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I really started going off the map.
I really started coming out a lot more as far as my
irritability, my anger.
It was starting to get me into trouble.
My subordinates were starting to become a little
bit scared of me.
I was doing things that were-- to me, everything
was life and death.
To my subordinates, it was like, it's training.
And we're going to be OK.
But there was no in-between for me.
I actually got into trouble.
On January 24, 2004, I was in a dissociative state when I
faced off with eight Lakeville police
officers here in Minnesota.
And I thought that I was facing off with an armed
combatant, one individual, only one.
And when I finally started coming through on all this, I
started realizing either I've lost my mind, or something
else is going on here, or maybe all of the above.
It was when I was in jail, actually, that my lawyer, who
was retained, came and visited me and said, Hector, there's
one to two things going on here.
I'm willing to take your case.
But I need to know which one you are.
You're either a person who needs
help or you're a criminal.
Which are you?
I'm not a criminal, sir.
Yeah, but I'm asking you, are you a person who needs help or
a criminal?
I'm not a criminal, sir.
And I don't need help.
And he's like, no, Hector, you don't get it.
You're either a criminal, or you're a
person who needs help.
Which is it?
So he forced me to say, I need help.
And it was the hardest words that I ever had to spit out.
At that point, it was just coming all out.
I realized that I do need help.
And I'm able to say it.
It wasn't easy.
It hurt.
But that was the point where it finally came together.
This is my kairos moment.
I need to change.
Something needs to change now.