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>>> WELCOME TO "RED EYE."
I'M GREG GUTFELD OR AT THE
HARDWARE RENTAL STORE, I AM
THE GUY THAT GETS THE BLOOD IN
THE RUG DOCTOR.
LET'S GOO ANDY LEVY FOR A
PRE GAME REPORT.
>> OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT,
PRESIDENT OBAMA REVEALS THE
NEW YORK GIRLFRIEND HE WROTE
ABOUT IN HIS AUTO-BIOGRAPHY
WAS A CHARACTER.
AND WHAT ELSE OUR PRESIDENT
MAY BE COMPOSITING NEXT.
AND A SHOCKING REPORT FROM THE
ONION NEWS NETWORK REVEALS
EVERY POTENTIAL CANDIDATE FOR
THE 2040 ELECTIONS IS ALREADY
DISQUALIFIED BECAUSE OF
SOMETHING HE OR SHE POSTED ON
FACEBOOK.
A SYMPOSIUM ON THIS STARTLING
STORY SOON.
SCW A NEW POLL -- AND A NEW
POLL FINDS ONE IN SEVEN PEOPLE
THINK THE WORLD WILL END IN
THEIR LIFETIME.
>> ANDY?
>> YES, SIR.
>> I AM HAVING A DINNER AT MY
APART MEANT AFTER THE SHOW.
>> OKAY.
>> SO I WILL NEED MY
TABLECLOTH BACK.
>> THAT MIGHT BE A PROBLEM.
>> IF YOU CAN TAKE IT OFF YOUR
NECK AND STRETCH IT OUT.
>> IS THAT A JOKE ABOUT MY
AMAZING TIE?
>> YES.
>> NOT SURE IF YOU WANT TO GO
THERE.
>> I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL TIE.
YOU HAVE A TABLECLOTH FROM
BED, BATH AND BEYOND.
>> HE IS SO HOT THAT THE
EQUATOR -- I AM HERE WITH THE
NEW YORK DAILY NEWS COLUMNIST
AND CO-HOST ON FOX NEWS
CHANNEL.
AND IF INSIGHTFUL COMMENTARY
WAS A SKI LIFT I WOULD SLOWLY
RIDE HIM BEFORE GETTING OFF.
IT IS MICHAEL MONEY GNAW HAN,
THE MANAGING EDITOR.
AND MY REPULSIVE SIDEKICK,
BILL SCHULZ.
AND HE WAS THE STAR OF "BATTLE
STAR GALACTICA" AND" THE A
TEAM" A LEGEND AND FIRST TIME
GUEST DIRK BENEDICT.
THAT WAS GREAT.
AND HE IS NOT WORTH A DIME
BECAUSE HIS ARTICLES ARE
SLIME.
GOOD TO SEE YOU, PINCH.
>> SCIENTISTS HAVE FOUND A
LIVERING, BREATHING EXAMPLE OF
THE COMPOSITE GIRLFRIEND IN
THE OBAMA TOMB "DREAMS OF MY
FATHER" AND YOU ARE LOOKING AT
IT.
THAT'S RIGHT, IT IS ME.
WHAT I LACK IN APPENDAGES I
MORE THAN MAKE UP FOR IN
MOUTH.
IT IS MORE LIKE DREAMS OF MY
PAPER, AM I RIGHT, MR.
PRESIDENT?
>> THANK YOU.
>> YOU ARE WELCOME.
>> NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANT.
>>> DID HE MUDDLE THE TRUTH OF
A GIRL FROM HIS YOUTH.
AND BARACK OBAMA'S 1995
AUTO-BIOGRAPHY "GET ER DONE"
THE LIFE OF ME, BARACK OBAMA
FUTURE PRESIDENT OF THE USA,
HE WRITES ABOUT A NEW YORK
GIRLFRIEND AND DESCRIBING HER
APPEARANCE AND MAN RICHES IN
GREAT DETAIL.
THE PRESIDENT ADMITTED THAT
SHE WAS A COMPOSITE CHARACTER
BASED ON A NUMBER OF EX'S HE
HAD HAD.
IN THE BOOK, OBAMA MENTIONS
TAKING THE NEW YORK GIRLFRIEND
SEEING A PLAY BY A BLACK PLAY
WRITE, BUT IT IS MORE LIKELY
HE WENT WITH A FLAME FROM
CHICAGO.
I SMELL IMPEACHMENT.
QUOTE, THAT WAS AN EXAMPLE OF
COMPRESSION.
I WAS SENSITIVE IN MY BOOK NOT
TO WRITE ABOUT MY GIRLFRIENDS,
PARTLY OUT OF RESPECT TO
THEM.
IT INVOLVED THE REACTION OF A
WHITE GIRL FRIEND TO THE ANGRY
BLACK PLAY WAS A USEFUL THEME
TO MAKE THE REACTIONS I HAD
AND THE RELATIONSHIPS WITH
WHITE GIRLFRIENDS.
ANYWAY, HERE IS A COMPOSITE OF
MY EX-GIRLFRIENDS.
>> DIDN'T WORK OUT FOR ANYBODY
THERE.
DIRK, GOOD TO SEE YOU HERE.
>> THANK YOU.
>> SWREE BEEN TRYING TO GET
YOU ON THE SHOW FOR A COUPLE
YEARS NOW.
>> TWO YEARS?
WELL YOU FINALLY SENT SOME
MONEY.
>> THAT WAS ACTUALLY MONOPOLY
MONEY.
DIRK, WHAT HAPPENS TO
EX-GIRLFRIENDS OF CELEBRITIES
THIS HOW COME WE NEVER HEAR
FROM THEM?
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I EVER
HEARD OF ANYTHING.
>> EX-GIRLFRIENDS OF
CELEBRITIES, I DON'T KNOW.
THEY USUALLY BECOME SEMIFAMOUS
AND GO ON AND GET TALK SHOWS
OR WRITE BOOKS OR SOMETHING.
WHEN YOU START LYING IT GETS
REALLY, REALLY COMPLICATED.
THE WHOLE EXPLANATION YOU READ
, HE LIED ABOUT THE GIRL SO HE
MADE UP THIS OTHER LIE
CREATING THIS OTHER GIRL.
NEVER TRUST A MAN WHO NEVER
HAD A FATHER.
THEY SPEND THEIR WHOLE LIVES
LOOKING FOR DADDY, AND BEFORE
THEY FIND HIM, THEY ARE ONE.
>> I SEEM TO REMEMBER ANOTHER
PERSON WHO GREW UP WITHOUT HIS
NATURAL FATHER, AND HE DIED
FOR ALL OF OUR SINS.
>> WELL DONE, BILL.
>> I AM TALKING ABOUT OBAMA.
>> I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO
SAY BILL CLINTON.
>> NICELY DONE.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
>> ANDREA, WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF
THIS?
