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>> HI. I'M SAMMIE, AND I'M
SELLING TONIGHT.
>> RIGHT NOW ON
"KENTUCKY BIDDERS"...
>> SO YOU THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA
TO PUT THAT IN THE BACHELOR
AUCTION?
>> ...BIG SAMMIE THROWS A
CHARITY BACHELOR AUCTION.
>> GIVE ME $500 ON HIM.
>> BUT WILL LEONARD GET COLD
FEET?
>> HEY, LEONARD, COME ON IN!
>> I DON'T THINK HE'S COMING.
>> THEN...
>> YEAH, BABY!
>> ...A ONE-OF-A-KIND
CONSIGNMENT ITEM...
>> YOU'RE A REDNECK ROCK STAR
FOR EVEN COMING UP WITH THIS,
MAN.
>> ...GOES MISSING...
>> AND IT GETS SCREWED UP OR
GONE, WE GET TO PAY FOR IT.
>> ...AND BIG SAMMIE HAS A BIG
PROBLEM.
>> WE GOT THE COPS OUT HERE.
>> SHUT THE DOOR, SHUT THE DOOR.
[ HORN HONKS ]
HEY, GUYS.
WHAT ARE Y'ALL DOING?
>> HEY, SAMMIE.
>> HEY, ERIC.
HOW THE HELL YOU DOING?
>> I'M DOING ALL RIGHT, MAN.
>> JAY.
WE DO A LOT OF WORK WITH
LIQUIDATORS.
THEY BRING IN BULK ITEMS --
TOILET PAPER, PAPER TOWELS,
FERTILIZER, SHAMPOO.
>> YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.
>> YEAH. YOU JUST DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S GONNA COME IN OUT OF THE
BACK OF THAT TRUCK.
>> LAST-CHANCE SNACK CAKES.
>> LAST-CHANCE?
>> YES.
>> TODAY IS THE EXPIRATION DATE.
>> TONIGHT AT 12:00, THEM'S --
>> YEAH. THEY'LL BE OUT THE DOOR
LIKE THE FARMER'S DAUGHTER.
>> YEAH.
HOW MUCH A CASE YOU WANT FOR
THEM?
>> $10.
>> $10?
I'LL GIVE YOU $5 A CASE.
>> OH, COME ON, SAMMIE.
THERE'S A LOT OF SNACK CAKES IN
THERE.
>> WHERE IN THE HELL YOU GONNA
SELL THESE IN THE NEXT...FEW
HOURS?
>> I GUESS YOU GOT ME ON THIS
ONE, SAMMIE.
>> THAT'S WHAT I FIGURED.
I LIKE BUYING LAST-CHANCE ITEMS
BECAUSE IT GIVES ME A LOT OF
BARGAINING POWER.
I THANK YOU MUCH.
LET ME GET THE GUYS.
WE'LL GET THESE UNLOADED.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> BOY, THEM ARE GOOD.
>> I SCORED A TRIFECTA WITH
THESE LAST-CHANCE CAKES.
THE CROWD WILL GET A BARGAIN,
THE FOOD WON'T BE WASTED, AND
I'LL MAKE A FEW BUCKS, TOO.
THEY'RE LAST-CHANCE SNACK CAKES.
>> NOT GOT TO WORRY IF I'M GONNA
SELL FOR MORE THAN A SNACK CAKE
AT TONIGHT'S AUCTION, WHICH I
WILL INEVITABLY DOMINATE.
>> EVERY YEAR, WE DO THIS
BACHELOR AUCTION, AND ALL THE
MONEY GOES TO CHARITY.
I PUT UP MY THREE SONS --
SAMMIE, DAVID, AND MARK -- AND
THE HIGHEST BIDDER WINS A DATE
WITH THEM.
THE CROWD LOVES IT.
>> HAVE YOU SEEN THIS PROPERTY
WE'RE SELLING?
RIGHT HERE, THIS AREA.
IT'S GONNA BE FINE.
>> MAN, IF LITTLE SAMMIE'S EGO
WAS ANY BIGGER, YOU COULD
PROBABLY SEE IT FROM SPACE.
>> ALL I KNOW IS YOU GOT A LONG
WAY TO GO.
$300 LAST YEAR -- I BELIEVE
THAT'S THE RECORD HOLDER.
