO,
OR MANY OF THE EVENTS I GO TO,
THEY ARE LARGE GROUPS OF OBAMA
SUPPORTERS THERE HECKLING ME.
AT SOME POINT YOU SAY WHAT IS
SAC FOR THE GOOSES -- SASS FOR
THE GOOSE IS SASS FOR THE
GANDER.
>> YOU KNOW WHO IS INTLISFULLY
UNAWARE?
YOU KNOW WHO IS BLISSFULLY
UNAWARE?
THESE GUYS.
>> I NEVER GET TIRED OF
WATCHING SYNCHRONIZED EATING.
IF OBAMA HAS LOST THE GUT,
HASN'T HE IN A REAL SENSE LOST
AMERICA?
>> I THINK GREG WOULD BE HURT
YOU REFERRED TO HIM AS THE
GUT.
I THINK GUTFELD THINKS OF
HIMSELF THAT WAY.
THE FACT THAT SOMEBODY WAS ON
CREDIT CARDS.COM IN THE FIRST
PLACE, HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?
THAT'S THE BIGGER QUESTION.
HERE IS WHAT I WOULD SAY IF I
SAW Q AND A ON GUTENBERG, SHUT
THE DOOR.
>> SO THE GUT HAS SPOKEN, BUT
WILL PRESIDENT OBAMA'S
ARROGANCE ALLOW HIM TO
LISTEN?
>> I THINK THE PRESIDENT
PROBABLY RESPECTS
MR. GUTENBERG'S WORK IN THE
"POLICE ACADEMY" FILMS MORE
THAN ANYONE.
IT COULD BE DEEMED AS A VERY
BARBED RE, MA.
BUT WHEN WE LOOK BACK
PRESIDENT CARTER FAILED IN THE
PRESIDENCY, AND IT WAS NOT A
FAULT OF THE POLICIES.
THE PRESIDENCY WAS TOO BIG FOR
ONE MAN.
RONALD REGAN WAS ELECTED AND
THE LEFT CLAIMED HE DIDN'T
SPEND ENOUGH TIME.
THE ECONOMY TURNED AROUND AND
GOT GOING AND THE EVIL EMPIRE
GOT GOING.
SO I THINK HE SHOULD SPEND
LESS TIME MANAGING.
>> I DON'T AGREE WITH
GUTENBERG, AND IT PAINS ME TO
SAY THAT.
STEVE, IF YOU ARE WATCHING, I
FEEL BAD.
I DON'T THINK THE PRESIDENT
SHOULD BE AT HIS DESK ALL
DAY.
EVERYBODY IS UP IN ARMS WHEN
THE PRESIDENT IS TAKING
VACATION.
IT IS NOT LIKE THEY ARE
TURNING OFF THEIR CELL PHONE
AND NOT CHECKING THEIR E-MAIL
THIS THEY ARE NOT IN THE OVAL
OFFICE.
YOU CAN DEVELOP SEVERE
SYMPTOMS SITTING AT YOUR DESK
ALL DAY.
>> ARE OTHER CELEBS TURNING ON
HIM?
>> HE KNOWS ABOUT NOT
WORKING.
I'M SURPRISED THAT WAS HIS
ISSUE.
I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO
STAND UP AND TALK ABOUT GAY
MARRIAGE CONSIDERING HE RAISED
A BABY WITH TWO MEN.
>> EXCELLENT POINT.
BILL, HAS THE GUT MADE YOU
RETHINK YOUR ADORING LOVE FOR
PRESIDENT OBAMA?
>> NOT IN THE LEAST.
FIRST OF ALL HE IS JUST UPSET
BECAUSE HE IS NOT ON "THE
VIEW."
AND HE IS NOT INVITED TO
GEORGE CLOONEY'S PARTY.
AND SECONDLY, GOOD FOR THE
GOOSE IS SAUCE FOR THE
GANDER.
SAUCE FOR THE GANDER,
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
I HOPE ROMNEY GAVE SOME TO THE
HECKLERS BEFORE THEY ATTACKED
OBAMA.
I THINK ONE OF THEM SAID, YOU
SIR.
YOU SIR ARE NO GENTLEMAN.
I SWORE I SAW ANOTHER MANUS A
NAPKIN.
>> THE ACTUAL SAYING IS SAUCE
FOR THE GOOT AND SAUCE FOR THE
GANDER.
>> THAT WOULD MAKE MORE
SENSE.
>> IT IS ALL THE SAUCE.
>> CONGRESSMAN, LET'S TALK
ABOUT THE HECK LICK.
HECKLING.
SOME SAY IT WAS RUDE TO
SUPPORT THE HECKLERS.
WHAT DPOW -- WHAT DO YOU SAY?
>> IT IS A REALITY OF PUBLIC
LIFE.
PEOPLE CAN PROTEST.
>> IF YOU STARTED A CULT, I
WOULD JOIN IT.
I JUST WANTED TO THROW THAT
OUT THERE.
>> AND SHE IS NOT SUSCEPTIBLE
TO CULTS.
>> THROWING IT OUT THERE.
>> IS THAT EXUBERANCE ON YOUR
FACE?
>> THIS IS WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE
IN AN EARTHQUAKE.
>> I'M SIGNING UP.
>> IT IS CAUTIOUSLY
OPTIMISTIC.
>> WANT TO BE THE GRAPE.
>> HOW DO YOU HANDLE
HECKLERS?
>> THAT'S A GREAT QUESTION.
I'M USED TO IT BECAUSE I DO
THIS FOR A LIVING.
I THINK EVERYBODY SHOULD DO
WHAT I DO WITH HECKLERS.
YOU JUST SIT ON THE EDGE OF
THE STAGE AND WEEP UNTIL
EVERYBODY LEAVES.
YOU GET PAID AND NOBODY WANTS
TO MESS WITH YOU.
