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Harp music scaling dreamily up chord. How about this, Hun? Showing *** dressed
like ET. >> Sadly, whinily, ET come home.
>>OH, I just love that. >>*** says, ET bone home.
>>Oh, I just love that. I just love that. >>Sadly, ET bone home. ET come hooooooome,
ET being *** on bed and then ET smiling.
>>Oh, ET, that was magical. >>God knows I try, honey. I'm glad you enjoyed
it. >> That was fun Charlie, but, it's not enough.
That was fun Charlie, but, it's not enough. That was fun Charlie, but, it's not enough.
>> Nervously, biting nails, Really, I guess that blows the nipotism, huh?. Harp scatting
downchords. >> What? What do I gotta do, eat the crud
under your fingernails? >>C'mon, Charlie, put the handcuffs on. It's
easy. It's breezy. It's Cuffher Girl. >>Ooo, that sounds like a proposal.
>>Oh, just believe it. Bashfully, coyishly, oh, c'mon, I’m sorry.
>>You’re sorry? Try not looking in the mirror so much, then, you won’t have so much to
be sorry about. >>Te, Ha Ha. Oh, I never told you to eat them.
>>Well, at least I brought her back to Earth. Yes, you did.
>>Adamantly, no, I did not. >>You implied it.
>>No, I didn't. >>Yes, you did. As no response, oh, now I'm
going to get the silent treatment. Okay, to the words of Deck The Halls, may your daaays……………be
merry and briiiiiiight… Where did you go. Pleading, now, come back here.
>>Hoomfing, you know, that’s not Deck The Hall, and, for you anyway, I think I would
suggest the Bruce Springsteen version. >> Oh, crap I lost her again. Where'd you
go? Pleading, Come back. Your never around when I need you. C'mon. You said “take me
with you, I want the real homey shopping experience”. Don't you want to go shopping? Oh, geez. Just
forget about it. >>By the way, that’s not what I said.
>>Oh, my God, what is that? >>God says, yes, you did and a long string
of thunder claps. >>Hands in air, Yes, I win. Why don’t you
face it. Your just like everybody else. Making utter sounds, You just want somebody that
can squirt milk back at you. Ya know, I don’t need another double T' ease. Next time you
be the hamburger and I'll be the helper. Another clap of thunder.
Hey, you know, back in the 60s and 70s, kiddo, there was, I only remember there being only
one Cover Girl. Now, there's 20 of you guys to make one, you know, cover, Cover Girl thing,
uh, but, you know, I guess that must be the melting pot, clapping and thunder, so, bravo
for you guys. Bravo. But, what do you guys do get together at the convention every year
and blow dry each other's hair, and, hey, you still don't have a Cover Creature Gimp,
so, you know, so, your still definitely one shy one tomato. Hey, by the way, I don't appreciate
you signing my mirror, enigmatically, yours. I mean, what do you think this is, Zannagiest?
>>Just remember, I told you, you're not the only one with an old SLR.
>>Oh, yeh, well, I'm not blowing you shotguns anymore, honey, and, and, have fun with the
psychorazzi, too! >>Just remember I told you, you weren't the
only one with an old SLR. >>This is going to be good, another work of
art by Ellen van Unwerth. In Drew's own words, "an amalgamation of" art and demolition.
>>It's easy. It's breezy. It's Cuffher Girl. Drum roll in bedroom with some likeness to
shots taken for her 1995 Playboy shoot removing her pants, and brandishing some demolition
too.
>>Narrating, me thinks this is a full-blown, completely composed, yet, seemingly-disillusioned,
chaotic episode. Oh, no, no, scratch that, an intense breezy rage. Let's keep this simple.
Well better yet, maybe, a breezy sentimental rage, or could this be A QUIET easy BREEZY
RAGE.
Oh, my God, what is that?
What do you think this is, Zannagheist? >>That's Ghostwood to you Charlie. You know,
nobody cares about Celestial PR anymore. I'm just trying to do my bit to get it back.
>>Celestial PR? I, aren't you an exitessentialist. Oh, and you're 5'4", you're like 5'4", wouldn't
a 60-inch screen be a little more life like? You went green. Na-rl, remember all the whales.
Oh well, back to the libarry. >>Softly, that's right.
>>KNOCK AT DOOR…..Now who the hell is that? >>Epifurious dear. It's going to be a big,
big bouquet, then farts a bunch. >>Oo, my God. Laughing, Jesus. Hold on, hold
on a second, okay. Hold on a second. Jesus, she's tougher than the Big Bad Wolf. I bet
she didn't bring her Hepa Fart Filter with here either. Did you call her?
>>Geez. I'm right here. You asked for it. >>I bet she didn't bring her Hepa Fart Filter
either. >>Oh geez, I'm right here, hun. And, anyway,
you asked for it. Te, you don't eat enough. >>Harps sounding dreamily for some reason.
>>And now, a message from John and Ethyl Barrymore. >>Stately, old, English, male, voice, Oh dear,
oh dear, she is good, isn't she, but, it's too exciting for me. Has anybody seen my snuff.
>>Stately, old, English, female voice, Here it is dear.