>> THE BOYS WAS GETTING PRETTY
COMPETITIVE TO WHO BRINGS THE
HIGHEST BID.
DON'T Y'ALL FORGET ABOUT
LEONARD.
LEONARD'S IN IT THIS YEAR.
>> ALL RIGHT!
>> YOU SURE, LEN?
>> I'M ALREADY NERVOUS.
>> SAMMIE, COME ON OUTSIDE.
I GOT SOMETHING YOU GOT TO SEE.
>> HEY, PUDDING, WHAT DO YOU
GOT?
>> PUDDING'S LIKE A REDNECK
THOMAS EDISON.
IF IT CAN BE BUILT OUT OF PARTS
LAYING IN SOMEBODY'S FRONT YARD,
PUDDING CAN BUILD IT.
[ LAUGHS ]
>> THAT'S DIFFERENT.
>> THAT'S AWESOME.
[ LAUGHS ]
>> WELL, PUDDING'S OUTDONE
HIMSELF THIS TIME.
HE'S BUILT HISSELF A MOTORIZED
RECLINER.
>> THIS IS LA-Z-LEGS.
THIS IS A LAZY MAN'S
TRANSPORTATION UNIT.
>> I GET IT.
>> YOU KNOW, YOU WAS SITTING IN
A HOUSE, YOU WANT TO GO
SOMEWHERE, YOU AIN'T EVEN GOT TO
GET OUT OF THE CHAIR.
>> WHY? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?
>> I LIKE TO TAKE TWO THINGS
THAT DON'T GO TOGETHER AND PUT
THEM TOGETHER.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
>> THAT'S AWESOME.
>> WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO SELL
THIS?
>> BREAKS MY HEART.
I HAD TO TAKE JUNIOR'S BICYCLE
APART TO BUILD IT.
>> TOOK HIS BICYCLE APART?
>> YEAH.
>> WELL, HELL.
>> BUT HE'S UPSET, CRYING.
YOU KNOW, WON'T EAT CHICKEN
NUGGETS.
THAT'S BAD WHEN HE WON'T EAT
CHICKEN NUGGETS.
>> I WAS GETTING READY TO SAY.
>> NOTHING CONSOLES THIS KID.
>> HELL, HE AIN'T GOT NOTHING TO
RIDE.
WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR THIS?
>> $3,000.
>> $3,000?
IS HE CRAZY?
THE ONLY PERSON'D PAY THAT KIND
OF MONEY IS IF THEY HAD A DAMN
RACETRACK IN THEIR LIVING ROOM.
>> LOOK, MAN, I THINK IT'S
AWESOME, BUT I WILL TELL YOU
THIS -- THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL
THAT ANYBODY'S GONNA GIVE YOU
$3,000 FOR THIS.
>> MAN, THAT'S RICH CORINTHIAN
LEATHER.
SMELL IT. SMELLS OF MAHOGANY.
GET ON HER, TAKE HER FOR A TEST
SPIN.
>> HEY, COME ON OUT HERE AND
LOOK AT THIS.
SAMMIE'S GOING TO RIDE THE
CHAIR-MOBILE!
>> CHECK THIS OUT.
HEY, IT'S ABOUT TIME THEY GOT A
CHAIR THAT FITS MY
PERSONALITY -- LAZY.
>> TAKE HER FOR A CRUISE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> GO FASTER!
>> FLIP IT OVER!
I'M GONNA GET MY MONEY!
>> YOU LET THE WRONG GUY DRIVE
IT.
>> YEAH, BABY!
>> WATCH THE GUYS, WATCH THE
GUYS, WATCH THE GUYS.
>> FASTER!
>> DON'T HIT LEONARD'S BUSHES.
>> DUDE, I'M NOT GONNA LIE, THIS
IS THE BEST THING I'VE EVER BEEN
IN.
IT'S AWESOME.
YOU ARE A REDNECK ROCK STAR FOR
EVEN COMING UP WITH THIS, MAN,
FRANKENSTEIN-ING THIS LA-Z-BOY.
>> HELL YEAH!
>> LET ME PUT IT, LIKE, INTO
AUCTION FOR YOU.
LET ME SELL IT ON CONSIGNMENT,
OKAY?