IF HE CAN'T BE TRUSTED ABOUT
HIS EX-GIRLFRIENDS, CAN WE BE
SURE HE WASN'T BORN IN KENYA?
>> YES, COMPOSITE GIRLFRIEND
AND COMPOSITE BIRTH
CERTIFICATE.
I SMELL A RAT ALL THE WAY
AROUND.
WHERE ARE THE EX-GIRLFRIENDS?
THE WOMEN'S VOTE SHOULD BE
OFFENDED BY THIS.
HE JUST COMPILES ALL OF US
INTO ONE CHARACTER, WOMEN HE
DATED, RIGHT 1234* WE ARE ALL
THE SAME PERSON, WE ARE ALL
RATIONAL AND WE ALL LIKE TO
SHOP AND LIKE LIP GLOSS.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT?
ANYWAY, WE JUST WORK WITH FOX
SO WE HAVE TO.
HERE IS THE THING, IF I COULD
MAKE A COMPOSITE BOYFRIEND, I
HAVE SAID THAT TOO, BUT I
WOULD NEVER WRITE A BOOK ABOUT
IT.
IF I COULD TAKE ALL OF THE
GUYS I DATED AND TAKE ONE
THING FROM EACH OF THEM, THEY
COULD BE THE PERFECT MAN.
BUT I AM NOT PRESIDENT AND I
WOULDN'T PUT IT IN A BOOK.
I WOULD PUT IT SOMEWHERE
ELSE.
THAT'S FOR A DIFFERENT SHOW.
>> MY WILL CAY, SHOULD HE BE
IMPEACHED -- MICHAEL, SHOULD
HE BE IMPEACHED?
WHAT WAS THE WORD I WAS TRYING
TO SAY?
>> ASPHYXIATION.
FOR THE HONESTY IN THE BOOK
AND THE MEMWIOR.
>> IM GOING TO DO SOMETHING
-- I AM GOING TO PREEMPT
ANDY.
THERE IS A BIT OF FACT
CHECKING WE DO.
THE STORY ON THIS TODAY WAS
LATER UPDATED BY POLITICO.
OBAMA ACKNOWLEDGED IN THE
FIRST EDITION OF THE BOOK THAT
IT WAS A COMPOSITE.
I AM GOING TO SAY IT IS A BIT
OF A LONG STORY.
>> YOU HAD THIS INFORMATION
BEFORE THIS SHOW STARTED
STARTED AND YOU DECIDED UNTIL
NOW?
>> I AM JUST MAD HE DID IT
BEFORE I DID.
>> SO INSTEAD OF SAYING HE
ACKNOWLEDGED THIS -- WHY IS IT
A STORY NOW THEN?
>> YOU BROUGHT IT UP.
>> BENEDICT, UNLEASHED.
>> WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT THIS GUY.
THIS GUY HAS BEEN PRESIDENT
FOR FOUR YEARS.
AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN IT IS
COMING UP.
IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE IN
2008.
>> BUT IT WAS A LOVE AFFAIR
BACK THEN.
>> WE WERE JUST GOING TO BLAME
OBAMA.
NOW I BLAME THE MEDIA FOR NOT
ACCURATELY REPORTING THIS AND
DOING THE RESEARCH.
>> YOU HAVE A COMPOSITE,
IMAGINARY GIRLFRIEND.
HOW IS THAT?
>> LONELY.
THE OLDER I GET THE LESS MY
IMAGINATION IS.
THE VERY RIGHT WING RAG VANITY
FARE IS RUNNING A NEW BOOK BY
BY OBAMA WHERE THEY HAVE A
REAL LIFE GIRLFRIEND.
THE ONLY TELLING THING IN
THIS, AND IT PAINS ME, BUT
APPARENTLY HE USED TO BE FOND
OF WEARING A SARONG ON
WEEKENDS.
>> A SARONG?
>> A SARONG.
IT WAS THE LATE 70s.
I'M SURE JACK TRIPPER DID THE
SAME THING.
>> SO DID JULIUS CEASER.
>> DID YOU SEE GEORGE PIPARD?
>> DIRK JUST CAME UP WITH THE
HEADLINE THAT YOU ARE GOING TO
SEE EVERYWHERE TOMORROW.
>> ABOUT THE SARON EM E.
>> THAT'S SO WRONG.
>> I POO-PPOED THE STORY, BUT
THERE IS SOMETHING REVEALING
ABOUT THIS BOOK.
IT HAS A COUPLE OF MESSAGES
FROM OBAMA TO HIS GIRLFRIEND.
HE IS NOT A KENYAN OR MUSLIM
OR WHATEVER PEOPLE SAY.
HE IS JUST A PRETENTIOUS
LOSER.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU SAW -- DID
YOU SEE THE --
>> NO, I DIDN'T.
>> HE IS TALKING ABOUT POETRY,
AND IT IS THE MOST
INSUFFERABLE, AND I DON'T HAVE
IT IN FRONT OF ME, BUT IT IS
LIKE THIS ACADEMIC
MUMBO-JUMBO.
>> MAYBE THAT'S WHY THERE IS
NO GIRLFRIEND.
ANY GUY THAT READS YOU POETRY
--
>> IT IS AWFUL.
>> I HAD SOME SUCCESS WITH
WOMEN AND I DIDN'T READ A POEM
ONCE.
I HAD NBC.
>> THEY ACTUALLY READ POETRY
TO YOU.
>> NO, THEY WERE POETRY.
I NEVER MET A WOMAN THAT
WASN'T A POEM.
>> THAT'S THE HEADLINE.
>> HOLLYWOOD, CAN I COME
BACK?
>> I WASN'T EXACTLY ASKED TO
LEAVE.
BUT IT WAS TIME.
>> I THINK WE SHOULD JUST ASK
HIM WHY RIGHT NOW.
>> THAT'S ANOTHER SHOW.
>> LET'S MOVE ON, SHALL WE?
>> FROM SWEETHEARTS TO
SIGMA-KAI?
IS BEING IN A FRAT NOT WHERE
IT IS AT?
ANYONE WHO RUSHES A GREEK
PLEDGE WILL FACE SUSPENSION.
AND THE SAME THING FOR UPPER
CLASS RECRUITERS BUT PADDLING
EN ENTHUSIASTS.
SCHOOL OFFICIALS --
>> I HAVEN'T EVEN HAD A DRINK
YET.
>> THEY CLAIM THEIR GOAL WAS
TO CUT DOWN ON DRINKING,
PREVENT FIRST YEAR STUDENTS
FROM LIMITING THEMSELVES
SOCIALLY, AND FINALLY THEY
BECOME THE LIVING EMBODIMENT
OF ANIMAL HOUSE'S DEWORM --
DEAN RM WOULDER.
