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Excuse me sir.
Can you tell me how to get to Platform nine and three-quarters?
Platform nine and three-quarters?
There ain't no such thing!
You're the seven hundredth kid to ask me about it.
I still refuse to believe that it exists.
Sir, you gotta help me! I just ran away from home, from my mean aunt and uncle.
They keep my me under some stairs!
Listen, you gotta believe me!
I got this letter from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft...
Sir! Listen! Please!
A bird gave it to me!
Yeah, right.
Hogwarts!
Hurry Kids! We're gonna miss the train.
Come on, Weasleys! Bill!
Yo yo, ma!
Charlie!
What's up mommy?
Percy!
Hello, mother.
Fred and George!
But I'm George!
Nice try. You've got an "F" on your shirt, ***!
Oh boy! Real muggles.
Everybody say "chocolate frog"!
I think I got it!
Oh boy. That's sillly
Oh, Arthur! Quit diddling with this muggle picture maker!
- All right dear. - George, Fred, Percy, Charlie, Bill...
Where is Ron with your sister?
Did somebody say Ron?
Ron, hurry! You're gonna miss your train!
Oh, I'm trying to go faster, but I've got this idiot little sister!
Ronnie, apologize to your idiot sister!
No!
Oh, you're gonna get it!
Stupid kids!
All right gang. All right. It's picture time.
This is Ronnie's first day at Hogwarts. So here we go.
- Oh, so cute! - All right now. Smile and...
I got it! This will be a good one.
- Excuse me, sir? - Yes, my dear boy?
I couldn't help but overhear you say something about Hogwarts.
Can you tell me how to get to platform nine and three-quarters?
Platform nine and three-quarters?
Why, it's right through that brick wall.
What?
I think he doesn't know.
Must have been raised by muggles.
What's a muggle?
What's a muggle?!
Why, it's a wizard who doesn't...
I mean... It's a wizard who can't...
He doesn't know what a muggle is!
A muggle is a non magical person.
I tell you what: you'll stick with Ronnie over there.
It's his first year at Hogwarts too.
- All right Weasleys, in you go! - All right. Follow me, gang.
- Come on! Here we go. - Ginny dear.
Ginny dear, you come with me! Ginny!
Let the boys alone! Ginny, leave the boys alone!
You'll get to Hogwarts next year.
Yes!
At last!
Freedom!
God I hate my stupid little sister.
She's just such a...
Such a...
Butterface?
You know what, kid?
You're all right!
I'm Ron Weasley.
Hey, do you want a delicious... Red Vine?
Absolutely!
Here you go, good buddy.
Red Vines are my favorite snack in the whole world.
Oh my God, me too!
All right.
Favorite Aimee Mann's song on three. One, two, three:
- Red Vines! - Favorite color of vines other then green.
- Red Vines! - Favorite way to say red wines
- in a german accent: - Red Vines!
Oh my God!
- Where have you been all my life? - In a cupboard under some stairs.
That's so cool.
All right, well... come on... friend.
Let's go to Hogwarts. Just gotta go through that brick wall.
- That sounds kinda scary. - Hey...
It's okay. We can do it together.
Wanna hold hands?
I'd love that.
On the count of three. One, two, three!
That's a big brick wall.
All on board, gang. Hogwarts Express!
Right. Let's go get a seat pal.
- You've got it. - Hey, pal. That's...
That's a pretty cool headband you've got there.
Oh, thanks. It works to cover this gross scar I got when I was a baby.
I was in the car with my parents when we... crashed...
into a crocodile.
My parents got eaten but then the crocodile took out a knife and gave me this scar.
At least that's what my liar aunt and uncle told me, so...
That sucks! Can I see it?
Oh, yeah. Sure.
Here it is.
Oh my God. You're Ha...
You're Ha-ha...
Bloody hell! It's HARRY POTTER!
Seamus Finnegan, mister Potter.
[...]
Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.
What up man? My name is Dean Thomas.
You want some bubble gum?
Please sign my Harry Potter poster, mister Potter!
Yeah, sure.
- Okay, what should I make it out to? - Neville Longbottom, sir.
Okay, Shlongbottom!
Ni hao, Harry Potter. My name is Cho Chang, ya'll.
You should visit the Ravenclaw house some time.
Ron! What is going on?
Everyone is treating me like I'm famous or something.
But Harry... you are!
You're Harry Freakin' Potter!
You don't understand you're a legend, man, to us all!
- Every son and daughter - Safe!
From You-Know-Who, all because of you! You were small,
but I wonder if you can recall...
Long story short, this guy Voldemort was super cruel...
- Voldemort? - Shh!
Tried to kill you and your parents, and this is where it gets intensely cool...
Even though you were a tiny little boy,
you shoulda died but you survived and then destroyed
this evil guy and it's story we enjoy to tell...
You're Harry Freakin' Potter!
We don't prefer Gandalf, Merlin, or Oz,
You're a whole lot hotter!
With that lighting scar, you're a superstar to us all!
If we're in trouble we know who to call!
The best part is, you're rich!
Did somebody say Harry Potter?
Rita Skeeter here from the Daily Prophet
reporting you live for readers from platform nine and three-quarters.
here I just happened on the original wizkid himself.
Harry Potter. The lad who lived
Now let's hear what make...
Where have you been for 10 years? Are you excited to go to Hogwarts?
Or are you frightened for your life?
Why would I be frightened for my life?
Well, aren't you *** sure.
No mystery to your readers. HP, 11 years old titan shows no fear.
Even in the face of a murderous dog like Sirius Black.
- Who's Sirius Black? - Who's Sirius Black?!
You don't know?
He used to be your dad's best friend
until he betrayed him to the dark lord and got him killed.
Yep. Turned out he was a DeathEater.
He killed 13 dogs before they caught him. And I mean people.
He hates your guts, he wants you dead.
he just escaped from Azkaban. But it's no skin of your back, kid.
You know why?
You're Harry Freakin' Potter!
I wouldn't wince at all, you're invincible to all harm!
Like Betty Crocker!
I wanna eat you up! No one'll beat you up with that charm!
Remember, Harry, kid, you're the Boss, you're the King, you're the Bomb!
Keep your nose clean. Don't take any wooden sickles naaah
Oh, boy.
- Good bye! - Bye mom!
I love you so much!
- I love you! - I love you!
This is all... This is all too much to take. I mean...
- This is all so unreal. - No, it's not!
You're Harry Potter. You're the coolest god damn kid in the entire world.
Everything is awesome for you. So you better get used to it.
But this is all so sad, I mean, my Mom and Dad were killed, long ago
Long ago they died!
I wanna be psyched, but being unliked is all I know
All he knows, that's why
I never thought I'd be a part of such a fate
An opportunity eleven years late
I guess it's time for me step up to the plate
and show 'em that I'm something great!
I'm Harry Freakin' Potter!
I'll do what I can, if what you say I am is true!
I can't be bothered by my awful past,
I've found at last something I can do, so it's time I knew
exactly who I am!
I'm Harry Freakin' Potter!
You're Harry Freakin' Potter!
- I guess! - You're Harry Freakin' Potter!
And I'm the Man!
Harry Freakin' Potter!