Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
♪♪ [ Humming ]
♪ You take the good You take the bad ♪
♪ You take 'em both and there you have ♪
♪ The facts of life The facts of life ♪
w ♪
♪ You're growing Now you know about ♪
ife
♪ You ♪
kes a lot to get 'em right ♪
♪ When you're learning the facts of life ♪
♪ Learning the facts of life ♪♪
♪ Learning the facts of life ♪
♪ Learning the facts of life ♪
♪ Learning the facts of life ♪♪
Natalie!
Tootie!
Boy, did I miss you. Is this where we're supposed to get our room assignments?
I guess so. How was summer camp?
This oughta answer that question.
A boy's bathing suit?
!
No! Who was in this
Nobo That
fun.
Natalie! Tootie! My goodness.
Oh, I missed you so much.
Look at you-- uglier than ever.
I don't believe what I see:
Blair Warner with only one suitcase.
What do you mean? This is just for my makeup.
My w in a
later
Did you hear about Mrs. Garrett's new job?
She's been promoted to school dietitian.
Wow. What an honor-- runnin' the whole "barfeteria."
[ Girls Giggle ]
Arnold! Come back here. Arnold!
You' back
ter.
Nobody's gonna boil my friend Claude. He's too cute to die.
Cute With and
le eyes s?
Mrs. Garrett, you just insulted my pet.
Clau but
your ears,
re.
All right, Arnold. That's enough. Uh--
Natalie. Blair! Tootie!
[ Laughs ]
Mrs. Garrett!
Mrs. Garrett!
Goodness!
You've grown!
[ Blair ] You are so thin!
Yeah. What happened
I lo
Whoo!
You look terrific. How did you lose it?
It's the new inflation diet. You eat what you can afford.
re?
Yeah. Well, school's out
so my boyfriend came up to pay me a visit.
Now, cool it, Mrs. Garrett. Tootie might get the idea that I'm not available,
which I definitely am.
Uh, would you like to help me feed my friend Claude?
Sure. Okay.
Good. Maybe you can help me find his mouth.
- What has gotten into Arnold? - Well, you've had biology. Figure it out.
[ Vehicle Engine Revving ]
What on earth's goin' on out there?
[ Engine Approaches, Stops ]
Sounds like The Wild Bunch.
Uh, is this where I'm supposed to be?
Uh, delivery boys usually use the rear entrance.
Delivery boy? Gimme a break.
This I'm
eck in?
I don't believe this.
You don't? I was gonna ask him to the fall dance.
tt,
You must be... Jo, the new student.
- Right. How'd ya know? - Easy. I've never seen...
a motorcycle parked in my flower bed before.
Oh. I thought they were weeds.
She must think we're into nostalgia. She's still wearing flared jeans.
Uh, in a minute, you're gonna be wearin' flared teeth.
Wait, wa Don't pu
tranger.
Introduce yourselves first.
Hi. I'm Natalie Green, and I wear flared jeans myself.
In fact, all of my clothes are flared! [ Laughs ]
Blair.
Blair Warner.
Charmed. Gloria Vanderbilt.
Oh, hey, your hand's dirty. You better go have it steam cleaned or somethin'.
Why, you little--
Uh, speaking of dormitory assignments--
- Huh?
up
.
I thought you'd like to see who you're rooming with.
[ Both Muttering ]
I can't even pronounce the one they put me with. ah-zek."
I hope she brings along an interpreter to help me with that name.
[ Both Laugh ]
It's "Polniaczek."
You?
And I got your interpreter right here.
Nobody jokes about my name.
You know, they really don't have to. There's enough laughs in the way you act.
Mix?
e
huh?
Why don't I just park it on Blair's face?
[ Scoffs ]
She's a breath of fresh air, isn't she?
This must be an unlucky day for Geminis for me to get stuck with "Cheryl Thug."
Luck had nothing to do with it. I'm the one who suggested it.
Mrs. Garrett, I thought you were my friend. How could you?
Because you're very special.
Well?
And so is Jo.
Her? Special? At what, mud wrestling?
She's very bright. Oh, she did really well on her entrance exams.
That thing's a breeze. I got a 96 on it.
She got a 98.
Jo was doin' really great in public school, till her dad left home a couple of years ago.
Her mother had to work double shifts, and Jo met a boy who got her into trouble.
Not that kind of trouble.
Truancy-- staying out till all hours, cutting class.
Great, and I get to be her keeper.
Her friend.
Blair, you know, felt that when s ct together,
Oh, I don't know. I don't think I can live--
Oh, come on.
Blair, she can learn so much from you. You're so-- so warmhearted,
compassionate, sensitive.
Oh, let's face it, Blair. You're just about perfect in every way.
What can I say?
When you're right, you're right.
Really, I'm sorry I mashed your flowers.
some of my e on those dai
Oh, no, thanks, honey.
Oh, by the way, they were marigolds.
Right. Marigolds.