>> EXCELLENT.
>> I DON'T MIND YOU WORKING
WHILE YOU ARE IN THE CULT.
THE LEADER OF THE CULT REALLY
CAN'T WORK.
>> I THINK THIS IS A GREAT
IDEA.
I AM LIKING IT MORE AND MORE.
I FEEL NO NEED TO WORK.
THIS WORKS OUT GREAT.
>> LAUREN YOU ARE IN.
>> AM I BEING DRAFTED?
>> THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN GET IN
THIS CULT IS TO BE FROM LONG
ISLAND WITH ***.
>> I ALSO HAVE OVARIES.
>> OVARIES TOO.
AT LEAST ONE OF YOU DOES.
>> IT IS FROM LONG ISLAND AND
HE HAS ***.
>> WHAT WERE WE TALKING
ABOUT?
ANYBODY REMEMBER?
>> LONG ISLAND, ***.
>> SOMETHING BRRRR A GOOSE ON
THE SAUCE.
>> LET'S MOVE ON TO THE NEXT
STORY.
FROM HECKLERS TO STICK LEERS,
SO ARE COFFEE DRINKS ALSO ON
THE BRINK?
THE NEW YORK CITY MAYOR MIKE
BLOOMBURG'S SUGARY BAN THE
FRAPS MAY NOT BE ON TAP.
THE TREATS WERE THOUGHT TO BE
SAFE BECAUSE THE PLAN WOULD
NOT COVER BEVERAGES WITH MORE
THAN 51% MILK.
BUT STARBUCKS EMPLOYEES TELL
DNA INFO.COM THAT, QUOTE,
THERE IS VERY LITTLE 34EU8GING
-- MILK IN THEM.
NOBODY LIKES A MARK.
THE MAYOR SLASH FATHER WAS
PUTTING HIS REPORT FOR
NATIONAL DONUT DAY.
>> THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
>> ONE IS NOT GOING TO HURT
YOU.
>> ALL OF THE STUDIES SHOW IF
THE GLASS IN FRONT OF YOU YOU
WILL EAT LESS.
WE ARE NOT BANNING YOU FROM
GETTING IT.
IF YOU WANT 32 ANSWERS YOU
HAVE TO SIT DOWN IN YOUR
GLASSES.
IT IS NOT SOMETHING THE
FOUNDING FATHERS FOUGHT FOR.
IN MODERATION IT IS FINE.
ALL WE ARE TRYING TO DO IS
EXPLAIN TO PEOPLE THAT IF YOU
DRINK A LITTLE LESS YOU WILL
LIVELONGER.
IF ONLY YOU CAN TEST THE
EFFECTIVENESS OF BIG DRINKS.
>> YOU NEVER KNOW WHERE
SOMEBODY MIGHT BE HIDING A
REALLY BIG DRINK.
>> I WONDER IF THEY ARE HIRING
OF THE.
>> ARE YOU GOING TO STAND FOR
HIM DOWNING YOUR FRAPPUCCINO.
>> I LIKE MY COFFEE.
IF YOU ARE A HET ROW --
HETEROSEXUAL MAN ORDERING A
FRAPPUCCINO WITH NUT SAUCE?
YOU MAY HAVE BIGGER ISSUES.
YOU MAY WANT TO THINK THAT
OVER.
CAN YOU IMAGINE HAVING TO
EXPLAIN TO SOMEBODY IN SOMALIA
AND SAY OUR SODAS ARE SO BIG
AND SO CHEAP THAT WE NEED A
LAW PREVENTING US FROM
DRINKING THE BIG THING ALL AT
ONCE.
DO YOU GUYS HAVE THAT
PROBLEM?
IT IS CRAZY.
>> BLOOMBURG IS TRYING TO HELP
US.
WHY HOSPITAL WE LET HIM?
>> I THINK WE SHOULD LET HIM.
WITHOUT HIM PEOPLE WANT TO
STRAP A FEED BOOK TO
THEMSELVES AND EAT UNTIL THEY
EXPLODE LIKE THE MOVIE
"SEVEN."
I THINK WE NEED TO BE STOPPED
WITH THE CALORIE COUNTING, AND
IT SHEDS SOME GOOD LIGHT.
IF YOU WANT TO DRINK OVER 32
OUNCES AT A TIME, DO IT LIKE
AN ADULT, STAND ON A PORCH FOR
THE DRIVE BY.
AM I ALONE?
>> I DON'T THINK SO.
>> I GREW UP ON THE STREET.
>> YOU HAVE CREDIT AND WE
DON'T.
>> A GROUP CALLED THE CENTER
FOR CONSUMER FREEDOM IS
RUNNING AN AD.
CAN WE PUT THAT UP?
MAYOR BLOOMBURG IN A DRESS.
IT KIND OF SAYS IT ALL.
>> THE FIRST IS THE GREATEST
INVITATION IS THE FAILURE TO
SELF-GOVERN.
I ALSO WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW IF
YOU JOIN THE CULT DRINK WHAT
YOU WANT EAT AS MUCH AS YOU
WANT.
JUST BRING SOME HOME TO THE
LEADER.
>> IT IS A PRETTY LIBERTARIAN
CULT.
>> ARE YOU NOT COMING IN
EITHER.
>> THERE IS ONLY ROOM FOR ONE
LIBERTARIAN COLT.
>> WILL THERE BE A FRAPPUCCINO
BLACK MARKET IF THIS GOES
THROUGH?
>> SECOND OF ALL, I DON'T WANT
TO TAKE BLOOMBERG'S SIDE HERE,
BUT I WAS JAW DROPPING TO FIND
OUT THAT THIS IS 17 AND A HALF
INCHES OF TOFFEE, YUTS,
SYRUP.
I HAVE HYPOGLYCEMIC SHOCK JUST
READING IT.
