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Travis: You're probably all wondering why I asked you here today.
Jojo: No, actually you told us earlier that you-
Travis: Because! SOMEONE in this office, is a spy.
Jojo: Wait, what?
Exhibit A! A fortune from Oshi O-Mikuji Fortune Cookie Company. It reads...
Travis: 'A sea of strangers. Seek their secrets in silence. Send receipts to Jan.'
Oshi O-Mikuji is sending their spy messages in haiku!
They're using cookies for evil! Those sons of ***!
Here's where the plot-twist comes in. The spy, is one of us!
[ ♫ Dun Dun Dun! ♫ ]
Sorry!
Who's there? Gingersnap who?
It was the wrong number.
You wanted to see me?
Oh yes, yes! I need a list of the wishes I've granted in the last fifty years, sweetheart.
But that could take days.
Probably more, but I need it. And as Wish Operator, you'll have seen it all!
Alright, fine, I'm on it. What do you need these for anyway?
Mamma's gonna try and fix our little penny problem. Now off you go, I've got to make another house call.
One of the women on The View is wishing for a better sex life. I can't tell you which one, but it's not the one you think!
Wendy: So thirsty!
Oh you tease! What a little tease you are, and so...
You, lackey! Stop whatever it is you're doing. We've got work to do.
What it is?
Remember when the lights went out and I was stuck with little Miss Ivy League?
Well I found THIS in the trash! Someone wanted Craig to eat it before we got to it.
What does it mean?
It means I'M going to catch this Oshi O-Mikuji spy and get my wings as a reward!
This is great, we gotta look for clues!
Anyone in this office could have the opportunity. Anyone could have a motive!
What if they had both?
Let's get started.
Wendy & Travis: Shari!
So, these are all the wishes I've granted in the last fifty years? My, I would have expected at least two of these.
No no, Fairy Godmother. This is queue one, of year one.
Oh.
Well...
***.
Oh Blake Shelton, don't...
Hey! What the hell are you guys doing in here!?
You know I need 15 hours of sleep, after a 15 hour bender.
Travis: We just had a couple questions for you.
Listen, for the interrogation do NOT go easy on her!
Okay, gotcha.
Alright Glitzy, why'd ya do it!?
What the hell?!
We know there is an Oshi O-Mikuji spy running around here and we found your signature drink with the evidence in the trash!
I a'int no spy Tinkerbell!
Wendy: Then I guess you wouldn't mind us looking at your employee records.
Shari: What?
These records record everything you do in Wish It and it looks like someone's been making some outside calls to...
1-800-Lonely-Gal? The all-boys school?
555-Last-Resort?
Wendy: Yikes.
Hey! A girl gets lonely! And besides, with all the creepy girls they have calling them, I'm doing them a favor!
I think you better keep looking in your trash can there.
Travis & Shari: Jojo!
Wendy: Oh, Jojo.
[ Jojo Sniffing ]
Alright Pork-Pie, give it up!
Alright! Alright, I did it! I swear I didn't think she would call the cops! She told me she was into that kind of thing!
Wait, what?
Oh. Are we not talking about that Wood Nymph that I phwonked down on the third floor?
Shari: No. Travis. No...
Oh! Good. Good! So what's going on then?
Hey! Where is everybody?
I don't know. It's like they all...went somewhere. Did we miss something?
Well Shari's not at her desk and Jo disappeared after we had lunch at Taco Malo.
And Travis hasn't walked by to say anything condescending today.
Did we miss an e-vite?
Oh Yvette, listen! This wisher here wished for a blushing bride and I wasn't quite able to do it, what with free-will and all.
Godmother: He's rather high-up in the state department! Do you have plans this weekend?
I don't know, that depends, am I doing to...?
You're going to mary him, yes.
I have plans! Huge, giant plans. Gotta go.
Alright, I suppose that's fair. Let me know if you change your mind sweetheart!
Guys, I can't be the spy, okay. It's against clown union rules. Also, Chinese food makes me yack. But...
It's because I order for a family of four.
Alright fine! What else is in here!?
Packing peanuts!
Teddy?
Shari & Travis: Teddy! Wendy: Bernard!
Oh. Teddy.
I don't know why I said Bernard. What!? Stupid. Teddy is the mail guy.
