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If, it so happens, that...
If, it so happens, that... And I say “if” because it makes no sense it ever will
It’s against all odds
It’s like winning the lottery, the powerball,
and a prostate cancer in the same day,
but *if* it so happens, that somehow, miraculously
you find the perfect woman, *if*
You shouldn’t talk about it too much You know, don’t publicize,
Keep it to yourself, nobody needs to kn..
Let me explain. For example, when you’re with friends
Don’t show off, don’t speak.
If they ask you ‘how is she?’, say eh…, ok….,
At most, say ‘hot’, that’s something they’ll understand
Everyone’s had some hot women in his life, if you know what I mean.
And to the women in the crowd I want to say,
This isn’t some anti-feminist issue, on the contrary
‘hot’ can also be ugly. That’s the great thing about ***.
In contrast with what you see on TV, you don’t have to be pretty to ***.
I know even ugly people who do it three times a week.
Hot, but no more than that.
People, their standards just won’t handle it,
If you tell them ‘I found the perfect woman’.
At first, they’ll come over every night just to get a look.
And she’ll get pissed. And one thing for sure,
If you’ve found the perfect woman, the last thing you want to do
is to *** her off.
Second, they’ll also want one. And what are you going to say to them?
What? Are they not human? Don’t they deserve it? Of course they do!
But what can you do, when it’s such a rare thing that…
Why provoke them?
Do I need them to write about me in the papers? No.
The best thing … you know, like that primaries poster says:
“With humility and determination”, that’s it, with humility and determination.
And discreetly. So they don’t take her.
So she doesn’t get offers from competing entities, anything so she doesn’t leave.
And also… -I’m taking down the...
I took him in the morning, he pissed.
-So I’m going up to Weisberg. –I paid. He said the Sudanese won’t come today.
-So…
-I did the dishes. Only I finished the soap.
-Ah
And, if you’ve really found the perfect woman,
And she asks you to do something every now and again, do it.
Will it kill you? Do what she asks.
So she wants to see a film with Hugh Grant five times a week,
Take her. Big deal!
In the army, didn’t you see that chemical warfare movie five times already?
The one where they poison that German Sheppard? You did. Why, did you enjoy it?
Or if she wants to sleep on the dry side, take mercy, why not?
What? Afraid you’ll drown on the wet side?
Don't you also dream on the wet side?
And I’m not suggesting you be spineless.
Heaven forbid, do not tell her she’s the perfect woman.
Because not only the friend, but she too, doesn’t need to know.
Discretion, that’s the point.
Like a German who’s poking around his grandfather’s attic after he’s died,
and finds a diamond ring with the inscription: “To Cohen, with love”.
He shuts up. Doesn’t talk about it. Not even with grandma.
Discrete and generous. So she doesn’t have any reason to leave.
Any reason to go... –I’m going, bye.
To the supermarket.
Buying soap.