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WOMAN OVER TANNOY: Attention shoppers,
tonight on The Checkout...
Jules talks superannuation and the quest for financial enlightenment.
Kirsten throws some stones in the chlorophyll glasshouse.
And Scott seeks clarity in headphones with a visit to the doctor.
# Theme music
VOICE-OVER: Nature is green. Nature is good.
Green is good.
Well, that's obviously nonsense.
But it's the sort of thing used to convince us
to pay up to $46 a litre for chlorophyll supplements.
What exactly is this stuff anyway?
OK, so it's the green stuff that's very useful for plants...
..and possibly The Hulk.
(Roars)
But for everyone else that's where it all gets a bit murky.
Australia's Next Top Model host, Jennifer Hawkins,
reckons the Bioglan stuff will...
..but when we asked her to explain what that means
she didn't get back to us.
Weird. Perhaps she hadn't had the optimal dose of chlorophyll,
which according to Swisse is 18 tablets a day.
..2-3...
18 a day?!
More chlorophyll. More!
That's $1,750 a year for something that doesn't appear
on any recommended dietary intake guide.
Mind you, the host of Australia's Funniest Home Videos, Shelley Craft,
says it works on HER kids.
Plus, the added bonus of the chlorophyll,
which if you can't get them to eat veggies,
this is an easy to do it.
Or as Craft put it on Funniest Home Videos...
I give my kids chlorophyll instead of veggies.
(Wailing)
But when we asked this lady whether liquid chlorophyll
was an adequate dietary substitute for vegetables, she said...
No. Vegetables provide a whole range of benefits,
including dietary fibre and minerals and vitamins,
not to mention the fact they fill you up so you don't eat so much.
You won't get THAT from a bottle of chlorophyll.
Thanks, qualified person.
..8-9...
On the bottle, Swisse says that because...
That almost sounds like they're suggesting
that a chemical process in plants must be relevant to the human body,
which according to this guy is... ..false.
That's like saying that because us humans obtain our food supply
by driving to the supermarket
then car engines would be a great source of energy.
Thanks, actual expert.
..12-13...
Then there's this.
Well, it's almost like they're saying that
because a chlorophyll molecule looks a bit like a haemoglobin molecule
they do the same thing, which according to this guy, is...
..wrong.
That's just like saying that because water and *** look the same,
they have exactly the same effect.
And it's the same thing for molecules.
Got it. Thanks, science guy.
Look, all this isn't to say that we can't keep using chlorophyll
for its traditional use...
..17... ..of neutralising faecal odour from colostomy bags.
..18.
Except that's been debunked too.
Yesssss.
VOICE-OVER: Chlorophyll, it's important for plants, not people.
VOICE-OVER: Pictures of moss, ants, feathers, bark, this stuff,
owl's eyeballs.
We tried everything to sell 3D TVs
but those stupid 3D glasses were just too ridiculous.
So now we have a new gimmick.
With ultra high-definition TV
you get four times the definition of normal HD
so you can finally read the tiny disclaimers in our ads.
VOICE-OVER: Which say broadcast television doesn't use Ultra HD
and by the way, neither does DVD or BluRay or games.
Pretty much the only thing that is in Ultra HD format is this picture.
It's a tree.
VOICE-OVER: Contains the same carmellose sodium
and exactly the same other stuff.
What?
Why the price-difference? The active ingredient is...
..bogus product differentiation.
Chances are the two biggest financial decisions you'll make in your life
are your house and your super.
But we spend on our money on wheelbarrows.
It's just a metaphor.
We love talking about property.
And it turned out we were under the reserve!
(All laugh)
But somehow we don't have the same passion for financial products.
So I said 'Sure,
if you don't factor in the concessional tax rate for super,
am I right?'
Hashtag rollover!
Get out of my fully renovated, three-bedroom house.
I mean, you never see reality TV shows like this.
Come on!
VOICE-OVER: Ben and Jen are running out of time
to find their lost super.
Because of our superannuation laws, the Australian managed funds industry
is one of the biggest in the world.
Some people do it themselves, but for the rest of us
in not-for-profit industry funds or retail funds,
we just don't pay much attention.
In fact, most of us are in the fund chosen by our employer,
which is weird.
I mean, you wouldn't let your boss choose your house for you.
Sold! (Applause)
(Siren blares, dog barking)
(Aircraft noise)
And there are plenty of people earning fees on our apathy.
Super funds don't put all your money in one basket,
but a fair chunk of it is entrusted to fund managers.
The idea of a managed fund is that you pay a professional investor
to pick good investments, which seems sensible enough.
If you put ten grand into a managed super fund last financial year,
on average you'd end up with $12,230.
