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After the living octopus and the dead dogs, I needed a manly drink.
Luckily, there's plenty of it in Seoul.
Actually, South korea is the 13th country in the wolrd and the 1st in Asia when it comes to the alcohol consumption pro inhabitant.
Soju is the national beverage. It's a kind of *** of the people, colorless and cheap.
Those little bottles cost only 1€ and yet are 17 proof.
To have an idea of how popular soju is, imagine that last year there has been more soju sold in South Korea than *** in Russia.
To learn more about it, I went to the soju academy.
You have to take the glass with both hands as a mark of respect for the person who drinks with you.
Go Jaeyoon is a hospitality teacher and with a sommelier degree. When it comes to Korean libation, he's an expert.
I joined his students group for a typical soju party.
Soju is way more than just a drink, it belongs to Korean culture and is a kind of entertainment too.
I agree. Korean people don't only drink soju, they play with it too and when it comes to soju games, Teacher Go is the best.
He even wrote a book about it where he takes an inventory of 40 acts which help to become the party king. In South Korea at least.
Soju represents a huge market and stars like Psy are generously paid to advertise for some brands.
And to sell, there's a very strong argument.
Those are the soju girls, a multitude of pretty women stars who keep changing (Hara, Hyuna, Hyorin).
Usually, they are k-pop singers or actress.
Their pictures are everywhere : in bars, supermarkets and especially on soju bottles.
Look at those girls. They are stunning. But the best is Hyuna.
Hyuna is a k-pop star who got famous in the whole world thanks to her featuring in Psy's MV Gangnam style.
Last year, she was chosen sexiest personality in South Korea by her fans. It's easy to guess why her image helps to sell more soju.
Yet a soju brand decided to go against this eroticization.
This is a newcomer in the soju grils' world
You don't look like the typical soju girl. Why do you think thay chose you ?
Actually, soju is a very pure and transparent drink. The brand was looking for an ambassador with a pure and innocent look and I think that match totally the profil.
To be chosen to represent soju is a great honour but it gives big responsabilities since it's my face that is seen on the bottles.
I represent my country's national drink.
And here I am living the fantasy of every Korean man and probably of a few Korean women : drinking a glass of soju with a real soju girl.
Strong, isn't it ? It's not a drink for little girls.
During this time.
Back to the party where acts and rounds keep going at a frightening rhythm.
Let's drink till death !
The crazy teacher kept doing exploits more and more ***, until the final ***, a spectacular domino effect mixing little cups of soju and glasses of beer.
As guest of honour, all the pressure was on my shoulders.
After such an ***, what better place to end up than in a giant toilet ?
The toilet museum of Seoul looks like a huge toilet bowl.
It houses a fascinating collection of Korean toilets from different periods.
A project born from the imagination of the deceased Sim Jaeduk, more known under the name of "Mr. Toilet"
He was born in the outside toilets in his grand-mother's house. Because of that he was called during his whole youth "dog poop"
Mr. Toilet always said that everybody had the right to have decent toilets to feel happiness.
Mr. Toilet transformed his house into an interactive museum so that children from all over the world could understand everything about stool.
Like in this MV called "the poop's song".
Poop poop poop poop poo.
When your tummy aches
poop poop poop poo.
A lesson that little students quickly put into action.
If a very bad post-soju hangover is making your head a mess, as it was the case for me, here is a good advice : avoid Seoul's streets.
With more than 24 million inhabitants it's not only the world's second more inhabitated agglomaration but the ninth when it comes to the most congested city too.
Add to that a blatant lack of grassy areas and a pollution cloud that darkens the horizon and you will get a far from being relaxing result.
Of course, Seoul people try relax in any way possible. The eaasiest and most traditional way is the hot tub, that is the jjimjilbang.
More than a simple hot tub, the Korean jjimjilbang is a meeting place where the neighbourhood inhabitants come to sweat, have a chat and sleep.
