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THE COMMODORE 64, THE LAWN DART,
THE ROCK-N-SOCKEM ROBOTS,
SUPER SUGAR CRISP, THE LASERDISC,
AND NOW, BACK FROM THE HALLS OF OBSOLESCENCE,
THE BETAMAX MACHINE.
HEY, MAN, YOU ARE A LIFESAVER.
I GOT LESS THAN 48 HOURS TO BECOME AN EXPERT DOCUMENTARIAN,
AND ALL MOM'S NEWSREELS ARE ON BETA.
WHAT? DAWSON LEERY ESCHEWING THE EPHEMERAL WORLD OF MAKE-BELIEVE
FOR THE GRITTY REALITIES OF REAL LIFE?
HAS THE WORLD SPUN OFF COURSE?
WAS THE DALAI LAMA SPOTTED AT BLACK ANGUS?
MORE LIKE MY MOTHER'S BEEN DANGLING A BIG FAT CARROT.
HUMAN INTEREST STORY SHE WAS WORKING ON AT THE NETWORK
FELL OUT AT THE LAST MINUTE.
AND?
AND SHE SAYS THAT IF I CAN EDIT
SOME RAW FOOTAGE BY FRIDAY MORNING,
THERE'S A CHANCE SHE COULD WHIP IT INTO SHAPE
AND BE ON THE AIR THAT NIGHT.
HEY, IT'S THE CHANCE OF A LIFETIME.
THAT'LL MAKE A GUY CHANGE HIS VISION.
WELL, IT'S A TEMPORARY CHANGE.
AS SOON AS I GET MY FOOT IN THAT PROVERBIAL DOOR,
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK IN THE MAGICAL LAND OF MAKE-BELIEVE.
I DON'T KNOW, DAWSON.
I MEAN, YOU GOT AN AMAZING OPPORTUNITY HERE
TO CHANGE YOUR WHOLE GENRE.
REAL-LIFE STORIES ARE ALWAYS MORE COMPELLING
THAN ANYTHING YOU COULD POSSIBLY DREAM UP.
REAL LIFE IS INTERESTING,
BUT IT WILL NEVER BE AS DRAMATIC AS A WELL-CONCEIVED NARRATIVE.
LOOK AT EVERYTHING THAT'S BEEN HAPPENING IN YOUR LIFE LATELY.
ARE YOU HONESTLY TELLING ME THAT YOU COULD CONCEIVE OF SOMETHING
MORE THRILLING, MORE SEXY, AND MORE FAR-FETCHED?
HUH?
ALL RIGHT, FINE.
WHO'S YOUR GUINEA PIG?
IT'S JACK McPHEE.
AGAIN?
GAY KID JOINS LOSING HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL TEAM,
OVERCOMES ADVERSITY, BATTLES ANTIQUATED STEREOTYPES,
AND ENDS UP BECOMING THE STAR.
NOW, IF YOU'RE GONNA MESS WITH THAT STORY,
YOU'D JUST BE GILDING THE LILY, DAWSON.
IT'S A GREAT STORY, BUT YOU CAN'T JUST
TURN THE CAMERA ON AND LET IT RUN.
WHY NOT?
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE.
IT SEEMS PRETTY INTERESTING TO ME.
MY MOM MUST'VE TAPED OVER HER WORK.
HONEY, THIS IS DAWSON. CAN YOU SAY HI?
HI.
HE'S MY FRIEND.
IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS?
Dad: THIS IS JOEY, DAWSON, CAN YOU SAY HI?
HI, JOEY.
ONCE A HEARTBREAKER, ALWAYS A HEARTBREAKER, HUH, DAWSON?
MORNIN'.
WHY DO YOU INSIST ON DEGRADING YOUR TEAM COLORS LIKE THAT?
WELL, GRAMS, THE FISHNETS ONLY COME IN BLACK,
AND THE MATCHING LEATHER WHIP,
IT'S ON BACK ORDER.
JENNIFER.
COME ON, GRAMS, THE ENTIRE NOTION OF CHEERLEADING
IS JUST A SEXIST ATTEMPT
TO TRY AND OBJECTIFY THE FEMALE BODY.
I'M MAKING A STATEMENT.
YOU'RE MAKING A MOCKERY.
THE MOCKERY HAS BEEN MADE.
I'M SIMPLY POINTING IT OUT.
ALTHOUGH, I GOT TO TELL YA,
I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY MORE PEP RALLIES
AND SPIRIT COOKIES I CAN ACTUALLY STOMACH.
YOUR SCHOOL HAS AN IMPORTANT GAME COMING UP.
RIGHT NOW THEY NEED YOUR LEADERSHIP AND VERVE.
BACK WHEN I WAS ON THE PEP SQUAD,
WE RELISHED THE OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW OFF OUR TEAM SPIRIT
BY WEARING OUR UNIFORMS TO SCHOOL.
GRAMS, I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU,
BUT YOU WERE SHOWING OFF A BIT MORE THAN JUST TEAM SPIRIT.
JENNIFER.
[LAUGHING]
LIKE, OH, MY GOD, GO TEAM. HA HA. HA HA.
FOR A MINUTE I THOUGHT YOU'D BEEN POSSESSED
BY THESE SCHOOL SPIRIT CREATURES FROM PLANET OVERZEALOUS.
NOT QUITE YET, BUT I AM THINKING ABOUT
MAKING A RUN FOR IT BEFORE THE PODS HATCH.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, SCULLY?
CUT CLASS WITH YOU?
SOUNDS DELECTABLE. I'LL PASS.
WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THAT THERE WAS A MISSION TO MY MADNESS?
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
BUT OF COURSE. ZE MISSEUR IN THE STYLISH SHIRT
REQUEST THE PRESENCE OF THE MADAME
FOR A VERY PRESSING APPOINTMENT, JA?
WHAT IS IT?
WELL, THAT WOULD BE THE SURPRISE PART.
