Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
>> [ Foreign accent ] IN OUR
QUEST TO KILL THE ANTICHRIST, WE
SCOURED THE EARTH, SEARCHING FOR
THE HOLY WEAPONS DESCRIBED IN
THE PROPHECY.
>> THE GLASS EYE OF
ST. AUGUSTINE!
WE CAN FIND AND DESTROY THE
ANTICHRIST.
>> UH, HOW MUCH FOR THIS?
>> $7,000.
>> THAT'S A LITTLE STEEP.
>> [ GROANS ]
>> SISTER, NO.
THIS IS WHY I HATE SHOPPING WITH
YOU TWO.
WE WERE NOT AWARE AT THE TIME,
BUT OTHER FORCES WERE GATHERING.
A HUMBLE DEEJAY WAS RISING IN
POWER AND FAME.
>> WHOA, WHO IS THIS GUY?
>> I WANT TO PUSH DEEJAYING.
I WANT IT TO BE MORE THAN
DEEJAYING AND ALSO LESS THAN
DEEJAYING.
THAT'S WHY I STARTED
INCORPORATING MIRACLES INTO MY
SET.
MIRACLES ARE LIKE ALMOST
MIRACLES.
THEY GET CLOSE, BUT, YOU KNOW,
IT'S NOT QUITE THERE.
IT'S A MIRACLE.
NOW, I DON'T KNOW YOU, DO I?
WE'VE NEVER MET?
>> NO.
>> IS YOUR NAME DELILAH?
>> NO.
>> OH.
SERIOUSLY?
I'M USUALLY GOOD AT THIS.
IS THIS YOUR PHONE NUMBER?
>> OH, MY GOD, HOW DID YOU DO
THAT?
>> WHOA.
>> NICE.
>> I'LL CALL YOU AND TELL YOU
LATER...
WHEN WE ARE [BLEEP]
>> YOU'RE NOT GONNA [BLEEP] ME.
[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]
>> HELLO? OPEN YOUR EYES.
IT'S ME ON TOP OF YOU [BLEEP]
YOU.
>> AT THE TIME, WE WERE ALSO
BLIND TO THE MOST HORRIBLE
SECRET OF ALL -- THE DEVIL'S
UNHOLY MOVE INTO THE CASUAL
AFTER-WORK-STYLE BAR-AND-GRILL
BUSINESS.
>> ALL RIGHT, STAND TOGETHER.
NOW SAY, "FRANCHISEE."
>> Together: FRANCHISEE.
>> VULGAR AND FOUL, THIS IS THE
DEVIL'S WORK.
>> THIS -- THIS IS THE DEVIL'S
WORK?
YOU BOUGHT A RESTAURANT.
>> UH, BECKY, A CHAIN OF
RESTAURANTS.
>> HOW CAN YOU JUSTIFY THIS?
HOW IS THIS EVIL?
>> ARE YOU KIDDING?
>> NO, I WANT TO UNDERSTAND.
>> HOLD ON A SECOND.
>> I GOT AN ANIMATRONIC BURRITO
HERE.
>> OH, THE TALKING BURRITO?
>> YEAH, TALKING BURRITO.
>> RIGHT HERE, I'LL SIGN.
>> AND BEHIND IT ALL, THE
ANTICHRIST, NEVER RESTING, NEVER
WASTING A SINGLE MOMENT IN HER
DARK QUEST.
>> YOU ARE THE ANTICHRIST.
LUCY, YOU ARE THE --
[CHUCKLES] IS THAT CREEPY?
>> MM-HMM.
SO, YOU'RE JUST CHECKING IN
OR...?
>> I'M ORDERING YOUR
TEQUILA SALLY'S UNIFORM.
>> RIGHT.
>> SO, WHAT ARE YOU, A 10?
>> A 10?!
>> 12? WHAT?
>> OH, MY GOD, I'M A 6.
>> MMM, I DON'T THINK SO.
I MEAN, REALLY?
>> YEAH, I--
>> MAYBE I DON'T KNOW WOMEN'S
CLOTHING.
>> I THINK MAYBE YOU DON'T -- OR
WOMEN'S BODY TYPES BECAUSE
THERE'S NO UNIVERSE IN WHICH I'M
A 12.
>> LUCY.
>> YEAH.
