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This object has been temporarily removed as we revise its facial expression
which was deemed zoo-ologically improbable and/or terrifying to small children.
It's not "zoo-ologicaly," Sam, it's "zo-ologically."
I know how to spell, you ***!
Cat's eyes removed.
Oh crotch!
They used to de-claw cats.
Now we're having to deal with blind cats as well?
You know the old adage, Mary.
"A nod is as good as a wink to a blind cat."
Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Please lock your car!
Christ the King is not responisble for thefts or damage to vehicles.
I thought He would come again like a thief in the night.
He will, but not to steal or damage cars.
The 8th Commandment says "Thou Shalt Not Steal"
but where does it say "Thou Shalt Not Damage Cars?"
It's probably in one of the lesser-known books: The Book of Vehicle Protection.
Holy place. No dogs, cigarettes, guns & short clothing!
I know about the dogs, cigarettes and guns
but where in the Bible does it say how to dress?
I want to tell the chaplain.
Charlie!
A chaplain named Charlie. Charlie Chaplain.
Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Don't push it, Sam.
Invisibility Cloaks. 50 percent off original price.
In that case, I'll buy two: one for me and one for Mary,
so we can have a good time and no one can see us.
That's a good idea, Sam.
You give one to me and the other to Mike.
Oh crotch!
If Mary wants to go steady with Mike, who'll go steady with me?
Don't get upset, Sam.
I'm free if you need me.
LOLOLOL.
The world's funniest license plate.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Childish.
Please turn off your engine.
Exhaust fumes enter building.
If exhaust fumes enter the building, then what comes out?
Hahahahahahahah!
Whatever comes out of Sam: all hot air.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
That's not funny, ***!
Middlefart.
Middlefart? What sorta weird-*** town name is Middlefart?
It's probably between Leftfart and Rightfart.
Hahahahahahahahah!
[BOOSH!]
Eewwwww! Quit that, Sam!
[BOOSH!]
Oh crotch! Spoke too soon again!
Danger! No Smoking! Bagels will blow up!
Tscha! I didn't know bagels exploded!
That's silly. Bagels don't explode, and I'll sample one to prove it.
Don't touch that bagel, Sam!
They didn't use baking powder; they used gunpowder.
Gunpowder in bagels? How ridiculous!
Hahahahahahahah---
[BOOM!!]
Jeez Louise! I've lost half my teeth!
Difficult Campground, White River National Forest.
Well, duh! What makes camping so difficult?
I know why: I pitched a tent last week and Sam hit it out of the park.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Judas Priest! Don't remind me!
I had to sleep outside in freezing weather, then I discovered I was sleeping on porcupines.
Ow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-ow!
Team Waste.
I didn't know Waste Management fielded a baseball team.
I thought that's what happened when the whole team went to the restroom.
Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Team Waste? Eeeewwwwww! Eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww!
[Mary barfing]
Lost Nation. Detour.
Tscha! If it's a lost nation, why put up a detour sign around it?
Must be the work of that great French road builder:
De Tour.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Don't fall off the castle.
Makes sense to me.
It's very dangerous down there.
I agree. There isn't even a moat.
Why not get a little closer, Mary, so you can see better?
Here, I'll give you a boost.
No! Wait, Sam! Don't push me over the edge!
Nooooooooooooooooo...
[Mary falling]
[CRASH!!]
Sam, Sam, Sam.
What the hell are we going to do with you?
Beware of safety.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That's silly!
They should have put that sign up at the castle where Sam pushed Mary off the edge of the tower.
Don't remind me.
Not only do I have a criminal record, but I'm under a restraining order.
I can't even speak to Mary until further notice.
I'll handle your appeal if you want, Sam.
If you do, Mike, I'm through with you. Understand?
Butcher Funeral Home.
What, they have memorial services for butchers now?
When butchers die, they don't bury or cremate them; they just freeze them.
Before they do that, they chop up the dead butcher's corpse and package the pieces to sell in the supermarket.
Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
[BONK!]
Ouch!
Caution: Depression Ahead.
This must be a sad city. Everyone here is depressed.
Another sign of the weakened economy.
Now they put up road signs to warn us a depression is near, and it's all the Republicans' fault.
Cease and desist with your class warfare!
Watch it! Republicans don't manipulate my life!
No, but I would if you don't quit it!
Slow. Elf crossing.
Slow elves, as opposed to fast elves? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
So that's where St. Nicholas and his elves spend their summer vacations.
Oh no! Sam's violating the restraining order! Help! Police!
Calm down, Mary!
I handled Sam's appeal and the order was lifted.
Oh. Well, that's different. My apologies, Sam.
Apology accepted.
Park View Elementary School.
January 12th, PTO meeting 3:15 P.M.
January 21st, no shcool.
Jeez Louise!
How can it be a school and a shcool at the same time?
The people in charge of that sign are all full of shkit.
Hahahahahahahahah!
No shoulder riding allowed.
Gadzooks! Those two didn't even read the sign!
Now they tell us.
[SIREN]
[Whispering] Microsoft Sam and Speakonia Female 2, you're under arrest.
Plant Entrance.
Must be a giant redwood tree nearby.
Let's sneak in the back door, the way I always wanted to do with---
Sam, you leave Mary alone! She's mine!
Shut up, ***!
Why must you call me a ***, Sam?
Because you don't want me to ever call you an *** again, that's why.
I heard that, Sam!
I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.
Uh-oh, I think he's running.
We'd better vamoose in case they start dropping bombs on us.
Uh-oh! Let's get outta here, Sam!
There are bombers flying overhead, and they're not friendly.
Bombers? What bombers? I don't see any bom---
[BOOM!!]
Ye Gads! Mary's been planted in the ground again!
Are you all right? And where are the others?
I'm okay, but as for my friends, I'm afraid there's only one place to look.
Holy Schneikees! They've landed in Satan's Kingdom again!
I'd better summon the Angel before the Devil tries to---
Not so fast, me bucko!
Jeez Louise! They've got Sam tied up!
You leave Sam alone, you filthy old Devil!
You are not in any position to tell me what to do and what not to do, you class warriors!
Class warriors by the grace of God!
You hypocrite, Sam! I'll give you pain for this!
[ZAP!]
Eeee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w!
What are you doing to Sam, you mean old Devil?
Let him go! NOW!
Never interfere with justice, you ***!
Take that!
[ZAP!]
Eeee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w!
Stop tormenting them, Satan!
Get outta here or I'll destroy the Earth and all living things!
The Almighty will never let you get away with it!
Take that, you infernal beastie!
[BOOM!!]
No! Not God's Country again! Let me out of here!
Oh no! Not before I give you your come-uppance!
No no no no no no no no!
Eeee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w- w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w!
Have your skeleton checked here.
Hey Bones, give me some skin!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Historic Life-Saving Station. Cemetery.
What a swell place to put up a life-saving station: next to the cemetery.
Well, if they fail to save a life, they'll know where to bury the victim.
Must be right next to the Butcher Funeral Home.
Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Church Street. State Street.
So much for the separation of church and state.
Such an intersection could be unconstitutional. Hahahahahahahahah!
Watch it, Sam, you imbecile!
Why did you call me an imbecile?
Because you don't want me to call you a sonofabitch, that's why!
Get a Life Award.
Now there's a kind of award the world really needs.
And this year's winner is Microsoft Sam.
Just kidding! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Keep Going. Don't Stand Here.
Well, no point in us hanging around.
You have your RoflCopter ready, Sam?
It's all ready. All aboard, we're going home!
soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi
soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi
This has been a davemadson films inc. production.