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[MUSIC PLAYING]
RICK: So there's gonna be three shelves--
1, 2, 3--
painted all black.
And then--
-Painted what color?
RICK: Black.
So today I asked Jay John and AZ to install three shelves.
RO: Completely laid it out for them.
RICK: Yeah, completely.
I told them I wanted black shelves.
RO: The dimensions.
RICK: The dimensions, everything.
JAY JOHN: Remember "Tool Time?" They were all white.
The boss was black.
So I'm with y'all.
RICK: Oh you--
[LAUGHS]
JAY JOHN: So we got Bob Villa.
What color is he?
RO: White.
JAY JOHN: OK, you have Al Borland.
-He's definitely white.
JAY JOHN: He's clearly white.
AZ: Norm Abrams.
JAY JOHN: Who's that?
AZ: "This Old House."
-Who's Norm?
JAY JOHN: It makes the point.
RO: It makes the point.
JAY JOHN: I don't build.
I'm a plumber by trade.
I do *** with pipes.
RICK: You lay pipe for a living.
AZ: He's not hanging shelves.
Those hands touch money and women.
JAY JOHN: How do you think this is going to
come out, for real?
The last thing I ever built was with LEGOs.
It was always straight up.
-It was something.
JAY JOHN: It was straight-up ***.
AZ: Building the shelves is the biggest pain in the ***.
Yo, give Devin a holler.
JAY JOHN: Little baby.
AZ: We gotta get him in here if we gotta jet out there.
JAY JOHN: Little baby Devin.
JAY JOHN: Where you at?
JAY JOHN: You all still do field trips?
We need you to hurry up and get to the shop, bro.
So while we're gone, we leave little baby
Devin at the store.
This is pretty much his first time being alone at the store.
-We running out, and you gotta man the ship.
DEVIN: For sure.
RO: Little baby Devin calls me and says my boy tells him that
I told him that he could come in the store
and get some clothes.
DEVIN: Before you take anything, just I'm calling Ro.
[PHONE RINGING]
DEVIN: What up, bro?
You told a few people they can come and get some stuff for a
photo shoot?
DEVIN: You told a few people they can come and get some
stuff for a photo shoot?
DEVIN: Hey, they're walking out.
Hey, hey, hey.
RO: He's on the phone, like going crazy, like, no, you
can't leave with that, you can't leave with that.
And it sounded like a hear a tussle.
-Hey, come on.
DEVIN: Hey, chill.
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, y'all gotta bring that back.
I'm about to call the police.
RO: Why you calling me?
Call the police.
DEVIN: Bro, can you call them?
I don't know the number.
RO: So you need me to call the police.
DEVIN: Yeah.
JAY JOHN: We're in the hardware store.
AZ is lollygagging, taking his good old time.
AZ: We have arrived.
I feel at home in the hardware store.
Jay John, I don't know so much.
JAY JOHN: I gotta get the [BLEEP]
out of here.
-8 by 10s.
All the lumber's right here.
Go ahead and look it over.
AZ: We both came to a drastically different
suggestion that we--
JAY JOHN: What's [INAUDIBLE]?
AZ: Some *** that they didn't say to get.
JAY JOHN: Bag these up, and then these are the ones we do.
I make all the executive decisions.
All the CEO calls come from thus.
AZ wanted to build some *** from scratch.
Might as well get these finished
shelves, call it a night.
You--
AZ: Rock, paper, scissors.
JAY JOHN: Rock, paper, wrench.
AZ: World champ, baby.
JAY JOHN: Here we go.
Woo!
AZ: That's how you [INAUDIBLE].
JAY JOHN: Yeah, this one now.
AZ: You broke that one.
Remember that.
JAY JOHN: You broke that one.
AZ: Now, I'm telling you, man, they want black ones.
JAY JOHN: No, this is fine.
We good.
Hey, man.
DEVIN: Y'all ain't bring me back a hot dog?
JAY JOHN: So what's been good?
DEVIN: Yeah.
No, to be honest.
JAY JOHN: Yeah, no?
DEVIN: Dog, some people came in, and they got away with
some stuff.