>> I DON'T WANT TO ORDER YOU A
6 AND THEN YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME
A WEEK AFTER I GET IT FOR YOU,
"I NEED A 10," OR, "I NEED A
12."
>> THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
>> ALL RIGHT, SO BETWEEN NOW AND
THE TIME THE 6 COMES IN, YOU
SHOULD LOSE 20 POUNDS.
[ CHUCKLES ]
>> DAD!
>> [ Chuckling ] WHAT?
>> ♪ I DON'T WANT TO GO TO
SLEEP ♪
♪ LUCY, WON'T YOU COME WITH
ME? ♪
♪ LET'S GO PAINT THE TOWN RED,
LET'S GO PAINT THE TOWN RED ♪
♪ ALL THESE PEOPLE BOTHERING ME,
LET'S GO ON A KILLING SPREE ♪
♪ LET'S GO PAINT THE TOWN RED,
LET'S GO PAINT THE TOWN RED ♪
♪ OOH, OOH, OOH-OOH-OOH ♪
>> AND WE'RE ROLLING OUT THE
ATACOLYPSE THIS WEEK WITH BIG,
HUGE PROMOTIONS.
GONNA BE BIG.
HEY, I JUST THOUGHT OF A NEW
DRINK.
DIET MARGARITA.
GUESS WHAT IT'S CALLED.
A DI-ARITA.
HUH?
>> BRILLIANT.
>> AH.
>> HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE
HORRIBLY BAD AND TACKY?
>> WHAT'S THAT?
>> KARAOKE.
>> I LOVE KARAOKE.
>> I KNOW A GUY WHO COULD SET IT
UP.
>> YOU DO?
>> UH-HUH.
>> LUCE, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
I LIKE IT -- LIKE.
WE COULD CALL IT, LIKE...
[ Distorted ] KARAOKE TUESDAY.
>> KARAOKE TUESDAYS.
WE'LL DO IT.
>> REALLY?
>> A RESTAURANT CHAIN?
THAT'S THE BELLY OF THE BEAST,
MAN.
THAT'S AWESOME.
>> THAT IS AWESOME.
>> WE'LL SHOOT IT FOR THE DVD,
AND WE WON'T JUST DO KARAOKE.
WE'LL DO ESCAPEOKE.
>> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
D.J. J.
>> Shh!
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
IT'LL BE, UH, IT'LL BE A
FEARACLE.
>> WHOA!
>> LIKE A FEAR MIRACLE, YOU
KNOW?
>> MM-HMM.
>> HEY -- HEY, YOU SMELL
SOMETHING?
>> UM...NO.
>> I DO.
>> YEAH, YOU SMELL IT, RIGHT,
JUDAS?
>> I DO, MAN, I SMELL IT.
>> IT SMELLS LIKE [SNIFFS]
IT SMELLS LIKE FISH.
>> IT KIND OF DOES.
>> FISH?
>> YEAH, LIKE, RIGHT BEHIND YOUR
EAR.
>> OH!
>> OH. HUH.
>> STAY FOR DINNER?
>> PULLED OUT THE PLATTER OF
FISH.
>> YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.
>> DUDE, CAMERAMAN, TELL ME YOU
GOT THAT.
>> SHOW US THE SPAWN OF SATAN.
GLASS EYE OF ST. AUGUSTINE, FIND
THE ANTICHRIST.
I KNEW IT!
>> WHAT?
>> IT'S YOU!
>> WHAT?
>> YOU'RE THE ANTICHRIST.
>> WHAT ARE YOU TALK-- NO.
>> YOUR WEIRD ACCENT AND YOUR
FANCY SHOES WITH YOUR SWAGGER.
>> [ Italian accent ] EXCUSE ME,
SISTER, IT'S THE POSTER.
>> WHAT?
>> THE POSTER.
THE EYE IS LOOKING AT THE
POSTER.
>> OH, MY GOD.
>> I KNEW IT.
>> I'M SO SOR--
YOU JUST CARRY YOURSELF IN A
WAY THAT I --
>> HOLY GUACAMOLE!
I'M OUT OF CONTROLEY!
>> WELL, THIS IS THE PLACE.
>> I LOVE THAT TALKING BURRITO.
>> MIKE CHECK, MIKE CHECK, ONE
TWO.