They indulge in the pleasure of folding towels. Korean hot tub ritual always start with the head.
A skilfully folded towel, there, you're ready to start relaxing. Thank you.
For around 10€ you can spend the day there and test a bunch of cares.
This is the hot room. Yeah, it's boiling hot.
Here it's the cold room, and I'm freezing my butt off, like really.
Here it's the salt room where everything is salted, besides the bill (=doesn't cost much money).
And if after all that you feel a little bit weak, this is the resting room, that is a dormitory. Isn't it a great idea ?
Shout your mouth *** ! You woke me up. Who are you speaking to, stupid guy ?
If you're looking for a more spiritual relaxation I recommend you the Jingwansa temple, 45 minutes in car from Seoul.
It's one of the numerous Buddhist temples in South Korea which opened its doors to visitors during the last few years.
For 50 dollar per day, a modest sum to reach wisdom, you will be able to share the monks' life.
A distincitve feature of Jingwansa : here, the monks are all women.
I was getting ready to pray, eat and suffer to rise to the nirvana, but to take this road, I needed a guide,
Master Yoda's distant cousin named Teok Lim
Former doctor, Teok Lim gave up her job to follow the Buddha's path.
Without losing time, she tells me the house's rules.
Without losing time, she tells me the house's rules.
Then Teok Lim made me visit the temple and gave me a quick lesson in symbols.
That's when I met an old acquaintance.
Yes, no, I know, it looks like it but that's not what you think it is.
No, I'm not in a neo-Nazi training camp surronded by skinhead women wearing dresses.
It's a very old symbol, a buddhist one that is found all over Asia and which has a double meaning : good luck and good fortune.
Two things that we quite need now in Europe. I'm talking about the good luc and the good fortune, not about *imitates Hitler*
My formation wasn't over, I learned how to properly bow in front oof the Buddha, which earned me a violent cramp in the foot.
Then Teok Lim took me under her iron wing and taught me something I never managed to learned : be zen.
If I want to reach the illumination, do you think it's doable in a week-end or do I have to take the whole package ?
At the temple women monk go to sleep early because they want to keep their rosiness.
At 8PM sharp I sprawled myself on my little mattress and filled with the Buddha's beneficial spirit, I gave in to a transcendent dream.
I took advantage of the journey to go to my next destination where Korean people love going on a trip ove the week-end.
The enchanting Jeju island.
Located 450km south from Seoul, Jeju is a volcanic island known for its temperate climate and its florishing vegetation, which makes it the Korean Hawaii.
Jeju is also known for its picturesque mermaids from another age, the Haenyo, those fearless women divers.
It was originally a fishermen island and all men went to hunt whales. Since they didn't always come back the women had to feed the children.
They dove and brought back what they found. That's how the Haenyo tradition was born.
It means women (nyo) of the sea (hae).
Lisa Kellie is a journalist who knows everything about the island inside out.
Thanks to her, I was able to meet those women before they dive. Actually they were curious about meeting a French man in flesh and bone .
Hello. This is Antoine, a famous French MC. How do you find him ? - Beautiful.
The youngest amongs those ladies is 51 years old, while the oldest stopped counting around 60
which doesn't stop them from putting on mask and flippers each week while their husbands are resting at home.
It's us who put food on the table. Our husbands are good for nothing.
To put food on the table, those sea grand-mothers have to comb the seabed.
They dive until 15m deep. Holding their breath, they can stay until 5mn under water.
And to prove us their amazing lung capacity thyey organized a little humiliating game just for me.
Blow in the tube at the same time as her.
She ate garlic.
Was it humiliating ? A little bit. Was I nervous when I was told to watch out for jellyfishes and sharks ? Completly.
Was I going to jump in ? And how !
I stayed a little hour in water and I managed to catch that. Yeah, I know.
My capture got added to the day's ones : abalones, sea snails an a whole display of strange creatures which didn't tempt at all, either to touch nor to taste.