I THINK THAT'S THE BEST THING TO
DO, AND IT'S PROBABLY GONNA GET
YOU THE MOST MONEY.
>> AS LONG AS I GET MY THREE
GRAND'S ALL I GOT TO SAY.
>> I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THREE
GRAND, BUT I THINK YOU'LL DO
GREAT WITH IT THROUGH THE
AUCTION.
>> I JUST NEED TO GET PAID.
>> ALL RIGHT, MAN.
>> WHAT IS THAT EXACTLY?
>> THAT'S JUST A SANDSTONE
CHICKEN FEEDER.
>> WHERE DID YOU COME UP WITH
THAT?
>> PLOWED IT UP.
>> WE KNOW THAT A SETTLER OR
THAT A PIONEER MADE IT BECAUSE
YOU CAN SEE THE HEW MARKS WHERE
A SETTLER HAD ACTUALLY HEWED THE
ROCK WITH A CHISEL.
>> GIVE ME $7,500 AND I'LL GIVE
YOU THE CHICKEN.
>> YEAH, THAT AIN'T BAD.
COME HERE, FRIEND.
>> I HAVE GOT A
DR. FRANK-N-FURTER COLLECTOR
DOLL.
>> "THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE
SHOW."
>> YEAH.
>> WE'RE REALLY KIND OF ON THE
BUCKLE OF THE BIBLE BELT DOWN
HERE, AND
"THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW"
WASN'T EXACTLY EVERYBODY'S GO-TO
MOVIE FOR THE LONGEST TIME.
>> OH, YEAH, HUH.
>> THAT GUN I GOT TO GET RID OF.
>> I CAN PROBABLY DO $1,200.
>> I CAN'T GET NOWHERE NEAR
THAT, MAN.
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> I'M SITTING IN PUDDING'S
CHAIR AND WATCHING LEONARD CHASE
A CHICKEN.
>> WHAT?
DID YOU DO THAT ON PURPOSE?
>> NO, NO.
IT JUST KIND OF GOT LOOSE.
>> SO YOU THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA
TO PUT THAT IN THE BACHELOR
AUCTION?
YOU KNOW, HE'S A PART OF THE
FAMILY, AND I DON'T WANT HIS
FEELINGS HURT IF NOBODY BIDS ON
HIM.
>> WELL, YOUR MOM TOLD ME THAT,
YOU KNOW, HE WASN'T IN IT LAST
YEAR, AND IT KIND OF HURT HIS
FEELINGS, SO THIS YEAR, WE'LL
PUT HIM IN IT AND, YOU KNOW,
JUST SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
>> GOOD LORD.
>> HEY...
>> YEAH?
>> ...I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THE
RECLINE-O-CYCLE IS.
>> WHAT?
>> CHECKED IN THE BACK ROOM.
CHECKED IN THE WAREHOUSE.
NOTHING.
>> SON OF A ***.
[ COW LOWS ]
>> YOU GOT TO LOOK THE BEST
TONIGHT YOU CAN.
TOP-NOTCH.
YOU'RE ONE OF THE HOTTEST GUYS
THERE.
LEONARD'S FEELING A LITTLE
SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT THE
BACHELOR AUCTION TONIGHT, SO I
THOUGHT I'D GO GIVE HIM A LITTLE
MINI MAKEOVER.
>> YOU'LL GET IT STRAIGHTENED
OUT.
>> YOU GOT ANY SCISSORS?
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> I'D LIKE TO CUT THIS MULLET
OFF.
>> NO, NO.
THAT'S NOT HAPPENING.
>> HOW ABOUT A BRAID?
>> PUT IT IN A PONYTAIL.
>> I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE YOU NEED TO WASH IT.
>> I'M KIND OF NERVOUS NOW.
>> I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
>> YEAH, BUT I'VE NEVER DONE
THIS BEFORE.
>> WE'LL SPRAY SOME PHEROMONES
ON YOU.
HOW ABOUT THAT?
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
>> DO Y'ALL KNOW WHERE IN THE
HELL SAMMIE'S AT?
>> HE'S PROBABLY AT SOME SALON,
GETTING HIS TOES AND NAILS DONE.
>> TONIGHT'S GONNA BE A BIG
NIGHT AT SAMMIE'S.
THERE'S SO MUCH TO DO, AND WHERE
IN THE HELL'S LITTLE SAMMIE?