♪ ESCAPEO-O-O-KE ♪
>> SOUNDS GOOD.
>> KICK-*** ACOUSTICS HERE, MAN.
>> OH, THIS GUY?
>> OH, NOT THIS GUY.
>> HEY, LUCY'S DAD.
>> HI.
THIS IS YOUR FRIEND WHO DOES
KARAOKE?
>> YEAH.
>> YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE YOU
HANGING AROUND THIS GUY.
YOU KNOW THAT.
I TOLD YOU THAT.
>> I THOUGHT -- YOU TOLD ME HE
WAS DEAD.
>> HE IS.
HE'S DEAD RIGHT NOW.
COME ON, INTERNS.
LUCY, GO GET US SOME OF THOSE
ATACOLYPSES.
DI-ARITA, DI-ARITA?
THREE DI-ARITAS.
>> NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
YOU CAN'T KILL HIM.
HE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS HOW
TO RUN THE KARAOKE MACHINE.
>> RIGHT, HE RUNS THE KARAOKE.
ALL RIGHT, I GOT TO THINK
STRAIGHT.
UM...
KARAOKE'S GOOD.
>> YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
>> WHAT'S THE MATTER, BECKY,
HUH?
YOU DON'T LIKE SINGING AND FUN?
EVERYONE ELSE HERE DOES, OKAY,
WET BLANKET?
>> AAH!
>> HOLY CHIMICHANGA!
I'M GOING OUT OF MY MANGA!
>> SMELLS GOOD IN HERE.
>> I AM HUNGRY.
I'M REALLY STARVING.
>> YOU GUYS, FOCUS.
>> OH!
NOW THE MOMENT YOU'VE BEEN
WAITING FOR...
ESCAPEOKE!
D.J. JESúS HAS BEEN BOUND BY
SIX PAIRS OF REGULATION
HANDCUFFS SUPPLIED BY THE
SAN FRANCISCO POLICE DEPARTMENT
AND FOUR DIFFERENT
GALVANIZED-STEEL CHAINS.
[ SCATTERED APPLAUSE ]
ALL RIGHT, NOW, SOMEONE FROM THE
AUDIENCE WILL SING
"SHADOWS OF THE NIGHT" BY
PAT BENATAR WHILE D.J. JESúS
ATTEMPTS TO FREE HIMSELF BEFORE
THE SONG IS OVER, AND IF HE
DOESN'T, HE WILL BE LOWERED INTO
A PIT OF VIPERS!
[ SCATTERED CHEERS AND
APPLAUSE ]
ALL RIGHT, WE JUST NEED OUR
SINGER.
LET'S SEE WHO WE GOT HERE.
DOES THIS SAY "CROONMEISTER"?
>> THAT'S ME!
THAT'S ME!
>> ALL RIGHT, CROONMEISTER.
COME ON DOWN.
>> WHOO, GO GET 'EM!
[ INTRO TO PAT BENATAR'S
"SHADOWS OF THE NIGHT" PLAYS ]
>> [ CLEARS THROAT ]
ALL RIGHT, LET'S -- LET'S GIVE
THIS A SHOT.
[CLEARS THROAT] I THINK YOU'RE
GONNA ENJOY IT.
THIS IS FOR ALL YOU WORKING GALS
OUT THERE.
♪ OH, GIRL, IT'S A COLD WORLD
WHEN YOU... ♪
>> WE WAIT UNTIL SHE COMES
CLOSE.
>> DO YOU WANT TO SPLIT THIS?
>> WHAT IS THAT?
>> IT'S A SANDWICH, A
PULLED-PORK SANDWICH.
>> OH, PULLED PORK.
WHAT IS THIS?
I THOUGHT IT WAS MEXICAN.
WHY IS IT ALL OF A SUDDEN A
BARBECUE RESTAURANT?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> THIS MENU IS ALL OVER THE
PLACE.
>> WE ARE ON A MISSION.
>> ♪ ...NOBODY ELSE ♪
>> ♪ WE'RE RUNNING WITH THE
SHADOWS OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ SO, BABY, TAKE MY HAND,
IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT ♪
>> UH, WOW.
>> ♪ SURRENDER ALL YOUR DREAMS
TO ME TONIGHT ♪
♪ THEY'LL COME TRUE IN THE END ♪
>> WOW, HOW DID YOU DO THAT?
