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GOT SOME VELOCITY THERE.
YEAH.
YOU CAN BET ON THE H
, BABY.
IT'S ALL GOOD.
WELL, DON'T LET ME, UH...
INTERRUPT.
TSS. IT'S COOL.
"COOL" IS THE ONLY THING HE SAID I UNDERSTOOD.
HOG AIN'T MUCH ON COMMUNICATION.
REMIND ME NOT TO SIT NEXT TO HIM ON ROAD TRIPS.
REMEMBER ME?
RUBE BAKER.
MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I THOUGHT YOU WERE WITH SAN DIEGO.
OH, I WAS WITH SAN DIEGO.
OLD CONTROL PROBLEM CAME CREEPING BACK TO HAUNT ME.
TROUBLE MAKING THE THROW TO SECOND?
YEAH. SECOND.
AND, UH, FIRST.
THIRD, A LITTLE.
AND I ST-STILL HAVE TROUBLE
GETTING IT BACK TO THE PITCHER.
WELL, COME ON. I DON'T BELIEVE THAT.
JUST TAKE A DEEP BREATH, REAR BACK,
AND LET IT RIP.
OK.
]
[CAR ALARM SOUNDING]
Boy: MOM, THEY DID IT AGAIN!
SEE WHAT I MEAN? I JUST...
WELL, YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT OFF THE MARK,
BUT DON'T WORRY. WE'LL GET YOU STRAIGHTENED OUT.
OK.
YOU WANT ME TO GO GET THAT?
NAH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. JUST KEEP WARMING 'EM UP.
GOOD SEEING YOU, RUBE.
IT WAS GOOD SEEING YOU, GUS.
YOU GOT ANY MORE BALLS?
YES, SIR, I REMEMBER GUS CANTRELL
FROM THE OLD CALIFORNIA DOUBLE-A LEAGUE.
THAT WAS BEFORE DIET COKE BECAME MY BEVERAGE OF CHOICE.
GUS WAS A PRETTY FAIR PITCHER,
BUT HE'LL HAVE TO BE MORE THAN PRETTY FAIR
TO TURN THIS BUNCH
INTO ANYTHING THAT RESEMBLES A BASEBALL TEAM.
THEY SUCK.
PERPLEXED?
CARLTON WINDGATE, PITCHER.
EVERYONE, UH, CALLS ME DOC.
GUS CANTRELL, MANAGER.
EVERYBODY CALLS ME GUS.
OH, I'M DELIGHTED TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE.
YEAH. LIKEWISE.
SO YOU HAVE A QUESTION REGARDING THE SCORECARD
OR...
UH, WELL, YEAH, AS A MATTER OF FACT.
THERE'S SEEMS TO BE A MISTAKE.
YOU GOT JUAN LOPEZ AT SECOND
AND JUAN LOPEZ AT SHORT.
AH. THAT'S NO MISTAKE. JUAN!
HELLO, COACH.
BUENOS DIAS.
BROTHERS?
TWINS.
WITH THE SAME NAME?
CONFOUNDING, IS IT NOT?
"CONFOUNDING" SEEMS TO BE THE WORD OF THE DAY.
LISTEN, UH, FROM NOW ON, YOU'RE GONNA BE JUAN 1.
Sí.
AND YOU'RE GONNA BE JUAN 2.
SOUNDS GOOD, COACH.
UH, EXCUSE ME, BUT, UM, BY NUMBERING THEM,
YOU RISK STIFLING THEIR IDENTITIES
AND SQUELCHING THEIR SELF-ESTEEM.
I DON'T WANNA BE RUDE HERE, DOC,
BUT HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE JUAN 3?
WATCH OUT!
OOH!
OH!
AW!
Doc: ALL RIGHT, RUBE! GOOD TRY, RUBE!
SO A ROUTINE THROW BECOMES A 2-BASE THROWING ERROR.
MR. BUZZ ALMOST GOT NAILED BY THAT MISSILE.
AND WE ALL MIGHT BE BETTER OFF
HAD HE GOT NAILED.