THAT IS DISGUSTING.
AND WHAT WAS BLOOMBURG
THINKING POSING FOR THAT
PICTURE.
HE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER.
IT IS SUMMER.
>> DIDN'T RUDY GUILIANI WEAR A
DRESS?
>> SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE.
>> VERY FLATTERING.
>> McDONALDS TWEETED AT
BLOOMBURG WHICH IS FANTASTIC.
WE TRUST OUR CUSTOMERS TO MAKE
THE CHOICES BEST FOR THEM.
COCA-COLA TWEETED SOMETHING
SIMILAR IN THE DAY.
THANK GOD FOR BIG
CORPORATIONS, RIGHT?
>> IF McDONALDS TRUSTS THEIR
CUSTOMERS TO MAKE THEIR OWN
DECISIONS, I THINK THAT THIS
SODA SIZE IS WHERE IT SHOULD
END.
I HAVE BEEN TO MANY
McDONALDS AND I DON'T WANT
THEM MAKING MANY DECISIONS.
>> AMY, WHAT KIND OF WORLD DO
WE LIVE IN WHERE YOU CAN EAT
ANOTHER PERSON'S FACE, BUT YOU
CAN'T GET A LARGE COKE AT A
MOVIE THEATER.
>> THAT'S A GREAT QUESTION.
>> I WROTE IT MYSELF.
>> I DON'T BELIEVE THAT.
WHAT WAS THE QUESTION?
>> I DON'T KNOW SOMEBODY ELSE
WROTE IT.
>> HOW MANY CALORIES ?
>> IF YOU DON'T SWALLOW, YOU
DON'T WORRY.
THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS SAY.
>> GOOD RULE.
>> WHY ARE WE WORRIED ABOUT
IT.
IT IS NOT GOING DOWN.
>> CONGRESSMAN, LAST WEEK DO
YOU AGREE THAT MAYOR BLOOMBURG
IS A HUGE JERKY JERK FACE WHO
IS A JERK.
>> NO, I THINK HE IS
MISGUIDED.
>> CUT HIS MIC.
>> WE ARE MOVING ON.
FROM FRAPULOUS TO FAB BUS, A
FRIEND OF DOROTHAY, AND ON
FRIDAY IT CAME THROUGH TO OUT
ONE OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS,
GREEN LANTERN IS GAYER THAN AN
APPLE-TINI.
HE HAD A WIFE AND KIDS, BUT
THE NEW REBOOT HAS THE
CHARACTER FRESH AND FIERCE.
QUOTE, ALLEN IS A TYPE A
PERSONALITY WHO DOESN'T HIDE
IN THE SHADOWS.
I HOPE IF THERE IS A KID OUT
THERE READING THE COMIC AND
WORRIED ABOUT THE PERSON HE
IS, MAYBE IT WILL GIVE THEM A
POSITIVE SENSE OF WHO HE IS.
AS FOR ULTRA CAT ON HER THREE
-- WAS ACTUALLY BITTEN BY A I
HAD RADIO ACTIVE SPIDER.
AMY, YOU SAID BEFORE THE
SHOW -- THIS SURPRISED YOU AND
MADE YOU WANT TO MOVE TO
UGANDA.
>> THAT WAS TALKING ABOUT THE
FACE EATING.
>> DID I GET THAT CONFUSED?
>> YES.
I JUST LIKE UGANDA.
MAJOR VACA.
I AM TOTALLY HAPPY ABOUT
THIS.
THERE IS NO SPRENS FOR ME.
WHEN A GUY TALKS ABOUT COMIC
BOOK IT IS IMAGINE -- IT IS
IMAGINABLE.
IT IS POWERED BY A RING.
>> I RECENT THAT.
>> BACK IN THE DAY -- ARE YOU
OKAY THERE?
DO YOU WANT ME TO WAIT?
WE WILL JUST TAKE A MINUTE.
KEEP THE CAMERA ON LAUREN.
>> GOT IT.
>> LAUREN, BACK IN THE DAY THE
ORIGINAL GREEN LANTERN WAS
POWERLESS AGAINST WOOD.
SO IN RETROSPECT --
>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?
>> AREN'T ALL COMIC BOOK HEROS
ARE GAY?
>> THEY ARE ALL IN GAY SHAPE.
I DIDN'T KNOW ANY OF THEM WERE
STRAIGHT.
>> YOU CAN'T SEE MOST OF THEIR
NIPPLES THROUGH THE COSTUMES.
>> WHAT KIND OF .Y -- WHAT
PART OF .Y SHOES ARE WE NOT
GETTING.
>> A LOT OF MASKS GOING
AROUND.
JOY A PLAN --
>> A LANTERN IS THE SECRET
POWER?
>> IT IS A RING.
IT IS JEWELRY.
>> BUT HE COORDINATES THE
LANTERN.
>> WHERE IS THE
CONTRACEPTION?
>> WE NEED -- WE MADE A NEW
SUPER HE ROW.
>> CONGRESSMAN, DID YOU WANT
TO GO ON RECORD WITH THE NEW
GAY LANTERN?
YOU HAVE PARENTS AND OTHER
ADULTS TO REAM THEM.
TELL THEM WHAT TO DO.
>> NOBODY IS SAYING WHAT THE
YOU THAT DO.
LAST QUESTION, IT IS A BIT OF
A SERIOUS ONE.
DC IS TAKING A LOT OF HEAT
SAYING THEY CAME OUT AND SAID
THE GAY CHARACTER WAS GOING TO
BE AN ICONIC CHARACTER.
IT IS AN IT WAS AN EARTH 2
STORY.
>> I LOOKED UP THE WORD ICONIC
BECAUSE I READ AHEAD AND SAW
WHAT YOU WERE GOING TO ASK
ME.