Teddy: I don't think anyone is coming back any time soon. So I was thinking...
[ Karla Screams ]
Hannah: What was that?
Uh...probably just nothing. Anyway, I was wondering...
[ Karla Screams ]
Does that sound like Karla to you?
No....like a cat or something.
Karla: Help! It's Karla!
Teddy, that's definitely Karla! Come on, we gotta go!
Karla: Help! I'm actually screaming for help!
Travis: Keep her still!
Hannah: Guys! What are you doing!?
We're looking for recording devices, okay! All the spies in movies have them.
Teddy: Just let her go! Let her go.
Shari: We're looking for a back-stabbing spy! So you know, we thought...because she's such a *** and all.
What is wrong with you people!? I volunteer for Green Peace! I donate blood FIVE times a year! I recycle, like I ACTUALLY recycle.
Jojo: Yes and that's exactly what pisses us off!
Teddy: Alright, tell me what's going on!
Shari: We're looking for a criminal!
Jojo: One of us is running around here giving all our secrets to the Oshi O-Mikuji.
And YOU are a suspect!
Teddy: Me!?
That's right, life-size Ken Doll. We found packing peanuts in the garbage. The calling-card of a blue-collar mail room drone!
Travis: And your personnel file says you spend 3 hours after work-hours here in the break room! What's going on in here hot stuff!?
I bake, okay! I bake and I sauté and I simmer! I want to be a chef. But my dad was a mail man and his dad was a mail man.
And I don't want to be just another mail man! So I've been using the break room to practice my recipes.
Hannah: Aw, Teddy.
Travis: Alright, fine! Hot mail guy is off the hook. What else is in that trash can, Wendy?
Wendy: A soy candy bar wrapper.
Jojo: Looks like the sickeningly healthy snack of a straight-laced Hannah Schubert!
What!? That's crazy you guys, thats crazy!
Travis: Wendy, get her file!
Nothing.
Shari: Nada.
Jojo: Zip.
Wendy: Bupkis.
Hannah: Wait...really? Nothing suspicious at all?
No, just day-to-day work activity for six weeks.
Hannah: Well I must have done SOMETHING interesting in the past month. I mean I thought I...didn't I....
Hannah, it just means you're not the spy. Relax.
Hannah: Well...alright...I mean, I could have sworn I just did this...oh! Oh! Ho ho!
Hannah: I started that pretty controversial petition on getting extra parking spaces for the parking garage. Yeah, that was me!
Jojo: And no one cared.
Shari: There are more parking spaces?
There's a garage?
Who the hell is the spy!?
Travis: After some careful deduction. I have deduce the Oshi O-Mikuji spy to be....
Karla.
Knew it.
No it's not!
Travis: Oh, God!
Karla: After the power outage you all left and I had to fight the trash eating monster all night! I lost three teeth.
Alright! Karla's not the spy. Well I'm out of ideas.
Oh my God...what I'm the spy!? All the best spies in movies don't even know they're spies!
Jojo: Dude seriously, like a sleeper-drone or a Cylon!
What!? You guys are crazy. Crazy!
Wendy: Oh no, I'm a spy! I'm a spy!
Check her for recording devices!
Here you guys are! Karla, get out.
Keep going...
Now that everybody's here you're all in big trouble! The mail is completely backed up, tons of wishes need to be granted!
Dandelions are overflowing into the wishbones and you all are just hanging out in the break room!?
Travis: No no, Yvette you don't understand! Wendy might be a spy!
Wendy: Yeah, come check my molars for cyanide pills!
Look, I don't normally care what you guys do, and to be perfectly clear, I still don't care. But Fairy Godmother is
currently working her *** off in her office in order to save this company. So the least you can do is do
is go do the job she is trying to save! Get. Back. To. WORK!
You have wish-returns.
Re-what?
The resident expert on wish-refunds...
Jojo: You don't know how to make coffee without magic?
Shari: Well do you?
Why don't we put someone else on the penny? I hear Clinton's on board.
No, he's shooting for the dime.
You guys gotta help me!
Travis: You want a wish-off? You got it!
The magic generator blew, it going to take a couple hours to reboot.
[ Monstrous Roar ]
Oh, right. Craig.
Synthetic PictureHaus
Karla: Help! I'm actually screaming for help!