OOH!
[CROWD BOOING]
ALL RIGHT, LANCE! SHAKE IT OFF, BUDDY!
SHAKE IT OFF! GET THE NEXT ONE, BUD!
LANCE THE DANCE HAD A SLIPPERY ONE THAT TIME.
THEY DON'T CALL HIM OL' STONE HANDS FOR NOTHING.
I'VE SEEN BETTER HANDS ON A CLOCK.
JUAN 1 HAS THE BALL, STILL TIME TO MAKE THE THROW.
NO, JUAN 2 HAS THE BALL! HEY, WAIT A SECOND!
IT'S A BRAWL!
ERE WE GO AGAIN.
COME ON, CUT IT OUT, YOU GUYS!
THE BROTHERS LOPEZ ARE GOING AT IT.
JUAN 2 LOOKS HURT.
NO! HERE HE COMES FIGHTING BACK!
HE CONNECTS WITH A RIGHT!
WHOO! WHAT A SHOT!
TOP IT!
YOU CAN'T PLAY BALL,
YOU'RE UGLY! YOU'RE UGLY!
YOU!
YOU!
YOU'RE BOTH OUT OF HERE!
SO ALL JUAN LOPEZES CONCERNED GET THE HEAVE-HO,
AND RIGHT ABOUT NOW,
GUS CANTRELL HAS GOTTA BE WONDERING
WHY HE EVER TOOK THIS JOB.
YOU KNOW, FANS, IT'S GAMES LIKE THIS
THAT USED TO GET ME OVERMEDICATED.
HA HA HA.
AAH!
JUST KEEP HITTING THEM UP THE MIDDLE, ALL RIGHT?
THEY'LL CATCH ON.
[PANTS]
HE GOT A BAD JUMP ON THAT ONE.
NOT ONLY THAT--HE RAN TOO LONG IN THE SAME SPOT.
EPING]
HUH. COULDN'T GET A READING.
[BEEPING DIES]
I GOT THAT USED FROM THE HIGHWAY DEPARTMENT.
IT DOESN'T PICK UP ANYTHING UNDER 55.
UNDER 55?
HOW WAS THAT, COACH?
IT WAS GOOD, DOC.
Doc: EXCELLENT.
YOU WANT TO SEE MY CHANGE-UP BEFORE YOU GO?
NO, NO. I'M GOOD.
SUPER. ALL RIGHT, WE'LL STAY WITH THE HEATER.
Gus: THAT-A-BABY.
Gus: LANCE ROMANCE.
COACH?
LET ME SEE YOUR MITT.
HUH?
TRY THIS FOR A WHILE.
HEY, I CAN'T FIELD WITH THIS.
WELL, I HATE TO TELL YOU,
BUT YOU AIN'T SO HOT WITH A GLOVE, EITHER.
YEAH, BUT--
I WANT YOU TO GET USED TO FEELING THE BALL.
LOOSEN UP THOSE HANDS A LITTLE BIT.
OK, COACH.
GO AHEAD, OPEN IT UP.
IT'S A FIRST BASEMAN'S MITT.
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT THE GUY AT THE SPORTING GOODS STORE
SAID IT WAS.
I'M NO FIRST BASEMAN. I'M AN OUTFIELDER.
BEEN AN OUTFIELDER ALL MY LIFE.
I KNOW YOU'RE AN OUTFIELDER, POPS.
I JUST THINK IT MIGHT BE BETTER FOR THE TEAM IF WE--
HOLD ON NOW.
I'VE BEEN AROUND A LONG TIME.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO GIVE ME
"THE BEST THING FOR THE TEAM" SPEECH.
I'LL TAKE IT STRAIGHT.
YOU'RE TOO OLD, YOU'RE TOO FAT,
AND YOU'RE TOO SLOW.
STRAIGHT ENOUGH?
AH, THAT'LL DO IT.
BUT I LIKE YOUR BAT.
AND I NEED A LEADER ON THE FIELD,
AND I THINK YOU'RE MY MAN.
SO, UH...
