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Pop quiz Pekkuli: For a straight year, you get all the *** and chicks you want-
- Or you have to play that lame game every day - Well I have to go for the ***
Not the smartest choice - you'd have to suck that *** off Alpo's ***!
I recent that Kipe. Besides I am really good at this game!
That's right- you don't have a ***. Just a little wiener - a shrimp really
A japanese midget dangling his bonsai-wiener in an icy mountain stream! That's what it is
- So where is my free ***? - Jammu called and said he wants you to drink his
- Don't listen Pekkuli! Jammu will kick our *** - You mean Jammu will kick your ***
Show me the *** man. These are empty! I want my liquer now
- Im gonna crack your skull Kipe! - Here Jammu! Here is the ***
- That's more like it - What up Jammu? You got a bunny up your bunghole?
- You can tell us, we're your best mates! - I jumped this dealer last night, took his dope
Now I gotta take it to my boss - but it's gone! I can't find the dope anywhere
We were all getting shitfaced here last night- so has anyone seen my dope here?
- I don't know about your drugs! - Since when do narc-dogs speak? Start sniffing
- Narc-dogs don't speak! - Me and Pekkuli don't know nothin'
- Are you trying to con me? - No way! Have you looked outside?
Last night you screamed you were gonna find Pee-Wee Herman and stick your gun up his ***
So you pulled your boxers over your head and stormed out gun in one hand, dope in the other
- Really? And I had the coke with me? Fuuck... Who knows where I've been
Hey - I was at Oiva last night, I must have lost it there
Kipe, are you sure Jammu won't mind that - I mean that is his hasis you are using
He does not mind if we use his hasis- besides this is not hasis but *** of the finest quality
From Colombia or some other south-American state-so you just read your *** book nerd
That'ss right - book glasss nerdie
-I got me some ***, I got me some ***... -Where?
Me and my mate were at the country-fare and we bumped into a couple of hot mamas
-So what happened? -We started talking and soon we were having it off
-Those birds didn't mind a fat git groping them? -You could see what these ladies wanted!
-Probably security personnel -They wanted a hard fist right up their ***!
How in the hell do two fine females get right into that kind of action?
Easy. We started feeling their *** and the next thing you know we were having sex
-Did they have nice ***? -Did they ever! At least thiiis big!
-I bet these girls were vegerinarians -Actually yes
-They walk kinda funny - like on four legs? -How did you guess?!
-So was one of these females by any chance called Daisy?
You *** a COW didn't you you *** piece of ***?!
Well I sure did! I can only recommend it, and the smell... Take a sniff!
-You are a despicaple sack of ***! -Well thank you, thank you
Oh my, are you boys playing with coke? I wouldn't mind a line myself!
-Kipe, I need some advice on women -So you need help *** your mother?
-No, there is this girl in my class... -Nice ***?***? You wouldn't have her number?
She is a sweet girl. Real good in physics and biology. How can I ask her out?
You need to take Jammu's gun and blow your *** head off and be reborn a bit less gay
Then sprout out a ***, and start digging chicks!
-And... nd drink the ***! -Seriously man, just ask her to do homework
-We do have a report to do in physics -There you go! Ask her to come over
I REALLY don't know if that's a good idea...
God damn cold... It must be here somewhere, I remember walking here
Where the *** is it?!
Oh *** me! Sure enough we have dogshit! But where the *** is my dope!
-Alpo here! Would you like to work on our report- atomic cohesion in the ionosphere
-Could I come to your place? (Ooh, *** me Alpo, that's right baby!)
(Such a cute *** baby yeah gimme gimme) -What?! No, there's a show on tv on retards
-And the remote is broke, so you see... (Remote my *** baby, *** me Alpo yeah)
(Put it in me, yeah Alpo! Alpo! Alpo!) -I can come at six? Great, I'll see you then
-Oh boy! I really did it! -Wasn't that hard now was it?
-So is she good-looking? -Sure. Did I tell you she's good in physics?
You did, and we don't give a ***.
Look, all we wanna know is: A. Can she suck a ***, and B. She has no ***. Right?!
Oh man. Here comes the spew again. Alpo! Get the vacuum!
He's puking already. Hurry Alpo! -Don't worry Pekkuli, Rantala is here
He wasn't O.D.ing. It was that bottle! -Jammu jammed it up his bum. I saw!