What do I know about flowers?
hood, er's asphalt.
Not a bad place ya got.
Well, thank you.
I'd rather even be with you than with, uh, Blairsy in Snob-o City.
ive s what all about.
Don't jump to conclusions about Blair. You don't even know her.
Hi. Am I interrupting anything?
Oh, no. Come in. Come in.
ave to check
Besides, you two roomies must have millions of things to talk about.
So, I hope you're gonna stay. I'm sure we'll make great roommates.
ett's been in' on ya, huh?
but it was only to remind me of that Eastland spirit.
And what's that-- "Slumming builds character"?
No. It's "honesty."
Look. I'm not saying you're my idea of the perfect roommate.
That'd be Prince Charles.
Yeah? Well, you don't win any popularity contest with me neither.
Good. I see we agree on something.
Yeah. That, wearin' ast year's jeans.
I apologize for that remark.
I admit I sometimes do pay uch attention
And me, not enough.
How about it? Wanna try bunking together for a while?
Well, t wouldn't me.
Okay. My jeans are kinda old and ripped.
[ Claps Thigh ]
What's the difference?
My Jordaches are your Jordaches.
Oh, thanks. You mean, you don't mind me takin' 'em in?
And this is where me and Mrs. Garrett bunk together.
Uh, excuse me. This room is taken. You're gonna have to see the manager.
Hi, Blair. I haven't met your new roommate.
Let me do the honors. Tootie, new roommate. Bye-bye.
Oh, Arnold, are you leaving? Good. Us girls can have some girl talk.
Now, how'd that happen?
Bye, Arnold. It's been fun seeing you.
You touched my hand. I'll never wash it again.
- That's sweet, Arnold. - No big deal though. I wasn't gonna wash it anyway.
Later, baby. Willis told me to say that.
That's mine.
[ Laughs ]
Hi. I'm Tootie.
Hi. Jo.
Uh, sorry for spoiling things with you and your boyfriend.
gh
So, uh, what do you do for men around here?
Just in time for the good stuff.
Blair, tell her abou prep
emy--
It's our brother school. It's only a mile away. I'll fix you up.
Gimme a I'm talk not high
These aren't boys.
I happen to be dating a senior who happens to be 19.
He's slow, but cute.
You're gonna make the
I'll take the men,
- Oo-oo-ooh! - Not that this is worth discussing,
since we are es and being onest,
there isn't a man around who wouldn't prefer a Rolls-Royce to a motorbike.
This is gonna get good!
You know, you are kinda like a Rolls-Royce hood ornament,
me.
Did I lie?
Fortunately for you, we don't move in the same circles,
or I could show you which one of us a real man would go for.
Oh, it'd be easy to show her, Blair-- at the Chugalug Bar on the highway.
.
ct.
- Thanks, Tootie. - Don't mention it.
Listen. I'd go
we
bar.
,
.
So? We'll give 'em I.D.'s.
You're not 18. is faked.
Yeah. I do beautiful work, don't I?
And I always carry a spare that I can fake for you.
All's I need is a picture. It's simple.
Simple for you, but...
my goodness, which picture will I use?
This one's nice. I'm smiling without being too toothy.
Ah, this one's at the height of my tan. Coconut oil.
No, no, no. This is it. This is it. I'm wearing sizzling pink Lip Quencher.
I don't know. This one's pretty marvelous. Maybe--
Who cares?
Is it a deal or isn't it?
It's a deal.
Oh, good. Then you decided to room together?
They're gonna do all kinds of things together.
at.
I'm willing to bet
datin'.
I think we better be e dorm.
Bye,
Wonderful to have you back. See you later.
[ Chuckles ] Kids. They fight,
but when they make up, it's worth it.
[ Groans ]
We'll sneak out tonight after dinner, okay?
Okay.
Yeah. We'll be ready.
We? Would you like to explain that?
Sure. See, "we" is the first person plural pronoun.
Me a and
th you.
Hey, we cannot pass the two of you for 18.
spy
Yeah, like watching "R" rated television. My first shot at voyeurism.
Absolutely not. Now just forget it.
Okay, Blair. It's your decision.
Just remember: Leav you
and
.
- Would she squeal? - Are you kidding?
Arou as S
- I think we better take 'em. - That's okay with me.
Wait a minute. I just thought of something. We can't go through with this.
Why not, Blair?
Oh, that's no sweat. I noticed the van parked outside.
The cafeteria van? The keys are never in it.
Who needs a key?
Tonight you're gonna get your fir
-wirin'.
Hot-wiring? Don't be stupid. The van already has a heater.
I'm talkin' about
You mean, steal the van?
Wow. This is gonna be some kind of semester.
♪♪♪ [ Country, Faint ]
[ Vehicles Passing In Distance ]
The van is fine there. Would you hurry?
Hurry up.
I am hurryin'.
I never walked in four-inch heels before.
Who told you to wear heels anyway?
Boy, there's some cute guys in there. Send out the leftovers.