THEY SAY -- I THINK IT IS BAD
FOR FRESHMEN INTERESTED IN
FRATS AND SORORITIES AND TO
NOT HAVE THE OPTION.
HE THEN ATE40 LIVE GOLDFISH.
WE ASKED A FRATERNITY BROTHER
TO COMMENT.
>> YOU WERE A GREEK.
WHY DID THEY HATE GREEKS?
>> THAT'S A GREAT QUESTION,
AND WHY DO THEY HATE GREEKS IN
GREEK HOUSES.
I MYSELF WAS IN A SORORITY.
AND EVERYONE SHOULD LIVE IN
THE HOUSE WITH DOZENS AND
DOZENS OF SNOBY YOU KNOW
WHATS.
I WAS MS. GREEK WEEK AND IT
WAS FULFILLING.
I DRANK A LOT AND I DID A
DANCE ROUTINE AND THEY PUT A
CROWN ON ME AND I DON'T
REMEMBER THE REST.
BY THE WAY, IF GIRLS CAN'T
JOIN SORORITIES, HOW WILL THEY
LEARN ABOUT EATING DISORDERS
?
>> HOW ABOUT PILLOW FIGHTS?
>> BUT SERIOUSLY, IT IS SO SAD.
I HAD A CHILD THAT WANTED TO
GO TO THE IVY LEAGUE AND I
LOCKED HIM IN THE BASEMENT FOR
TWO MONTHS.
>> I THINK HE JUST GAVE UP.
>> GAVE UP OR DIED?
>> IT IS AGAINST THE LAW.
YOU LEFT HOLLYWOOD AND MOVED
TO THE WOODS.
YOU WERE THE CELEBRITY VERSION
OF THE UNIBOMBER.
>> A VERY GOOD LOOKING ONE.
>> DAD, I WANT TO GO TO
HARVARD.
GO TO THE BASEMENT!
>> IT IS THE PROBLEM OF
DRINKING.
THERE IS NOT THE ENVIRONMENT
OF THE UNIVERSITY.
>> IT IS NOT THE CAMPUS BAR.
>> IT IS A POLITICALLY CORRECT
ATTACK, AND THEY WOULDN'T DO
THIS TO OTHER GROUPS.
IT IS THE TYPICAL TRADITION.
>> WHICH GROUPS?
>> ALTERNATIVE GROUPS LIKE THE
CHESS CLUB.
>> BANNING THINGS ALWAYS
WORKS.
>> THEY CAN'T DRINK ANYWAYS.
THEY ARE 18 YEARS OLD AND
PRINCETON DOESN'T HAVE
OFFICIAL FRATERNITIES.
>> YOU ARE RIGHT.
NO ONE UNDER 18 IS DRINKING.
>> THEY WILL COUNT DOWN ON
IT.
IT IS A STRANGE THING ANYWAY.
>> SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS OF
MY LIFE ARE FROM
FI-DELTA-FEDA.
IT WAS IN THE 60s AND THOSE
DAYS WERE TAME.
THE 60s WERE -- ONCE AGAIN,
IT IS TOP DOWN LEGISLATION OF
MORAL BEHAVIOR.
LET'S BAN SMOKING.
WE CAN MAKE THE WHOLE
NATION -- THERE ARE SO MANY
LAWS NOW.
>> THIS IS WHY YOU LIVE IN THE
MOUNTAINS.
>> BILL, YOU WERE IN A
SORORITY.
YOU AND A COUPLE ROOMMATES
MOVED IN BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T
FIND SOMEPLACE TO LIVE.
IT WAS IN THE 80s.
>> TRULY WE WERE THE BOSOOM
BUDDIES.
>> I WAS NOT IN A FRATERNITY.
THE CLOSEST GROUP I EVER
JOINED WAS CALLED EAGLE.
I COVERED IT FOR MY PAPER.
I REALIZED IT WAS THE ALLIANCE
FOR GAYS, LESBIANS AND
EVERYTHING ELSE.
AND IT WAS MORE THAN ANY
FRATERNITY PUT TOGETHER.
>> WE SANG SONGS, WE PUFFY
PAINTED T-SHIRTS AND
SWEATSHIRTS.
IT WAS THE SAME GROUP.
>> THE THING ABOUT THE EATING
DISORDER, THEY HAD TO REPLACE
THE PLUMING IN SORORITIES AT
MY COLLEGE AT BERKELEY BECAUSE
OF THE ACID FROM THE -- FROM
THE STOMACH ACID.
>> THAT'S AMAZING.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
>> IT HAS TO BE TRUE BECAUSE
EVERYBODY TOLD ME.
>> EVERYBODY THERE WAS LACTOSE
INTOLL GENT.
>> WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
YOU CAN'T HAVE PIZZA OR
ANYTHING GOOD?
>> OR ANYTHING.
WE HAD MELBA TOAST AND GRAPE
JELLY.
I MEAN, I LOST WEIGHT.
I LOOKED AMAZING.
>>> SHOULD WE BLAME ONE SIDE
FOR A CONGRESS POLARIZED?
IS THE ENDLESS FIGHT TO THE
RIGHT?
ONE MAN THINKS SO.
IT HAS TO BE TRUE.
THE PAIR -- NO PICTURES ?
>> IMAGINE.
>> IT WAS WORTH WAITING FOR.
>> THEY SAY IN THEIR YEAR
STUDYING CONGRESS THEY HAVE
NEVER SEEN THEM MORE
DYSFUNCTIONAL AND IT IS ALL
THE REPUBLICAN'S FAULT.
THE GOP'S I'D LOGICAL EXTREME
UNMOVED BY CONVENTIONAL
UNDERSTANDING OF FACTS,
EVIDENCE AND SCIENCE AND
DISMISSES THE LEGITIMACY OF
THE POLITICAL OPPOSITION.
AND THEY SAY THAT WHEN ONE
PARTY MOVES FROM THE PARTY,
THEY CAN DEAL WITH THE
COUNTRY'S CHALLENGES.
IT IS CHALLENGES LIKE THIS.
>> THE ONLY THING BILL IS
AGAINST IS THE HORSE WEARING
THE HAT.
>> ISN'T IT A LONG WINDED WAY
OF SAYING PLEASE BE MORE
LIBERAL.
>> THE LEFT BEING TOO EXTREME
IS REFUSING TO CAPITULATE.
AND FOR WHAT?
40, 50, 60 YEARS.
MY YOUNGER YEARS, THE 60s
AND 70s AND NOW BECAUSE THE
NATION IS GOING OFF THE CLIFF,
A LOT OF PEOPLE -- MY BROTHER
-- WAS BORN AND RAISED AND
LIVE IN MONTANA.
MY FRIENDS ARE COWBOYS,
RANCHERS, LOGGERS.
THESE GUYS HAVE NEVER BEEN
POLITICAL.
THEY ARE LOCKED AND LOADED AND
THEY ARE GOING TO TEA
PARTIES.