HE WAS ORIGINALLY IN THE -- IT
STARTED IN THE 40s, BUT I
NEVER HEARD OF ALLEN SCOTT
BEFORE THE STORY COMES OUT.
>> A GREAT NAME.
>> YES, WHY IS IT ALL MIKE
BROWN.
JOE.
NOT THADIUS.
>> THAT IS A SUPER HERO NAME.
I HAVE SOME IDEAS FOR A
COSTUMES.
>> SHE HAS TO WEAR A MASK
BECAUSE SHE GOES TO THE BARS
AND THE. GUYS ARE -- AND THE GUE
ARE --
>> TIME FOR A BREAK.
COMING UP, IS MEN'S *** USE
LISPINGED TO UNHAPPY -- LINKED
TO UNHAPPINESS?
YOU ARE WATCHING FNC SO STICK
AROUND.
>>> DOES KIM JONG-UN THINK
ANIMALS ARE FUN?
THE PARENT COMPANY MEGA ULTRA
SUPER CORP HAS A NORTH KOREAN
CIRCUS SHOWING JUMP ROPING
BROWN BEARS AND BASKETBALL
PLAYING BAR BOONES.
TAKE A PEEP, PEEP TAKERS.
>> JUMPING THROUGH A HOOP AND
BEING HELD BY A ROLLER SKATING
BEAR AND A FEMALE TRAINER.
THE FINAL GAME SAW THE BABOONS
GIVEN BASKETBALLS AT ONE END
OF THE RIM.
THEY WHIZZED ACROSS THE FLOOR
AND SLAM DUNKED THEM INTO MINI
NETS.
>> I FEEL LIKE WE CAN SEE MORE
OF THAT.
DO WE NEED MORE?
>> THE FEMALE BEAR IN THE GOLD
DRESS SWING THE ROPE TO JUMP
OVER.
THE ANIMALS ARE ORDERED TO
LEAP FROG OVER ONE ANOTHER AS
THE CROWD CLAN AND CHEER.
THE HUMAN MALE TRAINER.
THE SHOCKING FOOTAGE AND APING
GEAR AMONG THE ANIMAL
RIGHTS -- AND ANGER AMONG THE
ANIMAL RIGHTS PROTESTERS.
>> SO THREE ANIMAL RIGHTS
GROUPS ISSUED A JOINT
STATEMENT EXPRESSING OUTRAGE
SAYING THE BEARS THIS THIS
FOOTAGE SEEM DISTRESSED,
FRIGHTENED AND FIG
DISCOMFORT.
IT IS SHAMEFUL TO USE BABOONS
IN THIS WAY.
I HAVE TO SAY I AGREE WITH THE
ANIMAL RIGHTS GROUPS ON THIS
ONE.
>> REALLY?
>> HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO USE
A BABOON?
>> I WOULD THINK I WOULD SAY I
AM NOT.
>> LET ME TELL YOU WHO IS
ANGRY.
NORTH KOREANS BECAUSE THEY
DON'T HAVE ROLLING STATES OR
MATCHING SUM P STIEWTS AND
HULA HOOPING.
>> THAT WAS MY QUESTION.
THERE IS CHANCE.
>> HAVING RETURNED FROM SOUTH
KOREA TO NORTH KOREA AND I
AGREE WITH YOU.
>> THANKS FOR ADDING THAT.
>> DID YOU DO A VOICE OVER ON
THAT?
>> AMY, I DIDN'T EVEN THINK --
I DON'T THINK I KNEW A BEAR
COULD LOOK MISERABLE UNTIL I
WATCHED THIS VIDEO.
>> I DON'T KNOW.
IF THAT CLIP IT LOOKED LIKE
THEY WERE HAVING A BLAST.
I THINK IT IS GOOD.
LET THESE ANIMALS REACH THEIR
PULL POTENTIAL.
I CAN'T EVEN TALK ABOUT IT.
THE VIDEO MADE ME CRY.
I WENT FROM ZERO TO SOBBING.
IT WAS SO AWFUL.
AT LEAST THE BABBONS ARE
DOING, THE BEAR WAS STANDING
THERE AND YOU JUST WANTED TO
CRY.
I HAVE SEEN SET SHOWS IN
AMSTERDAM LESS DEPRESSING.
>>> BILL, ARE WE SURE THAT
THOSE WERE ACTUAL ANIMALS
1234* I THINK THERE WAS A
DECENT CHANCE THOSE WERE NORTH
KOREAN CHILDREN.
>>OOK AT THE CRITICAL TONES
OF THIS REPORTER.
THERE IS A HIEWCHED OUTRAGE
AND THEN THIS GUY WILL FILL
OUTRAGE.
IT PROVIDES AT LEAST 20
MINUTES OF FOOTAGE AND MORE
FOOTAGE I HAVE EVER SEEN.
>> I USED --
>> THAT WAS FASCINATING.
>> I USED THE TRICK OF
WATCHING AS MUCH VIDEO TO SHOW
HOW OUTRAGED QLM.
I AM.
>> GO ON-LINE AND SEE THE
REST.
IT IS HONESTLY AN HOUR.
>>> SO, DO YOU HAVE A COMMENT
ON THE SHOW?
E-MAIL US.
TO LEAVE A VOYT MAIL CALL --
WHY THIS 21 STWO-TOUR 62 --
212, 462-5050.
>> TONIGHT IS SPONSORED BY
REMOTE CONTROL.
THE HANDHELD DEVICES USED TO
OPERATE TVS OR OTHER
>>> WELCOME BACK.
LET'S FIND OUT IF WE HAVE
GOTTEN ANYTHING WRONG SO FAR.
FOR THAT WE GO TO PAUL.
>> HI, ANDY.
>> I PAUSED BECAUSE I FORGOT
THAT I WAS THE HOST.
>> THIS IS AWKWARD.
IT IS LIKE HOW YOU ARE WITH
WOMEN.