WHEN IT COMES TO WORK, HE'S LIKE
A FART IN A WHIRLWIND.
YOU'LL NEVER FIND HIM.
>> HEY, OLD MAN...
>> YEAH?
>> ...I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THE
RECLINE-O-CYCLE IS.
>> WHAT?
>> CHECKED IN THE BACK ROOM.
CHECKED IN THE WAREHOUSE.
NOTHING.
>> DID YOU LOOK GOOD IN THE BACK
ROOM?
>> I LOOKED REAL GOOD IN THE
BACK ROOM.
NOTHING THERE.
>> SON OF A ***.
WE DON'T OWN THAT DAMN
RECLINE-O-CYCLE.
IT'S A DAMN CONSIGNMENT.
IF IT GETS SCREWED UP OR GONE,
WE GET TO PAY FOR IT.
AND THEN, TO TOP IT ALL OFF,
WE'VE BEEN ADVERTISING THIS DAMN
BACHELOR AUCTION FOR THE LAST
MONTH, AND NOW I'VE GOT TWO
ITEMS MISSING.
I'VE GOT YOUR *** BROTHER
AND THE RECLINE-O-CYCLE.
I TELL YOU WHAT, YOU GOT ABOUT
20 MINUTES.
Y'ALL BEEN WORKING.
GO GET STRAIGHTENED UP, AND I'LL
SEE YOU IN A MINUTE.
I'M GONNA GO CALL HIM AGAIN.
>> ALL RIGHT, OLD MAN.
>> WHEN I GET FINISHED WITH YOU,
YOU'RE GONNA LOOK LIKE
GEORGE CLOONEY.
>> LET'S HOPE SO.
>> TELL ME WHAT YOUR IDEAL DATE
IS.
>> I CAN TAKE HER OUT TO A
RUBY TUESDAYS UP IN LONDON FOR
A STATE DINNER, AND THEN WE CAN
GO TO THE LAKE FOR A MOONLIGHT
WALK.
>> YOU ARE A HOPELESS ROMANTIC,
LEONARD.
>> I CAN'T HELP IT.
IT'S JUST IN MY NATURE.
>> YEAH.
>> I HOPE THAT COUNTS FOR
SOMETHING THESE DAYS.
CHEERS.
>> HERE'S TO TONIGHT.
GOOD LUCK.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
I NEED ALL THE LUCK I CAN GET.
[ COUGHS ]
>> [ LAUGHS ]
YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
LET'S SEE SOME SHIRTS.
>> OKAY.
>> I GOT MY EYE ON A SWEET SET
OF WRENCHES AT SAMMIE'S.
>> EVERY FRIDAY MORNING, MY
FRIEND BERTIE CALLS ME AND SAYS,
"LET'S GET READY, AND LET'S GO
TO SAMMIE'S TONIGHT."
>> WE'LL BE GETTING THAT UP
AFTER A WHILE, YEAH.
>> SAMMIE...
>> YEAH?
>> ...WHERE'S MY LA-Z-LEGS
CHAIR, BROTHER?
>> LET ME TELL YOU WHAT WE GOT,
PUDDING.
WE GOT IT IN THE BACK, AND WHAT
WE'RE GONNA DO WITH IT, WE WANT
TO MAKE A BIG, GRAND ENTRANCE
WITH IT.
>> BUT PEOPLE OUGHT TO HAVE IT
OUT HERE, YOU KNOW, FEELING THE
RICH CORINTHIAN LEATHER.
I MEAN, I PUT A LOT OF WORK IN
THAT CHAIR.
>> WELL, I KNOW THE CHAIR, AND I
DIDN'T WANT SOMEBODY EATING HOT
DOGS OR SOMETHING, SPILLING
STUFF ON IT.
BUT LISTEN, WE GOT IT IN THE
BACK.
I GOT TO GO BACK HERE.
WE GOT YOU COVERED ON IT.
>> WHATEVER YOU GOT TO DO,
BROTHER.
YOU'RE RUNNING THE SHOW.
>> WE'LL GET IT, WE'LL GET IT.
I'M GONNA KILL YOUR DAMN
BROTHER.
>> YEAH, I KNOW.
>> HI. I'M SAMMIE, AND I'M
SELLING TONIGHT, AND I HOPE YOU
ALL'S BUYING.