THEY BARELY VOTED BEFORE.
THEY ARE DRAWING THE LINE.
THEY HAVE HAD IT.
THEY WON'T BE INSULTED ANYMORE
BY THIS SMIRKING FROM THE
LEFT.
THEY ARE SHOCKED THAT ALL OF A
SUDDEN PEOPLE LIKE ME GET BACK
IN THEIR FACE.
>> I WAS THERE.
>> IT LOOKED VERY GOOD.
>> ARE YOU 73, RIGHT?
>> I AM ACTUALLY 72, THANK YOU
VERY MUCH.
>> THERE IS AN OPEN MINDEDNESS
FROM SOME PEOPLE ON THE
RIGHT.
NORM ORNSTEIN IS THE HOUSE
LIBERAL AND HE SAYS THEY ARE
HORRIBLE PARTISANS.
TODAY THERE WAS A TWEET -- I
THINK IT WAS A TWEET FROM AL
GORE WHO SAID, YOU KNOW, "I
TOLD YOU" WHICH IS LIKE DID
YOU READ THE STUDY?
DID YOU LOOK AT THE
METHODOLOGY?
NO YOU ARE SCORING PARTISAN
POINTS.
IT IS SELF-FULFILLING.
>> WHEN SOMEBODY COMPLAINS
ABOUT POLARIZATION, THEY NEVER
OFFER TO MOVE TOWARD YOU.
>> EVERYTHING IS POLARIZED.
IT IS CODE TO ME.
IT IS ALL BS.
>> BILL SAYS I WAS POLARIZED
BECAUSE I WOULDN'T MOVE CLOSER
TO HIM.
I THINK IT HAS A DIFFERENT
MEANING.
>> BUT THAT IS TRUE.
WHEN REPUBLICANS DON'T
CONCEDE, SOMEHOW THEY ARE
POLITICIZING AND THEY ARE THE
ONES POLARIZING.
WHEN DEMOCRATS DO IT OR THEY
TRY AND SAY BLOWUP A BRIDGE IN
CLEAVLAND, IT IS DEMOCRACY.
THAT'S PEOPLE STANDING UP FOR
EACH OTHER.
BY THE WAY, I AGREE WITH YOU
AND NOT ONLY ARE YOU THE
HOTTEST MEMBER OF THE A TEAM,
YOU ARE THE SMARTEST TOO.
>> I WAS NEVER ON THE A TEAM,
BUT THANK YOU.
>> ARE YOU MORE THAN WELCOME
TO JOIN THE B TEAM.
>> YOU WERE ON THE A TEAM BUT
IT WAS SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
>> IT WAS A DIAGNOSIS.
IT WAS A SAD DIAGNOSIS.
>> A DIFFERENT MOVIE.
>> WHY, BY THE WAY?
AND THIS STARTS WITH THE
PREMISE THAT HYPER PARTISAN
SHIP IS BAD.
>> IT SHOULD BE GOOD.
>> WHY IS THIS A BAD THING?
THEY DON'T ESTABLISH THE
TERMS, AND THEY EXPECT
EVERYONE WILL JUST GO ALONG
FOR THE RIDE.
>> THE SECRETIVE LIFE IS
FRICTION.
IT IS POLARIZATION AND
NEGATIVE AND POSITIVE.
THIS IS WHAT DRIVES THE
UNIVERSE.
IT IS GOOD TO HAVE
POLARIZATION.
IT IS WHEN EVERYBODY AGREES.
>> WE HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK.
I HAVE SOMEBODY IN MY EAR
TALKING.
>> THERE IS NO ONE IN YOUR
EAR.
>> WHY ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF
ME?
WHAT DID I DO?
HOW MUCH TIME DO I HAVE?
15 SECONDS?
I CAN'T EVEN READ THIS.
WHY DON'T I JUST SAY WE WILL
BE RIGHT BACK IN ABOUT A
MINUTE AND A HALF WITH MORE
STUFF?
>>> WELL, WILL FACEBOOK POSTS
CRUSH THE HOPES?
>> A TROUBLING NEW REPORT FROM
THE SHUTTLEWORTH INSTITUTE
SHOWS THAT DUE TO FACEBOOK
EVERY POTENTIAL CANDIDATE FOR
THE 2040 PRESIDENTIAL RACE NO
MATTER HOW SMART OR
ACCOMPLISHED IS NOW COMPLETELY
UNELECTABLE.
>> THIS IS TREVOR KAUFMAN.
HE IS OUT OF HOUSTON, TEXAS.
HE IS THE HIGH SCHOOL CLASS
PRESIDENT AND SPENDS 10 HOURS
A WEEK VOLUNTEERING AND
RECEIVED A FULL SCHOLARSHIP TO
DUKE.
LOOK AT HIS FACEBOOK PHOTO
ALBUM AND YOU CAN SEE HIM
SMOKING MARIJUANA AND THEY
CONVERTED --
>> THERE IS TRUTH.
EVERYTHING KIDS POST ON-LINE
NOW INCLUDING RUDE PICTURES
AND COMMENTS COULD BE USED BY
POLITICAL OPPONENTS AGAINST
THEM IN THE FUTURE.
WHAT IS THE PRESIDENT OF 2040
DOING RIGHT NOW?
WE HAVE TAPE.
AMAZING.
HE IS A TINY LITTLE MAN.
HE IS MUCH LIKE MYSELF.
DO YOU THINK IN THE FUTURE A
LOT MORE AVERAGE PEOPLE WILL
HAVE A CHANCE AT THE WHITE
HOUSE BECAUSE WE WILL HAVE TO
LOWER THE BAR?
THERE WILL BE NOBODY SQUEAKY
CLEAN ANYMORE SO ANYBODY COULD
BECOME PRESIDENT, RIGHT?
>> I THINK IT IS A GREAT
THING.
IN FACT, I WOULD HAVE VOTED
FOR ANY OF THE PEOPLE.
IF YOU GET MORE ACCUSTOMED TO
THE FIRST PRESIDENT WHO DIDN'T
INHALE, YEAH RIGHT.
AND BARACK OBAMA WHO SNORTED
***.
NOW IT IS GOING TO BE
ACCEPTABLE.
EVERYBODY WILL TALK ABOUT
THEIR DRUG USE AND IT WILL BE
A BETTER SOCIETY FOR IT, MORE
HONESTY.
>> ON THE LEFT IT HAS ALWAYS
BEEN A RESUME ENHANCEMENT.
BEING A SEXIST AND WOMAN EYER
IS AN ENHANCEMENT IF YOU ARE
WARREN BEATTY.
>> IF YOU ARE HERMAN CANE.
>> IF YOU ARE HERMAN CANE,
HEAVEN FORBID GEORGE BUSH --
>> YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?
IT IS PROGRESSIVE PIG
PRINCIPAL.