Do you want to take it back ?
The captures the Haeyo don't sell on the market, they bring them back home for their lazy husbands or eat them diretly on the shore.
Despite an unrivalled lifestyle - it's hard to find healthier than this diet based on fresh seaweeds - Jeju island's women divers are doomed to dissapear.
They are all old and the young women don't want to follow their path in the cellphones' and computers' era.
So I think that in 10 years those women will disappear. It's a dying breed.
I resumed my Jeju tour. It was impossible to not notice the engraved rocks and the mediocre statuary of obscure local heroes,
until I ended up in a non less than unexpected place.
Welcome to Loveland where somptuous nipples were erected.
It's one of the three - I did say three - theme parks entirely dedicated to sex in Jeju.
But how did such an innocent looking island become the Korean eroticism den ?
The story is quiet interesting. Jeju has been during years the island where everybody came for the honeymoon.
You can still see a lot of couples with matching outfits : they are newlywed.
Korea is still very conservative, parents don't say anything about flowers and bees so people come here to see how to do and then go to the hotel.
When you now that *** is still forbidden in South Korea and that the access to *** websites is frozen
it's easier to understand why Jeju's *** parks have such a success.
Some objects are more interactive than the others.
Like this bike that makes people freewheel to seventh heaven.
What I liked the most at Loveland ? Not the big *** fountain nor the women statue who drops a hot pepper in a giant mussel
but the occasion to see Korean women, usually so reserved, showing themselves carefree and confident enough to sit on the lap of a French man clearly pervert.
After going back to Seoul for my last day in South Korea, I decided to do a solidarity gesture with this country and its inhabitants who had welcomed me so well.
For that, I had found the perfect idea.
Let's fight them !
February 25th, 2012. Once a year, a militant group, the fighters for North Korea's freedom, organizes a very broadcasted manifestation against the North Korean regime.
Their weapon ? Giant balloons full of hydrogen to which they tie small packages filled with donations.
It goes from clothes to chocolate, including anti-Kim Jongun leaflets.
Those propaganda ballons are then released near from the North Korean border. Luckily, a release was programed on the last day of my trip.
I decided to be part of it afetr a little formality.
On site, there was a big agitation. The place was full of policemen and journalists, which is never a good sign.
Then the fighters for North Korea's freedom's president announced the bad news.
Kim Jongun threatened to bomb South Korea if we release our balloons. Sadly, South Korean government cancelled the demonstration.
They yielded to a gangster's threats.
Dozens of policemen dressed casually, members of the anti-balloons patrol, were on the look-out, ready to draw weapon at the first release of not authorized balloon.
All that in order to not offend Kim Jongun. I decided to take action.
The policemen patrols behind me will maybe be enough to prevent the demonstrators from releasing their balloons, but they won't prevent ME from releasing MINE.
So, my little package for you, Kim Jongun.
First of all, a voucher for a famous Parisian hairdressing salon, so that you take care of that desireless look.
Michael Haneke's film, Amour (love), because as you know Kim Jongun, love is the message
with what's more five and a half bonus hours, Jean-Louis Trintignant who madly walks around in the apartment.
David Guetta's new album, way better than last yea's but still waaaay inferior to the one he's going to release next year.
And since you suffer from little excess weight and that you like camps
well here is the latest Dukan method (a famous nutritionist) which will help you to get a young woman's figure back.
So this is my gift, it's personal, it goes flying at the risk of triggering two-three bombs, iI don't care I get on my plane in two hours, go !
So that's how my Seoul trip ends. Like always I don't come back alone since I'm taking with me a young woman monk from the Jingwansa Temple.
I told her you know, France is country where people badmouth (médit) more than meditate (médite) but she told me it doesn't matter, I want to see it and she'll see for sure !
I have to hurry to go back before the week-end is over so that I can return the costumes and the accessories, otherwise they're going to make me pay twice more, those ***
and I leave as I had imagined it maboul de Séoul !