A COUPLE THINGS.
BILL, I LOVE YOU.
YOU HAVE TO BUTTON UP THE
SHIRT A LITTLE BIT.
TOO MUCH CHEST.
>> I WAS WORKING ON IT, BUT IT
IS OVER MY BUTTON HERE.
>> THAT'S OKAY.
>> LET ME SEE IF IT WILL GET
CLOSER.
>> CONGRESSMAN, QUICK
QUESTION, WHY SO UPBEAT
TONIGHT?
>> I'M THE AM BUDS MAN.
>> I AM SUICIDAL JUST LOOKING
AT YOU RIGHT NOW.
>> YOU HAVE MUCH TO BE
SUICIDAL ABOUT.
>> TOUCHE, SIR.
I WANT TO JOIN A CULT.
LET'S TALK ABOUT GUTENBERG.
THIS WHOLE THING ABOUT THE
PRESIDENT TAKING A VACATION.
IT IS NOT LIKE HE LIVES IN A
SPARSE HOUSE.
HE HAS AN AWESOME LIFESTYLE.
AS IT IS HE LIVES IN A MANSION
AND BOWLING ALLEY AND
SITUATION ROOM AND STEVEN
SPIELBERG IN A CLOSET WHO
SITES LINES FOR HIM.
IS VACATION A BIG PROBLEM HERE
, CONGRESSMAN?
>> APPARENTLY NOT.
>> I'M SORRY.
>> APPARENTLY NOT.
HE IS QUITE GOOD AT IT.
THE PRESIDENT WORKS HARD AND
THEY DO NEED THEIR TIME AWAY.
THIS IS THE PEOPLE'S HOUSE AND
THEY WILL --
>> BUT THEY DID THIS WITH BUSH
AND IT FALLS FLAT ON THE
PERSON PEOPLE.
>> IT MAY MAKE YOU RETHINK
YOUR SUICIDAL TENDENCY.
BUT YOU ARE RIGHT.
YOU WILL BE JUDGED UPON YOUR
PERFORMANCE AND YOU CAN GET
THE JOB DONE IN YOUR OFFICE OR
OUTSIDE THE OFFICE THEY WANT
THE JOB DONE.
>> WELL DONE, YOU SHOULD BE A
CONGRESSMAN.
GUTENBERG SAYS HE HAS A FRIEND
MAKING $7 AN HOUR AT DONE ENDO
NUTS AND HE CAN'T GET $9 AT A
COUNTRY CLUB.
DO YOU THINK HE WAS TALKING
ABOUT HIMSELF?
>> WHEN I HEARD THAT
YIEWTENBERG, YOUR BFF WORKS
THERE.
YOU KNOW HE GOES IN AND MAKES
SMALL TALK AND FEEL A SIENT.
4* CASH DASH SAINT.
GUTENBERG CAN'T HOOK HIM UP?
>> THAT MEANT A LOT AND I GAVE
HIM HALF OFF HIS NEXT COFFEE.
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU DONE
THAT?
>> GUTENBERG IS CAPABLE OF SO
MUCH.
>> BILL, IF YOU ARE GOING TO
DO A CONTROVERSIAL INTERVIEW
DOESN'T IT MAKE SENSE WHERE
THE ALCOHOL LENGTHING
FOLLOW-UP IS GOOD.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT REWARD
POINTS?
>> FOR ME THAT IS NOT A
CHALLENGING QUESTION.
YOU CAME INTO DUNCUN ONE TIME
AND ASKED ME THAT QUESTION.
>> DO YOU WANT FRIES?
>> AND I WAS STARING AT YOUR
FREAKISHLY BALD CHEST.
>> I AM SHOWING MORE ***
THAN THE GIRLS.
>> I WANT TO GET INTO THE
CULT.
>> YOU ARE NOT GETTING INTO
THE CULT.
>>> MOVING ON TO THE HECKLERS,
WHEN ROMNEY SAYS HE IS A JOB
CREATOR IS THIS THE CRAPPY JOB
HE MEANT.
>> ARE THEY GETTING PAID TO
HECKLE?
HECK -- HECKLING IS VOLUNTEER
WORK, ISN'T IT?
>> THEY DID SCREAM AT DAVID
AXELO, BUT THEY DIDN'T STRAP
HIM TO THE ROOF OF A CAR,
RIGHT?
>> YOU ARE A REAL GLASS HALF
FULL TYPE OF GUY.
WHO IS THIS?
MARK RUFFALO LOOKS LIKE
[BLEEP].
>> CONGRESSMAN, STAY AWAKE.
LAUREN, I NEVER HEARD FROM THE
SPHRAIZ WHAT IS SAUCE FROM THE
GOOSE.
ANY IDEA WHERE THIS CAME
FROM?
THAT WAS MY POINTS.
WHAT IS GOOD FOR THE GOOSE IS
GOOD FOR THE BEGAN DEER.
GANDER.
CANT THAT IT?
--
>> NO IT IS NOT.
>> PAUL, IF YOU COULD DO MY
JOB YOU WOULD HAVE LOOKED THAT
UP AND FOUND OUT THAT IS THE
PHRASE.
>> I DID AND COULDN'T FIND IT.
>> WHY DOES MITT ROMNEY
ANYTHING ABOUT THE SHOT?
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR
PROBLEM S. IT IS NOT FOR ME TO
SAY.
I UNDERSTAND IF YOU ARE NOT
COMFORTABLE TALKING ABOUT IT
ON AIR.
>> I AM UNCOMFORTABLE WITH
EVERYBODY RUNNING AROUND WITH
ALL OF SAWS.
THAT CAN BE DANGEROUS.
>> I HAVE ALWAYS SAID IF YOU
MAKE OUT WITH A GOOSE, YEA,
GANDER.
>> I SAY WEAR A NUVA RING IF
YOU ARE PORKING OUT WITH THE
GOOSE.