IF YOU BELIEVE IN THE
PROGRESSIVE VALUES YOU COULD
BE A PIG.
>> IF YOU ARE A REPUBLICAN YOU
ARE A HIPOCRITE.
>> YOU CAN GET THE WOMEN'S
VOTE WHICH IS BIZARRE.
THEY OVERWHELMINGLY VOTED FOR
BILL CLINTON.
>> THIS ALWAYS FASCINATED ME.
>> I NEVER GOT TO TALK.
>> I I AM THE HANDSOME ONE
NOW.
>> I DON'T KNOW.
I AM JUST AN EMPTY SUIT.
>> SHOULD YOU CUT YOUR KIDS
OFF FROM SOCIAL NETWORKS RIGHT
NOW?
>> MY CHILD IS 13 MONTHS OLD.
SHE ALREADY HAS A FACEBOOK
PAGE WHERE SHE IS CLEARLY
DOING ECSTASY.
IT IS VERY ALARMING.
THE CULTURE IS GOING TO SHIFT
SO MUCH.
24R* IS NOT GOING TO BE
ANYBODY IN 2040.
THERE IS NOT GOING TO BE A BAR
AT ALL.
WE WILL ALL HAVE DONE A BUNCH
OF THINGS.
THERE ARE OTHER SHOWS TOO.
>> EVERYTHING TURNS INTO ITS
OPPOSITE.
EVENTUALLY WHAT WILL BECOME
TRENDY AND FASHIONABLE IS
ANONYMOUS.
I AM SETTING THE STANDARD.
>> YOU DO REALIZE YOU ARE ON
TV RIGHT NOW?
>> I KNOW.
THIS IS WHY I AM A
CELEBRAHOLIC.
I AM FALLING OFF THE WAGON BY
BEING ON TV.
>> BILL, YOUR DAUGHTERS HAVE
NO CHANCE AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
>> MY KIDS DIDN'T HAVE TV
UNTIL THEY WERE 10.
>> REALLY?
>> FORGET THE OTHER STUFF.
I WANTED TO BRAIN WASH THEM.
>> TOO MUCH GARBAGE ON NBC.
>> THEY WATCHED 24-7 THEY
WATCHED A TEAM EPISOS.
NO, THERE WAS A TIME WHEN I
WAS A CHILD WHERE PARENTS WERE
RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MORALITY
AND THE ETHICS OF CHILDREN.
IT WAS NOT THE SCHOOL.
THE PARENTS BANNED IT OR DID
NOT BAN IT.
ONCE THE GOVERNMENT STARTS
DOING THAT IT IS A SLIPPERY
SLOPE TO CONTROL EVERYTHING.
>> WHY AREN'T YOU RUNNING FOR
GOVERNOR OF MONTANA?
>> I HAVE BEEN ASKED.
I AM A CELEBRAHOLIC AND I
DON'T WANT TO GO THERE AGAIN
JIE. IF JESSE VENTURA CAN DO
IT.
>> TOO MANY THINGS IN YOUR
PAST?
>> NO, THERE IS NOTHING IN MY
PAST.
I AM PROUD OF EVERYTHING.
I HAVE WRITTEN TWO
AUTO-BIOGRAPHIES AND I NAMED
EVERY WOMAN IN THE INDEX.
>> DID YOU EVER DATE DIANE
CANNON?
>> NO.
I WANTED TO.
>> JOANNE WHIRLY?
>> ERIN GRAY?
>> YOU DID.
>> YES!
>> SHE IS A GOOD FRIEND OF
MINE, ACTUALLY.
I MET KATE JACKSON WHEN I --
MY FIRST BROADWAY SHOW AND SHE
WAS DOING DARK SHADOWS AND SHE
CAME BACK STAGE TO MEET
ANOTHER GUY ON THE SHOW.
I GOT HER PHONE NUMBER.
>> KATE JACKSON IS BEAUTIFUL.
>> THAT WAS WAY BEFORE
"CHARLIE'S ANGELS."
>> I LOVE THAT SHOW.
DO YOU HAVE A COMMENT ON THE
SHOW E-MAIL US?
WE NEED TO DO A WHOLE SEGMENT
ABOUT YOUR DATING LINE.
212-462-5050.
THE HALF TIME REPORT COMING UP
WITH ANDY LEVY.
>> TONIGHT IS SPONSORED BY
HIPOS.
THE LARGE AMPHIBIOUS ANIMALS
WITH A WIDE MOUTH, THICK LEGS
AND GRAY
>>> WELCOME BACK.
LET'S FIND OUT IF WE HAVE
ANYTHING WRONG.
HI, ANDY.
HOW IS IT GOING?
>> GOOD, HOW ARE YOU, GREG?
>> I'M GREAT.
BEFORE WE GET TO THE STORIES,
GREG -- ACTUALLY, DIRK, GREG
SAID WE HAVE BEEN TRYING TO
GET ON YOU THE SHOW FOR SOME
TIME AND YOU SAID WELL YOU
FINALLY SENT ME SOME MONEY.
STANDARDS AND PRACTICES WOULD
LIKE YOU TO MAKE IT CLEAR YOU
WERE JOKING.
>> WELL, IT HAD NOTHING TO DO
WITH IT.
IT WAS BETWEEN GREG AND I.
I DIDN'T SAY THE NETWORK.
IT WAS GREG AND I.
>> IT IS A GRAY AREA.
>> GREG OFTEN REFERS TO
HIMSELF AS THE NETWORK.
>> THEY WERE CD'S OF EDDIE
MONEY.
>> HE PROMISED ME DRINKS
AFTER.
>> OH THAT'S FINE.
>> THANK YOU.
>> OBAMA'S COMPOSITE
GIRLFRIEND.
ANDREA, YOU SAID WHERE ARE THE
EX-GIRLFRIENDS?
ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT ONE OF
OBAMA'S EX-GIRLFRIENDS KILLED
FOSTER?
>> I DON'T KNOW IF THEY WOULD
BE SMART ENOUGH.
JUDGING FROM THE RESPONSE OF
THE GIRL AT THE PLAY --
>> ARE YOU NOT NOT IMPLYING
IT?
>> I AM NOT NOT IMPLYING IT.
>> THAT'S A DOUBLE NEGATIVE.
>> MICHAEL, YOU SAID YOU WOULD
PREEMPT ME AND SAY THE STORY
WAS UPDATED LATER IN THE DAY.
AND OBAMA SAID IN THE FORWARD
TO HIS BOOK THAT THE
GIRLFRIEND WAS A COMPOSITE
CHARACTER.
>> NOT QUITE.
THAT'S WHY I DO THIS JOB AND
YOU DON'T.
IN MY DREAMS OBAMA WRITES
QUOTE SOME OF THE CHARACTERS
CHARACTERS ARE COMPOSITES OF
PEOPLE I HAVE KNOWN.