AZ: Devin is, in fact, responsible for said robbery.
He lost control of the situation.
DEVIN: So I chased the dudes outside.
I got one of the shoes back.
We could have scrapped, but they just wanted to get away.
JAY JOHN: You could have scrapped, but they
wanted to get away.
DEVIN: Give me a gun, so if some--
JAY JOHN: Give me a gun?
You're stupid.
You're a [INAUDIBLE]
yourself.
AZ: [LAUGHS]
JAY JOHN: Shoot every customer.
DEVIN: But I'm nervous, bro, that we just got robbed.
JAY JOHN: No, you just got robbed.
AZ: You got robbed.
JAY JOHN: There we go.
DEVIN: We got ro-- like, it wasn't my fault.
AZ: You.
DEVIN: So what you gonna tell Rick and Ro?
AZ: That you got robbed.
DEVIN: Y'all ain't even trying to help me out with the
robbery or nothing.
JAY JOHN: Little baby [BLEEP]
Devin.
RO: We were trying to test Devin, see if he gonna be OK.
So we call Mo Beatz.
This is Big Sean's DJ, world famous.
And we tell him, yo, Devin's gonna be in
the store by himself.
Go in the store, grab the clothes and go, and see what
baby Devin does.
Little baby Devin passed the test.
And I knew he would, man.
The clothes are back here in our possession.
It was all fun and games.
JAY JOHN: AZ.
AZ: Huh?
JAY JOHN: What's this look like?
Baby Devin drawing dicks.
AZ: Hey, he signed his name.
[LAUGHTER]
AZ: Constantly just doodling dicks, doodling dicks,
doodling dicks.
JAY JOHN: AZ comes up with the doodling dicks song.
It was pretty catchy.
The doodling dicks, the doodling,
doodling, doodling dicks.
AZ: It's what I do in my spare time, doodle the dicks.
DEVIN: Come on.
JAY JOHN: [INAUDIBLE].
DEVIN: No.
I'm trying to throw this away.
JAY JOHN: [INAUDIBLE].
DEVIN: Trash.
AZ: Doodling dicks.
Doodling dicks.
Long day at work, killing time doodling dicks.
You got a stud finder?
JAY JOHN: Yeah.
There's one right here.
See that?
Same sound.
It's not panning out well, by any stretch of the
imagination.
Look good to me.
Good and [BLEEP]
up.
I'm supervising this.
AZ: Don't you know somebody?
JAY JOHN: I had to wrap this *** up quick, ended up
calling my guy.
AZ: So we call Kendal.
[PHONE RINGING]
JAY JOHN: What's good?
What you got up for the night, bro?
JAY JOHN: That's what's up.
Hey, Rick and Ro are trying to get us to build some shelves.
And if you can swing by, man, that'd be love.
JAY JOHN: Well, bring her too.
She can put up a shelf, too.
AZ: We pay Kendal in tennis shoes.
JAY JOHN: That shall not be mentioned.
I'm paying him off per check.
AZ: I can't believe Devin's doodling dicks, bro.
JAY JOHN: That's your boy.
You hired him.
KENDAL: Damn, boy.
What's good?
JAY JOHN: Yo, come over here and give me a hug, man.
Give me a hug.
KENDAL: What I'm gonna need you to do is put my shoes
right next to my tools.
JAY JOHN: I got you.
[INAUDIBLE].
KENDAL: Thank you, sir.
JAY JOHN: He good.
AZ: I can't do nothing.
KENDAL: All right, fellas, shelf number one.
JAY JOHN: There we go.
We ain't do too bad on this one.
KENDAL: We?
JAY JOHN: Yeah, we was all here, right?
All Rick and Ro want to see is a finished product.
And that's what I'm giving them.
-Hey, guys.
RICK: What up, what up, what up?
[INAUDIBLE].
-How are things?
RO: Y'all, this is not what we asked for.
AZ: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
RO: Didn't I say black shelves?
AZ: That was going to be almost impossible to do.
RO: There's a hole in the wall right here.
AZ: We can fix that.
RICK: The shelves are white, first of all.
They're these generic L-brackets.
They're not even screwed into the studs on the wall.