JUST TELL ME, PACEY.
LET ME THINK ABOUT THAT...NOPE.
WELL, FINE. YOU WON'T TELL ME,
THEN I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
OH, LITTLE JOE, YOU'RE SO CUTE.
BUT FRIEND TO FRIEND, HONESTLY,
YOU SHOULD CHECK INTO SOME MORE OF THOSE FEIGNING DISINTEREST CLASSES.
OH, THANKS. BUT TRUST ME, PACEY, I COULDN'T CARE LESS.
WELL, OK.
WHETHER OR NOT YOU'RE ACTUALLY INTERESTED,
YOU HAVE ABOUT 10 SECONDS TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND
AFTER I ROUND THAT CORNER. STARTING NOW.
ONE...
2...
3...
6 SECONDS?!
6? I MEAN, COME ON. HAVE YOU NO PRIDE?
I THOUGHT YOU'D LAST AT LEAST TO 8.
I LOATHE YOU.
PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SHOCKED AT HOW WELL YOU'VE TAKEN TO THE GAME.
DID YOU LOVE FOOTBALL AS A CHILD?
HEH. I'VE ONLY BEEN PLAYING FOOTBALL FOR A FEW WEEKS.
I THINK THE ONLY SUBJECT I KNOW LESS ABOUT IS BEING GAY, ACTUALLY.
I--I DON'T KNOW.
SOME THINGS ARE JUST INSTINCT MAYBE.
WELL, ONE THING JACK HAS LEARNED
IS THE IMPORTANCE OF STARTING PRACTICE ON TIME.
GO STRETCH OUT TO RUN YOUR 40s.
YES, SIR.
AND TAKING A TENTH OFF YESTERDAY DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN COAST.
OK. GOTTA GO.
UH, NO PROBLEM. AHEM.
WE CAN TAKE CARE OF THE COACH LEERY INTERVIEW.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, DAD?
UH, NOT NOW, DAWSON.
BUT, DAD, IT'S DUE TOMORROW.
DAWSON, YOU CAN GET AN EXTENSION.
ME, I'VE GOT A GAME ON SATURDAY,
AND I NEED THESE GUYS COMPLETELY FOCUSED ON FOOTBALL, OK?
PICK IT UP!
HE WORE IT IN THE BC/MIAMI GAME.
SPIT IT OUT RIGHT AFTER THROWING THE HAIL MARY.
RIGHT WHEN THE WHISTLE BLEW,
MY BROTHER, HE RAN ONTO THE FIELD AND GRABBED IT.
WELL, THE DUDE'S GOT SOME BIG MOLARS.
THEY'RE CROWNS, ACTUALLY.
CHECK OUT THE NUMBER 2 BICUSPIDS.
REMIND YOU OF ANYONE?
HEY, WHAT'S EVERYBODY LOOKING AT?
OH, UH, WELL, APPARENTLY WE'RE LOOKING AT
DOUG FLUTIE'S OLD MOUTHPIECE.
A MOUTHPIECE?
THAT WAS ACTUALLY IN HIS MOUTH?
WELL, THAT'S DISGUSTING.
HENRY SAYS IT'S HIS GOOD LUCK CHARM.
HENRY NEEDS HIS HEAD EXAMINED.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO, JACK?
I GOTTA DO SOMETHING.
JEN LINDLEY, HER VOICE IS THE SWEETEST MUSIC.
HER VERY NAME IS FIRE IN MY LOINS.
UH, JUST A THOUGHT, HENRY,
BUT NEXT TIME YOU MIGHT WANT TO JUST START BY SAYING HELLO.
HEY, WE MISSED YOU THIS MORNING AT THE SPIRIT TABLE.
WHERE WERE YOU? WE WERE WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
LOOK, YOU GUYS, I STAYED REALLY LATE AT THAT PEP RALLY YESTERDAY,
UM, I HAVE LIMITS.
IS THIS A LOW-IRON DAY?
YEAH, TRY NOT TO LET ANYONE ELSE SEE YOU,
'CAUSE IT MIGHT HURT THE AUCTION.
AUCTION?
THE SILENT AUCTION.
YEAH, YOU SHOULD BE REALLY PROUD.
IT'S LIKE THE MOST SUCCESSFUL ONE WE'VE EVER HAD.
LIKE, HALF THE SENIOR GUYS HAVE ALREADY PUT IN THEIR BIDS.
WHAT ARE YOU AUCTIONING OFF?
WELL, THE WINNER GETS TO RIDE IN ON THE MINUTEMAN MULE
AT THE END OF THE GAME.
UH-HUH, AND RECEIVE A KISS FROM THE HEAD CHEERLEADER.
OH, NO, THEY DON'T.
NOW, JENNY--
JEN. OK? IT'S JEN.
YOU KNOW, THIS WHOLE THING JUST STARTED AS A BAD JOKE,
AN EXCUSE TO GET OUT OF BIOLOGY,
BUT DO YOU SEE WHAT IT'S TURNED INTO?
I HAVE PRANCED AROUND IN FRONT OF THIS ENTIRE SCHOOL AT PEP RALLIES
WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING WHAT THE HELL PEP IS.
I HAVE LISTENED TO CLACK AND PRATTLE ABOUT CAR WASHES,
DANCE-A-THONS, AND DOG-SITTING
UNTIL I THINK I'M GONNA PUKE UP MY HOMEMADE SPIRIT COOKIES.
JENNY--
AND DESPITE THIS ITCH I AM GETTING ON MY ***
FROM THIS POLYESTER ***-ME SKIRT,
I'VE DONE IT ALL WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, LADIES, THE SMILE IS GONE.
I'M SORRY, BUT THERE IS NO WAY I'M GOING TO BE SOLD OFF
LIKE SOME HAREM GIRL TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER.
EVERYONE HAS A LIMIT, AND I'VE REACHED MINE.