HE NEVER MENTIONS THE
GIRLFRIENDS SO THIS IS NEW
NEWS.
BRUT --
>> OWE WAY.
BUT HE DOES SAY THERE ARE
CHARACTERS THAT ARE
COMPOSITE.
>> HE NEVER SAID THE
GIRLFRIENDS ARE COMPOSITES.
>> THAT'S A LIAR.
>> WAS THERE A STORY WE WERE
SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT HERE?
>> HE IS MAKING A COME BACK.
>> HE MADE HIS LIVING ON TV.
>> THERE WAS A STORY THAT YOU
REFERENCED AND --
>> IT WAS SO LONG AGO IT WAS
THE BEGINNING OF THE SHOW.
AND I WAS SIPING GIN.
>> NEVER MIND.
>> YOU BROUGHT UP THE
UNSUFFERABLE POETRY THAT OBAMA
WROTE, BUT YOU DIDN'T HAVE IT
IN FRONT OF YOU.
>> CAN YOU READ IT?
>> THIS IS FROM A LETTER HE
WROTE TO HIS GIRLFRIEND,
ALEX.
QUOTE, ELLIOTT, THIS WOULD BE
TS ELLIOTT, ELLIOTT HAS THE
SAME VISION THAT RUNS AND HE
RETAINS A GROUNDING IN THE
SOCIAL REALITY AND ORDER OF
HIS TIME FACING WHAT HE
PERCEIVES AS ECSTATIC CHAOS
AND LIFE ORDER.
HE MAINTAINS 8 *** PURITY
AND BRUTAL *** REALITY.
LET ME SKIP AHEAD.
HE SAYS, AGAIN, THIS IS OBAMA,
QUOTE, AND THIS FATALISM IS
BORN OUT OF THE RELATION
BETWEEN FERTILITY AND DEATH.
I TOUCHED ON IN MY LAST
LETTER.
A FATALISM I SHARE WITH THE
WESTERN TRADITION AT TIMES.
YOU SEEM -- DON'T YOU SHARE
THIS AMBIVALENCE YOURSELF?
>> THIS IS A NEW LINE OF
ATTACK FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO
GO AFTER OBAMA FOR ALL SORTS
OF TENUOUS THINGS.
HE SAYS HE LOVES TS ELLIOTT.
AND TS ELLIOTT WAS A RATHER
AGGRESSIVE ANTI-SEMITE.
>> YOU ARE PUTTING IT OUT
THERE.
YOU ARE RAISING QUESTIONS.
>> AND ANDY, ANDY WHAT DID HE
WRITE?
>> CATS.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT?
>> HE WROTE CATS.
IT COMES FROM HIS ANTI-SAMETIC
MIND.
>> I AM FAIRLY CERTAIN BILL
HEIRS WROTE THAT LETTER.
>> I NEVER FELT SORRY FOR
MICHELLE OBAMA IN MY LIFE
UNTIL YOU READ THAT.
>> WHAT DID YOU WRITE WHEN YOU
WERE IN COLLEGE?
>> BILL, I TOTALLY AGREE WITH
YOU.
>> I SHOULD SAY THAT IN
FAIRNESS I WAS PRETENTIOUS AND
AN INSUFFERABLE MALE.
>> BETWEEN THE DREAM AND THE
SHADOW FALLS REALITY.
THAT'S OBAMA'S PRESIDENCY.
>> WE DON'T KNOW WHAT HE WROTE
IN COLLEGE.
>> WE ARE A SITCOM.
>> WHAT?
>> I WOULD HOPING YOU WOULD
MOVE ON.
I CAN'T HEAR A WORD YOU ARE
SAYING SO I AM READING YOUR
LIPS.
>> PRINCETON BANS STUDENTS.
ANDREA, YOU SAID YOU WERE
MS. GREEK WEEK?
>> I WAS.
>> MORE INFORMATION.
>> I DID A DANCE ROUTINE TO
PRINCE AND SHEILA E'S "THE
LOOK."
AND WE DID STING'S "WE'LL BE
TOGETHER" WITH A CHAIR.
THE QUESTION AND ANSWER
PORTION IS WHAT SEALED IT.
BUT I DID LUBE UP AND PUT OIL
ON FOR THE BIKINI COMPETITION
WHICH MAY HAVE PUT ME OVER THE
EDGE.
MY ENGLISH PROFESSOR WAS ONE
OF THE JUDGES.
I THINK THAT WAS IT.
EVENING GOWN WAS BORING.
>> I NEED A DRINK.
>> IS THERE A VIDEO IN?
THERE ARE NIGHTS THAT I LAY
AWAKE AND WONDER THE SAME
QUESTION.
I THINK SOMEONE FROM A
DIFFERENT SORORITY HAS A
VIDEO.
THERE IS A GIRL OUT THERE WITH
A VIDEO.
>> FOLLOW-UP QUESTION?
DID YOU SAY YOU AND YOUR
SORORITY SISTERS POURED
GLITTER OVER EACH OTHER?
>> DURING PLEDGING AND STUFF.
>> IS THERE VIDEO?
>> THAT I DON'T THINK THERE IS
VIDEO OF.
>> THIS IS THE FINEST WORK YOU
HAVE EVER DONE.
>> THANK YOU.
>> NO, THE FINEST WORK I HAVE
EVER DONE IS WHEN I FIND THAT
VIDEO.
>> YOU BETTER HOPE THE GIRL
WHO TOOK THAT
REPUBLICAN.
>> I DON'T THINK SHE IS.
>> BLAME THE GOP.
ANDREA, YOU SAID WHEN
REPUBLICANS DON'T CONCEDE THEY
ARE POLARIZE I THINK IT IS THE
SAME FOR BEING DEVISIVE.
IF THEY ARE SPLIT, IT IS THE
PEOPLE ON THE RIGHT WHO ARE
BEING DEVISIVE.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
THEY ARE ALWAYS BLAMED.
>> I HAVE A SEPARATE LOOK AT
THAT.
A GOOD EXAMPLE OF THE
POLARIZATION WAS HOW I WAS
ALLOWED TO TALK DURING THAT
SEGMENT.
>> YOU WERE ALLOWED.
>> WERE YOU NOT ALLOWED TO
TALK?
>> YOU COULD HAVE INTERJECTED
IT.
>> I AM A LEFTY.
>> MICHAEL, YOU POINTED OUT
THAT THERE WAS AN ASSUMPTION
BY HYPER PARTISAN SHIP IS
BAD.
I AGREE.
THEY ASSUME IT IS A NOBLE
GOAL, BUT THEY DON'T KNOW
WHY.
THEY SAY MODERATION IS A
VIRTUE.
>> AND IN ALL OF THE PEOPLE
THAT ARE REFERENCED, IT IS TOO
BAD THAT ALL OF THESE DRIPPING
SEN TERRORISTS -- CENTRISTS
WERE BOUNCED.
