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[Intro Music]
>> TOM: Hello and welcome to the Clarence and Tom show where today we'll be reviewing
1982 sword and sorcery Classic, Conan The Barbarian, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger
in the title role and James Earl Jones playing the part of a giant snake! So, Clarence, what
did you think of Conan The Barbarian?
>> CLARENCE: Well personally, Tom, I loved it! It was fantastic!
>> TOM: Hang on, Clarence -- I think I misheard you? Did you say, 'you loved it'?
>> CLARENCE: Yes, Tom. It was great. Absolutely brilliant!
>> TOM: I'm sorry, Clarence -- I'm so used to hearing you slagging things off that
to hear compliment something comes as a bit of a shock to me.
>> CLARENCE: I don't slag films off for the sake of it, Tom! I give credit where it's
due and this film deserves a lot!
>> TOM: Ok then -- so why is Conan such a good film?
>> CLARENCE: There's many reasons why, Tom. Some people put it down to the epic cinematography,
compelling characterization or the magnificent score by that Basil bloke who also did Robocop...
But for me, I mostly love it because it's a damn good story!
>> TOM: So what's it about?
>> CLARENCE: It's about a young boy name Conan who's parents are butchered by a Cult
that worships Snakes. Conan is enslaved but manages to escape, then he spends the rest
of the film hunting down the men responsible for ruining his childhood.
>> CLARENCE: And that’s the beauty of it. There are no convoluted subplots or vacuous
twists that challenge your sense of reason or logic. Everything makes sense.
>> TOM: Are you saying that you enjoyed this movie because it didn't challenge you, mentally?
>> CLARENCE: Tom, just because a story challenges your intelligence, that fact alone does not
make it good. Do you remember Matrix Reloaded and Matrix Revolutions?
>> TOM: Yes.
>> CLARENCE: Did they have complicated stories?
>> TOM: Yes.
>> CLARENCE: Were they good?
>> TOM: No.
>> CLARENCE: Exactly! ...Now I'm not saying that all complicated movies are necessarily
bad, but you need a damn fine director to tell a complicated story in an accessible
way. This film keeps things simple, and as a result, the director was able to concentrate
on the core elements, and the end result is fantastic!
>> TOM: Well it can't be that good, Clarence -- it's an Arnie film. He hasn't got
the greatest reputation in the world when it comes to acting skills!
>> CLARENCE: If you actually bothered to watch the film closlier, Tom, you'd actually notice
that Arnie's acting in this is great. He captures the heart and soul of Conan perfectly
with a measured performance that's full of character and charisma.
>> TOM: Seriously? You're talking about the same guy who did The Expendables!
>> CLARENCE: I know, Tom. He was absolutely terrible in that, but there's absolutely
no doubting the fact that in his early career, Arnold Schwarzenegger had a commanding on-screen
presence and a natural warmth and likeability that set him apart from lesser action heroes
such as Steven Seagal.
>> TOM: Yes, that's true. Everyone loves Arnie.
>> CLARENCE: Not everyone, Tom. I'm sure some people hate him.
>> TOM: Yeah, but let's not go into that for health and safety reasons...
>> CLARENCE: What, are you scared he might hunt you down and Terminate you?
>> TOM: Yes.... Anyway, who else starred in Conan and what were they like?
>> CLARENCE: Well James Earl Jones -- the voice of Darth Vader -- plays the baddie,
Thusla Doom. He's wonderful. Mako plays the wizard of the mounds -- again, he's
fantastic. But both are eclipsed by Sandhal Bergman who plays Valeria, Conan's valkerie
companion and love interest. She's absolutely perfect in this film, Tom. I don't think
anyone could have played the part better.
>> TOM: I suppose we probably better also mention the score by Basil Polodoris?
>> CLARENCE: Indeed we must, Tom -- it is, in my opinion, the best movie score in the
history of film.
>> TOM: Better than Star Wars?
>> CLARENCE: Yes.
>> TOM: Better than Indiana Jones?
>> CLARENCE: Yes,
>> TOM: Better than Meet Joe Black.
>> CLARENCE: Yes, it's even better than that one.
>> TOM: Wow! You must really like it then!
>> CLARENCE: I do, Tom. And I don't think I'm alone in that opinion.
>> TOM: Well good for you, Clarence. I like people who stand up for what they believe
in.
>> CLARENCE: Yes, and especially when they have the same opinion as you.
>> TOM: Of course. So Clarence, how many stars would you give Conan the Barbarian?
>> CLARENCE: Tom, I'd give this film 5 out of 5. It's an excellent story, beautiful
told with fantastic characters played by wonderful actors, accompanied by epic cinematography,
great action sequences, and amazing music. If you haven't seen it already, do so immediately.
On no account however, watch the 2011 remake. It sucks ***.
>> TOM: So there we have it. Join us next time on the Clarence & Tom show for more movie
related merriment, orchestral discussion in the light, and me giving him a great reason
to go to the toilet. We don't say goodbye on the Clarence & Tom show, we always say
good journey.