If you kept that money under your mattress, you would've made nothing.
(Applause)
Before you celebrate your fund manager too much,
in the same period the average return of the Australian stock market
was even higher.
Which means the headline we should pay attention to is this one...
And that's not unusual either.
From 2003 to 2013 the market average
outperformed managed funds by even more.
If fund managers were a bit more realistic with you...
There he is!
..we'd probably see something more like this!
Well, if you give me that money,
I will try and invest it so that you get an above-average return.
So, you can actually do that?
No.
So what are your fees?
Over your lifetime, my fees could be more than $100,000.
OK. Uh, are you better at picking stocks than a cat?
That would depend on the cat.
What about that cat?
Ooh, he looks good.
In 2012 The Observer newspaper ran a stock-picking contest
with a cat called Orlando.
Over the year Orlando outperformed three funds managers
simply by randomly pouring over a copy of The Financial Times.
Now, you might think...
Maybe it's worth paying more to get a better fund manager.
..but with super in Australia,
sometimes paying more buys you worse performance.
A 2010 study found that for every 1% extra people paid in fees
their returns actually feel by 1.5%.
(Meows)
(Cheering and applause)
So, can you choose a good funds manager
based on their track record of picking winners?
I'll have No.9 thanks.
Oh! Nice idea but no you can't.
Performances often vary, and high-flyers one year...
No.10.
(Sighs)
..often do poorly the next.
And then there's fees.
Fund managers aren't just trying to beat the market average -
they're trying to beat the market average
plus the extra fees you pay them.
And that's... very hard.
In summary, forget fund managers,
you should give all your superannuation money to this cat.
Stop! Stop!
Who's that? Alan Kohler from Business Spectator.
And Eureka Report, Australia's best investment newsletter.
What are you doing here? Aside from self-promotion.
Well, you're about to make a terrible mistake.
The cat just got lucky. What do you mean?
Let me enlighten you.
When choosing super funds picking winners is almost impossible.
The past cannot foretell the future.
But even small fees can eventually overwhelm modest returns.
(Gong struck)
So instead of trying to BEAT the market,
I should BECOME the market?
But is that even possible?
Actually, it is.
They're called index funds, and they operate
by investing in the average of a stock market
rather than relying on fund manager predictions.
So there's less chance of awful results - just average ones.
Right. That's not really average, either,
because you pay a fee for them, as well,
so it's the average minus a fee.
But... Sorry, I gotta go now.
I have to do a grab for the news.
Index funds also get the tick
from legendary investment guru Warren Buffett.
The key is fees.
Because they back the market average instead of using funds managers,
index funds can have significantly lower fees.
And for long-term investments those fees are super-important.
A 1-2% difference in fees might not sound like much,
but over decades it can add up to tens of thousands of your dollars.
If you're not in a low-fee fund,
you might as well buy your funds manager a boat.
Lowering fees was one of the reasons the Government gave
for introducing My Super accounts which began on 1 January this year.
You remember?
3-2-1!
It means that if your employer's choosing your super fund
they'll have to go with one that has a My Super product.
That's estimated to save Australians $550 million a year,
but they don't have to shift your money
into the transparent, low-fee product until 2017.
If you want to save money before then it's up to you.
The first thing to do is go to the ATO website.
It's a one-stop-shop for getting all your super money into a single fund.
On average, each Australian worker has about three funds
which means three times as many fees.
Ask your fund about the fees they charge.
Also... Is this a My Super product?
..ask if they've already got a My Super account
that you can transfer into now.
(Gong struck)
Sure, it's not the most interesting thing in the world,
but you could save thousands and thousands.
If only Australians cared more about their super.
Oh, my God! (Applause)
I love it! It's beautiful!
(Meows)
(Growls)
# Techno music
Sorry, no drop-ins, you should've put her on the list
when she was born.
But I didn't know she'd want to come to this nightclub then.
Not my problem, honey. She can go on a waiting list.
Be $45. You'll call me if there's...
No, you'll have to keep calling us.
I don't wanna party here!
Don't worry, he'll settle down when we get some heaters in here.
Now, how many nights a week did you wanna party?
Um, one.
It has to be three, four or five nights a week.
Well, I guess Wednesdays to Fridays.
Is there anything she can't have - ***, Cruisers, ecstasy?
No, she's fine. OK, it's $102 per night,
even if she can't come, pay by the month in advance.
Sign all of these.
I'm sorry, honey, you're gonna have to party at Grandma's again.
(Music plays through headphones)
When it comes to being cool, how we listen to music
is almost as important as what music we listen to.
Which is why sales of high-end headphones
have skyrocketed.