>>Thank you, dear. >>Smack her on the ***.
>>English cranky male, what did she say? What's that girl got on? This is too exciting. Ethyl
get my snuff. >>Me, for It's A Wonderful Wife, after the
part where, ah, John and Ethyl have their little trist, ah, singing, memories of elephants
laying in my bed. The jackyl cried the snakes black eyed, do-o, do, te, de, do-o. Check
this out. Here's the, ah, article that was included with Drew Barrymore's, mispronounced,
Drew Barrymore's 1995 Playboy spread, literally. And it, ah, reads quote "of course, posing
for photographs on these pages isn't all that Drew has been up to, lately. O-o-o, she has
the Barrymore family tradition to uphold, afterall, unquote. Mmm, the Barrymore family
tradition, what could that be? Oh, I know. Maybe here's a clue, maybe this is a clue.
This is a, uh, the grocery list of, a, Drew Barrymore's mother that somebody found in
here garbage can and sent to me. God knows why, maybe, cause they saw some of the impersonations
I did of her on my channel. But, ah, on here it reads, ah, rolling papers, condoms, Jim
Beam, carton of Lucky Strike, ah, milk and bred, they just, mm, she just got those in
there, and, juju beans, mm, juju beans, I wonder if she has Mexican gardeners. Oh well,
sighing, well that's seven lucky companies. I wonder what else she buys.
Here's the article from the, ah, Playboy that Drew Barrymore did in 1995, the Playboy spread,
literally. It says, ah, here's a quote, um, "of course, posing for photographs on these
pages isn't all that Drew has been up to, lately, she has the Barrymore family tradition
to uphold, afterall. Mmm, the Barrymore family tradition, what do you think that that could
be? Oh, that's right I have, I have this. Maybe this is a clue. This is a, uh, grocery
list that somebody pulled out of, ah and sent me, that somebody pulled out of Drew Barrymore
mother's garbage can, rolling papers, condoms, Jim Beam, carton of Lucky Stri-ike, milk,
bread, boy, they just, mm, they just got that milk and bread in there, and, juju beans.
Gee, I wonder who the juju beans are for. I bet they have Mexican gardeners. Wel-el,
that's seven lucky companies. I wonder what else she buys.
Music begin, a kindah, chugiing train and tapping sound.
Just gimmie a place to be. Just gimmie a place to be.
Drum rap-beat rolls in.
Some friends say tomato when the other says patato. My girlfriend says pinnata. She beats
me like a pinnatah til she gets alattah like abatah million in the bankatah from divs,
specs, and interestattah. Then, she fills me with fatal hopes until she's ready to beat
me, again, like a pinnatah. I worried about her, at first, but I didn't havetah. I just
wanted to. (crescendoing) I had to though. You know her, don't you? She's, she's that
one ya always wanted ta hang with. You know you have to or your alone no matter your with.
I'm not talking about your baby sitter. She's more like this, like this little sister kid,
at least that's what I thought. I mean wouldn't that have been easiah? I liked hah. I really
did, yah know. Kindah like a lotta yah, I think I, I think you know what I mean. Just
French kissin' down the Riveriah.
It's frustrating this, yah know, I know you know hah, cause she did yah too. You were
right there with hah. You felt hah and fell quiet-taH (crescendoing) than evahr. Speechless
most a the time, you shouted out once or twice, but, not the kinda, well, I guess, not what
I expected from such, organization. You fell too, and, it's funny, too, because we're all
just, ah, French kissin', down the Riveriah.
This chick shot so much junk into my head it, it was more like French kissing down on
the Riveriah. I think you know what I mean. And I'm not exactly a spring kitten. She floored
me, then, she bored me with all that rap stuff that you'd think you'd just get from a hump
on the wagon. You know you know you're gonna get some when that moon's real big and bright.
It's like a gigantic magnet, the mothah egg calling hah childs out tah play. Ya know their
ain't gonnah be no fame this way. Maybe I failed hah? I disappointed her? But, all I
did was care fer her. I still wonder still to this day, but, she doesn't seem tah care
or fare, so, she doesn't ansah. Just French kissin' down the Riveriah.
Its frustrating this (hesitating), and, I know you know her, because she did ya, too.
You were all right thare with her. You felt hah and fell quiet-tah (excalmating) than
evah. Speechless most a tha time, you shouted out once or twice, but, not the kinda, well,
not what I expected from such organization. You fell too. It's, it's funny, too, when
we're all just ahh, just ahh French kissin' down the Riveria.
I told yah, check out my lids if you don't believe me. It's all natural and I'm, I'm
just ahh gompah, and, you know Tjere, therah ain't no *** here cause Phizah makes that
crap and I could only imagine what you all feel, all you bulls and bears, all you bulls
and bears, just ahh, French kissin' down the Riveriah.
Rose Kennedy said, "Birds sing after a storm. Why shouldn't people feel as free to delight
in whatever sunlight remains to them?" Criminal Minds, Mar 2012
Up on the roof top, click, click, click. Down through the chimney came old St. Nick.
He filled his favorite's stockings and gave me the whip.
And that's why I flipped the old fart's wig. Merry Christmas.