[ ALL CHEERING ]
HOW MUCH ON THE LITTLE CROCK
POT?
GIVE ME $25.
THANK YOU.
AND YOU HAVE YOU GO $32.50.
>> I JUST BOUGHT ME THESE
ANTLERS.
I'M GONNA MAKE ME A COAT RACK.
>> SOLD.
[ AUCTIONEER CALLING ]
SOLD BACK HERE, NUMBER 585.
PEOPLE, OUR NEXT ITEM UP, YOU'RE
GONNA BUY A WHOLE BOX OF SNACK
CAKES RIGHT HERE.
I BOUGHT THESE SNACK CAKES FROM
THE LIQUIDATORS FOR $5 A BOX.
THAT'S SIX DOZEN SNACK CAKES.
THEY'RE CALLED LAST-CHANCE
CAKES.
THEY'RE STILL IN DATE TILL
MIDNIGHT TONIGHT, SO YOU'RE
GONNA HAVE TO EAT THEM QUICK.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO, $6 FOR 3 DOZEN.
EVERYBODY WANTS THEM.
RIGHT HERE.
626 GETS A DEAL.
547.
594.
32 GETS A DEAL.
587.
I CAN'T PASS THESE SNACK CAKES
OUT FAST ENOUGH.
THESE PEOPLE ARE LITERALLY
EATING THEM UP.
597 BACK THERE GETS A DEAL.
RIGHT ON TO THE BACK.
528 GETS A DEAL.
>> WE GOT THE COPS OUT HERE.
>> REALLY?
>> REALLY.
>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HOLD ON
JUST A SECOND.
EXCUSE ME. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
SHUT THE DOOR, SHUT THE DOOR.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON?
>> 528 GETS A DEAL.
>> WE GOT THE COPS OUT HERE.
>> REALLY?
>> REALLY.
>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HOLD ON
JUST A SECOND.
EXCUSE ME. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
FIRST, LITTLE SAMMIE DISAPPEARS,
AND NOW THE COPS SHOW UP.
I'M SHAKING LIKE A LONGTAIL CAT
IN A ROOMFUL FOR ROCKERS.
SHUT THE DOOR, SHUT THE DOOR.
WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON?
>> GOT SOMETHING THAT BELONGS TO
YOU, SAMMIE.
>> WHERE IN THE HELL HAS HE
BEEN?
>> HE WAS OUT ON 025.
I STOPPED HIM.
>> YEAH.
>> HE WAS RIDING THAT LOUNGE
CHAIR UP AND DOWN THE ROAD.
>> I BE DAMNED.
JUST WHEN I THOUGHT MY SON
SAMMIE COULDN'T BE A BIGGER
***, HE PULLS A STUNT LIKE
THIS.
>> I'LL TURN HIM OVER TO YOU IF
YOU'LL KEEP HIM OFF THE ROAD.
HE BELONGS TO YOU NOW.
>> CARL, THANK YOU A BUNCH.
AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
IF YOU SCRATCHED THAT SON OF A
***, YOU CAN PAY PUDDING FOR
IT.
YOU GET IT OFF --
>> ALL RIGHT. OKAY.
>> BOY, YOU PULLED A DAMN ***
TODAY.
SORRY ABOUT THE INTERRUPTION,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
THE NEXT ITEM UP'S THIS
BEAUTIFUL LITTLE WOODEN BIRD.
>> GOT A POWER DRILL FOR $25 AND
GOT A POWER ADDING MACHINE FOR
$10.
PRETTY HAPPY. HAD A GOOD NIGHT.
>> YEP.
>> $375 TO GO. $375.
>> CAME TO SAMMIE'S AUCTION.
I GOT THIS C.B. RADIO 10 BUCKS.
>> SOLD RIGHT HERE.
NUMBER 12 BOUGHT A DEAL.
THE NEXT ITEM UP IS PUDDING'S
RECLINE-O-CYCLE.
IT'S IN ON CONSIGNMENT.
HE'S EXPECTING OVER $3,000.
THEY CALLED IT THE
RECLINE-O-CYCLE OR LA-Z-LEGS!
[ ALL CHEERING ]
GENUINE CORINTHIAN LEATHER.