I QUIT.
OHH!
OH, UH, UH...
E.T.S.?
STOP. DROP THAT FOLDER.
BACK AWAY FROM THE MATERIAL.
YES, SIR.
KEEP YOUR HANDS IN PLAIN SIGHT.
ARE YOU WITH THE EDUCATIONAL TESTING SERVICE?
THAT'S CONFIDENTIAL.
I JUST HOPE NOBODY AT CAPESIDE HIGH
HAS DONE ANYTHING WRONG,
BROKEN ANY RULES, COMPROMISED THE INTEGRITY OF THE EXAM.
PASSING ALONG THAT INFORMATION
WOULD CONSTITUTE A BREACH OF SECURITY.
OF COURSE.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE PRINCIPAL GREEN IS?
NO, SIR.
BUT BEFORE YOU GO,
LET ME EXPRESS MY REGRET AND RECALCITRANCE AT THIS INCIDENT.
RECALCITRANCE?
UM, I MEAN, REPENTANCE.
REPENTANCE, AS IN CONTRITION,
COMPUNCTION, YOU KNOW, CONTRITENESS.
GOOD DAY, MA'AM.
WATCH YOURSELF.
[SIGH]
THIS ISN'T A SURPRISE, PACEY.
IT'S A DEATH MARCH ON A DESERTED ROAD.
WE'RE ALMOST THERE.
WHY DIDN'T WE JUST DRIVE?
BECAUSE, POTTER, ON OCCASION,
MY FATHER ACTUALLY LIKES TO USE HIS CAR.
SO I RISK MY FUTURE SO I CAN STAND IN LINE AT THE POST OFFICE
AND THEN TRAIPSE 5 MILES THROUGH THE WILDERNESS
CARRYING SOME STUPID PACKAGE.
[MOANS]
YOU KNOW, DID YOU EVER STOP TO THINK
ABOUT HOW MUCH HORMONALLY-CHARGED ENERGY YOU WASTE
ON THESE QUICK QUIPS AND THE BITING BANTER?
YOUR LIFE WOULD BE CONSIDERABLY MORE PRODUCTIVE
IF YOU WOULD JUST TAKE SOME MORE, UH...
OH! WHAT IS THAT? SOME MORE...ACTION.
IF YOU TOOK MORE ACTION.
OH, LIKE VOLUNTARY MANSLAUGHTER?
WELL, HOW ABOUT LIKE STICKING OUT YOUR THUMB, HUH?
OH, YEAH? WHAT ELSE?
MAYBE HIKE UP MY SKIRT, POUT MY LIPS,
STRIKE SOME SEXY POSE FOR A HORNDOG TRUCKER?
STICK OUT YOUR OWN THUMB, YOU SEXIST TOAD.
I AM NOT A SEXIST. I AM A PRAGMATIST, OK?
YOU EVER SEEN THE SURE THING?
THAT FILM ELEGANTLY PORTRAYS ONE OF LIFE'S SIMPLE TRUTHS.
THAT A FEMALE, STANDING ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD,
EVEN ONE WITH A PERPETUAL SCOWL SUCH AS YOURSELF,
HAS A BETTER CHANCE OF FLAGGING DOWN A CAR THAN A GUY.
SINCE I'M THE ONLY ONE HERE WITH AN OPPOSABLE THUMB,
I GUESS IT'S UP TO ME TO USE IT.
AND HERE'S YOUR CHANCE.
UHH!
HI.
TODAY'S YOUR LUCKY DAY, MISS POTTER.
NEED A RIDE BACK TO SCHOOL?
THANKS.
[RUSTLING BUSHES]
OHH!
OH! PRINCIPAL GREEN, HOO!
THANK GOD YOU ARE HERE.
IN PREPARING FOR OUR BOTANY ASSIGNMENT,
IT APPEARS THAT JOSEPHINE AND I--
WE WANDERED SIGNIFICANTLY FARTHER AWAY FROM THE SCHOOL
THAN WE HAD ANTICIPATED.
FRANKLY, I WAS BEGINNING TO WORRY
THAT WE WEREN'T GOING TO MAKE IT HOME BY NIGHTFALL.
[LAUGHING]
THAT'S A GOOD ONE, PACEY.
HEH HEH.
WELL, YOU KNOW, LET IT NEVER BE SAID
THAT I'M LACKING IN THE CREATIVITY DEPARTMENT.
LET'S HOPE YOU'RE NOT LACKING
IN THE CALAMINE LOTION DEPARTMENT EITHER.
NOW, PUT DOWN THE POISON OAK
AND GET YOUR BUTTS IN MY CAR.
HEH, AH, AFTER YOU, JOSEPHINE.
ALL RIGHT, DAD.
DAD.
HUH?
LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE BUSY.
I JUST NEED 10 MINUTES OF YOUR TIME.
I'LL BE OUT OF YOUR HAIR.
CAN'T IT JUST WAIT TILL AFTER THE GAME?
I PROMISE I'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME FOR YA AFTER SATURDAY.
DAD, I GOT TO FED-EX THIS THING OUT.
FED-EX?
TO MOM AT THE STATION.
STATION?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
THE STORY I'M DOING ON JACK.
YOUR MOTHER WANTS TO DO A STORY ON JACK?
I WANT TO DO A STORY ON JACK. I AM DOING A STORY ON JACK.
THIS IS GONNA GO ON TELEVISION?
WHEN?
HOPEFULLY TOMORROW. DAD, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.
I THOUGHT THIS WAS ONE OF YOUR SCHOOL PROJECTS.
IT IS A PROJECT.
DAD, REMEMBER LAST NIGHT IN YOUR KITCHEN
THE BLOND-HAIRED KID WHO WAS MOVING HIS LIPS?
THAT WAS ACTUALLY ME TELLING YOU THIS.
DAWSON, THIS IS THE LAST THING THAT I NEED RIGHT NOW.