Sure, unless you want to.
No. No, no, no. It's not that. I just-- You know--
king?
Go in there
♪♪ [ Continues, Louder ]
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Um, I guess our
wanna see .'s, huh?
Yeah, well, if you wanna come inside.
Okay.
Oh, well. Here's mine.
n't take ading.
- Wait a minute. - Why? What's the matter?
I've never seen
ure on
.
.
♪♪ [
- [ Man #2 ] Waitress? - Not bad.
Gorgeous. But I'm afraid he might be a little old for you.
Are you crazy?
Two brews.
One brew.
er.
Hi. I'm Brad.
Hi. Blair.
Jo.
Well, now, who says the beautiful ones never travel in pairs?
Hey, Arnold. Why the long face?
I've been here six hours, and I only spent six minutes with Tootie.
t it on.
Well, now, we could have gone bowling together.
I told you Tootie was gonn with
Hmm. Settling in? Those girls? Huh.
ve made throw up.
What are you talkin' about?
Those girls settlin' in. They're not even here.
In the fast lane, enjoying life,
treatin' me like I was a little kid on a bike path in a kiddie car.
Arnold, slow down and park it.
Now, what's goin' on?
Tootie told me you knew about it.
- Well, I'll tell you it.
I was downstairs in the kitchen with my lobster friend Claude,
when all of a sudden I hear someone outside messin' with the van.
Messin' with the van? Who?
Tootie and company.
They got the motor
ey.
- Hot-wiring? - You saw it on the Today show too, huh?
Oh, I don't believe it. They wouldn't do a thing like-- It's gone!
In 60 seconds-- give or take 20 minutes of fussing and cussing.
I don't Did they they wer
It was called the "Thingamajig" or the "Slugabug."
The Chugalug.
Maybe. That's close.
[ Kisses ] Watch TV. Watch
py.
♪♪ [ Country Continues ]
So what college you girls from?
It's nowhere near here.
You know, the one up the road.
Ah, different schools, huh? Well, let me guess. I'm pretty good at this sort of thing.
You're easy.
'Ey!
Yeah. Sure. You got last year's jeans,
that "couldn't be bothered" hairstyle,
just a touch of punk in those high heels.
You go to Sarah Lawrence, right?
Oh, really. Right. For sure.
Hmm.
Now, Blair, here-- She's much tougher to figure out.
If you only knew how many men have told me that.
You got great makeup, perfect hairdo.
Everything you're wearin' is straight out of Vogue.
You're in secretarial school.
Secretarial school? Gimme a break.
Then it's beauty college. I'm never wrong about these things, babe.
time, reep.
Blair? Blair, this is not the way to come on to a guy. Uh-uh.
Have you ever heard of Warner Textile Mills?
Oh. That's why
.
So what do you operate-- a loom or somethin' like that?
You jerk. I own the place!
Uh-oh. That guy's giving Blair a hard time.
She's freaking. He must have said something awful.
They won't let you in there.
We'll tell 'em we're very small Avon Ladies.
[ Man ] Hey!
Okay, turkey. What did you say to our friend?
Tootie, Natalie, get out of here.
Who are these kids?
Uh-- Oh! [ Chuckles ] Oh, they're my little sisters.
- Girls! - Mrs. Garrett!
Will you tell me what's goin' on here?
lking?
Blai
Well, Mrs. Garrett, lettin'
ool
getting settled and meeting new people.
And now comes Miller time!
I don't think so, girls. It's, uh, time for a full introduction.
- Police? - [ Tootie ] Oh, no.
- What blew our cover? probably
hoes.
Don' I wa
y.
the
Officer. Officer, um, uh, these girls are from Eastland School.
you know the nutty things high school kids can do.
I'm sorry, ma'am, but sometimes a lesson at this age is just what they need.
Come on, you two.
Wait a minute. You can't just say, "Book 'em," and forget it.
Lady, nobody says, "Book 'em." That's Hawaii Five-O.
They're They're high sch
Okay, so they sipped
.
Oh, I know it wasn't right, faking their I.D.'s.
That's another offense.
But it's no crime to sneak away from school.
Of course,
school van
They stole the school van?
Borrowed. Borrowed.
Don't put words in my mouth.
[ Tires Screeching ]
[ Vehicle Crashing, Glass Breaking, Clattering ]
ls,
Garrett.
Yeah. We parked it
We are in trouble!
Harmless high school girls? Ha!
I gotta take these two in before they do any more damage.
Come on.
Oh, no. Wait a minute. You can't do that. It's entrapment.
lone!
All right. That's it! I'm gonna put you all in jail. Let's get goin'. Come on.
Get down off of there.
♪ You'll avoid a lot of damage ♪
♪ And enjoy the fun of managing ♪
e otta light ♪
♪ Better get 'em right Call her late at night ♪
♪
get
♪
♪ You think you'd rather do without ♪
out the truth ♪
♪ The facts of life are all about you ♪♪