-Get off me creep! -Hey Rantala! Pekkuli is alright now
Fine then. Just fine. I will call Jammu and tell him you're snorting his coke!
-What if he does call? -Don't you worry. I got it all worked out
Rantala! I told you never to call me ***!
What?! They're snorting my coke? I'm going to *** those ***!
*** *** *** *** *** *** fuckhole!
-Hi Jammu! Check it, we found your coke! -If it's an ounce short, I'm going to...
-No sir, it's all there! -Rantala told me you got high on it!
Well he would! You see he saw the coke and wanted it but I gave him borax instead
What a dumb-***! I can't believe he fell for that, the oldest trick in the book
I'm in a hurry, I have to get this back to my boss
-Kipe, where is the borax? The box is empty -Jammu took it with him!
So Alpo, you want to grab her *** or *** right away, girls love that ***
We are just going to study!
It's Jammu! We are dogfood... Goodbye Pekkuli! It was nice to know you
Guys, this was the worst stunt you have ever pulled. And the best!
I took the dope to my boss, he snorted it and he knew he had been ***
So he put two *** skinheads to *** me up. To *** ME UP!!!
So I cut the first guy's throat open! And then I knifed the other in his gut!
So I walked up to my boss and told him: "Joni, I'm going to *** kill you!"
So I scalped him and cut his *** balls off! This is his scalp!
And all the guys backed off and said: "Please don't kill us! Be our new boss!"
So I said: "Well why the *** not." So I'm the new boss up in this ***
Well you see that was our plan all along, right Pekkuli?!
So you killed all those guys, but where did you put the bodies?
Alpo, my old friend, this is the moment when you enter the stage
-And that's the end of that chapter! -Where do you think you're going?
-Take the god damn saw! -But I need to be at a date in an hour!
The faster these guys are in pieces the faster we can get the fudge out
I'll snort to that!
-Rantala stole all the dead butts! -So what ***?
-I need to go see Saara! -Less whining and more sawing ***!
-You believe this guy? -I know... Hey check it! Alpo's phone
What was that bird's name? Saara, right. I'll call her!
Saara? Alpo here! I got a sore throat, so I can't come over for the homework
But we need it for monday, right? Come over and we'll get it done here
-OK bye. Jammu, she's coming! Sounded hot! -Really? You think she's got a tasty muffin?
Check that out! All the gang leaders got these so I got it too cause I'm such a badass
-Did it hurt? -NO! But stop touching it it's tender
-That's what you told your daddy when he used to touch you!!!
-You son of a ***! Open the damn door -You open it for once
OPEN THAT *** *** UP ***!
-Well hello there -Hello, is Alpo here?
-Just missed him, he's getting coke and chips -What a sweetheart, even now he's sick
-Can I come in though? -Well *** ye... I mean but of course!
[TV: I'm gonna shove my *** *** so deep in you!]
Sit right here
We went to college with Alpo. I'm so busy these days with school and what not
-I see. Where do you study? -The... Nucelar academy in Helsinki
-And I'm in London's space university school -I have to say I never heard of these schools
Well they're in the States you see
And this fellow is an exchange-student from Norway... Does cutting-edge research
-Would you like a tasty beverage? -Does it have alcohol?
-Well I wouldn't really say that... -Because I really shouldn't drink
Surely you can take one sip, we'll see what happens, have a good time
Give me that bottle! Don't you have any ***
What the *** are you looking at? These?
Who's first ***? You? I want a *** in every hole
-I'm done -So are we!
-What do you mean? -Give us a break, we're tired from ***
Oh yeah your girl is still here, go and have your share!
-What on earth is going on? -Get in my *** boy, right now!
-What is this? -Get in bed, now!
-Go *** that *** or I'll slap you silly -God darn it!
I tell you Pekkuli, I'm all sore from all the *** last night! What a ride
And which *** is that? I can't really recall
-Hey Alpo. Was Saara in school? -Yes. She didn't remember anything
-Maybe better this way -Pekkuli! You're eating?! What is that?
Meat. The fridge is full of it. Doesn't make me vomit. It's good, tastes like chicken
-There goes the evidence against Jammu! -Move over man
Hey Alpo! Why don't you call Saara and we can get this *** party started!
But how come you're already home? I thought you were the boss now?
Christ, running things... Pain in the ***. I degraded myself to soldier. Any coke left?
Doing drugs is really, really cool!