OH, WHY IS THAT?
BECAUSE FOOTBALL IS A HEAD GAME,
AND I CAN'T RISK MY BEST PLAYER OR ANY PLAYER
FOR THAT MATTER, LOSING FOCUS.
I'VE WORKED TOO DAMN HARD.
FORGIVE ME IF MY ENTIRE FUTURE
CONFLICTS WITH YOUR PRECIOUS FOOTBALL TEAM.
AW, DON'T BE SO THEATRICAL.
I'M THE ONE WITH THE FOOTBALL-LOVING PRINCIPAL
BREATHING DOWN MY NECK. I AM TRYING TO BUILD SOMETHING HERE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M DOING,
DABBLING IN A HOBBY?
THAT'S THE KIND OF OPPORTUNITY
I'VE WAITED FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE.
ALL 16 YEARS OF IT?
OH, SO, THE IMPORTANCE OF A PERSON'S DREAMS
IS MEASURED BY THEIR AGE?
THERE WILL BE PLENTY OF OTHER OPPORTUNITIES, BELIEVE ME.
ARE YOU TELLING ME NOT TO DO THIS?
I DON'T HAVE TO.
BECAUSE I KNOW YOU'LL MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE.
HEY.
HEY.
YOU MUST BE LOST. *** COVE IS UP THE CREEK,
RIGHT PAST BRAINLESS BAY.
YOU CAN SAVE YOUR AMMUNITION, JOEY.
EVE AND I AREN'T ON SPEAKING TERMS.
YOU MEAN, YOU GUYS ACTUALLY TALKED?
AMONG OTHER THINGS, YES.
I NEED SOME ADVICE.
WHAT ELSE ARE DUMPED EX-GIRLFRIENDS FOR?
IT'S ABOUT MY FATHER.
YOUR FATHER? WHAT ABOUT HIM?
HE TOLD ME NOT TO DO THE STORY ON JACK AND THE FOOTBALL TEAM.
HE DID?
WELL, NOT IN SO MANY WORDS.
HE THINKS IT MIGHT JEOPARDIZE HIS CAREER.
HIS CHANCES AGAINST WOODWARD.
NO OFFENSE, DAWSON, BUT DOESN'T A NATIONALLY TELEVISED BROADCAST
KIND OF OVERSHADOW A HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RIVALRY?
YOU'D HAVE THOUGHT. I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, LOOK AT IT FROM HIS POINT OF VIEW, YOU KNOW?
THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS HIS CUP HASN'T EXACTLY RUNNETH OVER.
HE HAD TO GIVE UP HIS DREAM OF A RESTAURANT IDEA,
HIS WIFE STEPPED OUT ON HIM WITH THE CAPESIDE EQUIVALENT OF TED KNIGHT,
AND HE'S NOT EXACTLY SHINING AS A SUBSTITUTE TEACHER.
SO IF YOU GO AHEAD WITH THE STORY,
HE COULD LOSE MORE THAN THE GAME.
HE COULD LOSE HIS SELF-RESPECT.
YEAH.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
WELL, I THINK THAT THE SWORDS THAT ARE THE FATHER AND SON
HAVE FINALLY CROSSED IN CONFLICT.
I MEAN, FACE IT, DAWSON, THIS IS THE STUFF OF GREEK DRAMA.
YEAH, BUT IS THIS TRAGEDY OR COMEDY?
SOMETIMES WE FIGHT OUR FATHERS, AND THEY RESPECT US
AND...SOMETIMES...
WE FIGHT THEM AND... WE LOSE THEM FOREVER.
YOU HAVE TO DECIDE HOW YOU WANT TO LIVE YOUR LIFE.
YOU KNOW? WHAT YOU CAN TOLERATE AND...
AND WHAT YOU'RE WILLING TO LOSE.
OH, GOD, THIS IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME,
BUT IF I DO IT, IT'S GONNA KILL HIM.
WELL...
I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YA, DAWSON,
BUT ACCORDING TO FREUD,
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT SONS ARE SUPPOSED TO DO.
I DUBBED THIS FOR YA.
WHAT'S THIS?
HEH. SOMETHING I FOUND.
MADE ME SMILE.
I GUESS, NOW, YOU COULD CALL IT A THANK YOU.
[SIGH]
IT MUST BE DRIED SALIVA.
NO, IT'S A ZIPPER MARK FROM THE PILLOW.
YES, THAT BRIGHT SENSATION IN YOUR EYES IS, INDEED, SUNLIGHT.
RISE AND SHINE, DEAR GIRL.
THESE LOVELY YOUNG LADIES HAVE AN URGENT MATTER TO DISCUSS WITH YOU.
I TOLD YOU THAT I WAS FINISHED WITH CHEERLEADING.
AND UNLESS ONE OF YOU IS HIDING A VERY LARGE CUP OF BLACK COFFEE
UNDER HER POMPOMS, I SUGGEST YOU LEAVE.
OH, NO, WE RESPECT YOUR DECISION
TO RESIGN FROM THE SQUAD,
MADISON HAS ACCEPTED THE LEADERSHIP CHALLENGE.
BUT PLEASE, YOU MUST RECONSIDER THE KISS.
SOMEONE HAS BID $500.
BUT THEY'VE SPECIFICALLY STIPULATED THAT THE KISS MUST COME FROM YOU.
I DON'T CARE IF THEY BID THE KINGDOM OF BRUNEI,
I'M NOT FOR SALE.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA TELL THE CHILDREN OF THE CCHPC?
THE WHAT?
THE CAPESIDE COUNTY HOME FOR PARENTLESS CHILDREN.
ORPHANS? THAT--
THAT'S WHAT THE AUCTION IS FOR?
ORPHANS?
OHH...
UH, MISS McPHEE.
BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU.
PRINCIPAL GREEN.
YES, LISTEN, UH, A CRITICAL PROBLEM
HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION,
AND I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT.