>> IT GOES ALMOST 30 MILES AN
HOUR, WHICH IS REALLY DAMN FAST
FOR A RECLINER.
>> COMES COMPLETE WITH A HORN.
>> THIS IS THE MOST COMFORTABLE
FOUR-WHEELER I'VE EVER BEEN ON
IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> GIVE ME $5,000.
HOW MANY MILES WE GOT ON IT?
>> FIVE.
>> WELL, GIVE ME $2,500.
>> SURE ENOUGH, THE PRICE STARTS
DROPPING LIKE A HOT ROCK.
>> GIVE ME $1,200.
WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE GIVE ME
$1,150?
>> YEAH!
>> $1,150.
NOW $1,200.
>> YEAH!
>> NOW $1,250.
>> YEAH!
>> NOW $1,300.
>> YEAH!
>> I GOT $1,350.
NOW $1,400.
>> YEAH!
>> NOW $1,450.
>> YEAH!
>> NOW $1,500.
>> YEAH!
>> NOW $1,550.
>> YEAH!
>> NOW $1,600.
>> YEAH!
>> NOW $1,700.
>> YEAH!
>> NOW $1,750.
>> HE'S OUT.
>> $1,750 TO GO. $1,750.
I GOT $1,700. GIVE ME $1,750.
SOLD!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
BOYS, YOU'RE BUYING THIS PAIR OF
CHANNELLOCKS RIGHT HERE.
>> YOU OWE ME SOME MONEY, CHAMP.
>> HEY, MAN, LOOK, IT'S AN
AUCTION, OKAY?
IT'S AN AUCTION.
I CAN'T BELIEVE PUDDING GOT
$1,700 FOR THIS AND HE'S STILL
DISAPPOINTED.
>> DID YOU NOT ADVERTISE FOR THE
CHAIR?
>> I ADVERTISED.
NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE HELL IT
IS.
>> YOUR DADDY SAID RECLINER
CYCLE.
WHAT THE [BLEEP] THAT'S SUPPOSED
TO MEAN?
>> I SAID LA-Z-LEGS.
>> YOU SAID -- NO.
>> LOOK, YOU TOOK THIS APART.
YOU TOOK YOUR KIDS' BIKES APART,
RIGHT?
I GOT IT RIGHT HERE.
LOOK. FOR THE KID.
>> IT IS FLAT BLACK.
I LIKE THAT.
>> LOOK, PUDDING.
LOOK DEEP DOWN, IN THE HEART OF
PUDDING, AND PLEASE, FOR THE
LOVE OF GOD, BE COOL WITH THIS.
>> 'CAUSE I LIKE YOUR DAD, I'M
GONNA LET YOU GET BY WITH IT.
>> I THOUGHT YOU LIKED ME.
>> I LIKE YOUR DAD.
>> THANK YOU FOR BEING A BETTER
MAN ABOUT THIS.
>> LOAD IT IN THE TRUCK.
>> FINE. YOU GOT IT, MAN.
>> OH, LOOK AT WHAT WE GOT HERE.
THAT IS A NICE THROWING
TOMAHAWK.
>> HERE!
>> SOLD RIGHT HERE.
GIVE ME ABOUT $25 ON A RATCHET.
>> BOUGHT THESE HEDGE CLIPPERS
TONIGHT.
>> YEAH!
>> NUMBER 532 BOUGHT A DEAL.
>> IF I RUN OUT OF HEDGE, IT CAN
EVEN BE USED AS A WEAPON.
[ AUCTIONEER CALLING ]
>> YEAH, YEAH!
>> SOLD RIGHT HERE.
BOUGHT A DANDY TRACTOR SEAT.
>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WHAT WE
DO EVERY YEAR, WE HAVE OUR
BACHELOR AUCTION, AND ALL
PROCEEDS GO TO A LOCAL CHARITY.
HOW MUCH ON THIS FINE YOUNG MAN
RIGHT HERE?
GIVE ME ABOUT $500 ON HIM.
GIVE ME $500 TO START IT.
YEAH, YEAH. TAKE OFF, TAKE OFF.
YEAH, TAKE OFF.
GIVE ME $300.
GIVE ME $150.
>> HEY, RIGHT THERE.
THAT'S MY GIRL.
>> NOW $175.
>> YEAH!
>> NOW $200.
>> OH, YEAH.
