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Wellllllcccclclcclcllllclclc
--LCLCLCLCMCMCLCL--
-come to Mad Cook, taking a look into the most barf-worth..htrow-frabbbb--
no, but this time, the most healthy kitchens in the world.
Mad Cook's lecture today - Food as Medicine!
It's undeniable that the modern fast food and foodstuffs that people gorge on
is not only making us sick, but amazingly, also fat and malnutritioned.
So, it's important that today I'll preach you starving fatasses about the sacred alliance of food and health.
We have know-it-all'd our way into sickness, wiped our *** with centuries of tradition
and given the food industry and the money-hungry marketing *** perched on millionaires' shoulders
an open mandate to *** us on the health impact of food.
Due to the secrecy and straight-up lies, blood vessel and coronary diseases are booming
nutrient-based diseases are singing "Hosianna, Diabetic's son!"
and you'll mostly see this type of portly and chunky instead of lean and slim.
Travel where the food industry or market forces aren't force-feeding you with *** made from--
Nettle.
--processed "meat" and flour.
Natural people seem to know how food affects the body and mind.
And look at the Chinese!
The millenia-old food culture focuses on both curing AND preventing diseases.
Okay, even the West is beginning to see that eating can also be--
Nettle.
can treat you well, not like a quack.
Which brings us to today's topic Superfood a.k.a. the most nutrient-full munchies.
One of the more psychedelic superfoods is this, Phytoplankton
the ambitious lil' *** that whales feed on when not busy becoming extinct.
They say a street gram of this juice has more nutrients than any other known edible thing on the planet
and that it holds EVERY SINGLE NUTRIENT needed to create and uphold a cell.
...psychedel-leleeleleelel-ic.
Not to veer too much off course, the loony mess sergeant will focus on our own superfood
Nettle.
also the favorite food of the late and great Ior Bock. That is--
***.
The nutrients in *** are top-notch - one tablespoon of the bubbly *** contains
2,9 Kcal energy, 6 mg carbs, 3 mg cholesterol and attention all gym guidos, 150 mg protein!
Why waste cash on protein shakes when you've got plenty to go on inside yourself?
On top of that, C-vitamin, fructose, magnesium, B12, lactic acid, citric acid, chloride, sorbitol, natrium and of course, some DNA.
As Mad Cook is no Fear Factor, but about genuine anthropology, it stands to say that guzzling the white stuff has been a part of many cultures, even to this day.
In New Guinea, there are tribes where boys have to swallow the *** of their elders to reach true manhood.
Mythologist, or even mythomaniac Ior Bock said that most early cultures indulged on the sacred liquid
until the Church, nervous about the whole sex issue, finally banned it. Who knows?
Anyway, in the recent years, the *** culture has lifted its head in the form of... a pretty deep culinary book.
As Mad Cook is always surfing the trend waves, we will have to cook food with our own ***.
Or not... -I think we must.
Ladies and Gents, Mad Cook is proud to present - Creamy *** Crepes.
Speaking of which, to save time we already have a crepe a.k.a. "lettu" a.k.a. "plädäri" as we proooos call it
and our stuffing - powdered sugar, melted butter and cottage cheese. ...not *** cheese as you might think.
The fourth secret ingredient is acquired as fresh as possible by doing a natural harvest, or - whacking the pole.
At this point we have to say, as we are held as the successors of Ior Bock, we will not be enjoying anything else than our own bodies' fluids.
As the final ingredient, we will only use the seeds that we have sown ourselves.
Moment of truth - will it be the man behind the camera, the furiously wanking gnostic and Yogi Milonoff
or me - who will pull out his swimmers for the meal?
Ready? Ok? -Yeah, okay!
ONE, TWO, THREE!
ONE, TWO, THREE!!!
NO *** WAY! ***! -YES!
...I can't describe this... what the ***...
The worst thing is that I just took a nervous pre-travel dump in there, so that probably won't help things along.
Could you please *** off now as far as you can? Let's have SOME *** decency, yeah?
Show the container where to splooge...
Now *** off!
What a *** job this is...
Rantala is in there fapping, while I'm sipping some whiskey.
Looks like his fuse isn't lighting. Cheers!
[NETTLE AS A CURE]
"If you are suddenly facing groin or testicular injury"
"a nettle's seed honey is an excellent cure!"
"If you suffer from a bone fracture, nettle helps the bone's healing back together."
"For a dog bite, use salt pressed on nettle leaves!"
"With the sweat off your brow--", but
"What shall we eat today?"
Is that enough? -Well, all I could squeeze out now!
We need two table spoons... -I'm not going back there.
The smell is HORRIBLE, these magazines *** suck...
So what were you thinking about?
...little robot and porceline dogs being crushed by a foot wearing a sock full of glass shards.
Alright, the final ingredient has arrived so the creamy nut crepes are ready!
*** on the plate and roll it up!
In a very definite way, I'm giving up my intimacy and privacy... This is a horrifying moment in my life.
Oh ***, it's dripping..! -Don't waste the precious liquid!
*** me...
Aaahh! It's dropping down from the sides! Ohh fuckkk...
I can smell it from here!
C'mon, put the drops back in there.
Wait, do I just have to quickly eat it? -Let's go to the dining hall.
It's dripping constantly!
Well... spits or swallows?
Not bad! -Is the taste...
There came the kick!
There's this great... crepe-like sweetness and all...
but then a lil' something hits your tongue. Those drops are the real deal.
Savory, quite tart, almost no tannin taste
Clearly some residual sugar in there, so sweet - sweet flavours all around. Fruity.
But isn't this pretty natural? It was in you and is now making its way back.
The so-called Circle of Life.
Why make a big deal about this?
Like kids "E he he he..." Well okay, this is pretty gnarly.
Whoops! -Now I gotta say... pre-*** is dripping all over. Hey! You know what?
-What?
It's good manners to LICK THE PLATE CLEAN.
Go on! -Nooo, no *** way! -But it's all on there!
You have to draw the line SOMEWHERE! Jesus Christ, no *** way.
"You have to eat your food!"
-That's *** it.
This was Mad Cook, and *** crepes. Cheers.
We'll never talk about this again.
Even though guzzling down gank still isn't my thing, stop playing into medical corporations' pockets and look behind the lies.
Don't be so quick to pop open the pill jar, but check your fridge for any kind of organic, nutritional munchies first.
Generally speaking, the healing power of food can be seen as both cooking and medical prescriptions have "recipes".
Speaking of recipes
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even this little treat's recipe can be found in the culinaristic adventure book.
[ADVERTISEMENT]
Finally, let us quote the great medicine man of ancient times, Hippocrates.
“Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food”.
Mad Cook says thanks--
--and spits.