WHAT SORT OF PROBLEM, SIR?
IT'S A DISCIPLINARY MATTER.
DISCIPLINARY?
YES. NOW, I'M UNABLE TO DISCUSS IT WITH YOU AT LENGTH NOW,
BUT IF YOU COME TO MY OFFICE MONDAY,
WE'LL SIT DOWN AND GO OVER ALL OF OUR OPTIONS IN DETAIL.
OPTIONS...YES, SIR.
MONDAY MORNING. BE THERE.
SO, SINCE MR. WITTER'S ATTEMPT AT LYING TO ME WAS SO CREATIVE,
I'VE COME UP WITH A LITTLE CREATIVE RESPONSE IN KIND.
WELL, COMING FROM A JUST-MINDED SOUL SUCH AS YOURSELF,
I'M SURE YOUR PUNISHMENT WILL BE NOTHING BUT FAIR, SIR.
OH, THANK YOU, EDDIE HASKELL.
WHERE IS YOUR SCHOOL SPIRIT, JOSEPHINE?
I THINK I LEFT IT COWERING IN THE BUSHES.
NOW THAT IS A GROSS MISCONCEPTION.
I HURLED MYSELF UPON THE FLAMES OF RESPONSIBILITY.
I HOPE A DEER TICK CRAWLED IN YOUR EAR AND LAID EGGS.
ENOUGH!
HONESTLY.
I AM NOT SURE HOW TO GET THROUGH TO THE TWO OF YOU,
BUT SINCE YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE AN AFFINITY FOR ONE ANOTHER,
HERE'S WHAT I HAVE IN MIND.
NO WAY.
OH, THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
OH, I'M GLAD TO SEE WE'RE ALL IN AGREEMENT HERE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE HE CAUGHT THE THING.
IT WAS WAY OVER HIS HEAD.
HEY!
HEY.
WHAT'S WRONG?
NOTHING'S WRONG. WHY SHOULD ANYTHING BE WRONG?
BECAUSE YOU'RE SITTING IN A STAIRWELL OF A PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL.
UNLESS YOU'RE SMOKING OR MAKING OUT,
IT'S CAUSE FOR CONCERN.
COME ON, I'M GOING TO MEET DAWSON.
WE'RE GONNA CHECK OUT THE FOOTAGE FROM MY INTERVIEW.
YOU WENT THROUGH WITH IT?
YEAH. IT WAS COOL. IT WENT GREAT.
WELL, IT MAY SEEM THAT WAY TODAY,
BUT ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN TOMORROW TO ROCK YOUR SAFE LITTLE WORLD.
WHAT?!
JACK, MAYBE YOU OVERLOOKED SOMETHING.
MAYBE--MAYBE YOU DIDN'T SEE EVERY ANGLE.
MAYBE YOU HAD A TERRIBLE MOMENT OF WEAKNESS.
MAYBE WITHOUT EVEN REALIZING IT,
YOU TOTALLY, IRREVERSIBLY SCREWED UP.
ANDIE, IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL. WHY BE SO PARANOID?
LOOK, JACK, YOU COULD LIVE YOUR ENTIRE LIFE
ON THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW DRIVING TOWARDS SOMETHING YOU BELIEVE IN, THEN WHAT?
ONE TINY LITTLE MISTAKE, ONE LITTLE ERROR IN JUDGMENT,
AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOUR CAR'S ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD,
FLIPPED OVER, WHEELS STILL SPINNING, AND THE RADIO ON.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I'M TALKING ABOUT BEING PUBLICLY SHAMED,
EXPOSED FOR WHAT YOU REALLY ARE.
I'M TALKING ABOUT A LIFE BEING RUINED,
CUT SHORT, NIPPED IN THE BUTT,
I'M TALKING ABOUT BREAKING DAD'S HEART.
DAD?
THINK ABOUT HOW HE'S GONNA FEEL, JACK,
HIS DISAPPOINTMENT, HIS HUMILIATION.
WE ARE HIS PRIDE AND JOY, JACK.
THINK ABOUT HOW HARD HE'S WORKED FOR US OVER THE YEARS,
HOW MUCH HE SACRIFICED. AND NOW THIS,
OUT IN THE OPEN FOR EVERYONE TO SEE.
JUST CALM DOWN, ALL RIGHT?
I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE I'M STILL IN THE CLOSET.
DAD ALREADY KNOWS I'M GAY.
I KNOW-- YEAH, I KNOW. I KNOW.
I JUST WANT YOU TO BE CAREFUL, JACK.
EVERY ACTION HAS A CONSEQUENCE.
BE SURE YOU THINK THIS THING THROUGH.
NO ONE REALLY SEEMS TO CARE WHAT I MAY OR MAY NOT DO OFF THE FIELD.
SO YOU HAVE NO PROBLEM PLAYING AGAINST SOMEONE WHO'S OPENLY GAY?
IF A KID WANTS TO COME OUT WEARING LIPSTICK AND ROUGE,
WE'RE GONNA INFRINGE ON HIM THE WAY WE INFRINGE ON ANYBODY ELSE.
NO DIFFERENCE.
WELL...
I JUST LOST THE FIRST GAME OF MY COACHING CAREER.
IF YOU SAY SO.
DAWSON, THAT JUST WENT OUT TO 3 MILLION PEOPLE.
NOT TO MENTION YOU INTERVIEWED THE OPPOSING COACH.
SO?
SO?
SO 2 DAYS AGO, NOBODY KNEW HOW GOOD JACK WAS
OR WHO HE IS.
NOW THE WHOLE WORLD KNOWS.
YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE GONE OUT
AND PAINTED A BULL'S-EYE ON HIS BACK.
YOU NEVER EXPLAINED THAT TO ME, DAD.
I DIDN'T THINK I HAD TO. IT'S PRETTY DAMN OBVIOUS!
NOT TO ME IT ISN'T!