DASH YOU ARE MAKING OUT WITH
THE GOOSE.
>> IT IS LIKE THE BLEACHERS OF
THE ROYALS GAME.
>> WHEN YOU LOOK UP SAUCE FOR
THE GOOSE, DID YOU PUT AN H IN
FRONT OF EVERY WORD.
IS THAT MAYBE YOU WHY YOU
COULDN'T FIND IT, IDIOT?
>> PAUL, IN THE CULT THERE IS
NO JUDGMENT.
WHAT TIME DOES THE SPACECRAFT
LEAVE?
>> NO SPACECRAFT.
>> MOVING TO BLOOMBURG, LAUREN
TWO 16 OUNCES INSTEAD OF A 32
OUNCE.
DON'T YOU THINK PEOPLE WHO ARE
GOING TO CONSUME THAT MUCH
STUFF HAVE NO PROBLEMS GOING
BACK FOR SECONDS.
YOU GET A ONE AND A SECOND
ONE?
>> SHOULD I BE READING BETWEEN
THE LINES OR SOMETHING?
>> DO WHATEVER YOU WANT WITH
IT.
>> SURE IF YOU REALLY WANT TO
HYDRATE YOURSELF LIKE SOME
DEATH VALLEY IRRIGATION PROG
YECT.
PROJECT.
>> IT IS USELESS BECAUSE
PEOPLE WILL GET TWO OF THE
THING THAT IS LESS.
>> LOOK.
IF YOU ARE GOING TO GET YOUR
BIG GULD -- GULP, YOU ONLY
HAVE TWO HANDS.
YOU HAVE TO GO BACK.
THAT'S UH NOISING.
>> WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE WHO ONLY
HAVE ONE ARM.
>> OR A BABY.
>> THIS SHOULD BE IT VIOLATES
THE AMERICANS WITH
DISABILITIES ACT.
>> YOU DO THE IV SODA THING.
YOU WALK TARND WITH AN IV OF
OWE DO.
>> GET THE JOB DONE.
>> I LIKE THAT IDEA.
>> A JOB IS A JOB.
>> MAYBE IT LEADS TO BLACK
MARKET 32 OUNCE CONTAINERS OR
STUFF BEING SOLD IN BACK
ALLEYS.
10% COLA AND 90% RC COLA.
>> I THINK YOU MAKE THE COSTS
GO UP.
BILL WANT TO KNOW WHAT JOBS
ARE GETTING DONE.
>> WE ARE CREATING --
>> WE HAVE FINDING SOMETHING
FOR STEVE GUTTENBURG TO DO.
>> WE ARE EXPANDING.
>> YOUR HORIZON.
>> TALKING SERIOUSLY ABOUT THE
HIGH FRIEWK TOES -- FRUCTOSE
STUFF, YOU WILL GET IN SHAPE.
AMY, DON'T YOU THINK THIS IS
GREAT BECAUSE IT WILL REFLECT
ITS OWN READERS IN THAT MANY
OF THEM HAVEN'T SEEN A WOMAN
NAKED.
>> I THINK THEY SAW TOO MUCH
OF THEIR MOMS NAKED.
>> ANDY IS SHAKING HIS HEAD
BECAUSE IT IS HITTING HOME.
>> I AM SHAKING MY HEAD AT THE
CHEAP HACKING NEIGHBOR OF YOUR
VOTES.
>> DID YOU JUST THINK OF THAT
ONE OR PRE WRITE IT?
>> WHAT WAS THE THOUGHTFUL
ISSUE?
>> WE COVERED THE IMPORTANT
ISSUES.
WE TALKED ABOUT GAY SHAPE,
JEWELRY PROVIDING POWER.
I THINK WE COVERED IT.
>> CONGRESSMAN, DO WE GET TO
WEAR TIGHT GREENSPAN DECKS
WHEN WE JOIN THE CULT.
>> YOU GET NIKE SHOES AND
JOGGING.
>> YOUR CASE WON'T BENESS
SEAR.
YOUR CASE WON'T BE
NECESSARY.
>> THANKS FOR KILLING THE
ENERGY.
IS MY LITTLE PONY FOR BIG KIDS
TOO?
IT IS "THE WORLD OF MY LITTLE
PONY."
AN UNAUTHORIZED GUIDE.
FIRST, IS BEING A 29-YEAR-OLD
*** AN ACCOMPLISHMENT?
I KNOW WE DID THIS STORY LAST
WEEK, BUT SOME P TO PICKS ARE
THAT IMPORTA
>>> IS KEEPING YOUR V CARD
REALLY THAT HARD?
LAST WEEK WE TOLD YOU OLYMPIC
TRACK AND FIELD STAR LOLO
JONES CONFIRMS SHE IS A
29-YEAR-OLD *** CALLING IT
THE HARDEST THING SHE HAS DONE
IN HER LIFE, HARDER THAN EVEN
TRAINING FOR THE OLYMPICS.
EMILY SIRE WONDERS WONDERS IF
STAYING UNCORRUPTED IS AN
ACCOMPLISHMENT.
IT INSULTS THE WILL POWER THAT
JONES DEVOTES TO HER SPORT OR
ANY PERSONAL ENDEAVOR OTHER
THAN ABSTINENCE.
SHE SAID HER VIRGINITY IS A
GIFT I WANT TO GIVE GIVE
HUSBAND, END QUOTE.
YOU ARE SAVING SOMETHING FOR
SOMEBODY YOU HAVEN'T EVEN MET
YET?
>> LIGHTNING ROOOOUUUUNNNDDD.
LIGHTNING ROUND.
>> LAUREN, WE TALKED ABOUT
THIS ON THE SHOW LAST WEEK.
I'M SURE YOU SAW IT.