A big flashy set of headphones tells the world
you don't just listen - you really care about it.
Alright, it's Redfoo.
# Come on, baby, let's get ridiculous #
And when it comes to expensive headphones,
the streets are controlled by one gangster, Beats by Dr Dre.
Dre's posse of celebrity spruikers have made it clear -
if you wanna be a musician, sportsperson, lingerie hot dog model
or escape your husband's cult, you need this guy's headphones.
Why? 'Cause according to Dr Dre, these aren't just any old headphones.
With normal headphones people aren't hearing all the music
the way artists intended you to hear it
'cause they're handcrafted by Dr Dre himself,
presumably in the Chinese factory where Beats headphones are made.
So, apart from being music's truth, what do these headphones actually do?
Remember the equaliser settings on your old stereo
that let you change the bass, mid and treble levels?
# Rock music
Beats by Dre have their own in-built equalisation settings.
Sounds special but it's not.
Almost all headphones do it.
Beats just has the settings that Dr Dre thinks is best.
So it's really just like a modern-day version of those pre-set buttons
on your old stereo that said rock, pop or classical,
except this one says 'the way Dre likes it'.
(Bass thumping)
And they're right.
Spending $500 on a pair of his headphones
is probably just how Dr Dre likes it.
# BEETHOVEN - Symphony No.5
As for what the artist intended, it's possible
but not every artist has the same musical taste as Dr Dre.
And I don't even think he's a real doctor.
(Piano clangs)
Of course, none of this if Beats by Dre headphones do sound better.
But on a Choice test,
Beats headphones actually scored lower than
a number of cheaper options.
And while expensive headphones lure us with the promise of perfect sound,
online streaming is reducing the quality
of a lot of the music we play through them anyway.
Reduced quality in all senses of the term.
# Let's get ridiculous. #
So if you're spending $500 on a set of designer headphones,
your main concern is probably fashion - not sound quality.
And why not?
We all wanna look good when we block out the outside world.
(Crunching)
I'm Peter Kell, Deputy Chairman of ASIC,
the Australian Securities and Investments Commission.
If I could say one thing it's take back your unclaimed money.
There are huge amounts waiting to be claimed.
Australians have recovered over $470 million since 2009.
You could have hundreds or even thousands of dollars
sitting in an old bank account, in shares
or a life insurance policy without even realising.
Money becomes unclaimed
when an account isn't accessed for three years,
but there are no time limits on getting the money back.
Finding your unclaimed is quick, easy and it's free.
Go to ASIC's MoneySmart website, MoneySmart.gov.au,
follow the links to unclaimed money and type in your name.
You can even search for family and friends.
I checked this morning and found $24.23 belonging to my father.
Dad, if you're watching, the cheque's in the mail.
Of course, if you do find money you think is yours,
you'll need to prove it belongs to you
or that you're the beneficiary.
There's more than $1 billion of unclaimed money in Australia.
Some of it could be yours.
So for more information on how to make a claim
check out the MoneySmart website
and it could be the easiest money you've ever made.
We'll be back next week, in just 11 days.
VOICE-OVER: HMS Sovereign of the Seas.
The infamous Golden Devil.
VOICE-OVER: Is in the details.
Issue one is at newsagents now
with your first magazine, hull pieces and cannon kit
all for just $4.99.
Stunning detail.
As a loving pet owner,
I know that the only way to a pet's heart
is through its stomach.
That's why I bought Pizza Napawli.
Which is more than I can say for them.
It's time for dessert. Do not even think about it.
Macarons, they taste like right now.
They're full of super-antioxidants.
They're what Superman would've eaten if he was a dog.
Even super-desserts are a sometimes food.
Unlike Pegetables.
Pegetables are derived from real vegetables.
Now, that's probably a whole lot safer than actual vegetables.
So long as they don't gulp.
Sweet Mary Jane, was that a gulp?!
I better learn to distinguish between a gulp and regular eating
if I don't want Mike to die, which I don't.
Barney here's an ethical eater.
He only eats holistic food that is powered by select actives.
I don't really know what holistic means
or how to select an active,
but it must be good because it's full of organic quinoa
and costs about as much as a really, really nice meal
in a people restaurant...
..from what I've heard.
Beer o'clock!
Thanks to Paws Point, I know that dogs love beer.
But it's really unhealthy for them.
It's a good thing they managed to ethically work that out somehow.
And I feed Zsa Zsa Dog Beer.
It's safe for dogs and it captures the very essence of beer.
It's beef-flavoured, non-alcoholic and non-carbonated.
(Coughs)
Too much beef-flavoured dog beer for you.
