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Today we're gonna talk about boundaries
have you ever wondered what they meant by every healthy
relationship
has boundaries what in the world do they mean by that?
well we're gonna cover that a little bit today about why boundaries are
important and we are also going to cover
how do you set those boundaries so that you can give
of yourself freely to the things that are important to you
the first let's talk about why boundaries are important
well boundaries equate
or are the same and accepting responsibility
whatever's important to you
you will pour your energy into whatever that is
and that could be your Job
it could be your family it could be your hobbies
could be your children it could be a number of things
and every day we
all have twenty-four hours in the day but
how much we accomplish and what we do with our time
largely stems to how we prioritize
what is important to us now granted sometimes things happen
the unexpected things happen but
for the most part if we know what our priorities are
we know where to draw the line so that we don't start to give
too much of ourselves to the point that will become depleted
both burned-out energy just tapped
and exhausted because that's not a healthy way to live
it's also not healthy for a long-term relationship in terms
house human you give everything in get very little in return
so let's let's look at the importance of boundaries
now boundaries again it's all about responsibility
taking ownership for yourself in terms of how you feel
what you think and what you choose to do or the actions you choose to take
sometimes in the beginning of a love relationship for example you can say
all I have to give everything in order for that person to love me
well what ends up happening most likely
if you've ever felt that way that in time you feel like you're giving
everything
not getting very much back in that's due to a large
herded the lack of boundaries because you feel like you have to do
and give everything in order for that person to be in your life
in romantic relationships
that's why it's so significantly important to have boundaries
because again
you relationship is just one aspect if you want
you need to get on work you need to make sure that you take care of yourself you
need to make sure that you spend time
with other people outside the relationship in order for you to really
sort of
be in the moment and live fully
and that's why boundaries are important
now if you think about it
boundaries are somewhat like ground rules if someone has ever called you a
name
and you knew that they were just joking but you really didn't like it
letting them know that you didn't appreciate that at the station saying
that you didn't like it
it wasn't funny setting those boundaries so that they know how far to cross
where to go when dealing with you because
we are all different in the way that we perceive things
and so you have to know what is not
appropriate for you and what makes you feel uncomfortable and
doesn't make you feel appreciate in a relationship
another thing about boundaries
is our choices are
are own me we can't really blame others for our choices
now I have a friend of mine who
has very busy life but they're
is one area his life that he just focuses on completely
and he never seems to have time for
the other parts in his life mainly his marriage and his
child now he'll make some time out for the child, but
then he doesn't really give his wife much attention
and so what ends up happening is resentment
begins to build on both sides because each feels
feels neglected and the husband feels frustrated
because he has to take care of all the child
care duties while his wife is
doing other things
but when when also ends up happening is
then he becomes without boundaries he becomes the victim
he becomes the victim in the sense that
well this happened at work in that happened at work and
well this happened in couldn't do this couldn't do that
then he didn't have time to do the things that he wants to do
and that was primarily because he didn't have any boundaries
sent with his workplace with his wife
for even with taking care of his son
because he felt like he had to do all of it at 100 percent
well are all only one person second of all there are only 24 hours in a
day
and that's where if you forget and pride
takes over us in wanting to prevent boundaries
because we think we have to do it all
the everyone it's been a victim in this at some point in time
we feel like you have to do everything and be everything to everyone
when that be at home in your community when your workplace
but that is the biggest lie that's out there
you don't have to be a hundred percent to 100 percent in the people
it's virtually impossible
and so what you expect a little bit more realistic
state for yourself to find that you are more satisfied in your relationships
so do you know what should happen if you start to feel overwhelmed that you have
to
be a hundred percent to 100 percent of the people
you need to think about how are you
creating and participating
and support system we can't go along in this life
alone we need a support system
and so there is nothing wrong with reaching out
for assistance and help from the people that care about us
and to some extent maybe you might need it peace
someone to help you in support system to buy back in this sense
sometime so you can spend it on things that are important to you