THE GENERAL CONSENSUS WAS GOOD
FOR HER IF THAT'S WHAT SHE
WANTS TO DO.
BUT IS THERE A POINT?
IS SHE MAKING TOO BIG A TEAL.
>> I THINK THE REASON SHE SAID
IT WAS THE HARDEST THING SHE
HAD TO DO IN HER LIFE
BECAUSE --
>> IS THAT NOT --
>> LAUREN IS PROVIDING JOBS
FOR EVERYBODY.
THANKS EDITING STAFF.
LOLO CALLED HER -- HERS A GIFT
TO HER HUSBAND.
WHAT WILL YOU BE GIVING YOUR
HUSBAND?
>> WHAT IS LEFT.
>> SHE MENTIONED IT IS THE
HARDEST THING SHE HAS EVER
DONE IN HER LIFE.
THE HARDEST THING I HAVE DONE,
HIS MAIM WAS RON AND THERE WAS
A LAKE AND A BLANKET.
IT MAY HAVE BEEN A TOWEL.
WHAT IS AN AFGHAN?
>> IT WAS THE CONGRESSMAN'S
CULT.
>> I THINK THAT WAS A PERSON
FROM AFGHANISTAN.
>> WE WERE LAYING ON AN AFGHAN
GUY.
>> I HONESTLY WANTED TO SEE
WHERE THE STORY WAS GOING.
>> CONGRESSMAN, DOES HE
DESERVE CREDIT FOR ADMITTING
IT PUBLICLY AND MAYBE IT HELPS
OUT OTHER PEOPLE WHO -- I
DON'T KNOW.
I HAVE NO IDEA.
>> BILL, ANYTHING TO ADD
QUICKLY?
>> GOOD FOR HER.
I GO BACK TO IT, GIVING
SOMEBODY HER VIRGINITY IS NOT
SOMETHING IN THIS DAY AND
AGE.
I DON'T KNOW ANYONE HAS A
DESIRE TO GET IT.
FOR ONE OF THOSE WHO WANTS TO
BE A TRACK STUD, THAT'S A LOT
HARDER THAN MOTT HAVING SEX.
NOT HAVING SEX, YOU SIT IN THE
COUCH.
>> YOU RUN FASTER AFTER YOU
HAVE HAD SEX.
>> WOMEN WEAK IN THE KNEES.
I WAS A GOOD TRACK STAR
BECAUSE I HAD NO WOMEN IN MY
LIFE.
>> A NEW STUDY SHOWS WHOSE
PARTNERS LOOK AT *** ARE LESS
HAPPY THAN DUDES WHO PASS ON
THE STUFF.
FURTHERMORE, MEN'S *** CAN
HURT THE SELF-ESTEEM OF
GIRLFRIENDS AND WIVES, BUT
FINDING *** ON HIS COMPUTER
MADE THEM FEEL LIKE THEY WERE
NOT GOOD ENOUGH AND MEASURE
UP.
WOMEN'S FEELINGS RANGED FROM
SCATHING TO MILDLY POSITIVE.
SHOULD WOMEN JUST ACCEPT THAT
GUYS -- NOT ME, BUT OTHER GUYS
LIKE TO LOOK AT *** AND
REALIZE IT IS NOT A REFLECTION
ON THEM?
>> AS A CHRISTIAN -- NO, JUST
KIDDING.
I WANTED TO SAY THAT.
NOTICE THEY SAID THE STUDY
SAYS YOUNG LADIES.
WHEN I WAS YOUNGER I REMEMBER
FEELING BUMMED OUT MY
BOYFRIEND LOOKS AT ***.
NOW I'M ON BOARD.
MORE WOMEN WOULD GET ON BOARD
IF THEY STOP LOOKING AT
CHEATING.
IT CAN BE A FUN ADDITION.
NOW I'M INTO STUFF TWICE AS
CREEPY AS THE DUDE I AM SEEING
NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT.
BUT I DIDN'T WRITE ANY JOKES
BECAUSE I WAS DISTRACTED
BECAUSE SOMEBODY SENT ME A
LINK TO IN DIFFERENT CATS IN
THE BACKGROUND OF AMATEUR
***, AND IT IS TILL LAIR
YOUS.
HILARIOUS.
>> THEY ARE PLAYING ON THE
IPHONES ?
>> THEY ARE CATS, NO THANKS.
>> LAUREN, YOU ARE ITCHING TO
TALK HERE.
>> I THINK THIS IS A BIGGER
PROBLEM FOR WOMEN WHO WATCH
***.
IF YOU ARE DATING A DUDE AND
HE ASKS YOU TO DO A CRAZY YOU
HAVE SEEN IN A *** KNOW AND
YOU HAVE TO SAY, OH, I HAVE
NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE.
THAT'S THE TOUGHEST PART.
>> CONGRESSMAN, LAST WORD TO
YOU.
AREN'T YOU GLAD YOU CAME ON
THE SHOW TONIGHT?
>> WELL, I HAVE TWO NEW
FOLLOWERSMENT -- FOLLOWERS.
>>> TIME TO TAKE A BREAK.
WHEN WE RETURN, I WILL ASK THE
CONGRESSMAN SOME QUESTIONS.
>>> SO, LAST WEEK IT WAS
ANNOUNCED THERE WAS A PETITION
MISTAKE.
THADIUS McCOTTER WILL NOT BE
ON THE BALLOT.
WHILE MANY CONSIDERED HIM TO
BE A SHOE IN FOR RE-ELECTION,
THE ERROR COULD COST THE GOP
REPUBLICAN HOUSE SEAT.
BUT HE IS PLANNING TO USE THE
WRITE IN VOTES TO WIN THE
NOMINATION.
LET'S TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT.
FIRST OF ALL, CONGRESSMAN,
DUDE, REALLY?