THESE SHIFTS HAPPEN AFTER THE
CAT TAU CATACLYSMIC EVENTS.
PEOPLE GET MORE PARTISAN AND
YOU KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING.
>> QUICKLY ON THIS REPORT THAT
SAYS EVERY POTENTIAL CANDIDATE
IS ALREADY DISQUALIFIED
BECAUSE OF FACEBOOK.
GREG I HATE TO BRING THIS UP,
THEY PICKED THIS STORY TO
REPORT FROM A SHUTTLEWORTH
INSTITUTE.
I DID SOME DIGGING AND I DON'T
THINK THIS INSTITUTE EXISTS.
>> I GET MOST OF MY NEWS FROM
THEM.
>> I THINK THEY GOT HAD.
THERE IS A FOUNDATION IN SOUTH
AFRICA, BUT IT MAY BE A
LEGEND, AND WE ARE NOT SURE.
>> WE GOT BURNED.
>> I DON'T KNOW IF WE NEED TO
RE-DO A BLOCK OR SOMETHING.
>> MAYBE WE WILL JUST PULL IT
OUT.
>> I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
>> BILL'S MIND IS ALWAYS IN
THE GUTTER WHICH IS A GAY BAR
DOWNTOWN.
>> THE REST OF ME IS STILL
HERE.
>> ARE YOU DONE?
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
ALL RIGHT.
DOES BEING A DELICIOUS SLAB OF
MAN MEAT ENSURE A LIFETIME OF
BEAUTIFUL WOMEN AT YOUR BECK
AND CALL?
HE DISCUSSES HIS NEW BOOK, YES
IT DOES.
AND WHAT YEAR WILL THE WORLD
END?
THAT IS BETWEEN ME AND MY GOD,
AL RON HUBBARD.
>>> ARE WE HEADING FOR
ARMAGEDDON?
A NEW POLL FINDS ONE IN SEVEN
PEOPLE WORLDWIDE, THAT'S LIKE
30 BILLION BELIEVE THE WORLD
WILL END DURING THEIR LIFETIME
, AND 10% THINK THE END OF THE
MYAN CALENDAR THINK IT IS
2012.
WISE UP PEOPLE, IT IS OVER.
THEY SURVEYED 16,000 PEOPLE IN
20 COUNTRIES AND FRANCE AND 6%
BELIEVED THEY WERE DOOMED SOME
SAY SOON.
IN THE UNITED STATES 22%, ONE
IN FIVE, OR MORE ACTUALLY
THOUGHT THAT TO BE TRUE.
LET'S DISCUSS THIS, SHALL WE?
>> LIGHTNING ROOOOUUUUUNNDDD.
LIGHTNING ROUND.
>> I -- YOU GOT LOST THERE FOR
A MOMENT.
>> I DID.
FIRST TIME ON THE SHOW.
THE LIGHTNING ROUND?
>> THAT'S THE LENGTH OF THE
LIGHTNING ROUND BECAUSE IT IS
REALLY LONG.
PLANETS HAVE BEEN AROUND FOR A
HUNDRED YEA OR SO.
>> YOU SHOULDN'T BE AFRAID OF
DEATH.
YOU SHOULD EMBRACE IT.
>> I EMBRACE DEATH EVERY
NIGHT.
>> EVERY THURSDAY NIGHT.
>> IT IS THE NICKNAME OF MY
MASSEUSE.
>> IT IS CALLED JACK DANIELS.
>> I AGREE.
>> FEAR OF DEATH, IT IS FEAR
OF AGING.
PLASTIC SURGERY IS A FORM OF
SUICIDE.
IT IS LOOKING IN THE MIRROR
AND HATING WHAT YOU SEE.
WHAT A WAY TO LIVE.
IT IS A FEAR OF DEATH.
WHEN THIS -- IN A REALLY FREE
COUNTRY PEOPLE DON'T EVEN
THINK OF IT.
THEY ARE FREE AND IN THE
MOMENT.
>> THAT'S A GOOD POINT.
ANANDREA?
>> IT BACKS UP THE STATISTICS
YOU READ.
THE FRENCH, THEY DON'T GET
PLASTIC SURGERY.
THEY SIT AROUND AND SMOKE
CIGARETTES AND DRINK WINE.
THEY WERE NOT CONCERNED ABOUT
DYING, BUT ONE IN FIVE IN OUR
COUNTRY IS BECAUSE WE ARE
STRESSED OUT.
WE WORK HARDER THAN THEY DO.
>> IT ALSO KIND OF CONTRIDICTS
THE WHOLE SOCIALISM THING.
THE FRENCH THEY TEND TO LIFT
TO THE LEFT.
IT IS A MORE OF A LEFT BEHIND
THING.
>> IT IS NOT JUST A SERIES.
>> LEFT BEHIND.
>> I KNOW WHO WILL BE STILL
HERE WHEN WE ARE THERE.
SORRY, BUDDY.
>> THERE IS A LACK OF
SPIRITUALITY.
THERE IS A SPEAR -- A
SPIRITUAL ASPECT AND WE LIVE
IN A GROWING -- WE ARE
MAKING -- YOU KNOW HITLER WAS
THE FIRST --
>> YOU BRING UP A GOOD POINT.
I WAS WALKING AROUND WILLY
NILE FOR A LONGTIME.
I THOUGHT, WE WILL BE FINE AND
THEN GAYS STARTED MARYING AND
THEN I THINK THE RAPTURE IS
SIX WEEKS AWAY.
>> BILL, YOU KNOW BRUCE WILLIS
WILL SAVE US WHEN THE TIME
COMES.
>> SOME OF US, PERHAPS,
PROBABLY NOT ME.
HE WILL ASK FOR MY VOTING
RECORD AND NOT BE HAPPY.
>> WHEN THE SHIP SINKS IT
WON'T BE WOMEN AND CHILDREN
FIRST ANYMORE, WILL IT?
THIS IS 100 YEARS OF TITANIC.
I THOUGHT, I AM NOT PUTTING
WOMEN AND CHILDREN -- I AM
GETTING IN.
I AM MORE OF A WOMAN THAN MOST
WOMEN I KNOW.
>> WE DID A STUDY ON THAT.
EVERYONE IS LIKE THAT NOW.
IT ALWAYS WAS.
>> WE HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK.
WE HAVE MORE STUFF ON THE WAY,
MORE STORIES AND NEAT THINGS.
>>> THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO
HIM.
LET'S LEARN FANS OF LEARNING.
>> DIRK BENEDICT BECAME A
VEGETARIAN IN 1971.
DIRK SUFFERS FROM 50% HEARING
LOSS IN HIS LEFT EAR DUE TO A
FIREARM MISHAP WHEN HE WAS
12.