and I think that's some what of a modern-day idea about buying back
time and recognizing
that one way to mitigate a
debate over who's gonna do the vacuuming
one possible solution could be bring someone in to take care
or but there's a debate about not having enough time
to spent together
you know if you're in a couple or you are parents are married
there are times people are willing to give up that control
taking care their child even to a simple babysitter
but let me tell you your relationship
with your spouse
is a significant support system for you and if you don't take care of that and
nurture that relationship and appreciate each other
it's going to be very hard to whether the long-term
the longevity of your relationship so
thats twenty dollars or fifty dollars
per couple hours just spending time together
fifty dollars for babysitter could help
reenergize the two love you see you can be stronger
parents you can be healthy your parents
and you can be the example of love and support
to your child but you have to make each other
priority remember
you were couple before your parents
so make sure that you nurture that relationship
make it a priority and you may have to start out small
with maybe just spending ten minutes undivided time
just the two love you talking together and letting each other
know at least 5 good things that you love about them
today and then build on
5- 15- 20 minutes
just really appreciate each
you'll see how it not only changes your mind your heart
your spirit richer overall demeanor about life
so again that's why it's important to create these boundaries make time for
the things that are important to you
well now that we've discovered wind down trees and power are
important let's talk about how we set those boundaries
well as you can probably guess the first thing is
knowing what your priorities are
now if you work in a work environment where
it requires you to have 40- 60 hours a week
be very honest about that that's how much time
you have to spend doing the job that you're doing
ok for you enjoyed but that you feel
that you need to have that time you have to have that time
in order to have your livelihood so be honest about
the second is if family for example
is your second priority or the second
area of your life takes up the most time
then you really need to think about
how much time you need to spend with them and
be very honest about that too both as your overall
family experience if you have children but also
private time with your spouse or significant other
you need to make this time set aside
as a non-negotiable just like you would set aside time
for your work is a non-negotiable because you feel you need to do this
in order to have your livelihood the same is true for your family
its non-negotiable so the time that you sent
assigned to spend with their spouse even if it's the suggested
five to 10 minutes undivided time just staying still
and being very honest about five things that you appreciate about them
that's a non-negotiable if you have a date night
once a week with your wife or your spouse
that is also a non-negotiable
so again it's being very firm about these non-negotiables
because that time is the required time you need
in order to have healthy balanced life
even if it's just a few minutes if everyone knows that
they are going to have some time with you
then they're less likely didn't then they're less likely to feel disappointed
and so are you no one wants to feel like they're being set up to fail
so that's why it's important for you to be very honest about how much time you
have to spend
each and then once you have an idea how much time you can spend
what is your ideal day look like what is your ideal
week look like when do you think you can really
give the people in your life the time that they need
sometimes people bring work home with then and if that's true
then how much of your evening is going to be spent working
versus being spent with your family
and be very firm in terms that that intimate time you have your spouse
it's just as important as the time you spend at work
and also don't forget your friends to and having fun
even if it's just for half an hour an hour whatever it is make sure that you
make time
to also have fun life's too short
and then want to know what you can give
and what is important to you you'll be better off
in terms of having that conversation with your spouse
letting them know that they are priority and it's not just
just not
you are not just saying it's but that your words have
meaning and weight to it and that you're willing to set aside
or you'd like to start set aside at least 10 minutes being together
and then hopefully that can grow over time to even more time
and that's why it's so important to make sure that you can
reenergize each other by
letting each other know the five things that you love about them
what they've done for you that day how thankful that you are
to happen in your life it's not time to talk about kids
it's not time talk about work it's just the two of you
plain and simple and if you can reenergize
your left at home it will help you get through the work day
much better well I hope you enjoy this
episode and if you have any questions please feel free to email me
my email is mediator in jeans at gmail dot com
and until next time be fair with each other bye for now
and don't forget to subscribe. Take care bye for now