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Here we are in one of the most important establishments in Britain - the school.
This school, Queen Elizabeth's High School,
was built brick-by-brick in 1805 by Queen Elizabeth herself
whilst high on an insane acid trip.
Great job!
Of course, the school isn't just bricks and mortar.
The atmosphere here is characterised by the attitude
and behaviour of each and every student.
Now here, we have 'Exhibit A':
a model student dressed impeccably from head
to spleen.
[ding!]
One of the main benefits of this school
is the wide range of extra-curricular activities available,
as student, and part-time Elvis impersonator, James Jameserington explains.
James: ...and there's so much to do!
James: You can play rugby, or football,
James: or rugby-football...
Now, it is rumoured that this very hall
is haunted by the ghost of Queen Elizabeth's first son,
Prince Elizabeth.
Here he is helping out with the furniture.
Thanks, Elizabeth.
If you're a fan of computer-machines,
this school is no stranger to technology.
One computer here has even gained consciousness,
and developed a life of its own.
Philip: My name is Philip!
Philip: Please love me!
This state-of-the-art computer room is the brainchild
of one Mr S. Worrall.
A man so mystical and elusive that all attempts to contact him
have ended in catastrophic failure.
And so, we present to you an historical re-enactment
of an encounter with this man.
[toy piano music]
Worrall: TUCK YOUR SHIRT IN! TUCK YOUR SHIRT IN!
Worrall: HELLO MR HOPKINSON!
Hopkinson: DON'T CALL ME HOPPO!
Worrall: ...I DIDN'T!
Hopkinson: IT'S ANYA!
[sexy saxophone music]
Worrall: TUCK YOUR SHIRT IN!
Dawson: Ucas... Ucas...
Worrall: WHO ARE YOU?!
Dawson: I'm quite clearly Mr Dawson.
Anya: NYIP!
Worrall: YOU'RE FIRED! AAARGH!
If you're feeling a bit peckish,
one can get a bite to eat at the school canteen.
Here, there is a vast option of different foods,
provided, of course, you like eggs.
And if you don't like eggs, there are plenty of other ways
to fill your stomach. James Jameserington.
James: I think one of the biggest strengths of the school
James: is the shop across the road.
James: It's phenomenal - it's like utopia of chips.
[eating noises]
"Parking...
...sux".
[lounge music plays]
[there is no dialogue]
Now, the elder students of this upper-class educational establishment
have top-notch drinking facilities.
However, despite this, they have no stirrers.
Instead, they must use different methods
of mixing their drinks.
[burning sound]
[static, horrific noises]
So there we have it.
The modern school establishment. Try it yourself!
Tune in next week, where we will be looking at
the fourth dimension.
[echoes and spacey effects]
Worrall: SO. ANYA.
Worrall: WE APPEAR TO BE ALONE.
[loud eating noises]
Hopkinson: Mr Worrall...
Worrall: [grunts]
Hopkinson: HAVE YOU SEEN ANYA?!
Worrall: [grunts]
Hopkinson: OKAY THEN...
[loud eating noises]
Hopkinson: WHAT THE *** ARE YOU DOING?!
Worrall: AAARGH!
Hopkinson: AAAARGH!