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Hey my name is Greg and if I do my job tonight, you will leave here having laughed and with
a smile on your face. Now I'm gonna assume that unless you've been living under a rock
most of you are familiar with the Lord of the Rings movies. And if you're familiar with
the Lord of the Rings movies, you're familiar with that really weird little creature that
runs around; you know the one that says things like, "My precious" and "Filthy little hobbitses
they stoles it from us." Or how many of you, by applause, are familiar with Despicable
Me? Applaud if you're familiar with-- Okay I promised I'd get an applause out of you
guys one way or another; I can leave now. Nah I'm just kidding. But if you're familiar
with Despicable Me, then you're familiar with lines like, "And I will be the greatest criminal
genius of our time," and "Your dog has been leaving little bombs all over my yard." Now
those impersonations are fun but I have one that's my personal favorite, and that is the
Indian accent. Now note, I have friends whose heritage is from India and they're awesome,
but I don't think they'll mind if I have a little fun tonight. After all, what else can
you do this with? Hello this is Microsoft tech support. How may I be helping you today?
Yes have you tried turning it on? Oh that is the problem. Have you tried plugging it
in? Okay have nice day. I guess part of the reason why the Indian accent is my favorite
is because of this character I came up with one time. See one day I was playing video
games with my younger brother, and, as always, he was creaming me. So I got this idea. I
thought maybe if I made him laugh, he'd screw up and I'd stand a better chance. So I adopted
this persona of a prince from India who thinks he is all that and a bag of chips and is also
totally clueless. And I just started screaming at him: "How dare you defeat me? Do you not
know that I am the prince? Do you not know that there is a penalty for such crimes in
my country? He started laughing so I kept going with it: Everyone tells me America is
the richest country on the face of the earth, but in my country cannot be wealthy unless
you have at least two camels and one yak. I have yet to see a camel since I got here.
He laughed his head off. And guess what? I still got my butt kicked. But anyway. You
know I used to wonder why it is that I got into comedy, but I think I found a very simple
answer to that question: because people are weird! I'll give you an example; something
you can observe on any given day and you don't think twice about, but if you were to think
about it, you would realize it was very weird. Okay, ready? People eat mushrooms. Now you
say, "what's weird about that?" I'll tell you. Mushrooms are a type of fungus. Know
what else is a type of fungus? Athletes foot! It's not like you're gonna call up your Papa
Johns and go, "Yes I'd like a pepperoni, a supreme, and a feet lovers." No! But I've
realized that probably the weirdest part of my life is me. Case in point, I'm the only
person who would think of this, I was wondering the other day what it would be like if the
guy from tech support, who I introduced you to earlier, what it would be like if he were
to pursue a musical career. This is what I think it would sound like. Hello this is tech
support what can I do for you today? I can fix your systems errors and make everything
okay. I can help you out with Windows, though I am no good with Mac. I can restore your
computer and then get your data back. So what can I do for you? Let me take a look and see.
I guess I cannot help you, you're not under warrantee. Thank you and have a good evening.