You guys stink!
Have some breath mints.
They're only about three times more expensive than my breath mints.
But my breath is probably about three times less awful,
so it all checks out.
Welcome back to FU Tube where unhappy customers can complain...
Damnit! (Bleep) Scam!
..and dress up as a pirate.
Amazingly, he wasn't talking about this show.
Now, James and his friends have a gambling problem.
But not in a traditional way.
We deposited all the money into the Sportsbet account,
but only gambled half of it.
But when they went to withdraw the other half,
they were told they couldn't because it hadn't been gambled.
So if you deposit $50 in a Sportsbet account,
you need to bet $50 before you can withdraw anything.
We were left with hundreds of dollars sitting there
that we eventually had to gamble.
Doesn't sound like responsible gambling to me.
That's a bit unfair, James.
I mean, Sportsbet claim to be...
So we used their own gambling problem self-assessment on James.
No. I want to use it for normal expenditures.
That's why we tried to withdraw it.
Yes. Because Sportsbet makes us.
Seems James doesn't have a gambling problem - he has a Sportsbet problem.
Now, they say the reason they make you gamble
all the money you deposit is...
I'm almost convinced.
But asked them to clarify, and they said it's because...
They're not just good blokes and sheilas -
they're crime-fighters
who are apparently trying to prevent money laundering
by forcing their customers to gamble more.
Now, strangely,
the other gambling sites don't have this same rule.
So we asked the good blokes and sheilas
at AUSTRAC, who regulate that law,
if withholding the money was required in these circumstances.
And they said 'no'.
Oh, well, was worth a gamble, Sportsbet.
But probably time to change that rule because...
Come on, Sportsbet, you're not Batman -
you're just Robin... your customers.
(Gasps)
And now to one of the dodgiest products out there.
Yep, us.
Two weeks ago on The Checkout
we recommended browser extensions like Disconnect
to show you who's tracking you online and how to block them.
And since then some viewers have contact us to say 'FU'.
Because installing Disconnect on Internet Explorer
caused them problems.
When we heard that we were shocked.
There are still people using Internet Explorer?
It turns out, unfortunately, that Disconnect for Internet Explorer
was only in a beta version
and had some bugs that they're still working on.
To any viewers this affected we're very sorry.
Sadly none of them submitted an FU Tube video
because we broke their computers.
And now to a complaint that's been popping up a lot recently.
I went to my local pharmacy today and I bought this.
But then... I opened it up,
optimistically, full of joys, like a young child at a candy store.
Wow, that kid really loves krill oil.
Imagine his disappointment when he opened it...
..to discover this.
Barely half the size of the box.
And I'd hate to think what Theodore thought
when he finally opened the bottle too.
This is how full it was.
We've had similar complains about krill oil
from Bioglan, Swisse and Nature's Way
which all seem to under-utilise their bottle size.
Maybe these manufacturers think this is the natural order
to have krill hidden in a much large package.
Now, while the packaging can be annoying,
it's what on the inside that counts.
In the complementary medicine market,
krill oil and other Omega-3 products like fish oil
are one of the products that do have some solid scientific evidence.
But is it oversold?
VOICE-OVER: Helps relieve arthritis symptoms.
VOICE-OVER: Just one capsule a day helps with arthritis.
There is fairly consistent evidence
that fish oils have some affect on pain
for sufferers of rheumatoid arthritis.
However, when it comes to the far more common osteoarthritis
the evidence is circumstantial at best.
So while these products are sold to help arthritis sufferers,
it's the rheumatoid arthritis sufferers
who are likely to benefit.
Just like the packaging krill oil marketing tries to make you think
you're getting more than you actually... Ah!
Mmm, krill oil.
Oh, and while we're on packaging size,
in week one we showed that the only difference between
the Johnson and Johnson sorbolene and the baby sorbolene
was the price and... VOICE-OVER: ..the word 'baby'.
Now, one of our viewers took it on themselves to contact the company.
And in response, Johnson and Johnson
argued that they were simply offering...
So if you buy the 750ml adult sorbolene
instead of the 500ml baby sorbolene for the same price,
then according to Johnson and Johnson, you're receiving a...
Yeah. Now, if you were using the same name on both products
that may be more convincing.
But given the more expensive product is marketed
as a different baby product despite the same ingredients,
and given they're often sold in different parts of the shop,
I'm not sure that argument holds.
Not even I would swallow that!
But at least they have dropped this justification
that Johnson and Johnson gave to The Checkout.
More skin?
By that logic, look out for Johnson and Johnson's
new cheaper Fat sorbolene for those with even more skin.
Goodnight.
Captions by CSI Australia