>> WELL, NO IN ALL
SERIOUSNESS, I HAD TO HAVE
QUESTIONS -- REQUESTS TO FIND
OUT WHY SIGNATURES WERE
SUBMITTED AND PAST POSITIONS
THAT WERE PASSED OFF.
IN THE END I BELIEVE THEY WILL
BE SUM MARLE REJECTED THE
SECRETARY OF STATE AND
ATTORNEY GENERAL INVESTIGATION
COMMENCED YESTERDAY, AND WE
WILL GO THROUGH WITH THE
PROCESS.
WE HAVE SEEN WRITE INS WIN IN
THE PAST.
WE WILL REACH OUT AND SEE WHAT
HAPPENS.
I HAVE TOLD PEOPLE I WOULD
EVERYTHING I COULD TO GET MY
NAME ON THE BALLOT AND GET TO
THE BOTTOM OF THIS.
THAT'S WHERE IT STANDS.
>> THE DETROIT NEWS HAD AN
ARTICLE.
THEY BASICALLY SAID WRITING
CAMPAIGNS RARELY SUCCEED IN
MICHIGAN EXPRU NOT ALLOWED TO
PUT STICKERS ANYWHERE.
PEOPLE HAVE TO REMEMBER THEM
AND RIGHT THEM.
DOYOU DO YOU THINK THEY HAVE
A -- YOU HAVE A CHANCE OF
PULLING THIS OFF?
>> I WOULDN'T ASK PEOPLE TO
SUPPORT ME IF I DIDN'T THINK
SO.
THE NEWS IS PARTIALLY LIKED.
THEY ARE DISFAVORED SO YOU
HAVE TO WORK TO -- TO WORK.
*9 PEOPLE WHO VOTE AGAINST ME
WILL BE ABLE TO PUT THE
PROFANITY IN FRONT OF IT AND
PUT IT ON THE BALLOT.
>> A FORMER STATE ATTORNEY
GENERAL, MY ***, HE SAID,
QUOTE, IT IS CLEAR HE DOESN'T
CARE ABOUT CONGRESS ANYMORE.
RESPONSE?
>> WHEN YOU LEAVE YOUR WIFE
AND CHILDREN AND HAVE A 95%
VOTING RECORD DESPITE RUNNING
FOR PRESIDENT AND THE POLICE
OFFICERS ASSOCIATION OF
MICHIGAN AND OTHERS IT SEEMS
TO ME THOSE SPEAK FOR
THEMSELVES.
THERE ARE DETRACTORS WHO MAY
HAVE OTHER AMBITIONS.
MY JOB IS TO GO FOR THE
LIGHTING AND CAMPAIGN AND GET
THE VOTERS WHO WANT TO VOTE
FOR ME.
>> IF THIS FAILED AND TAKE THE
TIME TO GET IN?
>> IF I DID I WOULDN'T HAVE AN
OPEN SHIRT.
>> THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
#*R.
>> YOU LOOK GOOD, GIRL.
>> ACTUALLY YOU COULD BE FOR
ALL I KNOW.
>> WE HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN A S
NIE GLET.
I HILLARY SERVE.
>> LAST QUESTION, PEOPLE WANT
TO BLAME YOUR PRESIDENTIAL BID
FOR DISTRACTING YOU FROM ALL
OF THIS.
IS THERE ANYTHING TO THAT?
>> THAT IS IDIOTIC.
THE CAMPAIGN -- I DON'T WATCH
THE RADIO.
>> I DON'T LIKE THOSE WORDS.
>> I DON'T LIKE A CAR.
>> I DON'T HAVE A MOM.
>> THE PAW SESSION -- PETITION
STARTED AND WAS SUPPOSED TO BE
DONE A MONTH AHEAD OF TIME.
THE PEOPLE THAT MAKE THAT
ARGUMENT SIMPLY ARE JUST
MISTAKEN.
>> THAT'S A NICE WAY OF SAYING
IT.
THANKS FOR TALKING TO US.
>> THANKS FOR THE LOVELY
SEGUE.
>> IN YOUR TIME OF DISTRESS.
>> I AM SITTING HERE WITH
YOU.
>> WE'LL CLOSE THINGS UP WITH
A POST GAME WRAP UP WITH PAUL
McCURIO.
GO TO FOX NEWS.COM.
>>> DON'T FORGET YOU CAN WATCH
US SATURDAY AT 2:00 A.M.
EASTERN TIME AND 11:00 P.M.
PACIFIC.
A NEW "RED EYE RETURNS ON
MONDAY AND SO DOES GREG.
GUESTS INCLUDE DIANE MA SAY
DOUGH AND PENN GILLETTE ON
MONDAY.
TIME TO GO BACK TO PAUL
McCURIO FOR THE POST GAME
WRAP UP.
>> THANKS, ANDREW.
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR UPCOMING
GIGS.
>> JUNE 6th I AM AT THE
PUNCH LINE IN ATLANTA.
JUNE 11th SKY CITY STIE
AND JUNE 23RD THE HOUR SPECIAL
TAPING AT THE FILL MORE IN SAN
FRANCISCO.
JAY TELL ME ABOUT YOUR POD
CAST.
>> I HAVE A POD CAST?
>> CONGRESSMAN, DO YOU WANT TO
WISH SOMEBODY A HAPPY
BIRTHDAY?
>> YES, MY CO-HOST ON "THE
VIEW" A HAPPY 30A30 DAY.
>> AND I CAN BE SEEN JUNE
8th AND 9th BELMORE
AND LONG ISLAND AT THE BROKE
RIDGE COMEDY CLUB.
ARE YOU COMING?
THOUGHT A CHANCE.
THANKS, PAUL.
>>> A SPECIAL THANKS TO
LAUREN, BILL, AMY AND
CONGRESSMAN THADIUS
McCOTER.
I AM ANDY LEVY.
I WILL SEE YOU NEXT TIME.