INSTEAD OF CELEBRATING MY FIRST PROFESSIONAL SUCCESS IN THE WORLD,
WE'RE SITTING HERE WORRYING ABOUT A FOOTBALL GAME.
HEY, DON'T MAKE ME OUT TO BE THE BAD GUY HERE, DAWSON.
YES, I'M ANGRY, JUST LIKE YOU KNEW I WOULD BE.
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT A TEAM THAT HASN'T PUT A NOTCH IN THE WIN COLUMN IN 3 YEARS.
NOW WHAT ARE WE SAYING, THAT I'M WASTING MY TIME?
NO, BUT I WANT YOU TO HAVE SOME PERSPECTIVE.
I CAN'T EVEN DISCUSS THIS WITH YOU RIGHT NOW.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKIN' ABOUT!
THANKS TO YOU, I DON'T.
EVER SINCE YOU TOOK THIS JOB, YOU HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO ME.
I TALK TO YOU.
NOT THE WAY YOU TALK TO THE GUYS ON YOUR TEAM.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? THEY RESPECT ME.
I RESPECT YOU, DAD.
IT'S JUST THEY'RE MORE THE KIND OF SON YOU WISH YOU'D HAD.
THAT IS NOT TRUE.
DAWSON, I HUM THE THEME FROM CLOSE ENCOUNTERS
IN MY SLEEP!
I REACH OUT TO YOU!
AND WHEN WE CAN'T FIND COMMON GROUND,
I GIVE YOU YOUR SPACE.
AND WHEN I TAKE IT, YOU GET PISSED OFF AT ME.
NO. I'M JUST TRYING TO BREAK YOU OUT OF YOUR SELF-CENTERED,
SELF-RIGHTEOUS FANTASY WORLD LONG ENOUGH TO LOOK OUT FOR OTHER PEOPLE.
SINCE WHEN IS IT MY RESPONSIBILITY TO LOOK OUT FOR YOU?
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
I'M SAYING I PARENT YOU, DAD. I WALK IN ON YOU HAVING SEX.
I GIVE YOU ADVICE. I'M THE KID AROUND HERE!
SOMETIMES I MIGHT EVEN ACT LIKE IT!
[CROWD, CHANTING] DEFENSE! WHOO WHOO! DEFENSE!
COME ON, LET'*** HIM! HIT HIM! HIT HIM!
GO BACK TO TETHERBALL, YOU LIMP-WRISTED ***!
THIS IS GETTING UGLY.
CRACKBACK, DAMN IT! CRACKBACK, CRACKBACK!
RIGHT GUARD BLOCKS DOWN. LITVACK TAKES OUT THE END!
THEY'RE KEYING ON JACK. HE'S GETTING KILLED OUT THERE.
AND OUR RUNNING GAME'S DOA.
WALK IT OFF, McPHEE! [CLAPS] GOOD MAN! WALK IT OFF!
WALK IT OFF. CAN'T WALK IT OFF. YOU WALK IT OFF.
YOU ALL RIGHT? HUDDLE UP!
LET'S GO!
SO TELL ME THE TRUTH. IS THIS ALL MY FAULT?
IN A WORD...
YES.
LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, DAWSON.
AT LEAST WHEN THIS IS ALL OVER, WIN OR LOSE,
YOU WON'T BE ON THE 50-YARD LINE
PUCKERING YOUR LIPS FOR SOME SPOILED BRAT
WITH FURRY TEETH AND HALITOSIS.
JUST THINK OF IT AS METHOD ACTING.
THINK OF IT AS OUT OF THE QUESTION.
I'LL FLIP YOU FOR IT.
NOT A CHANCE!
DIE DIE BO?
FORGET IT.
FINE. I'LL JUST CUT TO THE CHASE AND BEG YOU--PLEASE, JOEY!
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!
DON'T MAKE ME GO OUT THERE.
LOOK, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE AT WORK RIGHT NOW MAKING MUCH-NEEDED MONEY,
BUT INSTEAD, BECAUSE OF YOU, I'M STANDING ON A FOOTBALL FIELD
FIGHTING OVER THE REAR END OF A MULE.
FINE. FINE. I WAS JUST GIVING YOU FAIR WARNING.
WHAT?
I TEND TO GET A LITTLE CARSICK IN BACKSEATS.
PRINCIPAL GREEN?
I MADE A MISTAKE.
WELL...A TERRIBLE ERROR IN JUDGMENT, REALLY.
I KNOW THAT THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR WHAT I'VE DONE,
SO I WON'T WASTE YOUR TIME, BUT THERE IS AN EXPLANATION,
ONE THAT I CAN ONLY PRAY YOU'LL FIND IN YOUR HEART TO UNDERSTAND.
SEE, THERE'S THIS GUY...
AND WHEN I MET HIM, IT WAS LIKE...
LIKE A SHADE GOING UP IN A DARK ROOM,
LIGHT SUDDENLY POURING IN.
HE UNDERSTOOD ME IN A WAY THAT NO ONE EVER DID OR COULD.
AND THEN, JUST AS SUDDENLY, THE ROOM GOT DARK AGAIN.
IN MY MIND, I MEAN.
SEE...
OVER THE SUMMER...
I WAS TREATED AT A PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL.
I DIDN'T HAVE TO STAY LONG, BECAUSE I GOT BETTER.
BUT WHEN I CAME BACK,
I HAD LOST THE GUY.
HE WAS...MY SOULMATE.
IT WAS LIKE HAVING...
AN ORGAN, MY HEART, LITERALLY RIPPED FROM MY BODY.
AND ALL I COULD FEEL WAS COLD AND EMPTY,
MY FUTURE SLIPPING AWAY.
AND I HAD LOST THE LOVE...
SO I WAS DETERMINED NOT TO LOSE MY LIFE,
AND THAT'S WHY...
I STOLE THE TEST, AND THAT'S WHY I CHEATED.