WHAT DO YOU SAY? YOU WANT IRST BASE A SHOT?
SURE. I'M...
IF YOU THINK THAT'S BEST FOR THE TEAM.
THANKS, POPS.
YEAH.
[HONKS HORN]
OK, SO, "PURE HITTER"-- NOW, WHAT'S THAT MEAN?
SEE, I GOT THESE NATURALLY QUICK HANDS, YOU KNOW?
NUH-UH.
YEAH, I GOT A PRETTY GOOD EYE, TOO.
NO, NO, NO.
NIÇOISE.
I TOLD YOU. WE GOT RANCH, ITALIAN,
CHUNKY BLUE CHEESE, WHICH IS 50 CENTS EXTRA.
OK.
DO YOU HAVE ANY BALSAMIC VINEGAR?
I GOT RANCH, ITALIAN,
CHUNKY BLUE CHEESE.
OK. YOU KNOW WHAT?
FORGET THE SALAD.
BRING ME A GUN, AND I'LL JUST SHOOT MYSELF, OK?
POPS, I WAS WONDERING--
YOU, UH--YOU EVER MAKE IT
CAME CLOSE ONCE.
YEAH?
WITH THE RED SOX ORGANIZATION.
MM-HMM.
IT WAS IN OCTOBER. A PLAYER GOT INJURED.
I GOT THE CALL.
AND I WAS ON THE PLANE FLYING INTO BOSTON
WHEN A FREAK SNOWSTORM HIT.
WE COULDN'T LAND.
2 DAYS LATER, WEATHER'S FINE,
SO IS THE PLAYER.
NO WAY.
THAT WAS IT?
20 YEARS, PROFESSIONAL BASEBALL,
THE SHOW.
[BOTH LAUGH]
WINDGATE IS WHAT YOU'D CALL A FINESSE PITCHER--
MOVES THE BALL UP AND DOWN, IN AND OUT,
RELIES ON CONTROL AND SAVVY.
THEY TIME THIS KID'S FASTBALL WITH AN HOURGLASS.
HEE HEE HEE HEE!
[CRACKING SOUND]
UHH!
OHH.
ANDERSON.
SACRIFICE HIM OVER.
SACRIFICE?
YEAH. BUNT HIM OVER INTO SCORING POSITION.
YOU'RE KIDDING ME.
NO, I'M NOT KIDDING.
LAY ONE DOWN.
Woman: HIT ONE, DOWN
OK.
: COME ON, D.T.!
ANDERSON DRIVES ONE TO LEFT AND DEEP.
HEY, GET UP, GET OUT OF HERE, GONE!
FOR ANDERSON...
AND THE BUZZ LEAD THIS GAME 3-2.
GOOD JOB, BUDDY.
Players: D.T.!
WHOO!
Man: D.T.!
BABY, BABY!
[CHATTER]
FOOD. I WANT SOME FOOD, BABY.
ROAST BEEF SANDWICH. I WANT SOME CHEESE,
SOME BOLOGNA, SOME TURKEY,
SOME POTATO SALAD, A PICKLE...
ANDERSON.
ANDERSON.
I NEED TO SEE YOU.
UH-OH.
Man: SOMEONE'S IN TROUBLE.
Man: DOESN'T LOOK GOOD.
IF I'M NOT BACK IN 5 MINUTES...
I'LL PUT THIS SANDWICH TO GO, BRO, ALL RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS.
Man: JUST MAKE ME THE SANDWICH, MAN.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
YEAH.
HI.
PULL UP A CHAIR.
SEE, UH...
THIS AIN'T THE DOWNTOWN SHOW,
SO, UH...
WHEN I ASK YOU TO LAY ONE DOWN,
YOU LAY ONE DOWN.
BUT I WON THE GAME.
WELL, THAT'S NOT THE POINT.
WE'RE A TEAM HERE.
WE DO WHAT'S BEST FOR THE TEAM.
AND I MAKE THAT DECISION.
SEE, THIS ISN'T ABOUT ONE GUY
DOING WHAT HE WANTS TO DO.