>> NOW $250.
>> DON'T YOU MEN BE AFRAID TO
BID.
>> I GOT $250.
>> YEAH!
>> OH, NOW $300.
>> YEAH!
>> I'VE GOT $300.
GIVE ME $325.
I GOT $325.
>> BROKE YOUR RECORD.
>> BARELY.
>> SOLD RIGHT HERE, RIGHT HERE
IN THE FRONT ROW!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> ALL RIGHT!
OH, IT'S NOT OVER!
>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU ARE
NOW LOOKING AT THE NEW BACHELOR
AUCTION RECORD HOLDER.
>> OUR NEXT BACHELOR UP IS MY
MIDDLE SON, DAVID, RIGHT HERE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> THAT'LL WORK.
THAT WILL WORK.
[ GUN *** ]
WHAT?
>> OKAY, START THE BIDDING.
>> OH, I FORGOT TO SAY THAT
THAT'S DAVID'S FIANCéE BACK
THERE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I TURNED AROUND AND SEE DAVID'S
FIANCéE WITH A 12-GAUGE.
AND IN KENTUCKY, THAT MEANS
AUCTION'S OVER.
I DON'T BLAME HER.
I THANK GOD I DIDN'T GET SHOT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY
NEXT BACHELOR UP IS MY OLDEST
SON, SAMMIE.
[ ALL CHEERING ]
GIVE ME $150.
I GOT $150.
NOW $175.
>> YEAH!
>> NOW $200.
>> I'M AUCTIONING OFF
LITTLE SAMMIE, AND I NOTICE THAT
HE'S FLIRTING WITH A
BLOND-HEADED GIRL IN THE FRONT
ROW.
I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S CHEATING
OR NOT.
$225.
>> YEAH!
>> NOW $250.
[ AUCTIONEER CALLING ]
$250. NOW $275.
I GOT $275.
I GOT $275 GOING ONCE.
>> TWICE, SOLD, RIGHT HERE!
THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
>> WHAT A BARGAIN.
WHAT A BUY RIGHT HERE.
THIS LADY KNOWS A BARGAIN WHEN
SHE SEES IT.
THERE ARE VERY FEW THINGS IN
THIS WORLD THAT ARE MORE
IMPORTANT TO ME THAN HUMILIATING
MY LITTLE BROTHER...
>> GIVE ME THAT.
>> GO AWAY. I'M BUSY.
>> HEY, NEW RECORD HOLDER, BRO.
>> ...AND HOT CHICKS ARE ONE OF
THEM.
>> OUR NEXT BACHELOR UP IS
LEONARD.
HEY, LEONARD, COME ON IN!
HEY, LEONARD!
>> HEY, LEONARD, COME ON IN!
HEY, LEONARD!
>> I DON'T THINK HE'S COMING.
>> HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WHAT'S GOING ON, WHAT'S GOING
ON?
>> LEONARD COMES STRUTTING DOWN
THROUGH THERE.
I NEVER SEEN HIM LOOK THAT
CONFIDENT.
HE WAS STRUTTING AROUND LIKE A
BANTY ROOSTER.
>> SOMEBODY HAD TO BRING A TOUCH
OF CLASS TO THE PLACE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK, LADIES?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> ALL RIGHT, LEONARD, YOU GOT
TO TELL THEM IN 30 SECONDS WHY
YOU WOULD BE A PERFECT DATE.
>> IT'S REAL SIMPLE, FOLKS.
I LOOK LIKE THIS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> GIVE ME $50.
$50.
$75.
NOW $100.
I HAVE $100. NOW $125.
>> YEAH!
>> NOW $150.
>> YEAH!
>> NOW $175.
>> YEAH!
>> NOW $200.
$200.
NOW $250.
[ AUCTIONEER CALLING ]
>> YEAH!
>> I GOT $250 GOING ONCE.
$250 GOING TWICE.
SOLD RIGHT HERE, NUMBER 544.
>> THAT'S THE WAY TO DO IT,
BABY!
ALL RIGHT!
>> THAT'S FOR YOU, DEAR.
>> THANK YOU.
>> HE'S FULL OF ROMANCE AND
BOURBON.
THERE YOU GO.
I GUESS IT JUST GOES TO SHOW FOR
EVERY NUT, THERE'S A SCREW.