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I mean, it's not like she looked good as a redhead, it's just that her as a blonde is
a *** trainwreck.
I know, it's like why don't you just go throw yourself down a well and break every bone
in your body, am I right?
Hey, let me ask you something. Do you have any other clothes, because I've never actually-
What the ***?!
Hey, sorry, I know, I didn't mean-
No, look!
What the ***!
Oh hey girls!
What the *** are you wearing?
Oh, new outfits, you like?
Hey, ***. Newsflash. You're not on the *** cheer squad.
Oh Brittnay, we're not wearing these because we're on the cheer squad-
We're wearing them because they're vintage.
Vintage?
Yeah, we were hanging out at the thrift store on Tuesday, you know-
New shipment day.
And what would come in, but these adorable vintage uniforms!
Don't you love 'em, they're so retro!
Uh they're not retro, we were wearing them last week.
Yeah, and you two were on the cheer squad so good job buying back the uniforms you already
owned!
Uh no Brittnay, we sent our old uniforms to the Salvation Army, these outfits come from
TurnStyles Thrift Store, so it's like totally different.
Yeah, but from what I heard, this is a pretty hot item, so I wouldn't be surprised if somebody
already-
Hey!
What's up Jennas?
Cool threads. What the *** do these *** want?
Don't you even-
Alright first of all, if you ever call me a *** again, I will give Brittnay free reign
to do whatever she wants with you.
Just know that that involves a baseball bat and the loss of one or both of your kidneys.
Secondly, you two should know, that you look like Make-a-Wish kids at the halftime of a
Super Bowl.
Yeah, Rachel, you know, you really should wear only one layer of irony at a time.
No, no, no, I know, I just, I didn't want show too much skin, you know. I'm a very modest
girl.
Really? You literally gave a *** to every boy in school.
Yeah, but I was fully clothed! So who's laughing now, Matthews?
C'mon Rach, this scene's dead. Let's go see if there's any cool stairs we can go sit on.
Out.
Ok Jenna, you've had your fun, but why don't you follow your nerd squad out of here. The
center lunch table is cheer squad territory. Thank you!
brittnay
Yeah, not territory for dumb *** beanie wearing, glasses-having, eight dollar juice
swigging, coffee shop loitering mother *** garbage trash people who have no- Get the
*** out of here!
Oh girls, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but not everybody subscribes to your antiquated
ideas of this group owns that table and that group owns this bathroom. I mean, where does
it end? Somebody claiming ownership of the staircase next to the science lab?
That staircase is controlled by the teacher's aides. You want to *** them off, good luck
trying to pass a chemistry test.
Whatever, we were here first, so if you'd like us to move, you can-
Hey you guys I was thinking, for our next game, I think it'd be really cool if you-
wait a minute! But I thought that you were-
Blaine!
And you guys were-
Blaine!
And those guys were-
Blaine!
I'm confused. Why do you guys have two different uniforms.
Oh we're not wearing uniforms Blaine, this is vintage clothing.
Oh! Sure looks like cheer uniforms.
Yes, Blaine those are the old cheer uniforms.
Oh! So why is the cheer squad wearing old uniforms.
Because they're not on the cheer squad Blaine.
Um, I'm pretty sure they're cheerleaders.
No Blaine, they used to be on the cheer squad. Now they're not anymore.
Oh! Like their uniforms!
Yes, like their uniforms. You understand now?
Nope!
Here, I think I got this. Blaine, Autobots. Decepticons.
Oooohhhhh! Why didn't you say so? God, girls are *** stupid.
You see, Mackenzie, nobody else minds that we're sitting here. In fact, most everybody
thinks we belong here.
Oh congratulations, Jenna, you confused an idiot. It's not like anybody else at this
school is dumb enough to think that you're actually-
Hey guys, so I was thinking for the pyramid on Friday, we should- wait a minute!
Goddamit.
Wait, aren't you guys-
Yes, Trisha, we literally just went through all of this. Just come stand next to us.
Oh ok, yeah.
Alright, Jenna, you have until the count of five to leave this table before we forcibly
eject you from it. Got it?
One
Two
Three
Four
Going through the cafeteria, gonna eat some food- Oh my god! Haha! That is hilarious!
Well played! Hahahahaha...
brittnay
What the *** is so funny?
What? I'm a fan of ironically humorous clothing. You know, a California Raisins t-shirt, Wayne's
World 2 hat, a ridiculously outdated cheer uniform.
See, she gets it.
Deandra, those aren't outdated. We wore them last week.
Well just think, if you had terrible taste for another week, you could've been hip!
Deandra, you wore this exact outfit at Cheer Nationals!
Yeah, only because I was forced to! Believe me, I got rid of that thing just as soon as
I could!
Oh good, you guys already started burning them? Great.
Jeez, if I knew that uniform was gonna end up being worth something, I woulda hung onto
it. Coulda made a few shekels.
Deandra, since when did you join the *** hipsters?
Oh no believe, me Zales, I am not taking sides on this one. You are a super crazy *** and
you, well you and you, you look like you're going on quite the journey there. Good luck
finding yourselves, I assume that's what you're doing. Yes? Ok, anyways, back to the lunchtime
song that I sing when I'm going through the cafeteria, boodoodoodoodoo...
Bye Deandra! You know, we never see her enough, you know?
Alright, now where were we? Oh right, 3, 2-
Ah ha ha! Great ironic t-shirt! Well, I mean, not really a t-shirt, I mean the whole outfit!
Man, can you believe people used to dress like that?!
Ok, that's it!
I really hope you enjoyed yourself today, Jenna.
I did, thanks. Jenna, did you enjoy yourself as well?
Oh, I did. I did. I really had a great time.
Ok, great, well, looks like we're all good here! Thanks Mackenzie!
Alright, Jenna, that's it, I'm done. You have crossed my last line. Congratulations! Because
from here on out, I will not sleep until your life is completely ***. I am the queen
of revenge, Jenna. I've disbanded cheer squads, ruined people's social lives, and I ***
ripped a girl's arms off. But all of that is going to pale in comparison to what I am
going to do to you. Mark my words: I will destroy every part of your life. I will not
stop until you are sitting alone in a dark hole thinking over and over again, "Why did
I ever *** with Mackenzie Zales?"
Yeah.
I, uh, I forgot my nuggets. Oh, also the dipping sauces.
Hey girls, you know I knew that if I kept this hanging in my closet long enough it would
come back in style! Do you like it?
Alright, Jenna, let's go. This joke has clearly run its course.
Ugh. I think I'm gonna be sick. Ugh, yeah, mmhmm, that's vomit in my mouth.
Oh, listen ***, don't get angry because it looks better on me, okay? Oh *** it, you
get it.