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Kid's poor decisions and fussiness
can be very tiring and annoying.
How about a tool that will help you put your energy back?
It's effective. In Love and LogicĀ®
we call it the energy drain tool. The energy drain tool is a practical way
of teaching that misbehavior has a consequence
and it also teaches responsibility. There are six steps
to the energy drain tool. Step one:
show empathy. "Ooh, that was a bad decision".
"Oh man, that's too bad!". Number two:
"Ooh that was a real energy drain when you yelled at your sister".
Be a little dramatic. Fill in
the misbehavior when you yell at
your sister that really drains my energy.
Step three: ask a question.
How are we going to put that energy back? Now we know most kids would reply
with "I don't know", so step four:
you give them some options. Here's some options. You can dust the house
or you can empty the trash in my office, unload the dishwasher.
Make sure those chores are personal for you and not chores that they would normally do
and lastly be sure you set a deadline and make it reasonable.
"Can you have it done by the end of the day?", and then you wait.
The next step is you do not remind them or lecture them
to do that chore to put your energy back.
If they in fact do it, great. Thank them for it
and don't lecture by saying well remember when you did such-and-such that
really bothered me.
Let it go. The challenge is, what if they don't do it?
Well then the last step would be you have to have a plan,
and that plan could be something like well
you're too tired to take them somewhere that they ask you to go
because they didn't put your energy back. That making a plan
has a few extra steps to it and I can help you with that
but energy drain you will find is an effective tool
for letting children know that their misbehavior really tires you out
and they're going to learn that when the cause an energy drain
it more work for them and less work for you.
If you'd like help with implementing the energy drain
because it is an effective tool that teaches behavior
has a consequence to it and at the same time is
loving and enhances your relationship please give me a call.
Thanks for watching.