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Just like a hunted animal
can find shelter,
I beg you to spare my wretched
soul for all eternity.
Amen.
( Choir singing
in foreign language )
Is he good?
Is he bad?
Psychopath or sexy cad?
Sinner or saint?
The sinner fell
But the saint
wound up in hell
We took his face
Gave him another
He changed his place
Bullet in the face
(Siren wailing in distance)
Excellent. Ah
Face transplants are still
an experimental procedure,
but this one is going
remarkably well.
So you're saying the
transplant is a success?
Not quite yet.
A few adjustments
will be necessary.
Maxillofacial surgery
to reduce the jaw line
and a few tooth extractions.
You are not taking
out my teeth,
you raspberry
flavoured ***.
I killed the last dentist
I went to and stole his car.
His office still
sent me a bill.
Calm down, Gunter.
You're only making it worse.
Worse? How could it
get any worse?
What's next?
Amputate my ***
and replace it with
an egg ***?
I could screw women while
scrambling their eggs.
And it's all the
fault of this ***,
stealing my face and
substituting it with another!
You can think "***"
as much as you like,
but for protocol's sake,
why don't you start
calling me "Commissioner"?
Ah! Yes!
Commissioner!
The C-word.
And you, you are a criminal,
a criminal that I have
recruited into law enforcement.
There's mob war
going on, Gunter.
Good against evil
doesn't always work,
so I'm using you
to fight evil with evil.
But if you fight
evil with evil,
evil wins either way.
(Sighing)
Just sayin'.
(Scoffing)
(Cars honking)
This was the home
of the man you murdered.
Now you'll be living here,
taking his place.
A cop lived here?
Feels more like a pastry chef.
The man you killed
had impeccable taste.
Only in killers.
Hmm
(Sniffing)
Scented candles.
Are you kidding me?
I would rather smell
a runway model's farts.
Oh!
Barry Manilow!
Celine Dion!
The soundtrack to Xanadu?
What did he use music for?
To torture the birds outside?
I like that
music. It's
pleasant.
What the hell is this?
Photo from when we--
From when the man you look like
now and I vacationed together.
Where are your women?
Where are your women?
(Sobbing)
(Growling)
(Gasps)
Hey! Hey!
What is wrong with you?
Get down!
(Both grunting)
This is not a gun I am
feeling in your trousers, is it?
But this is.
What's happened here?
That looks like a bullet hole.
It is.
A mobster by the name of
Racken put a price on our heads.
Although I believe
I'm the primary target.
I took out a few
of Racken's men.
Where did you take them?
To dinner?
Who is this shrew
challenging your testicles?
Who am I?
I heard you suffered memory loss
after being shot in the face.
Sorry, you get
no sympathy from me.
You owe back rent.
I plan on giving
it all to you soon.
(Cell beeping)
Homicide very near here.
We gotta go.
(Bell tolling)
What's the matter, Gunter?
You look uncomfortable.
This is the first crime scene
where I am not
responsible for the crime.
I know not what to do.
Not much of a crime.
Suicide.
Victim didn't even
leave a note.
Religious people have many
reasons to kill themselves.
They're under too much pressure
to be good all the time.
It is much easier to be rotten.
I can do no wrong
as long as I do wrong.
(Whistles)
It would do you good
to spend some time in church.
Oh! Why?
So I can sing terrible songs
and drink cheap wine?
A church is the world's
worst karaoke bar!
Gunter, don't
you ever get tired
of being so relentlessly
evil all the time?
Of course.
That's why I take naps.
Not much to investigate here.
Case closed.
There's something here.
From the same date
the priest splattered
the walls with his brains,
Isaiah 3:11.
That's from the Bible.
Yes, I've heard of that book.
"Woe unto the wicked."
Ha! I've written better
suicide notes
for people I've murdered.
My favourite was: "I cannot live
with my dark secret any longer."
"I used soiled underwear to make
soup and served it on Hanukah."
(Gunter giggling, door opening)
This is the housekeeper
for the rectory.
She found the priest's body,
but is a deaf-mute.
Thank you.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Do you have any idea
why the Father
may have taken his own life?
Ah!
What did she say?
I have no idea.
I was just being polite.
Ah. Here, let me.
(Slaps chest)
(Chuckles)
(Chuckling, jaw cracking)
Aaah!
(Groaning)
How appropriate that face
should cause you pain
after the pain you caused
taking that man's life.
You were a superb
criminal, Gunter,
but your own
brethren betrayed you.
Now your only hope to catch them
is to become a very good cop.
To be sincere,
you still need sin.