IN 2006 DIRK APPEARED AT THE
WIZZARD WORLD CONVENTION IN
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS.
IN 1989, DIRK STARRED IN THE
TV MOVIE "TRENCH COAT IN
PARADISE."
DIRK HAS A BROTHER AND A
SISTER NAMED ROY AND RAMONA.
THE NAME OF DIRK'S FIRST BOOK
IS "CONFESSIONS OF A CAW MACAW
SWREE COWBOY."
DIRK WAS A MEMBER OF
DI-DELTA-PHETA.
HE WROTE AND DIRECTED "CAHOOT"
IN 2001.
>> I DIDN'T KNOW I DID ALL OF
THIS.
>> YOU HAD QUITE THE CAREER.
YOU MADE AN INTERESTING
POINT.
YOU SAID YOU HAD A VIBRANT SEX
LIFE AND IT KILLED YOUR SEX
LIFE.
CELEBRITY KILLED YOUR SEX
LIFE.
>> I WAS NOT UNSUCCESSFUL WITH
WOMEN WHEN I WAS A NORMAL
GUY.
I HAD TO WORK AT IT.
I HAD TO EXTEND MYSELF AND
TALK AND TAKE THEM TO DINER
AND BE SOMEBODY.
WHEN I WAS FILMING CAT BATTLE
STAR GALACTICA" WE WOULD GO TO
THIS BAR NEXT TO UCLA AND HAVE
BEER.
AND THERE WERE THE PRETTY
CO-EDS AND I WOULD TRY TO CHAT
THEM UP.
I SMELLED LIKE A HICK FROM
MONTANA.
THE SHOW WENT ON IN 1978 AND I
WENT IN THE NEXT FRIDAY AND
THE GIRLS ARE SITTING THERE
AND THEY GLANCE AND SAW ME AND
THEY WENT -- AND THEY ALL CAME
DOWN AND I WAS CHARMING AND
FUNNY AND EVERYBODY HOPING ON
EVERY WORD AND I WENT, OH MY
GOD.
>> WOMEN ARE EVIL.
>> THEY ARE DRAWN TO
CELEBRITY.
>> DOES THIS BECOME A FOURSOME
OR A SEVENSOME.
>> WHAT IS THE WORD FOR FIVE?
>> IS THAT LIKE FOUR PLUS
LAUREN GREEN OR SOMETHING?
I STARTED OFF BY SAYING I AM
NOT THAT KIND OF GUY.
AND I ENDED UP SAYING YES.
>> SPEAKING OF YES, I AM GOING
TO THROW OUT SOME NAMES AND
YOU SAY YES OR NO.
>> TON KNEE CATAIN.
>> NO.
>> NOT EVEN CLOSE?
LONNIE ANDERSON.
>> I AM GOING TO TAKE THE
FIFTH.
>> BAILEY QUARTERS?
>> WHO?
>> WKRP.
>> I GOT A SMIRK OUT OF THAT
ONE.
THERE WAS A SMIRK THERE.
YOU DID SOMETHING WITH BAILEY
QUARTERS.
>> A DIRK SMIRK.
>> YOU DID, DIDN'T YOU?
SHE WAS ADORABLE.
SHELLY HACK.
>> REALLY?
I DID A MOVIE WITH HER.
>> IN YOUR BEDROOM?
>> SHE WAS MARRIED TO A BIG
PRODUCER AT ABC.
>> SHELLY DUVALL.
>> SHELLY BETTER MAN.
BERMAN.
THE FUNNIEST SEX I EVER HAD.
>> ALL ALL RIGHT HERE IS ONE.
I KEY YOU C -- SEE WITH YOU
KAY LENS.
>> I WANT TO SEE KAY LENS, BUT
SHE MARRIED TO THE BRADY BUNCH
GUY.
NO, IT WAS SEAN CASSIDY.
>> FROM "THE PAR TREDGE
FAMILY."
>> SUSAN DAY.
>> ONLY AT NIGHT.
NO, NO.
>> SPEAKING OF "BRADY BUNCH"
DID YOU SEE EVE'S PLUMS, SO TO
SPEAK?
THAT'S A MAYBE.
>> LET'S MOVE ON TO "THE LOVE
BOAT" LAUREN TWEED?
DID SHE HAVE ANY ACTIVITY FOR
YOU?
>> SHE WAS ON THAT "LOVE BOAT"
THING.
YES, I DID THAT SHOW.
>> DID YOU THAT SHOW?
>> I WAS ON THAT SHOW.
YOU KNOW THERE ARE A LOT OF
DOUBLE ENTANDRAS.
>> YOU DIDN'T RESPOND TO
CHARLOTTE RAY.
>> VERY STUNNING.
>> HOW ABOUT THE CHARLIE'S
ANGELS.
>> WE HAVE ALREADY TALKED
ABOUT KAY.
I KNEW THESE PEOPLE.
>> JACQUELINE SMITH.
>> NO.
>> ANY MEMBER FROM "HART."
>> WHY ARE YOU OBSESSED?
>> I AM OBSESSED WITH YOUR SEX
LIFE.
>> BENSON?
MRS. PROWS?
>> A GREAT ACTOR.
>> MONA FROM "WHO'S THE
BOSS"?
>> JUDITH WHITE.
JUDITH LIGHT.
>> DID YOU KNOW JUDITH LIGHT?
>> I DID.
WE WERE IN THE CANCER PLAY
TOGETHER.
NO, I WAS IN THAT ONE.
>> NO YOU WEREN'T.
>> YES, I PLAYED HER SON.
>> NO, YOU DIDN'T.
>> LOOK IT UP.
LOOK IT UP.
>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?
>> WE HAVE TO CLOSE THINGS OUT
THE POST GAME WRAP UP WITH
ANDY LEVY.
>>> HE IS AN OLD FRIEND -- SHE
IS AN OLD FRIEND.
>> LINDA BLAIR?
>> MAUD?
>> GO AHEAD, POST GAME WRAP
UP.
>> ANDREA, WHAT IS YOUR COLUMN
ABOUT THIS WEEK?
>> MITT ROMNEY AND HOW HE
NEEDS A MESSAGE.
>> THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
>> I WOULD RATHER TALK ABOUT
HIS LOVE LIFE AND ALL OF THE
WOMEN HE HAS SLEPT WITH.
>> MICHAEL WHAT DO YOU HAVE
COME ?G.
>> A PIECE IN THE "WALL STREET
JOURNAL" AND ONE COMING THIS
WEEKEND AND CHRIS BUCKLEY'S
NEW BOOK AND SOMETHING ELSE
ABOUT HOLOCAUST ART.
>> LILLIAN HELMAN, DID YOU
SLEEP WITH LILLIAN HELMAN.
>> ELF?
>> YOU SLEPT WITH ELF.
>> GLORIA STEWART.