>> PRETTY GOOD, HUH?
>> YEAH.
>> IT'S ONE OF MY BEST ONES.
HEY, YOU'RE GREAT.
YOU'RE GOOD.
>> THAT TAKES SKILL.
I JUST, YOU KNOW, I'M JUST
SINGING.
>> WELL, NOT EVERYONE CAN SING.
I MEAN, YOU GOT A NICE VOICE.
♪ YOU CAN CRY TOUGH, BABY,
IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ YOU CAN LET ME DOWN EASY ♪
>> Together: ♪ BUT NOT TONIGHT ♪
[ Harmonizing ] ♪ WE'RE RUNNING
WITH THE SHADOWS OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ SO, BABY, TAKE MY HAND,
YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ SURRENDER ALL YOUR DREAMS
TO ME TONIGHT ♪
♪ THEY'LL COME TRUE IN THE END ♪
>> COMING AT YOU.
>> SHE IS COMING.
GET READY.
>> YOU KNOW, I WOULD SPLIT
NACHOS.
>> I AM NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT
CHEESE.
>> YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT
CHEESE?
>> NO, IT'S LIKE AN IRRITABLE
BOWEL --
>> FATHERS!
>> Together: ♪ THEY'LL COME TRUE
IN THE END ♪
>> ♪ END ♪
>> ♪ TRUE IN THE END ♪
>> ♪ THEY'LL COME TRUE
IN THE E-E-E-E-ND ♪
>> ♪ TRUE IN THE E-E-E-E-ND ♪
>> SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING.
WHAT CAN I GET YOU?
>> [BLEEP]
>> SO, YOU NEED ANOTHER MINUTE?
>> [ GROANS ]
>> OH, BE CAREFUL.
IT'S BROKEN GLASS.
>> YEAH, I KNOW.
>> I'LL GO AHEAD AND SWEEP IT
UP.
>> NO, I GOT IT, THANK YOU.
>> GREAT JOB, SISTER.
YOU AND YOUR EYE.
>> IT WOULD HAVE WORKED.
>> ♪ THE NIGHT ♪
>> ♪ THE NIGHT ♪
>> ♪ THE NIGHT ♪
>> SO, YOU NEED ANOTHER MINUTE?
>> NO, NO, WE CAN ORDER.
WE'LL GET THE NACHOS GRANDE.
>> GREAT.
>> AND TWO DI-ARITAS.
AND CAN WE GET THE SIDE OF THREE
REFRIED BEANS?
>> NO PROBLEM.
>> GREAT.
OH, CAN I HAVE ICE WATER, TOO?
>> ICE WATER FOR BOTH OF YOU?
>> I'LL HAVE A CHICKEN CON
CARNE!
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GONNA GET SOME FRIED
JALAPEÑOS AS WELL.
>> OKAY.
>> YEAH.
>> FINE!
>> I'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH YOUR
NACHOS.
>> AND A STRAWBERRY DI-ARITA.
>> THIS IS A DISASTER!
>> YOU KNOW, AS A BACKUP.
I MEAN, IF WE'RE GONNA START THE
CAR, WE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE A
GOOD ENGINE, HUH?
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
>> I DO.
>> YOU'RE CUTE.
>> THANK YOU.
>> I LIKE YOUR OUTFIT.
>> FATHER!
>> YOU DON'T THINK IT'S TOO
SMALL?
>> NO, IT'S GOOD.
THEY CERTAINLY STUFFED YOU IN
THAT ONE, HUH?
>> COME ON, CHAMP.
YOU HAD A LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH TO
DRINK, AND NOW IT'S TIME TO GO
HOME.
>> NO, I DIDN'T.
>> CAN SOMEBODY FIND HIS
SWEATER?
>> GIVE ME A KISS.
COME ON.
>> SATAN, STOP. STOP.
>> KISS THE DEVIL.
>> STOP IT.
>> HEY, BUDDY.
>> HEY, LUCY'S DAD.
>> NO, NOT YOU, THE SNAKE.
>> OH.
>> HA HA! I GOTCHA!
>> OH!
OH, YOU ***.
>> COME HERE.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING, MAN?
>> WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
>> LET'S STAY HERE.
>> LET'S DO IT.