You cannot speak to us.
So I ask you.
Show us what you saw.
You saw this?
The angel of death.
(Chuckling, cracking)
(Groans)
(Telephone ringing)
I want you to continue to
investigate the priest's suicide.
But, madame, it is
just that, a suicide.
I need a motive.
Perhaps it was to escape
the sound of your voice.
That wasn't very nice.
Oh, shut up, Hagerman.
A hobbit could kick your ***.
I'm very tired of
your bad attitude, Vogler.
Then perhaps you should've
given this face
to someone more pleasant,
like a florist.
He'd smile and
bring you flowers.
Or maybe a dairy farmer.
He'd milk those teats by hand,
gently, as those nipples
are delicate.
Cougar milk is very
Ooh! Bitter.
(Cell buzzing)
Excuse me.
(Cell beeps)
Martine.
Gunter.
This is not possible!
You were shot
in the face by someone
who was very close to you.
Me!
(Tannhauser):
Martine!
Martine?
Martine, I have
been giving thought
to the idea of naming my child.
It's a great
responsibility, you know,
choosing the right name.
Hmm.
If I call him Zeus
But that would cause
problems of high expectations.
Maybe I call him Awful.
That would cause problems
of low expectation.
Maybe I call him Fire!
That would cause panic
whenever someone calls his name.
I would like this.
But you know, I am
really looking forward
to disciplining our child.
'Cause without discipline,
how can he ever learn?
Discipline?
In the meantime,
your child has been getting
the best prenatal care.
Yeah, yeah.
I called the obstetrician.
He's never heard of you.
So you check up
on my check-ups now?
Of course I do!
You don't even trust
the mother of your child?
Of course I don't.
Do you know how many
species there are
where the female kills
the male after copulating?
Scorpions! Black widow spiders!
Praying mantis!
That's it, 3.
Not that many.
But then there's the
female of the human species,
and the female of the human
species, after copulating,
sucks a man's ego out
and then spends all
his money on cushions.
(Gulps)
I have always
been loyal to you.
I wish I could believe you.
Gonna put a microchip
in your ***,
to see when you're
coming and going.
(Groans)
That's a joke.
(Chuckling)
Maybe I'd do it.
(Telephone ringing)
(Jaw cracking)
You really should have oral
surgery to correct that problem.
No! No more butchery.
This *** face is not
a keeper. I feel like a freak!
You don't look like
one to me, Gunter.
Hagerman tried running a
background check on the priest.
Zilch. Nothing came up.
Probably easier to do
a profile on you.
(Chuckling)
Did you come
from a broken home?
Abusive parents?
Am I close?
No. My parents stayed together
until the day they died.
The electric chair.
They even held hands.
(Electricity crackling
and buzzing)
(Bell tolling)
Just like a hunted animal
can find shelter,
I beg of you to spare
my wretched soul.
( Choir singing
in foreign language )
(Whimpering)
(Gasps)
(Panting)
I'm so happy we made a deal
for orgasms in
exchange for rent.
You're paid 6 months
in advance now.
What's the matter, baby?
Don't ever call me baby.
I was never called baby
even when I was a baby.
What did your parents call you?
A German term.
Kleine SheiSer.
Means "Little ***".
(Cell vibrating)
(Chuckles)
Hagerman.
It must be the crack of dawn
and I'm here with a woman.
Of course we're
in bed together.
Because sometimes
these things happen.
What?
This is very disturbing.
Two priests in
a row committing suicide.
Yes, but if they both believed
they were going to heaven,
this must be their
early retirement.
Listen to me.
The commissioner was adamant
about us solving
the first case and now this.
What's the connection?
Oh yeah
(Grunting)
Gunter!
You are in the house of God.
I know, but he's not home.
Is nothing sacred to you?
One day you will have to atone
for everything you've
done on this earth.
But religions claim
that no matter what
(Imitates gunshot)
all will be forgiven.
I am just waiting
until the last minute
to apply for absolution.
When I go to heaven,
I will enjoy fine cigars
and crème brulée
with Stalin,
Hitler, *** Cheney,
because they'll
all be forgiven too.
(Chuckling)
I don't believe this.
From yesterday,
on the same date
this priest killed himself,
another passage from the Bible.
Isaiah 4, 3:30.
Hmm?
Look it up.
( Choir singing
in foreign language )
Uh, I do not know
how to use the Bible.
There's no corresponding quote.
(Thunder crashing)
It is strange to see
a priest with a tattoo,
especially a tattoo
of a nude pole dancer, hmm?
