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Jon: Please don't try this at home.
Jory: But what you SHOULD do is buy our shirts.
Riley: Link in the doobly-doo.
Jory: (whispering) They're comfortable!
Jon: (whispering) Very!
*theme song plays*
Jory: Is it a good idea to microwave this?
Hello, and welcome to...
Jory and Riley: ..."Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?"
I'm your host, Jory Caron.
I'm your buttery-*** sidekick, Riley McIlwain. (makes licking noises)
Jory: I have NO idea what that means! Oh, wait- yes, I do! We are microwaving buttered popcorn.
Riley: Suggested by Gregory Davidson.
Jory: Yes!
Riley: Good guy!
Jory: But wait- are we doing just a bag? No! This is "Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?" I'm Jory Caron.
Jon: (excitedly) Whoa, whoa! Who's that?!
Jory: So, WE do... Oh, this? You wanna know who THIS is?
Jon: Yeah!
Riley: Now, she's a little seasoned, she's a little older, but she's alright, though!
Jory: Who THIS is?
Jon: Yeah!
Jory: Esmerelda!
Riley: Esmerelda!
Jory: I wanna see how Jon is gonna spell this!
Jon: With an "E," an "S," and an "merelda" at the end!
Jory: Back to the popcorn. Look at all that! That is a mound of popcorn!
*Riley makes nauseated sound*
Jory: If you wanna know how much that is, that is 8 bags!
Riley: 8 bags!
Jon: How much is it?
Riley: 8 bags, 8 motherf-...
Jon: Why don't we put it in there for 8 minutes?
Riley: GO!
Jory: Okay, then, let's get the [beep] outta here!
Riley: GO!
Jory: Let's pop THIS secret!
*popcorn popping*
Jon: Get outta there!
Jon: This is kind of exciting, because...
Jory: It's not spinning!
Jon: That's alright.
Jory: Okay, let's do it over!
Jory: (in whiny, moany voice) Oh, pop my secret!
Riley: (in whiny, moany voice) Oh, pop me, pop me!
Jon: (in whiny, moany voice) Oh, Orville Redenbacher, *** me!
Jory: (in whiny, moany voice) Oh, in a movie theater, with extra butter, light salt!
Jory: It's weird- we bought 8 bags of popcorn in a box, still cheaper than a small movie theater popcorn!
Riley: Oh! It's popping! Did you see that? It popped.
Riley: Ooh! That was a big, good pop! Ricocheted!
Jory: (in silly voice) Oh, that was a good pop!
Riley: Ooh!
Jon: Uh-oh!
Jory: I just saw two in a row.
Riley: Oh! Oh, whoa!
Jory: I don't think we're allowed to stop until the pops become...
Jon: If you want a really good popcorn bag, wait 'til the pops are three or more seconds apart. That's the key to a really good bag. I got a bag once- FIVE unpopped kernels, and that was IT!
Jory: Wow!
Jon: I mean, that was, the peasants rejoiced!
Riley: He's the [beep]in' man!
Jory: [Beep]in' MAN!
Jon: Dude, there were songs sung about me in the village!
Jory: And odes were told, I'm sure!
Riley: What? The Village People?
Riley: (singing) Young man!
Jory: (singing) You can pop my corn!
Riley: (singing) I said, "Young man!"
Jon: "Pop my corn"?!
Jory: (singing) Just grab my cob!
Riley: (singing) I said, "Young man!"
Jory: (singing) Husk my stalk! There's no... need... to... plant... that... in... my...
Riley: (singing) Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum! It's fun to stay at the Jon's Gay Bar!
Jory: BUTT!
Jory: (singing) Plow my fields, and...! Jon's Gay Bar!
*Riley giggles*
Jory: He's a corn-packer!
Riley: They seem to be popping on a regular basis now. She's done!
Jory: Oh, come on! I have to put it in there for a little bit more.
Riley: Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up, hurry up!
Jon: Good, it's really coming along now.
Jory: Because the oil isn't being, like...
Riley: Evenly distributed?
Jory: ...kept down, those kernels are putting oil over the entire inside of that microwave.
Riley: So, every experiment will be buttery and salty!
Jory: It'll probably smell really good out there, except for the fact that we're burning a lot of popcorn.
Jon: Look at 'em come, look at 'em go! OH! My goodness, it's like my prom night!
Riley: Going to prom with your aunt doesn't count...
Jon: Well, I had a lot of popcorn that night.
Riley: Oh...
Jon: There was, like, a snack table at the gymnasium.
Riley: Did your aunt make it for you?
Jon: No, my aunt wasn't there!
Riley: Dude, you went to... Your date was your aunt, dude! You can tell 'em!
Jon: No, that's not true, that's not true! My date was YOUR MOM!
Riley: Yeah, okay, I'm doin' YOUR mom!
Jon: Yes, YOURS, for sure!
Riley: Look at all the popcorn in there! You're gonna open it up, and it's just gonna dump out everywhere! Like when you open up my pants and my *** falls out, and then, there's just this [beep]in', like... (makes farting sound)
Jon: Why is your *** always flaccid when you tell these stories?
Riley: Done!
Jory: Yeah, okay, time for us to eat popcorn!
Jon: WOW! Look at that! Unbelievable!
Riley: Look at it on the door!
*Jory loudly munches popcorn*
Riley: Sounds kinda crunchy.
Jory: The I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Butter Guy just exploded in there, and his guts are just everywhere!
Jory and Riley: You may be wondering, is it a good idea to microwave...
Riley: ...popcorn? Unbagged popcorn, 8 bags of unbagged popcorn?
Jory: I'm gonna go ahead and say "no."
Riley: Why?!
Jory: 'Cause I would have really enjoyed some popcorn right now!
Jon: And instead, we have to throw it all away, because we're wasteful Americans!
Jory: And it takes, it takes FOREVER!
Riley: Whoa! Wait a second, wait a second- what is THIS piece?!
Jory: I don't like this at all! This is a bad idea, I do NOT like this! That's about it for this episode of...
Jory and Riley: ..."Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?"
Jory: Hey, keep it down over there! Keep it down over there!
I'm your host, Jory Caron.
I'm your sidekick, Riley McIlwain.
*end credits play*
Riley: Well, this is the part of the episode where we promote Netflix! Hey, gang, if you like Netflix, this episode of "Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?", brought to you by Netflix. Remember- if you like Netflix...
Jory: ...you should like Netflix!
Riley: Netflix!
Jory: If you like Netflix, may I interest you in Netflix?
Jon: Do you hate the Nazis? Well, so does Netflix!
Riley: 9/11- go get Netflix!
Jon: If you don't get Netflix, you're supporting eco-terrorism and, also, regular terrorism!
*Click on episode #169 to find out why Jiffy Pop is as much fun to make as it is to eat! How much would you pay for this?*