BECAUSE I WANTED TO TRY TO KEEP IT FROM ALL GETTING AWAY FROM ME,
AND...I KNOW THAT I ONLY MADE THINGS WORSE.
SO...
NOW ALL I CAN ASK FOR IS YOUR COMPASSION.
LET'S GO.
WHERE ARE WE GOING?
TO EVEN THE SCORE.
COME ON, GUYS.
YOU CAN'T LET 'EM GET TO YA!
THEY ARE PSYCHING YOU OUT!
TAKING US OUT OF OUR GAME PLAN.
THE TRUTH IS, WE'RE NOT MOVING THE BALL.
WE'RE NOT FIRING OUT ON DEFENSE!
SUCK IN THAT GUT AND GO HARDER.
A LONG TIME AGO...
THERE WAS A CHINESE WARRIOR-PHILOSOPHER.
GENERAL SUN-TZU.
BRILLIANT MILITARY STRATEGIST WHO LIVED ABOUT 2,000 YEARS AGO.
MY DAD HAS BEEN TELLING ME ABOUT HIM EVER SINCE I WAS A KID.
WHAT'S WITH THE BUCKET?
WE'RE GONNA TURN OUR WEAKNESS INTO A STRENGTH, JUST LIKE THE GENERAL SAID.
WE'RE GONNA START BY OBSCURING EVERYONE'S NUMBER
SO THE OTHER TEAM CAN'T FIND JACK.
THAT MIGHT WORK FOR A COUPLE OF PLAYS.
THAT'S WHY IT'S ONLY PHASE ONE.
SO WHAT'S PHASE 2?
JEN.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET UP THERE,
GET UP THERE AND HIT SOMEBODY NOW! HIT SOMEBODY!
HERE WE GO.
CROSS YOUR FINGERS.
READY?
BREAK!
HEY, COACH, WHAT'S THIS?
Henry: 42, BLUE TURK RIGHT.
DOUBLE SLOT.
TRY AND FIND THE *** NOW!
SET!
HIKE!
Announcer: 21-4! WITH 7 SECONDS LEFT,
THE MINUTEMEN HAVE ONE LAST CHANCE.
Henry: CAN YOU GET A STEP ON HIM, JACK?
ONE MORE TIME. WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I THINK MY MASCARA'S RUNNING.
[CHUCKLING]
JUST THROW ME THE BALL. I'LL CATCH IT.
CONSIDER IT DONE.
ALL RIGHT, CRADLE OUT. DRILL-9 SHIVER.
BROADSIDE OPTION, FLOW-AND-GO.
ON 2. READY?
BREAK!
Announcer: IT'S 4TH IN 14. THE BALL'S SITTING ON THE 25-YARD LINE.
HIT HIM! HIT HIM!
TOUCHDOWN! IT'S A TOUCHDOWN!
CAPESIDE WINS! CAPESIDE WINS!
WHAT AN INCREDIBLE COMEBACK.
AFTER A LONG, DRY SPELL, CAPESIDE IS VICTORIOUS.
FINAL SCORE: CAPESIDE 27-24.
OUTSTANDING!
OUTSTANDING!
MITCH!
YES, SIR.
THAT WAS ONE OF THE MOST IRREVERENT
AND IMAGINATIVE GAME PLANS I'VE EVER SEEN.
CONGRATULATIONS, COACH!
THANK YOU. THAT'S GREA--
AAH!
ONE GOOD DEED DOWN, ONE TO GO.
JENNIFER LINDLEY, ONCE AGAIN A VICTIM OF HER OWN BIG HEART.
DON'T PUSH IT, BUDDY.
[GROANS] UHH...
PRINCIPAL GREEN, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!
NOT RIGHT NOW, ANDIE.
NO, SIR, IT'S IMPORTANT. IT CANNOT WAIT.
WE NEED TO CLEAR THIS UP.
OK, WHAT IS IT?
WELL, I MADE A MISTAKE. WELL, A TERRIBLE ERROR IN JUDGMENT REALLY.
WHAT KIND OF MISTAKE?
WELL, I KNOW THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR WHAT I'VE DONE--
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, ANDIE?
DIDN'T YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME?
THAT WAS MONDAY. I WAS GONNA DISCUSS IT WITH YOU ON MONDAY.
BUT IF YOU MUST KNOW NOW,
I'M FORMING A NEW STUDENT DISCIPLINARY COMMITTEE,
AND I WANT YOU TO BE IN CHARGE OF IT.
OH! WELL... I COULD DO THAT.
I MEAN, I WOULD BE HONORED TO DO THAT!
OK. NOW, WHAT WAS THIS MISTAKE YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT?
I SHOULDN'T HAVE INTERRUPTED YOU.
IT'S A MISTAKE TO BE SO...IMPATIENT.
BUT I'M WORKING ON IT, SIR.
[CHUCKLES]
OK. I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.
I'M WORKING ON IT.
[CHEERING]
ALL RIGHT! OK! OK!
AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
THE MOMENT THAT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR--
THE WINNER OF THE SILENT AUCTION
WHO IS ENTITLED TO ONE RIDE ON THE MINUTEMAN MULE
AND ONE HEART-STOPPING KISS FROM OUR HEAD CHEERLEADER.
EX-HEAD CHEERLEADER.
AND HERE HE IS!
HENRY?
HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET $500?
M-M-MOUTHPIECE?
MOUTH--
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU SOLD YOUR-- YOUR GOOD LUCK DOUG FLUTIE
MEMORIAL MOUTHPIECE JUST TO KISS ME?
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO GAG OR BE INCREDIBLY TOUCHED.
[CHANTING] KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS...
KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS...
YOU--YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS...
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO.
KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS, KISS..
KISS, KISS, KISS...
COME HERE, FRESHMAN.
KISS, KISS, KISS!
[CHEERING]
OK, OK, EVERYBODY GO HOME!