The same tattoo belonged to
a member of Tannhauser's gang,
a fellow named
Baskin who vanished
after robbing an
ice-cream parlour.
It was a cold case.
He was presumed dead.
He was no saint
and no priest.
But this corpse has
different face.
But as my own mirror proves,
looks can be deceiving.
If you know more
than you're telling us,
tell us so we'll know
more than we now know.
Over the years, a number
of Tannhauser's men
have turned informant for money,
and new identities,
and the safest new identity
is man of the cloth.
Who would ever suspect
that a priest was
a hardened criminal, hmm?
True, only pedophiles.
So plastic surgery was
performed, new faces were given.
Different surgeons each time.
None of the doctors knew
who they were working on.
And in the end,
the only person who knew
their true identities is me.
Ah! You have turned
criminals into priests,
crooks into cops
and the only person who knows
their true identity is you.
But I know the truth too, Eva.
For all the power you wield,
you cannot force
a man to love you.
It's been a long time since
you've been with a man,
hasn't it?
You are suffering
a long "manopause".
Ooh! Look at you,
whipping it out.
Don't worry, Eva,
you're still beautiful.
But your clock is ticking.
Your expiration date
is fast approaching.
Before you know it,
you will be a little old lady
in a room filled with cats.
And when you die,
your cats will be well fed.
They'll eat your eyes,
your ears, your intestines.
Meow.
(Knocking)
I bring refreshments.
- Get out!
- Happily.
For a moment there, I thought
you were going to bank me.
(Laughing, jaw cracking)
Oh, still refusing surgery?
You're a true
***, Gunter.
No!
I found a doctor to see.
If there are no reports of his
*** in the next 24 hours,
he was successful.
Good work, Hagerman.
( Gunter whistling )
(Telephone ringing)
Get the hell out!
(Cars honking)
Open.
I see so many irregularities.
Have you had any
reconstructive surgery?
I was in a bad accident.
I prefer good accidents.
(Assistant clearing throat)
I'll be back.
The name this patient gave
doesn't match the dental record
in the global database.
He is not who he says he is.
I'll use whatever means
to make a positive I.D.
You know, I've been
meaning to ask you
How did you hear about me?
Actually, the first
time I saw your name,
it was mistaken
for Bible passages.
Isaiah 3:11,
Isaiah 3:30.
But eventually I figured out
they were appointments,
just like the appointment
I made with you today.
Isaiah 5:30.
You are a busy man,
Dr. Max Isaiah.
(Click)
All right, prick,
fill in the blanks,
since this does not shoot any.
Well, I've always offered
free medical care
to the spiritual community.
Hmm, but I sensed a certain
strangeness with the new priests
that I was treating.
Sodium Pentothal isn't
just an anaesthetic.
It's also a truth serum.
Under its influence,
one of the priests
confessed his true identity.
And soon, I discovered
other imposters.
And since Tannhauser
keeps a running bounty
on anyone who betrays him
Yes, he showed his appreciation
by showering me with gold.
Well, it was enough to provide
a lifetime of fillings,
as well as relocating me
to this prime location.
Tannhauser owns the building.
Hmm.
What are a few lives lost
when it allows you
validated parking?
(Laughing)
So you killed those men,
making it look like suicides.
No, Tannhauser's
personal angel of death
performed those procedures.
We assumed suicides
wouldn't stay
active investigations.
But I am amazed that
you figured this out.
And I would like to know
who is threatening me.
Gunter Vogler.
I could arrest you,
but I would much rather
satisfy my desire
for revenge against Tannhauser.
Summon his angel of death here.
It's already done.
Oh! Then I commend you
on anticipating my next move!
And I you for
not expecting mine!
Aaah!
(Groaning, screaming)
(Gunshots)
(Battle cry)
(Glass breaking)
(Gunter groaning)
(Grunting)
(Gas hissing)
( Woman singing in German )
(Screaming)
(Girl gasps, Gunter laughing)
(Laughing)
Oh!
(Drill whirring)
(Laughing wickedly)
(Screaming in distance)
( Muzak )
See? This is what happens
when you don't brush your teeth.
(Wheezing)
Whoa!
(Women screaming)
(Gasping, laughing)
(Many voices laughing)
( Muzak )
(Thunder)
(Sighing)
Martine.
Gunter.
Don't.
I don't want you
to see me like this.
We're in the same room,
but we're a million miles away.
What has happened to us?
Our world is a jigsaw puzzle
where none of the pieces fit.
We're actors in the right play
but the wrong parts.
And there's no telling
how any of this will end.
I know how
tonight will, darling.
(Thunder)
(Exhaling)