Maybe we should have asked a professional
contractor to do this.
But at the end of the day--
RO: They put up the shelves.
RICK: They put up the shelves.
And it was like, let's just go have fun.
Let's go relax.
Y'all, they got music.
That's the Lord's music.
JAY JOHN: Downtown.
And I'm hearing, like, some new new age, new wave
electro-pop funk pop.
RO: Lord Jesus this is--
RICK: So when I see someone talking about the
Lord, let's go see.
RO: You walk towards the light, bro.
RICK: Go to the light.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
RO: What?
RICK: What?
Jesus love the Tigers.
RO: What?
RICK: Jesus loves the East Side.
RO: What?
-[INAUDIBLE].
[MUSIC PLAYING]
RICK: He breaks off into his patented Baryshnikov thing.
RO: Freeze on the heel.
RICK: Freeze on the heel.
RO: Bring it back.
RICK: OK.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
RO: It's like Jesus was there with him.
RICK: Really, honestly, the whole situation was amazing.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
JAY JOHN: There's more music.
I mean, damn, downtown is a musical place.
I gotta join the party.
AZ: Jay John just basically kicks this
man off his own bucket.
RO: And Jay John got on these buckets, though, and
went to work, man.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
RICK: He tried to steal the show tonight, and he did.
RO: And he did, and he did.
RICK: As he does.
After the drums, we ate like kings.
JAY JOHN: I don't believe that this is your mother.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
JAY JOHN: I can't go for it.
RO: I'm gonna go with sister, bro.
AZ: Jay John manages to pull a cougar and her innocent cub.
JAY JOHN: ***, ***, ***, ***, ***, ***, racks.
RO: And the cougar and the tigress are having a blast.
They invite us to this party that, at the drop of a dime,
Jay John is like, I'm there, and I'm going to have sex.
-You guys will actually come?
RO: Yeah.
JAY JOHN: Bring it in.
Bring it in, doll.
All right, you--
Have you seen that movie "Almost Famous?" It's going to
be just like that, with black people.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
-You want your usuals, man?
Fried chicken, pink lemonade, fries?
RO: I want the spicy chicken.
AZ: That's racist.
JAY JOHN: Ba-doom, tsh.
RO: What we always get, bro.
You're really trying to go to that party?
JAY JOHN: I am trying to have sex with that girl, because
you already know how I do with white girls, is
bare hand *** grabs.
AZ: I see.
JAY JOHN: You know what I'm saying?
RO: It starts with the hug, though.
JAY JOHN: It starts with the hug, the open-handed,
unthreatening.
This is not threatening right here.
RO: That's definitely not threatening.
JAY JOHN: You don't wanna go?
RO: I really don't wanna go.
AZ: I'll go.
I want to go.
But Rick'll work.
JAY JOHN: I need you to go.
AZ: You need a translator for all the--
JAY JOHN: You right.
AZ: --whiteness that's gonna happen at this party.
JAY JOHN: Hoo, "huwhite."
AZ: "Huwhite."
RO: AZ's coming to the party, and he felt that we would need
a white person translator.
Really, he was just trying to come to the party, bro.
AZ: It's gonna be an interesting night, watching
all these ultra-white sorostitute
chicks running around.
-That's a bad sign, bro.
RICK: So I'm at the shop wondering how the party's
going, what are the guys getting into?
RO: Weird white girls gone wild.
You know, Halloween is already an excuse when you're dealing
with the other persuasion.
It's a step out there into the sluttiness world and the
slurrish world.
[CHANTING "SHOT"]
-[INAUDIBLE].
[CHANTING "SHOT"]
-Si se puede.
JAY JOHN: Lift it up.
-[INAUDIBLE].
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
JAY JOHN: Damn.
AZ: Every time we go somewhere, it
never plays out normal.
Because this *** has to happen.
Some dude gotta get all up in arms.
JAY JOHN: I wanted to uppercut somebody so bad tonight.
This is arm and hammer.
I am arm and hammer.
RO: Let's get to the crib, y'all.
I gotta go home.
-Next week on "Detroit Rubber."
[MUSIC PLAYING]