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I must lose five pounds and I must lose it quick,
Cause the rolls of my fat block the view of my ***.
This weight, it must go. My pants don't fit proper
And my wife screams in pain as I'm laying atop her
I get the picture, no need to be chatty.
Don't need your life story, you jiggling Fatty
I hear this so often as a Dietician
Helping tubbies drop weight is my life's only mission
I've heard this process is Incredibly Heinous
With clamps on my stomach and tubes up my ***.
We don't need a drastic, invasive Stomach pump
To Stop you from being a corpulent Tub-a-lump
It's a simple procedure to contract that Belly in
Though my methods may seem to be quite Machiavellian
We'll replace the bread and French fried Potatoes
With limited portions That Probably blow
But we'll Trick your brain into thinking it's fed
With sugarless bubble gum chewing instead.
Sugar-free bubble gum isn't the Answer
That aspartame *** causes Fast-growing cancer
And cancer's a wonderful pants size Consumer.
You'll surely drop weight when you're riddled with tumors
Uhhh. Thanks for your time and suggested Improvements
But I'll stick with my fat and my Infrequent Bowel movements.