EVEN IF THAT ONE GUY WINS A BALL GAME?
EVEN IF THAT ONE GUY WINS A BALL GAME.
OK.
I'M BENCHING YOU FOR THE NEXT 3 GAMES.
YOU'RE SERIOUS?
YEAH.
BUT I'M ON A ROLL.
I'VE HAD 5 HITS IN MY LAST 12 AT-BATS,
AND YOU'RE GOING TO BENCH ME?
3 GAMES, YOU SIT.
IS THAT ALL?
YEAH, THAT'S IT.
SKIPPER, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?
SURE. WHAT'S UP, DOC?
WELL, I'VE BEEN WORKING WITH RUBE,
TRYING TO HELP HIM TO OPEN UP.
OPEN UP?
WE WERE ACTUALLY KING DOWN SOME WALLS,
AND I REALLY BELIEVE
THAT RUBE'S WHOLE THROWING PROBLEM
GOES BACK TO AN ABRASIVE LITTLE LEAGUE COACH.
RUBE CAN'T THROW WORTH A ***
BECAUSE OF SOME JERK-OFF LITTLE LEAGUE COACH?
IN LAYMAN'S TERMS, YES.
AND I WANT TO ASK YOU
IF YOU COULD JUST BE GENTLE WITH HIM.
SEE, RUBE'S PSYCHE
IS FAR MORE DELICATE
THAN HIS RUGGED FACADE WOULD INDICATE.
GIVE HIM LE SPEECH?
IF YOU WOULD BE SO KIND.
AND, SKIPPER,
I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR MAKING YOURSELF ACCESSIBLE
TO SUCH AN OPEN DIALOGUE.
YOU BET.
MM-HMM. IT'S STRONG FOR YOUR LEGS.
IT'LL BE GOOD FOR FIRST BASE.
BALANCE YOURSELF, POPS.
OK.
OK, NOW WE'RE GOING TO DO JETéS.
LE.
MM-HMM.
FOLLOW ME, BABY.
GAZELLE.
WHOO!
LEAP!
♪ TAKIN' CARE OF BUSINESS ♪
♪♪ EVERY DAY ♪
LET THE BALL GET FURTHER ACROSS THE PLATE, RIGHT?
FURTHER IN ON YOU,
AND THEN HIT
IT
RIGHT INTO RIGHT FIELD.
YOU CAN'T HELP BUT HIT IT THAT WAY.
WELL, WHY DO I WANT TO HIT IT INTO RIGHT FIELD?
I MEAN, I'M A PULL HITTER.
I KNOW YOU ARE,
AND IT WON'T BE LONG
UNTIL EVERY PITCHER KNOWS IT, TOO.
JUST TRY IT.
[EXHALES]
ALL RIGHT, TRY AGAIN.
ACT LIKE ***.
HEY, RUB
HEY, SKIP.
I'VE BEEN WONDERING--
YOU GOT ANY, UH, HIDDEN SKILLS?
DDEN SKILLS?
YEAH. LIKE IF MY CAR WASN'T RUNNING RIGHT,
COULD YOU TAKE THE CARBURETOR APART AND FIX IT?
NO.
NO, I DON'T KNOW NOTHING ABOUT CARBURETORS.
HOW ABOUT IF I BOUGHT YOU SOME LUMBER--
E?
UH, NOPE.
DON'T BELIEVE I COULD.
SO YOUR SKILLS THEN LEND THEMSELVES
PRIMARILY TO BASEBALL,
WE COULD SAY THAT?
YEAH, WE COULD SAY THAT.
IF ANOTHER ROUTINE THROW LANDS 15 ROWS IN THE GRANDSTANDS,
I'M SENDING YOUR *** HOME.
SO YOU BETTER MAKE YOUR THROWS,
OR I SUGGEST YOU INVEST IN SOME HOW-TO BOOKS
AND FIND A FALLBACK PROFESSION, UNDERSTOOD?
YEAH. YES, SIR.
I'LL JUST...
MITT.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO GIVE HIM THE GENTLE SPEECH.