SHOW'S OVER, FOLKS!
GO HOME!
NO, NO, NO. NOT QUITE YET.
WE HAVE A LITTLE UNFINISHED BUSINESS YET HERE.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PRESENTING TO YOU
YOUR CHOICE FOR CAPESIDE'S 1999 HOMECOMING QUEEN,
MISS JENNIFER LINDLEY!
[CHEERING]
THIS ISN'T HAPPENING.
SEE? I TOLD YOU EVERYTHING WOULD WORK OUT FINE.
YOU DID?
YEAH! EVERYTHING USUALLY WORKS OUT FOR THE BEST
AS LONG AS YOU KEEP A POSITIVE ATTITUDE.
POSITIVE ATTITUDE.
OK. IS THIS BEFORE OR AFTER
I DISGRACED THE FAMILY'S GOOD NAME
AND FOREVER HUMILIATED OUR FATHER, HUH?
OH, I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT THAT. I'M SURE HE'S OVER IT.
HE'S PROBABLY OUT SAILING OR GOLFING OR WHEREVER HE IS.
I WOULDN'T GIVE IT ANOTHER THOUGHT.
ANDIE, YOU'RE MAKING MY HEAD SPIN.
LOOK, JACK, I AM JUST GLAD IT'S OVER.
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW RELIEVED I AM.
HEY, SO WHO WON THE GAME ANYWAY?
SOMEBODY WAS SO SWEATY, I COULDN'T EVEN BREATHE!
WELL, SOMEBODY WOULDN'T LET ME TAKE MY SHIRT OFF.
WELL, SOMEBODY FORGOT TO OPEN THE AIR VENT!
WELL, SOMEBODY FORGOT TO MENTION
THERE WERE AIR VENTS IN THE FIRST PLACE!
I TOLD YOU WE NEVER SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO THOSE TWO SLACKERS.
THIS IS IT?
THIS IS THE SURPRISE?
ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL?
YEAH, IN A TITANIC POST ICEBERG SORT OF WAY.
WHERE DID YOU GET THIS?
THIS FRIEND OF MY BROTHER'S.
HE WORKS DOWN IN THE MARINA.
HE RESCUED HER AFTER THE LAST HURRICANE.
THE GUY WHO OWNED HER DIDN'T WANT HER ANYMORE,
SO I CONVINCED HIM TO SELL HER TO ME FOR, LIKE, 200 BUCKS.
WHEN I FINISH WITH THIS BOAT, IT IS GOING TO BE SHEER PERFECTION.
LOOK AT THAT.
PACEY, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY AND TIME IT'LL TAKE YOU
TO EVEN GET THIS BOAT TO FLOAT?
YEAH. NOT A MINUTE MORE OR LESS THAN AS LONG AS IT TAKES ME.
YOU WATCH, POTTER. COUPLE OF MONTHS,
I'LL BE SAILING THIS BABY AROUND THE WORLD.
WELL, I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU, CAPTAIN STUBING,
BUT YOU CAN'T SAIL AROUND THE WORLD IN A 20-FOOT BOAT.
SURE, I CAN!
WHERE ARE YOU GONNA PUT THE SUPPLIES?
HEY, THE U.S.S. MINNOW WAS NO BIGGER THAN THIS,
AND THEY FOUND ROOM FOR ALL OF MR. HOWELL'S MONEY,
ALL OF THE PROFESSOR'S TOOLS, ALL OF GINGER'S CLOTHES--
AND WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?
PERMISSION TO COME ABOARD?
PERMISSION GRANTED.
THANK YOU.
AH.
AND NOW, THE PURPOSE FOR OUR LITTLE FORAY INTO TRUANCY...
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
"TRUE LOVE"?
YEAH. IT'S MY GIRL'S NAME.
IT'S KINDA HIGH ON THE SCHMALTZ FACTOR, HUH?
ACUTELY.
BUT SWEET.
REMEMBER, I TOLD YOU I NEEDED YOUR HELP WITH SOMETHING.
WITH WHAT?
START SANDIN'.
YOU ARE SO OVERBOARD.
THE NIGHT YOU WERE BORN, I BAWLED LIKE A BABY.
DID YOU REALLY?
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
I THINK I CRIED FOR 24 HOURS STRAIGHT.
HOLDING YOU SO...
SMALL IN MY ARMS.
I NEVER KNEW I COULD LOVE ANYTHING SO MUCH...
SO FAST...
SO UTTERLY.
PART OF ME WAS TERRIFIED.
RAISING A SON IS MORE A MATTER OF FAITH THAN MOST PEOPLE KNOW.
SO'S BEING ONE.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
I THINK I REALIZED SOMETHING TODAY.
WHAT?
THAT MY JOB AS A FATHER...
ISN'T TO GIVE YOU THE WHOLE PICTURE,
BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS, I CAN'T SEE IT MYSELF.
MY JOB IS TO TRY AND HELP...
EVERY NOW AND THEN WITH A PIECE OF THE PUZZLE.
YOU HAVE HELPED ME, DAD.
I HOPE SO.
BUT YOUR...FUTURE, YOUR EXPECTATIONS,
THEY BELONG TO YOU.
DON'T LET ANYBODY STAND IN THE WAY.
NOT EVEN ME.
YOU ALWAYS PUSH ME TO BE MY OWN PERSON,
THINK FOR MYSELF.
I JUST DID WHAT YOU TAUGHT ME.
SO WHAT DO YA SAY WE GO HOME,
POP IN A LITTLE CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OR SOMETHING, HUH?
ACTUALLY...
I WAS THINKING...
HOW ABOUT A GAME OF CATCH?
GIMME THAT.
WHY DON'T WE LEAVE THE FOOTBALL HERE ON THE FIELD
WHERE IT BELONGS?
Younger Dawson: BYE, JOEY.
Younger Joey: BYE, DAWSON.