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Hi. I’m Billy Oswald. Friends call me Oz. Christine.
It’s hard to keep up the, uh, you know, it’s hard keeping it up. Oh boy.
Good start. Yeah. So what do you do for work?
I’m a playwright. I write plays.
Oh wow, so you’re an artist. Are you—are any of your plays, uh…
Am I famous? Yeah.
No, no yet. So, would I have seen any of your plays?
Um, one of them premiered at South Coast Rep. In Orange County.
It’s a pretty highly regarded theater company. The name of the play is “Rose and Violet Regain Their Virginity.”
How do they do that?
They don’t, ‘cause they’re not in the play. What do you mean?
Rose and Violet are two girls that went to school with Cynthia, and Cynthia’s kind of the lead character in the play.
Cynthia used to be in awe of them, back in high school, she still kind of regards them as these powerful girls that could get away with anything.
Cynthia’s made some mistakes in her life and ultimately the play is kind of about her coming to terms with those mistakes and how it shakes up her marriage.
So it’s not a funny play.
It’s got a little bit of everything, just like life. There are some laughs in it.
Well what is it based on? Something real? Like a real person?
No. What about you what do you do?
So you just wrote it? About a woman. I—yeah.
Wow, you’ve got balls. Technically I have testicles, yes.
But that has nothing to do with it, men write about women all the time and women write about men. It’s called imagination.
You know every time I watch a movie about a woman—-that’s made by a man…
She’s either a foolish romantic who’s sitting around, waiting for some Prince Charming to come in and rescue her…
Or she’s some damaged, hysterical person. So your woman, what’s her name?
Cynthia. Is she foolish or is she hysterical?
Neither one of those things, no, she’s complicated. You know, like most women.
But I guess she is a little damaged, you could say, but no more than anybody else. And men are pretty damaged too, don’t you think?
But male or female, it doesn’t really matter, those are the most interesting characters to write, you know? The ones with serious problems.
Bet there’s a lot of sex in your play, right?
There’s none on stage, anyway. She is complicated sexually, though.
Oh, of course, very complicated. Mad, hysterical, complicated, dramatic woman sex, right?
I don’t think I’ve ever pissed anybody off so quickly in my life.
I’m sure you have, I’m sure they just haven’t let you know it.
And I’m not pissed, I don’t know you, there’s nothing to be pissed about.
What is going on?
I’m sorry, what do you mean, Mr. Expert on women?
I’m a grad student in dentistry. For fun I like to rock climb and read Latin American literature.
Um, I love listening to crooners. Oh, my grandmother had an affair with Frank Sinatra, once.
My parents are cops. Dad’s Jewish, a beat cop, and Mom is Catholic, Latina, detective—detective III, that’s a rank. Say something.
So you can use it against me?
Look, it’s just all this starting over, every five minutes makes me feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore. So, please just say something.
Like what?
You’re an artist, you know people. You—you—you are familiar with grumpiness.
You got me pegged wrong. I am not an expert on women.
I didn’t mean that. Listen if you’d written a play on frogs I would’ve called you an expert on frogs, ok?
You know, women, when we’re under stress we fly off the handle, we say things we don’t exactly mean, ok? We exaggerate.
We have to, I mean, I don’t know about how other women feel but I feel like if I don’t, if I don’t go big, or, you know, make a stink, then I’m not even gonna get heard.
So you’re saying that men are hard of hearing?
Yeah, they are. I’m sorry, I couldn’t, what was that?
I said men are har—
Stupid me. No, that was a stupid joke. Continue, I cut you off.
You’re patient. Yeah for a man.
What is it that’s making you grumpy? I mean you should be here of your own free will.
I am, of course I am.
So is it one of these guys? No. I don’t know, maybe.
Was it that guy that came in to talk to you?
What guy?
The guy that walked like a—a jealous husband.
Screw you, Oswald. My friends call me Oz.
Screw you. Fair enough.
You’re definitely the most intriguing woman here. And don’t you forget it.
I guess I’ll see you around. Farewell.
Good one. Yeah.